yep, this happened (nwr)

devdalberts · January 2014

Seriously, I'm super anal about decorating. If I got a handmade chair that just DID NOT go with my theme, I would smile and then chuck in my attic never to see the light of day. Unless this MOH is super eclectic, she probably has no idea any of this is going on.

whitjoy · January 2014

MOH and I actually recently spoke about this. She wanted to know if I had received an e-mail from her sister about the shower... seemed odd to me that she would be asking but maybe her sister had said I never responded, cause I didn't. Anyway, I told her that I had been CC'd to a response message and that I was confused about why that was the case because nobody ever formally asked me to co-host. She instantly became defensive and said "I thought you would want to be involved and I didn't want to leave you out. I told my sister that you and girl#2, girl#3 would be willing to co-host and never ASKED anyone, I assumed you would want to help." After the guilt trip I basically did not want to start any kind of fight and have to deal with the aftershock through the rest of the wedding/baby shower period and was over it (I can suck it up and just deal). I basically said ok, I will e-mail your sister back and volunteer for invites (pretty easy, I AM after all, working on wedding programs and have gotten pretty good at formatting some things on the computer, plus its a low $$$ contribution). Then....IT happened... She said "ok sounds good then! Make sure you save the receipts because I think the girls are planning on splitting everything 4 ways." The truth comes out...here's the scenario that played out in my head- what I'm pretty sure went down... Sister: I want to throw you a baby shower, do you have any friends who can help and split the cost? MOH: sure, message Whitjoy, girl#1, girl#2, etc.

KateJ16 · January 2014

Oh. My. God. I would be BEYOND irritated.

Isn't this one of those situations where the host should be in contact with all of you voluntolds asking how much you want to spend, and then you can just indicate "hey, I'm sorry, but with the wedding we are being super watchful of our spending. so I can spend time making the invitations, but I would prefer not to spend over X amount myself"?

I'm sorry - that totally sucks

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Ok, nm my previous comments, she's totally in on the rudeness! I'm sorry! That royally sucks! I hope she expects to put in the same amount of effort for your wedding, if she's putting these demands on you.

Kauris · January 2014

kasmith1 said:

It's terribly unfortunate that your MOH might be punished for her is responsible for her sister's terrible etiquette.

Fixed it!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

whitjoy said:

Today I received another email from moh's sister. MOH's sister will be assigning "duties" to us. We aren't showering the new mommy with things for her nursery, she has a registry, but based on the email chain I'm not sure my MOH knows her sister is sending us tasks. It seems like the sister asked my MOH what she wanted for her nursery and is now delegating those things to us...IN ADDITION to bringing food and getting a gift off the registry.

The easiest thing is to ignore the emails and do whatever you feel comfortable doing for this shower, be it making food, providing a gift, etc. Don't commit to any of these stupid duties, however.

If the sister contacts you directly about your lack of participation tell her you don't have time to do anything beyond showing up with a gift and some food, and you assumed she'd figure that out when you didn't sign up for anything else.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

whitjoy said:

MOH and I actually recently spoke about this. She wanted to know if I had received an e-mail from her sister about the shower... seemed odd to me that she would be asking but maybe her sister had said I never responded, cause I didn't. Anyway, I told her that I had been CC'd to a response message and that I was confused about why that was the case because nobody ever formally asked me to co-host. She instantly became defensive and said "I thought you would want to be involved and I didn't want to leave you out. I told my sister that you and girl#2, girl#3 would be willing to co-host and never ASKED anyone, I assumed you would want to help." After the guilt trip I basically did not want to start any kind of fight and have to deal with the aftershock through the rest of the wedding/baby shower period and was over it (I can suck it up and just deal). I basically said ok, I will e-mail your sister back and volunteer for invites (pretty easy, I AM after all, working on wedding programs and have gotten pretty good at formatting some things on the computer, plus its a low $$$ contribution). Then....IT happened... She said "ok sounds good then! Make sure you save the receipts because I think the girls are planning on splitting everything 4 ways." The truth comes out...here's the scenario that played out in my head- what I'm pretty sure went down... Sister: I want to throw you a baby shower, do you have any friends who can help and split the cost? MOH: sure, message Whitjoy, girl#1, girl#2, etc.

Um, are you prepared to deal with whatever hugs ass bill your MOH and her sister are going to hand you for this shower? Because if your MOH wants to split the invitation costs 4 ways, you can be sure she and her sister are going to split everything 4 ways. . . and it doesn't seem like anyone asked your for a budget, let alone if you wanted to participate in hosting this shower.

