40-Plus Brides

Uggh....I just feel like crying and I need to vent.

Im 44-FI is 43 and its his first wedding, my 2nd. My first marriage was horrible, abuse, neglect you name it. In my mind I had been single for at least 20 of the 22yrs I was married and that is no lie becuase my ex left every year only to come crawling back and like a fool i let him back in. I filed for divorce in June-met my FI in August and we are getting married Jan2014. I have a daughter who is 20, and she is NOT making my life any easier. She has honestly been down right nasty to me in regards to anything about this wedding to the point of I just want to elope. She did NOT have a good relationship with her dad but now it seems he is the one to be pitied and I am the horrible one. She has even said she doesnt have a mom anymore. SHe is in the wedding but Im pretty sure she is gaining weight so that she will not fit into her dress. I have intentionally left her out of several things becuase I just dont want to hear it anymore. SHe has said that Im TOO MUCH IN LOVE, that it wont last and she isnt going to be around when it all falls apart. I cant tell you how many nights i have just cried over this. She says that she is going to a counselor for someone to give her validation for her feelings. Im all for it but I told her you know you may just be told you are a baby and you need to grow up. Of all the people that should be happy for me she should be as she unfortunately saw the abuse first hand. I have told my FI to look over it. I know this is hard on her to have her parents divorced but my gosh my life now and hers is so much better. I would love to hear how others have dealt with this situation because honestly Im at the point where im ready to say things that cant be unsaid. My parents are very supportive of me and they have told her to stop the craziness but she just keeps it up. I dont want the last month that can be so busy that i cannot enjoy myself . HELP!!!

Re: Uggh....I just feel like crying and I need to vent.

  • @happygirl1313

    I have not had to deal with this but I can guess at a few things. I know when my dad divorced from his 1st wife, my brother and sister wished that they would get back together and I know that feeling never did go away - even though my dad is remarried. Maybe she knows the relationship was bad but can't help but feeling that way (holding out hope). Also, she said she wants validation of her feelings which might mean she knows she is acting silly but wants someone to agree with her like a child.

    I would continue to avoid all / any wedding talk with her and let her come to you about it. It may just take some time.

    Keep us updated and please feel free to vent anytime
  • Talk to your officiant and set up a meeting with officiant, you, your daughter, your parents, etc., and have the OFFICIANT take the lead to get EVERYONE re-focused on the FOUNDATION for this event.  Often when a kid won't listen to a parent, or when a parent won't listen to the bride-to-be, they WILL listen to the OFFICIANT.
  • I know it's been a little while now, how are you?
    I was a young adult when my parents divorce was final in March, Dad married the other woman in May.  My brothers and I were mad, disappointed, etc...all these feelings.  We complained to each other some but mostly never talked to my dad about it. However, since she's voicing this stuff/acting out, hopefully you can work through it together.

    Whether it's with the officiant or a different family counselor, I'd see if she'd be willing to go to see someone with you.  Let her know your relationship with her is important & you want it to be healthy for both of you and your respect her as an adult (even if she's not acting like it).  

    Feel free to keep venting & let us know how you're doing:)

  • ShellD13ShellD13 Can't get there from here member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I know you are probably already married by now but just checking in.... My FI and I are getting married in a few months and his young son is all for it. His teenage daughter on the other hand called her best friend and cried for three (yes 3) hours when her dad and I got engaged. She has her moments when she comes around mostly when I'm buying something pretty for her to wear at the wedding. Mostly it's just the death of her dream of parents reuniting because that makes their life easier regardless of how miserable the parents were when they were together.... She has even admitted that Dad is happier and life is better in a lot if ways but in the back of her head she'll always want mom and dad to be together and our wedding is the proverbial nail in the coffin of that dream....

    Hope things turned out well for you and that you had a lovely day to celebrate your marriage!
    Anniversary
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