Is an hour gap too long?

MobKaz · February 2014

wrigleyville said:

I'm seriously laughing right now. You care about whether or not a gap is too long, but you don't care about lying to your guests when they're paying thousands to travel to this fake wedding? Seriously?

I call BS on the sincerity of this post. I think someone got lonely. Where better to dangle a carrot but on the etiquette board?

LDay2014 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I will freely admit that I am breaking etiquette on this one.
We will be having the reception ceremony at 3pm, Reception at 5:00. 1.5hr gap

That being said, everyone lives close, and it's 20 minute drive to the reception anyway. It's also a whopping 24 guest wedding and I KNOW it's against etiquette but our photo place is 20 mins away too.

It's not ideal, but it's something I'm comfortable doing...unless you ladies have any other suggestions?
Move your ceremony time up and do your photos beforehand. What do you mean 'our photo place'? Are you going somewhere to stage photos inbetween? Then host a damn cocktail hour. I don't care if you're being rude to 24 gusts or 240 guests, you're still being rude. If you absolutely feel it necessary to have photos in some place that's 20 minutes away from your reception and ceremony sites, do those photos beforehand OR host a cocktail hour.

I would actually skip the ceremony, that is how much I despise gaps (other than your standard travel time).

On another note I think it's funny you are traveling 20 minutes away. You know that 20 minutes will be more like 30. Which is an hour you are to back track to the reception area. Leaving you 30 minutes to take pictures. That must be one hell of a location.

I was in a wedding where they just took the WP before the ceremony around Philly to take pictures. It took about 1-1.5. Glad they did that then after the ceremony.

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

Jen4948 · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I will freely admit that I am breaking etiquette on this one.
We will be having the reception ceremony at 3pm, Reception at 5:00. 1.5hr gap

That being said, everyone lives close, and it's 20 minute drive to the reception anyway. It's also a whopping 24 guest wedding and I KNOW it's against etiquette but our photo place is 20 mins away too.

It's not ideal, but it's something I'm comfortable doing...unless you ladies have any other suggestions?
Move your ceremony time up and do your photos beforehand. What do you mean 'our photo place'? Are you going somewhere to stage photos inbetween? Then host a damn cocktail hour. I don't care if you're being rude to 24 gusts or 240 guests, you're still being rude. If you absolutely feel it necessary to have photos in some place that's 20 minutes away from your reception and ceremony sites, do those photos beforehand OR host a cocktail hour.

I would actually skip the ceremony, that is how much I despise gaps (other than your standard travel time).

On another note I think it's funny you are traveling 20 minutes away. You know that 20 minutes will be more like 30. Which is an hour you are to back track to the reception area. Leaving you 30 minutes to take pictures. That must be one hell of a location.

I was in a wedding where they just took the WP before the ceremony around Philly to take pictures. It took about 1-1.5. Glad they did that then after the ceremony.

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

Sorry, but if you are going to announce that you are "KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette" on an etiquette forum, you're not going to have our support.

As for trying to have the cocktail hour, why not just send everyone to the restaurant for appetizers and drinks rather than making them wait at home for you to come back from the photo shoot?

MobKaz · February 2014

The obvious question is why can't you take these pictures before the ceremony?

You also said that all the family will be with you taking pictures. You are having a 24 person wedding. How many guests are actually left with nothing to do? With such an incredibly intimate wedding, I would think you could trust these guests at your home, even without benefit of a "chaperone". You can have a simple hospitality bar and snacks ready to greet them at your home. They can unwind a bit at your home before heading out to the restaurant.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

As a guest, I really don't want to go home or back to my hotel and then go back out. I would be perfectly content with a punch/ beverages and some light fare (you could just put on Pandora with Frank Sinatra radio or something for background music) at the home where the ceremony is. If you have it in your budget, see if they can set up apps and drinks at the restaurant where the reception will be.

Another thought- have you considered doing a first look? Lots of couples feel more relaxed prior to the ceremony by doing a first look. By doing a first look, you could push your ceremony back to eliminate a gap.

Just my .02

LDay2014 · February 2014

mobkaz said:

The obvious question is why can't you take these pictures before the ceremony?

You also said that all the family will be with you taking pictures. You are having a 24 person wedding. How many guests are actually left with nothing to do? With such an incredibly intimate wedding, I would think you could trust these guests at your home, even without benefit of a "chaperone". You can have a simple hospitality bar and snacks ready to greet them at your home. They can unwind a bit at your home before heading out to the restaurant.

