Wedding Etiquette Forum

Engagement party question

2

Re: Engagement party question

  • cupcait927cupcait927 Western NY wine country member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    Could you be any more offensive? Seriously?
    PrettyGirlLostKeptInStitches
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    You are trolling, right?

    Yeah, everyone who doesn't live in the over-priced, elitist areas of NYC and LA are all classless, poor slubs who only go to Walmart and Applebee's.


    http://31.media.tumblr.com/3bb045c7e109678f1bdd411e2f460d86/tumblr_mzvyiv1Pbz1tqm119o5_500.gif

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    melbelleup
  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 Dirty Jerz member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer

    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    I'm trying really hard to not be offended by this definition.  I feel like it's saying that because I don't live in NY or LA, I'm lower class, have no concept of quality, and I don't understand proper behavior.  I don't think this is an accurate definition of middle America.  There are people all over the country who do and don't understand etiquette (we see evidence of that here).  It's not fair to paint everyone with the same brush. I'm going to choose to not be offended by this definition, but really, it's not a kind one.  (And I gave up on hostess gifts when someone sat me down and told me that nobody in the group understood why I felt the need to do that and asked me to stop. I stopped accepting their invitations instead.) 
    She wants you to be offended.  Don't give her the satisfaction.  

    I live in the NYC area and I'm embarrassed she's making all of us look bad.... don't worry, not all NYC people are jerks.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

    PrettyGirlLostei34Cookie PusherNYCBruin
  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 Figment of Your Imagination member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh, good. I can change my position back to offended now. Glad it's not just me.  
    cupcait927
  • If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    I go to Applebees at least one Friday a month but I shop at Target... and I'm from NY but currently live in Boston. What am I?
    sarahufl
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money. 


    Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)
    They aren't.  She's a troll.

    Some people bring hostess gifts or token gifts for the couple, but they are by no means expected.  You shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.  
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money. 


    Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)
    They aren't.  She's a troll.

    Some people bring hostess gifts or token gifts for the couple, but they are by no means expected.  You shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.  
    I think she is generally trolling, but I agree with her that e-parties are typically viewed as an event where polite guests expect to bring a gift for the couple.  I view them as gift giving events and it's one of the reasons why hosting your own is considered rude.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    Maggie0829
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money. 


    Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)
    They aren't.  She's a troll.

    Some people bring hostess gifts or token gifts for the couple, but they are by no means expected.  You shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.  
    I think she is generally trolling, but I agree with her that e-parties are typically viewed as an event where polite guests expect to bring a gift for the couple.  I view them as gift giving events and it's one of the reasons why hosting your own is considered rude.
    That totally varies by social circle and region.  In my group, hostess gifts are the norm for any party, but an engagement party gift is pretty much unheard of.  

    Either way, gifts should never be expected for anything.  PP shouldn't feel guilty for not taking a gift.  
  • If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

    Well it also riles up Miss Manners.

    Dear Miss Manners,
    This topic has recently come up and is causing much debate among friends. Please settle this for us. Is there a "proper" amount for a wedding gift? I have heard more and more people say that their gift must cover the cost of their dinner. Is this not just "paying admission" for attending the affair? My 25-year-old daughter (who has just recently gotten a job) is beginning to be invited to weddings of peers, and cannot afford to cover the cost of her meal.

    Gentle Reader,
    That this idea is widespread does not rescue it from being astonishingly vulgar and crass, for exactly the reasons you mention.

    Etiquette recognizes no such rule, Miss Manners assures you. It assumes, perhaps naively, that wedding guests are invited solely because their attending has emotional value, and that wedding presents are selected by the guests from within their particular financial means, solely to please the recipients.

    RebeccaB88antotomelbelleup
  • Fran1985 Fran1985 Narnia member
    Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

    You asked about serving champagne in a can. Please take several seats.

    Also the concept of covering your plate is really tacky. If you actually have money- you give a generous gift no matter how much the wedding costs. People concerned about covering their plate are concered about how it looks because they are worried they cant put their money where their mouth is.


    image
    PrettyGirlLostcupcait927SKPMRebeccaB88
  • dolewhipperdolewhipper [wh]orlando member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    The bride's parents usually host the engagement party. If they didn't offer, don't host yourself. Engagement parties are events where gifts are expected, so you shouldn't host yourself- looks like you are asking for money. 


    Really? I was under the assumption they weren't! (*feeling guilty for the parties I didn't take something....*)
    They aren't.  She's a troll.

    Some people bring hostess gifts or token gifts for the couple, but they are by no means expected.  You shouldn't feel guilty in the slightest.  
    I think she is generally trolling, but I agree with her that e-parties are typically viewed as an event where polite guests expect to bring a gift for the couple.  I view them as gift giving events and it's one of the reasons why hosting your own is considered rude.
    That totally varies by social circle and region.  In my group, hostess gifts are the norm for any party, but an engagement party gift is pretty much unheard of.  

    Either way, gifts should never be expected for anything.  PP shouldn't feel guilty for not taking a gift.  
    Thank you! A lot of the e-parites I've been to is mainly a BFF hosting who says, "Meet us here and have a drink with us to congratulate the couple!" sort of thing thats sent via facebook or e-vite. People pay for their drinks, and their food. Occasionally the host will get an appetizer platter. For a more formal e-party, I would def bring a celebratory type of gift, similar to a housewarming party, like a bottle of wine :) 


    imageimage



  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 Ravens & Bohs & Crabs & O's member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Whenever i am invited somewhere I always ask if I can bring anything or I just bring a long a bottle of wine or a dessert of some kind either to be eaten that night or by the hosts at a later time.