I don't appreciate other ppl spending my money, so you can be sure The MOH and her sister and I would be having a come to Jesus talk, no matter if the mother to be was in my wedding nor how close the wedding was. What is the worst that can happen? She gets pissed and totally overreacts and drops out of the wedding? For me, I'd be ok with that. I only need a priest and my FI to get married. . . I can pull two witnesses off of the street to sign the license, lol!

I'm not ok with friends and family exploiting me.

Amyzen83 · January 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

whitjoy said:

MOH and I actually recently spoke about this. She wanted to know if I had received an e-mail from her sister about the shower... seemed odd to me that she would be asking but maybe her sister had said I never responded, cause I didn't. Anyway, I told her that I had been CC'd to a response message and that I was confused about why that was the case because nobody ever formally asked me to co-host. She instantly became defensive and said "I thought you would want to be involved and I didn't want to leave you out. I told my sister that you and girl#2, girl#3 would be willing to co-host and never ASKED anyone, I assumed you would want to help." After the guilt trip I basically did not want to start any kind of fight and have to deal with the aftershock through the rest of the wedding/baby shower period and was over it (I can suck it up and just deal). I basically said ok, I will e-mail your sister back and volunteer for invites (pretty easy, I AM after all, working on wedding programs and have gotten pretty good at formatting some things on the computer, plus its a low $$$ contribution). Then....IT happened... She said "ok sounds good then! Make sure you save the receipts because I think the girls are planning on splitting everything 4 ways." The truth comes out...here's the scenario that played out in my head- what I'm pretty sure went down... Sister: I want to throw you a baby shower, do you have any friends who can help and split the cost? MOH: sure, message Whitjoy, girl#1, girl#2, etc.

Um, are you prepared to deal with whatever hugs ass bill your MOH and her sister are going to hand you for this shower? Because if your MOH wants to split the invitation costs 4 ways, you can be sure she and her sister are going to split everything 4 ways. . . and it doesn't seem like anyone asked your for a budget, let alone if you wanted to participate in hosting this shower.

I don't appreciate other ppl spending my money, so you can be sure The MOH and her sister and I would be having a come to Jesus talk, no matter if the mother to be was in my wedding nor how close the wedding was. What is the worst that can happen? She gets pissed and totally overreacts and drops out of the wedding? For me, I'd be ok with that. I only need a priest and my FI to get married. . . I can pull two witnesses off of the street to sign the license, lol!

I'm not ok with friends and family exploiting me.

This!!!!! I absolutely hate it when other people try to f-- up my credit or put me into debt all in the name of being a good friend/sister/bridesmaid whatever!

PrettyGirlLost · January 2014

Amyzen83 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Um, are you prepared to deal with whatever hugs ass bill your MOH and her sister are going to hand you for this shower? Because if your MOH wants to split the invitation costs 4 ways, you can be sure she and her sister are going to split everything 4 ways. . . and it doesn't seem like anyone asked your for a budget, let alone if you wanted to participate in hosting this shower.

I don't appreciate other ppl spending my money, so you can be sure The MOH and her sister and I would be having a come to Jesus talk, no matter if the mother to be was in my wedding nor how close the wedding was. What is the worst that can happen? She gets pissed and totally overreacts and drops out of the wedding? For me, I'd be ok with that. I only need a priest and my FI to get married. . . I can pull two witnesses off of the street to sign the license, lol!

I'm not ok with friends and family exploiting me.

This!!!!! I absolutely hate it when other people try to f-- up my credit or put me into debt all in the name of being a good friend/sister/bridesmaid whatever!

See that's the thing, no one else can eff up my credit or put me into debt for their shenanigans because I simply just won't do it.

I'm ok with helping to plan and pay for showers, dresses etc, but just be up front about it so I can budget for it or decline if need be. MOH and her sister were being presumptuous and sneaky with the OP, who sounds like she is more than willing to do what she can to help and is excited about the baby.