@jen4948 The restaurant doesn't open until 5...hence the problem. And no, I didn't expect support, I never asked for it. But being berated by some is a little uncalled for...

@mobkaz My thoughts were to have some appetizers ready to be put out at the house once we were on our way to the photos...some nice stuff from M&M's and some punch. My only concern has been the logistics of getting it all back in since we won't be there...unless we swing by after taking pics to do it. I just don't want to be any later than necessary. Total number of 'unattended guests' would be 11-13 (if bridal party +1s come with us or not). We are in a small town, with a quaint downtown and our reception dinner is at the 5-star steakhouse of the casino 20 mins away. What are your thoughts?

MobKaz · February 2014

LDay2014 said: mobkaz said: The obvious question is why can't you take these pictures before the ceremony?
You also said that all the family will be with you taking pictures. You are having a 24 person wedding. How many guests are actually left with nothing to do? With such an incredibly intimate wedding, I would think you could trust these guests at your home, even without benefit of a "chaperone". You can have a simple hospitality bar and snacks ready to greet them at your home. They can unwind a bit at your home before heading out to the restaurant. @jen4948 The restaurant doesn't open until 5...hence the problem. And no, I didn't expect support, I never asked for it. But being berated by some is a little uncalled for...
@mobkaz My thoughts were to have some appetizers ready to be put out at the house once we were on our way to the photos...some nice stuff from M&M's and some punch. My only concern has been the logistics of getting it all back in since we won't be there...unless we swing by after taking pics to do it. I just don't want to be any later than necessary. Total number of 'unattended guests' would be 11-13 (if bridal party +1s come with us or not). We are in a small town, with a quaint downtown and our reception dinner is at the 5-star steakhouse of the casino 20 mins away. What are your thoughts?

I have to assume that with such an intimate guest list, these people are your nearest and dearest. My personal opinion (versus what may be proper etiquette) would be that I would have no problem hosting myself at your home. If I were the bride, I would let those dozen people know that certain drinks and snacks are prepped and ready for self serve upon entering the home. I would instruct them to enjoy themselves and relax until dinner. As far as "getting it all back in", I would not be too concerned about it. I would try to make enough for my guests, but not so much as to worry about leftovers. I would just toss whatever was left out upon return after the reception. (As an aside....if I was one of the guests, I would absolutely be cleaning up after myself, and not leave it out for you to deal with later.)

Is it possible to absentee host something simple either at your dinner restaurant or in another nearby restaurant downtown? Perhaps you have a bakery where you could arrange for hot beverages and a simple sweet?

SKPM · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I will freely admit that I am breaking etiquette on this one.
We will be having the reception ceremony at 3pm, Reception at 5:00. 1.5hr gap

That being said, everyone lives close, and it's 20 minute drive to the reception anyway. It's also a whopping 24 guest wedding and I KNOW it's against etiquette but our photo place is 20 mins away too.

It's not ideal, but it's something I'm comfortable doing...unless you ladies have any other suggestions?
Move your ceremony time up and do your photos beforehand. What do you mean 'our photo place'? Are you going somewhere to stage photos inbetween? Then host a damn cocktail hour. I don't care if you're being rude to 24 gusts or 240 guests, you're still being rude. If you absolutely feel it necessary to have photos in some place that's 20 minutes away from your reception and ceremony sites, do those photos beforehand OR host a cocktail hour.

I would actually skip the ceremony, that is how much I despise gaps (other than your standard travel time).

On another note I think it's funny you are traveling 20 minutes away. You know that 20 minutes will be more like 30. Which is an hour you are to back track to the reception area. Leaving you 30 minutes to take pictures. That must be one hell of a location.

I was in a wedding where they just took the WP before the ceremony around Philly to take pictures. It took about 1-1.5. Glad they did that then after the ceremony.

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

I would move the ceremony to 4:00 pm so that guests arrive at the restaurant at about 5 pm (assuming a 30 minute ceremony, a few minutes to get them out the door, and 20 to drive). I would arrange for the restaurant to serve some appetizers and beverages to guests at 5 while you take photos. I would have the B & G & WP arrive at 6 pm after taking photos, and continue with the rest of dinner/reception.

LDay2014 · February 2014

@mobkaz thank you for being constructive

I appreciate that. I was probably making a mountain out of a molehill with it and while I wanted to do some apps before dinner, wasn't sure on the logistics. You're right, they would likely (although not expected) clean up after themselves and worst case scenario, we would be able to do it when we got back home - around 8pm.

