EDITED

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

CHANGE YOUR SCREEN NAME!!!!

I was able to find your wedding registry, fyi.

Jen4948 · February 2014

hikebikebemerry said:

clarissadawnchapman said:

Okay, so my husband and I paid for EVERYTHING at the wedding. Except the photographer, whom his dad took over the bill for since my family could not afford to help fund. We gave a thank you note AND a give to everyone in our bridal party (parents, bridesmaids, groomsmen, grandparents, flower girl, piano player, and ushers). We did NOT, however, send thank you notes to everyone else.

Most of the gifts we recieved were picture frames that said "Married" or "newly weds" on it, random cooking books purchased at books stores, and various other house hold decorations. None of these, in fact, we had on registries or had even mentioned wanting. No one gave us gift reciepts for anything either. only 2 things were purchased off our registries and they were both from our parents. (we had things on our registries from $5-$80, so its not like people didn't have options)

We spent (not including photographer) a total of about $1,200 on the wedding over time.
Our cash pay-out in gifts was about $215. We also had about 150 people there.

After doing the math, we found the cheapest way to send thank you notes to everyone who was at the wedding (or even sent a gift) it would be about $150 at cheapest, including postage.

My husband and I don't make a lot of money, so we used the money from the wedding as the rest of our deposit on our apartment we moved into.

Its been 6 months now and we haven't sent thank you notes, and don't plan to. Is that wrong?

I guess some of his grandparents friends are severely offended that they didn't receive a thank you card or anything... they didn't even gift a gift, just attended...

Because I don't see this post staying around.

Smart of you to do this.

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

thanks guys... really.

I was under the impression that 1.) You gave cards to everyone or no one becuase it was rude (per my mother in law)
and 2.) that they had to be nice quality or it doesn't look like you cared much (per inlaws and my family.)

Honestly... I figured since I didn't have the money right now to send nice thank you cards that it would just make us look bad to send cheap ones... I just didn't want people thinking we were like dirt poor or anything because we can't afford nice ones...

ShesSoCold · February 2014

My FI and I are also paying for everything (including the photographer) for our wedding. You're not special. We're smart enough to budget for thank you cards and postage.

Even if thank you cards would cost you $150 (which is a very high estimate), you're still up 65 bucks so I really don't understand.

Just send a fucking thank you. Don't be a dick.

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

I don't know how to change my screen name...

Amyzen83 · February 2014

Wow that's one of the worst entitled posts I've read yet! Lol I'd laugh so hard of one of your guests googled u and found your post!

Jen4948 · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

thanks guys... really.

I was under the impression that 1.) You gave cards to everyone or no one becuase it was rude (per my mother in law)
and 2.) that they had to be nice quality or it doesn't look like you cared much (per inlaws and my family.)

Honestly... I figured since I didn't have the money right now to send nice thank you cards that it would just make us look bad to send cheap ones... I just didn't want people thinking we were like dirt poor or anything because we can't afford nice ones...

It doesn't make you look "bad" to send cheap cards. How the hell are your recipients supposed to know how much they cost-and what fricking business is it of theirs how much anything costs?

You are getting really bad advice from your friends and family.

AddieCake · February 2014

Send Knot Porscha a message, and she can change it.

MuppetOverlord · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

thanks guys... really.

I was under the impression that 1.) You gave cards to everyone or no one becuase it was rude (per my mother in law)
and 2.) that they had to be nice quality or it doesn't look like you cared much (per inlaws and my family.)

Honestly... I figured since I didn't have the money right now to send nice thank you cards that it would just make us look bad to send cheap ones... I just didn't want people thinking we were like dirt poor or anything because we can't afford nice ones...

Nope. Neither of those things are true. You can just use a piece of paper if that's all you have. Got a rubber stamp? Stamp the corner. Got a printer? Print your new initials at the top of the piece of paper.

You don't have to thank everyone who attended, but you have to thank everyone who gave you a gift, whether you thought it was "worthy" or not, regardless of whether you registered for it.

Write them now. I honestly remember every.single.couple who has not sent me a thank you note for my wedding gifts and I think about it when I see them (and one was from 10 years ago).

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

thanks guys... really.

I was under the impression that 1.) You gave cards to everyone or no one becuase it was rude (per my mother in law)
and 2.) that they had to be nice quality or it doesn't look like you cared much (per inlaws and my family.)

Honestly... I figured since I didn't have the money right now to send nice thank you cards that it would just make us look bad to send cheap ones... I just didn't want people thinking we were like dirt poor or anything because we can't afford nice ones...

This is bullshit. Shame on the people feeding you this idea.

I bought all of my Christmas cards this year from the Dollar Tree. Bought a 25-pack for a dollar. I wrote a personal message in each card & sent them to my clients who gave me gifts (very, very nice gifts as I work in a very affluent town with very wealthy clients), including the owner of the business I work for, and I was thanked profusely by everyone for the "thoughtful card." I don't care if anybody knows I bought Dollar Tree cards; I care that they know I am grateful for them.

Christmas cost me a shitload of money as I was buying gifts for my family, SO's family, and finally traveling back to my home state to visit for the first time since I moved. I can cry "debt" as well as you can, but I still make sure to be a decent person to the people who go out of their way for me.

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

Thank you everyone. Going to buy some at Dollar Tree tomorrow

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

Thank you everyone. Going to buy some at Dollar Tree tomorrow

Awesome sauce!

vt&dt · February 2014

I know I'm late to the party here... but I just have to know if anyone thought of the same thing I did?

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

I honestly wasn't trying to cause trouble... I'm sorry for flaring up everyone.

