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EDITED

clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
edited February 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay, Okay. I get it... thanks
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Re: EDITED

  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Oh also, we did personally make it around to everyone right before the wedding ended, thanked them for coming, and called most people after the wedding and thanked them as well then too for the gift. So its not like we didn't tell everyone thank you. We have told everyone who was and wasn't at the wedding. :)
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  • SP29SP29 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yes, thank you notes should be sent, but they are sent to those guests who gave a gift (monetary or physical). 

    The reception is the thank you to your guests for attending your ceremony, so an additional thank you note is not required.

    As per the gifts, they should never be expected and any gift given should be valued, thus you thank the giver for it, regardless of how much they spent. 
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  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    AGAIN, we have talked to everyone since the wedding and we did call everyone to personally thank them... just not in note-form
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  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Also, we didn't even want a full wedding, but we had family and distant relatives that were offended that we weren't going to have a ceremony to invite them too. Then we had just decided to do like finger foods and what not, not a full meal.

    Most everyone got upset and offended by that, because they expected a meal if they were invited to the wedding.

    The only money we spent were on food for guests, my dress, grooms tux, and flowers which I did myself. The food for everyone is where most of the money came in...
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    clarissadawnchapman said:

    Okay, so my husband and I paid for EVERYTHING at the wedding. Except the photographer, whom his dad took over the bill for since my family could not afford to help fund. We gave a thank you note AND a give to everyone in our bridal party (parents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, grandparents, flower girl, piano player, and ushers). We did NOT, however, send thank you notes to everyone else.

    Most of the gifts we recieved were picture frames that said "Married" or "newly weds" on it, random cooking books purchased at books stores, and various other house hold decorations. None of these, in fact, we had on registries or had even mentioned wanting. No one gave us gift reciepts for anything either. only 2 things were purchased off our registries and they were both from our parents. (we had things on our registries from $5-$80, so its not like people didn't have options)

    We spent (not including photographer) a total of about $1,200 on the wedding over time.
    Our cash pay-out in gifts was about $215. We also had about 150 people there.

    After doing the math, we found the cheapest way to send thank you notes to everyone who was at the wedding (or even sent a gift) it would be about $150 at cheapest, including postage.

    My husband and I don't make a lot of money, so we used the money from the wedding as the rest of our deposit on our apartment we moved into.

    Its been 6 months now and we haven't sent thank you notes, and don't plan to. Is that wrong?

    I guess some of his grandparents friends are severely offended that they didn't receive a thank you card or anything... they didn't even gift a gift, just attended...

    Dick move, OP. Stay classy.

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  • ArtemischiefArtemischief member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    My grandma always says talking is nice, but not a thank you. It doesn't count. If someone gives you a gift, you need to write a thank you note. Maybe all they could afford was a cookbook? Maybe it's their favorite and they thought it would be meaningful? $150 for thank yous? Where are you doing your math? Every person doesn't need one. If a family gave you a gift, that's one note. You said not everyone gave a gift, so you're drastically cutting down the number of notes you have to write. Buy a few packs of cards from the dollar store and write your thank yous......SOON! You've already missed the postage hike, you could have saved a little money. ETA: I do understand your frustration though, but people still deserved to be thanked in writing.
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  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    We don't have the money for all the postage and cards. I had all intentions of purchasing them until we had surprise medical bills from a few years ago pop up that my parents had "forgot" to tell me they had been getting in their mail from when I turned 18. Between the cost of the wedding, and the surprise debt, we didn't have the money for thank you cards, so we called everyone.
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  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    We were told by his parents that EVERYONE needed a thank you note. If they came to the wedding, they got a note.
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  • saacjwsaacjw member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    It's rude and your evaluation of your gifts makes you sound like a petulant child. People always give gifts that you don't want and can't return. You're not special in that. We got some really weird stuff and sent sincere thank you cards for it all. As for the monetary thing, you should have planned for it. Sorry, but that should have been planned in the costs in advance and even a small note on cheap paper would have been acceptable, no need for fancy cards. A lot of people pay for their entire wedding on their own, it's not an excuse. 
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  • LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Target has thank you notes on sale on a pretty regular basis. You can probably even find some at a dollar store.  Or you could buy some inexpensive stationary and write a note (not typed).  You DO NOT have to send a note to every one who attended...as a prior response said, the reception was a thank you for attending the wedding ceremony, BUT you MUST send a thank you note to whomever gave you a gift.
    DSCN0078 [URL=http://s1247.photobucket.com/user/LizzieYounce123/media/Dip.jpg.html][IMG]http://i1247.photobucket.com/albums/gg634/LizzieYounce123/Dip.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
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  • SmileDamnitSmileDamnit member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    CMGragain said:
    TROLL ?
    Smells like it
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  • theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    No. Just... no. First things first, your wedding is not an investment. It's a ritual followed by a celebration, where some very kind people gave you gifts of congratulations. You do not get to calculate out whether or not you profited. The only thing you should expect to profit from your wedding is a spouse. Now, it doesn't mean jack diddly what you did and didn't pay for, or whether you wanted to spend it or not, or how valuable or desirable or returnable the gifts you received were. You threw a party; someone gave you a gift - SEND THEM A THANK YOU NOTE. No ifs, ands or buts about it. You can tear a sheet out of a $0.99 notebook, write your sincerest note of thanks, and hand deliver it if you can't afford pricey stationary or postage. But you. must. send. thank yous. 

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  • buttercup1958buttercup1958
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    can i blame ignorance for lack of me not sending thank you notes for my high school graduation? it was my parents, several friends, my brothers, and my moms sisters. I thanked them all several times, hug them, and was really thankful. i just feel bad now though, i hoped none of my aunts thought i was a spoil brat :/
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    clarissadawnchapman said:
    We don't have the money for all the postage and cards. I had all intentions of purchasing them until we had surprise medical bills from a few years ago pop up that my parents had "forgot" to tell me they had been getting in their mail from when I turned 18. Between the cost of the wedding, and the surprise debt, we didn't have the money for thank you cards, so we called everyone.
    I can ENTIRELY appreciate the burden of surprise debt, especially from medical bills. When I moved to MA two years ago and had to navigate an entirely new health insurance system while battling some tough medical ailments, it put me in a big hole. I can also understand having to spend $74 on postage (that is, if you sent a card to ALL 150 guests individually at the current stamp rate of $.49); when you're down and out, even $20 makes a huge difference.

    That being said, it's hard to feel bad for you given allllll of your excuses/justifications for not thanking people properly. It seems like you came here looking for validation for your bad idea, and you're just not going to get it here. I understand being hard up for money, but please seriously reconsider making your loved ones' happiness a priority. They took time to celebrate your wedding with you, and they spent money on your gift. They deserve a proper note. 
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I'm really surprised you have the nerve to post in a wedding etiquette folder that you don't plan to send thank-you notes to people who took the time, money, and trouble out of their lives to get you nice gifts.

    You deserve all the shit that comes down on you for deciding this.
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  • clarissadawnchapmanclarissadawnchapman member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Thanks guys...
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    So what did you decide? Why don't you want to answer anyone's questions? Also, bat signal.
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  • MuppetOverlordMuppetOverlord member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I judge you. Your family does too.

    You can type excuses, but not one of them will count.

    Get out a pad of paper and a pen. Write notes to those who gave gifts. Hand deliver what you can. Mail the rest.

    Cancel your internet or cable for a month. You'll be okay.




    imageimageimage

    You'll never be subject to a cash bar, gap, potluck wedding, or b-list if you marry a Muppet Overlord.
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