Yes, they are our nearest and dearest...which is exactly what we wanted. These are the people that we would actually be 'disappointed' if they weren't there to witness our marriage.

Thank you!

JustNicki · February 2014

Yes.

Even people on wedding wire told you it was too long.

lyndausvi · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

lyndausvi said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

I will freely admit that I am breaking etiquette on this one.
We will be having the reception ceremony at 3pm, Reception at 5:00. 1.5hr gap

That being said, everyone lives close, and it's 20 minute drive to the reception anyway. It's also a whopping 24 guest wedding and I KNOW it's against etiquette but our photo place is 20 mins away too.

It's not ideal, but it's something I'm comfortable doing...unless you ladies have any other suggestions?
Move your ceremony time up and do your photos beforehand. What do you mean 'our photo place'? Are you going somewhere to stage photos inbetween? Then host a damn cocktail hour. I don't care if you're being rude to 24 gusts or 240 guests, you're still being rude. If you absolutely feel it necessary to have photos in some place that's 20 minutes away from your reception and ceremony sites, do those photos beforehand OR host a cocktail hour.

I would actually skip the ceremony, that is how much I despise gaps (other than your standard travel time).

On another note I think it's funny you are traveling 20 minutes away. You know that 20 minutes will be more like 30. Which is an hour you are to back track to the reception area. Leaving you 30 minutes to take pictures. That must be one hell of a location.

I was in a wedding where they just took the WP before the ceremony around Philly to take pictures. It took about 1-1.5. Glad they did that then after the ceremony.

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

DH and I both work on the weekends. We would rather not take a half or full day off only to have to find something to do during a gap.

Sabinus15 · February 2014

STBMrsEverhart said:

Our ceremony starts at 5:00. Call it 5:30 by the time it ends just for argument's sake. We do not want our cocktail hour to start until 6:30 (A) because we want to actually BE at our cocktail hour and (B) we're having a pretty small DW and want everyone who comes in some of our pictures (that we'll be taking directly after the ceremony). It's being held at a resort that we can assume our guests will also be staying at so it's not like if they decline pictures there's not anything for them to do. Is an hour gap too long?

I would agree with PP's that guests should have something to do if they don't want to be in the pictures. You could start the cocktail hour at 5:30 and then extend it past the time you think you'll be done with pictures so that you guys could still be at the cocktail hour. Or, you could have some activity or entertainment ready to keep them occupied before cocktail hour starts at 6:30.

I feel sorry for the people who feel the need to verbally attack you on the internet instead of giving constructive comments.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

I broke etiquette rules in regards to how an invite is worded and using clear labels on the RSVP envelopes. But I never broke etiquette when it came to my guests comfort. I would never knowingly do something that would make my guests sit around for an hour and a half. That just speaks volumes about the importance that you are placing on your pretty pictures and perfect venue over your guests comfort.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

I broke etiquette rules in regards to how an invite is worded and using clear labels on the RSVP envelopes. But I never broke etiquette when it came to my guests comfort. I would never knowingly do something that would make my guests sit around for an hour and a half. That just speaks volumes about the importance that you are placing on your pretty pictures and perfect venue over your guests comfort.

LDay2014 · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

LDay2014 said:

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

I broke etiquette rules in regards to how an invite is worded and using clear labels on the RSVP envelopes. But I never broke etiquette when it came to my guests comfort. I would never knowingly do something that would make my guests sit around for an hour and a half. That just speaks volumes about the importance that you are placing on your pretty pictures and perfect venue over your guests comfort.

and your willingness to attend the free party and not the ceremony would speak volumes about the importance you place on an hour alone in your own town over witnessing the marriage of two people you are close with.

To each their own.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

LDay2014 said:

You'd actually skip the ceremony (therefore, not actually witnessing the important part) but go partake in the party of free food and liquor? That's petty...

Like I said, I am KNOWINGLY breaking etiquette on this. I don't expect you all to agree with it, and I'm sure that most people have broken at least ONE aspect of etiquette in their wedding planning/wedding. No one is perfect, no wedding is perfect.

yes, the photo place is VERY special to FI and I, and very important to us.

I am trying to work out a way to host a bit of a cocktail hour but since we are getting married at home and all the family will be with us at the photos, Im not sure how to swing it without just leaving people alone at our home with snacks before heading to the restaurant for dinner. If you ladies have a suggestion, I will gladly hear it!