ShesSoCold · February 2014

That's awesome. Really. I really appreciate that you actually took the advice here.

misshart00 · February 2014

Glad you've decided to send them. People will appreciate it.

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

Well in my mind, I thought I as offending people sending a cheap thank you card AND offending someone by not sending them... I felt like I couldn't win...

Also, my mom had a whole list of who gave us what but doesn't know where she put it and we don't remember... how do we write personalized thank you cards based on that?... I'm so confused.

clarissadawnchapman · February 2014

So now when I have a legit question no one responds... great. Lol

phira · February 2014

Not everyone's around all the time, especially on weekends and late at night. No worries.

Try to find the list as best you can; it'll be next to impossible to write thank you notes at all without it. Folks who've dealt with this situation can give advice on how to handle it. All I can think of is take all the gifts you got and see if you can remember who gave each one to you.

Also, thank you for listening to the folks in this thread. Typically, that is not the case! You get a ton of points in my book.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

Well in my mind, I thought I as offending people sending a cheap thank you card AND offending someone by not sending them... I felt like I couldn't win...

Also, my mom had a whole list of who gave us what but doesn't know where she put it and we don't remember... how do we write personalized thank you cards based on that?... I'm so confused.

I would start with taking your guest list and filling out who you remember gave what. It could help to remind you of what other people gave. Other posters will have much better advice on what else to write with the rest.

Hope she finds the list!

ShesSoCold · February 2014

LOL

Well, you should have kept track but that ship has sailed. You could be very generic and thank people for the "thoughtful gift" and you're happy to have shared your wedding with them. I'm sure someone else will have a better suggestion....

MuppetOverlord · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

So now when I have a legit question no one responds... great. Lol

Um sorry, I was gone for 10 mins at almost 11 pm.

I'll echo what others said and write a line about how happy you were to celebrate your wedding with them and you've enjoyed settling into married life ...their gift was so thoughtful...

Try to remember what it was though...

lovesclimbing · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

Well in my mind, I thought I as offending people sending a cheap thank you card AND offending someone by not sending them... I felt like I couldn't win...

Also, my mom had a whole list of who gave us what but doesn't know where she put it and we don't remember... how do we write personalized thank you cards based on that?... I'm so confused.

clarissadawnchapman said:

So now when I have a legit question no one responds... great. Lol

You posted these exactly six minutes apart, FYI. You can't expect anyone to respond in that short of time frame.

Jen4948 · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

So now when I have a legit question no one responds... great. Lol

It can take time for people to respond. Sometimes they go on to different threads or sites or go offline altogether.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

thanks guys... really.

I was under the impression that 1.) You gave cards to everyone or no one becuase it was rude (per my mother in law)
and 2.) that they had to be nice quality or it doesn't look like you cared much (per inlaws and my family.)

Honestly... I figured since I didn't have the money right now to send nice thank you cards that it would just make us look bad to send cheap ones... I just didn't want people thinking we were like dirt poor or anything because we can't afford nice ones…

In that case you got some very helpful advice that you DON'T need to shell out a lot of money, and still have a chance to run to target, spend a few bucks on a pack of cards, and do the polite thing. But clearly that's not what you want to hear, and frankly I don't know what the hell you expected- you posted on an etiquette forum that you're not sending thank you notes.

So fine, I'll just tell you what you want to hear: "Your situation is super special so you're the one exception to this rule because of your specialness" and here's a unicorn shitting rainbows. Happy?

Jen4948 · February 2014

clarissadawnchapman said:

Well in my mind, I thought I as offending people sending a cheap thank you card AND offending someone by not sending them... I felt like I couldn't win...

With this advice and thinking, no, you couldn't win.

Also, my mom had a whole list of who gave us what but doesn't know where she put it and we don't remember... how do we write personalized thank you cards based on that?... I'm so confused.

Do you remember who gave any particular gifts? If so, thank those givers for those gifts.

For everyone else, thank them for their generosity, tell them how much it meant to you that they attended your special event, and indicate that you look forward to using their wonderful gifts.

mimiphin · February 2014

lovesclimbing said:

clarissadawnchapman said:

Well in my mind, I thought I as offending people sending a cheap thank you card AND offending someone by not sending them... I felt like I couldn't win...

Also, my mom had a whole list of who gave us what but doesn't know where she put it and we don't remember... how do we write personalized thank you cards based on that?... I'm so confused.

clarissadawnchapman said:

So now when I have a legit question no one responds... great. Lol

You posted these exactly six minutes apart, FYI. You can't expect anyone to respond in that short of time frame.

Where is this other question? I can't seem to find it.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

Op I'm glad you came around sorry we had to be harsh but if we read about bad ideas and it comes off entitled or ungrateful we tend to call people out on that. Good luck!

JCbride2015 · February 2014

I'm also late to the party-- but OP, I'm so glad you came around. I'd be much happier as a guest to receive a cheap thank-you than no thank-you.

Our engagement party gift list was also lost. I kept this beautiful spreadsheet but didn't back it up, and my hard drive crashed. Oops. We didn't have a huge number of physical gifts (sounds like you don't either) so we mostly remembered who gave specific gifts vs. who gave cash. If we couldn't remember what someone gave, we sent a generic note:

Dear X,

It means so much that you came to celebrate with us. Thank you for the generous gift, and we can't wait to use it! It was so much fun to [see you at the party, catch up about your life, etc.] and we are looking forward to seeing you soon.

Love,

JCBride and JCGroom

ETA: our TY cards were from Target, came in a box, and were dirt cheap. The only comment we got was, "I got your card and it was beautiful!"

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