TKzilla · January 2014

Amyzen83 · January 2014

Omg I love those gifs!

huskypuppy14 · January 2014

whitjoy said:

MOH and I actually recently spoke about this. She wanted to know if I had received an e-mail from her sister about the shower... seemed odd to me that she would be asking but maybe her sister had said I never responded, cause I didn't. Anyway, I told her that I had been CC'd to a response message and that I was confused about why that was the case because nobody ever formally asked me to co-host. She instantly became defensive and said "I thought you would want to be involved and I didn't want to leave you out. I told my sister that you and girl#2, girl#3 would be willing to co-host and never ASKED anyone, I assumed you would want to help." After the guilt trip I basically did not want to start any kind of fight and have to deal with the aftershock through the rest of the wedding/baby shower period and was over it (I can suck it up and just deal). I basically said ok, I will e-mail your sister back and volunteer for invites (pretty easy, I AM after all, working on wedding programs and have gotten pretty good at formatting some things on the computer, plus its a low $$$ contribution). Then....IT happened... She said "ok sounds good then! Make sure you save the receipts because I think the girls are planning on splitting everything 4 ways." The truth comes out...here's the scenario that played out in my head- what I'm pretty sure went down... Sister: I want to throw you a baby shower, do you have any friends who can help and split the cost? MOH: sure, message Whitjoy, girl#1, girl#2, etc.

This is so stupid. I have a friend who was a bridesmaid in another friend's wedding, and she said they split up the tasks for the shower (someone did food, someone did the cake, someone did flowers, someone did invitations,etc.) Ok that sounds fine, but then they all had to keep the receipts and split everything x ways. If you have already split up the tasks, who cares if someone pays 5 dollars more than someone else. When I planned my sister's shower, I paid for the venue/food, and invitations because I was the MOH, and I could afford it. There were only 2 other bridesmaids, so they each split up doing the games, and favors. So not a lot of money for them, but that was that. Then people can spend how much they can afford on what they're responsible for.

lc07 · January 2014

Since when do babies sleep with pillows. So much is wrong with this situation.

whitjoy · February 2014

So...latest update. I went ahead and made the invites and printed 35 of them on some nice card stock, they look good. This shower isn't until May, moh wanted to approve them with 3 months to go...whatever. Thinking 35 with 5-10 extras would be plenty I got approval and set them as side for later. Got an email with the guest list.....wanna guess how many??
102....yes...102. I'm just gonna let that stew with y'all.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

My response (O.o)? Wooooow! Gift grabby much?

Amyzen83 · February 2014

Decline decline decline!

Jen4948 · February 2014

Decline, then run and don't look back.

lyndausvi · February 2014

can't wait till May to see how this all plays out.

Artemischief · February 2014

Inviting 102 people to a party in her own house? Ignoring all the other bs that has already been posted about, this is crazy. I don't even like more than 10 people in my house at once, not to mention 100+ women. That's ridiculous! And you're "supposed" to pay to entertain 1/4 the people? Mmhmm. Run, run away. Fast.

WildMagelet · February 2014

whitjoy said:

So...latest update. I went ahead and made the invites and printed 35 of them on some nice card stock, they look good. This shower isn't until May, moh wanted to approve them with 3 months to go...whatever. Thinking 35 with 5-10 extras would be plenty I got approval and set them as side for later. Got an email with the guest list.....wanna guess how many?? 102....yes...102. I'm just gonna let that stew with y'all.

Well bless their hearts. *eyeroll*

Did you ever have a budget talk with the sister? I would not be signing up to pay for 1/4 of whatever the fuck she's planning.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

102? Even if it's $15 pp... That would break down to you having to pay around $380. I would say at the bare minimum. It might just be me, but that's a HUGE financial commitment for a shower.

whitjoy · February 2014

Well, the sister never replied to my emails, I get messages directly from mommy-to-be. I did talk to another co-host who had volunteered to get some specialty cupcakes at a shop....that suggestion will need to be taken back for sure. She didn't really see things the same as I, for example she said "they are probably courtesy invites" (hell ya they are, 15% were out of state!) But she did say she wasn't going to split $ on someones arts and crafts project.

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

I'm expecting my mom to make a quilt when I eventually get pregnant, to give me at my baby shower.

The ONLY reason I say "expecting" is because she has made it clear in no uncertain terms that if I buy a quilt/coverlet for the baby before consulting her on what she has planned, she will not forgive me. (she will take our color scheme into account). You don't screw with my mom when it comes to making quilts for children or grandchildren. Hell, she called me every 10 minutes to make sure I hadn't in some way screwed up the quilt she made for FI's birthday before I gave it to him (For the record, he got a huge shit eating grin, covered himself in it- it was a flannel rag style, measured specifically to cover him chin to foot- and kept saying it was his quilt and his alone, I better not touch it/look at it wrong, as it was "my quilt" in his terms)

yep, this happened (nwr)

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