I broke etiquette rules in regards to how an invite is worded and using clear labels on the RSVP envelopes. But I never broke etiquette when it came to my guests comfort. I would never knowingly do something that would make my guests sit around for an hour and a half. That just speaks volumes about the importance that you are placing on your pretty pictures and perfect venue over your guests comfort.

and your willingness to attend the free party and not the ceremony would speak volumes about the importance you place on an hour alone in your own town over witnessing the marriage of two people you are close with.

To each their own.

Um, I never said I would skip your ceremony. I would either decline or if you were a close friend then I would attend but would definitely complain about your gap to others.

But how do you expect respect from your guests when you are being rude to them with a gap? It works both ways. If you want people to be nice to you the you need to be nice to them.

LDay2014 · February 2014

@maggie0829 Sorry, I had two posters confused. My apologies. With a 24 person guest list, these are all people who are VERY close to us. Everyone literally lives within a 15 minute radius of us

Maggie0829 · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

@maggie0829 Sorry, I had two posters confused. My apologies. With a 24 person guest list, these are all people who are VERY close to us. Everyone literally lives within a 15 minute radius of us

Doesn't matter. These people shouldn't have to go back to their homes or find something else to do just because you want special pictures somewhere. And the fact that these are in fact people who you are very close with makes it almost worse. You should host something.

LDay2014 · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

LDay2014 said:

@maggie0829 Sorry, I had two posters confused. My apologies. With a 24 person guest list, these are all people who are VERY close to us. Everyone literally lives within a 15 minute radius of us

Doesn't matter. These people shouldn't have to go back to their homes or find something else to do just because you want special pictures somewhere. And the fact that these are in fact people who you are very close with makes it almost worse. You should host something.

Which I already indicated I was likely going to be doing...

Maggie0829 · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

Maggie0829 said:

LDay2014 said:

@maggie0829 Sorry, I had two posters confused. My apologies. With a 24 person guest list, these are all people who are VERY close to us. Everyone literally lives within a 15 minute radius of us

Doesn't matter. These people shouldn't have to go back to their homes or find something else to do just because you want special pictures somewhere. And the fact that these are in fact people who you are very close with makes it almost worse. You should host something.

Which I already indicated I was likely going to be doing...

Well then you actually don't have a gap if you are truly hosting something.

TerriHugg · February 2014

I do think an hour is too long for a gap.

Our cocktail hour and photo spot were adjacent to each other. So what we did was include everyone in the photo parts and when they weren't being photographed it was easy for them to just walk the two feet to the other table for food. Hubby and I were even able to eat a bit during the photo opps.

If that isn't an option you can always try to arrange for someone on the staff to keep some food to the side for the two of you.

fionahalliwell · February 2014

So here's my question: are there ever any circumstances where a gap is permitted? I know for a fact that I'm going to a wedding with a morning ceremony (and brunch) in a synagogue, followed by a black-tie dinner (which I am sure will be truly black tie!) and reception that evening. Everyone is invited to everything. I'm not rushing to indict the bride and groom on this one because a) it's in one of the most amazing cities in the world and I can totally use the downtime to sightsee and b) I'm definitely going to have to change from the synagogue to the dinner, since I'm not wearing black tie to a shul.

I mean, yeah, they could probably do the service and reception relatively back-to-back, but we do actually get two receptions this way and I can simultaneously dress respectfully for the ceremony and formally for the reception.

Or maybe I'm just excusing rudeness. Not sure...

mrs4everhart · February 2014

mobkaz said: wrigleyville said: I'm seriously laughing right now. You care about whether or not a gap is too long, but you don't care about lying to your guests when they're paying thousands to travel to this fake wedding? Seriously? I call BS on the sincerity of this post. I think someone got lonely. Where better to dangle a carrot but on the etiquette board?

@mobkaz, I hope to never experience such profound loneliness that I would be compelled to seek out companionship on the internet. However, I did think to myself as we were discussing timing, where else will I get impartial feedback on this particular matter, providing we can stay on topic? Because you see, when I ran the idea of an hour-long delay between ceremony and cocktails past myself, I thought, yea, I personally wouldn't care - if I couldn't entertain myself for less than an hour at an all-inclusive resort with my date, I've got issues. It's been a long time since wedding pictures have been a part of my reality. As it turns out, the feedback received between here and WW, I've decided a half hour will be plenty of time to get the pics we'd like with our guests, I'll be pricing some NA bevs for the beach, and look at that, everyone will be happy. Not everything is super dramatic and nefarious.

mrs4everhart · February 2014

JustNicki said:

Yes.

Even people on wedding wire told you it was too long.