    As for the cover your plate rule, I think it is ridiculous.  Because how are you supposed to know how much your plate actually cost?  I doubt you would ask the couple because asking how much they are spending would be rude so at that point you are guessing and you could either guess way wrong or more then right.  So wedding gifts shouldn't be dependent upon how much your plate cost but how much you are willing to give only.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    The covering plate rule is crap.  It is not a rule.

    First, I have no fucking way to know how much my "plate" cost.  For all I know, my hosts got a deep discount off the "sticker price" for my plate plus all the others.

    For another, I do not accept invitations for the purpose of reimbursing my hosts for their expenses.  They chose to invite me, they eat the costs.

    I do give hosting gifts when I'm visiting someone or for a dinner party, and I might do it for an engagement party, but engagement parties per se are not gift-giving occasions in the way that showers and weddings themselves are.  Even so, because an engagement party is in honor of two someones, those two someones can't host it.
  • acove2006 said:
    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    I go to Applebees at least one Friday a month but I shop at Target... and I'm from NY but currently live in Boston. What am I?


    Clearly you're a "More to the right but still middle American" since Target is higher class than Wal-Mart

    Or maybe you're just a normal person who enjoys eating out and getting deals while shopping. Gasp. The horror.


    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!

    You asked about serving champagne in a can. Please take several seats.

    I just... I cant...
    image
    PrettyGirlLostRebeccaB88KeptInStitches
  • Whenever i am invited somewhere I always ask if I can bring anything or I just bring a long a bottle of wine or a dessert of some kind either to be eaten that night or by the hosts at a later time.

    As for the cover your plate rule, I think it is ridiculous.  Because how are you supposed to know how much your plate actually cost?  I doubt you would ask the couple because asking how much they are spending would be rude so at that point you are guessing and you could either guess way wrong or more then right.  So wedding gifts shouldn't be dependent upon how much your plate cost but how much you are willing to give only.

    All of this.

     

    Also, I normally write out the check and put it in a card before i go to the wedding...so how would I realistically have ANY idea what the food cost?  How do you know that you're going to get $150 worth of food and not $15 before you've seen it/eaten it?  Also we priced basically the same menu with several different caterers and came up with prices of between $60/head and $100/head - how would the guest know (again ahead of time) which one we went with???  this idea is insane.

    PrettyGirlLost
  • If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. (1) Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart (2)... Middle America
    First of all, I'm calling troll.

    Second..

    1 - How do you calculate the cost of your plate at all of these events?  If you're going to a Superbowl party at someone's home, do you ask them how much they're spending on groceries to make chili and snacks?  Do you include their labor time in your calculations?  Do you ask about the cost of catered meals at weddings before you go?  Personally, I try to bring something when we go to parties/events - but don't consider "covering my plate" when doing so.  Generally, I give the host/hostess something they like, or try to help and bring some wine/food/etc for the party.

    2 - I've lived in Iowa my whole life and have never gone to Applebee's on Friday night.  I rarely (if ever) shop at Wal-Mart.  Even if I did, though, why would that matter?  Your crude and inaccurate generalizations of a huge group of people show your ignorance and discredit anything you've posted.
    PrettyGirlLostCookie Pusher
  • Covering plate only applies to bigger events held at reception halls (communions, christenings, engagement parties, weddings, etc)- not Super Bowl parties.

    I bring my killer spinach artichoke dip to those

    Secondly, good for you. I didn't say everyone did. I said that's the connotation of the phrase "middle America"
  • Holy off topic, batman!  OP - after getting engaged my FI and I invited those we had asked to be in the wedding party (included siblings) out to dinner so everyone could meet and greet.  Feel free to host a dinner - just don't call it an engagement party :)  Thank everyone for supporting you and your FI and let them know you are so excited for them to be with you on your wedding day.
    image
    PrettyGirlLost
  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 The Witch City member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    FTR - LES is a troll from years gone by.  She's only changed her screen name slightly.

     

  • KatWAGKatWAG Chicago member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    If you go to a party, you bring a gift. I was always taught to give enough to cover your plate - but I know that riles the middle Americans up. I understand their are different "rules" depending on where you're from. But, regardless, you would never go to someone's home empty handed, let alone a party. Go 'Murica!
    Have and would again. 

    WTF is a "middle American"?
    People who live in the middle of America technically ... But most people use this term for anyone outside NY tristate and LA... They like go to Applebee's on Friday nights and shop at Walmart ... Middle America
    wow. Are your judgy pants cutting off the air to your brain?
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • sarahuflsarahufl New York member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I live in New York, but I miss Walmart and go whenever I get the chance. Also, why so much hatred for Applebees?

    Quit being so judgy.
    image
  • arrippaarrippa Sam Adams Craft Commonwealth member
    Eighth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2014
    sarahufl said:
    I live in New York, but I miss Walmart and go whenever I get the chance. Also, why so much hatred for Applebees?

    Quit being so judgy.
    I guess the poster hasn't seen the dessert menu at Applebees.

    rajahmdKeptInStitchesJen4948
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I live in NYC, and I eat at Applebees fairly often.
  • I grew up in a lower class family in southern Illinois, which is the definition of "middle America," and had never been to an Applebees until I went to Ft. Hood.
  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher Looking over your shoulder member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Oh man, now y'all got me craving Applebee's! They used to have these awesome grilled shrimp skewers with rice and vegetables on the Weight Watchers menu that I absolutely loved!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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