I asked the question on both forums simultaneously. Hoping between the two to get a workable plan together. It worked. To be fair, only 3 out of 18 commenters there were opposed to the idea. Nonetheless, a half hour and refreshments on the beach should do the trick and make everyone happy!

mrs4everhart · February 2014

Sabinus15 said:

STBMrsEverhart said:

Our ceremony starts at 5:00. Call it 5:30 by the time it ends just for argument's sake. We do not want our cocktail hour to start until 6:30 (A) because we want to actually BE at our cocktail hour and (B) we're having a pretty small DW and want everyone who comes in some of our pictures (that we'll be taking directly after the ceremony). It's being held at a resort that we can assume our guests will also be staying at so it's not like if they decline pictures there's not anything for them to do. Is an hour gap too long?

I would agree with PP's that guests should have something to do if they don't want to be in the pictures. You could start the cocktail hour at 5:30 and then extend it past the time you think you'll be done with pictures so that you guys could still be at the cocktail hour. Or, you could have some activity or entertainment ready to keep them occupied before cocktail hour starts at 6:30. I think my half hour plan should work. Unless the guest list ends up much larger than we anticipate the friend/family pics can probably be wrapped up in 30 minutes. Then they can head to the reception area for cocktail hour and we'll meet them 30 minutes after that. Unfortunately the resort is kind of strict on timing so extending the cocktail hour it isn't an option (the whole thing has to be over by a certain time bc it's outside on a pool deck and the noise could disturb other guests).

I feel sorry for the people who feel the need to verbally attack you on the internet instead of giving constructive comments. I'm just always amazed that there are people who want to waste their own time being unproductive and not the least bit constructive. Whatever gets them through the night I guess.......

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

fionahalliwell said:

So here's my question: are there ever any circumstances where a gap is permitted? I know for a fact that I'm going to a wedding with a morning ceremony (and brunch) in a synagogue, followed by a black-tie dinner (which I am sure will be truly black tie!) and reception that evening. Everyone is invited to everything. I'm not rushing to indict the bride and groom on this one because a) it's in one of the most amazing cities in the world and I can totally use the downtime to sightsee and b) I'm definitely going to have to change from the synagogue to the dinner, since I'm not wearing black tie to a shul.

I mean, yeah, they could probably do the service and reception relatively back-to-back, but we do actually get two receptions this way and I can simultaneously dress respectfully for the ceremony and formally for the reception.

Or maybe I'm just excusing rudeness. Not sure...

this is a good question. Now that you say it, every Bat or Bar Mitzah I went to growing up (which was about 20 or so) was this way (and a pain for my parents who had to drive/pick me up to both events). Is that just how it works?

lyndausvi · February 2014

fionahalliwell said:

So here's my question: are there ever any circumstances where a gap is permitted? I know for a fact that I'm going to a wedding with a morning ceremony (and brunch) in a synagogue, followed by a black-tie dinner (which I am sure will be truly black tie!) and reception that evening. Everyone is invited to everything. I'm not rushing to indict the bride and groom on this one because a) it's in one of the most amazing cities in the world and I can totally use the downtime to sightsee and b) I'm definitely going to have to change from the synagogue to the dinner, since I'm not wearing black tie to a shul.

I mean, yeah, they could probably do the service and reception relatively back-to-back, but we do actually get two receptions this way and I can simultaneously dress respectfully for the ceremony and formally for the reception.

Or maybe I'm just excusing rudeness. Not sure...

Your example sounds like it's a whole day event anyway.

Personally I say no. I would bet the majority reason for having a gap is to have an evening reception. Yet there is such rule that one must have a evening wedding. It's a want and it's a wish. I have been to many, many day time weddings and there was just as much fun, food and dancing as any night wedding I've ever attended. So I don't buy into you have to have a night wedding to have a fun wedding.

That doesn't mean there are not social groups who find them "normal" if you will. My SIL's wedding will have a few hour gap. Apparently it's common for their social group. I'm less than thrilled. Breaks and gaps are buzz kill to me. Going home or back to freshen up always lowers my enthusiasm, not the other way around. I also hate, hate, waiting around. Some gaps are too long to just sit in the car and wait it out, but too short for you to really do anything. SIL's wedding is OOT for us and DH is in the wedding party. I honestly have no idea what I will be doing for those few hours.

The whole concept is just weird to me.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

LDay2014 said:

I will freely admit that I am breaking etiquette on this one.
We will be having the reception ceremony at 3pm, Reception at 5:00. 1.5hr gap

That being said, everyone lives close, and it's 20 minute drive to the reception anyway. It's also a whopping 24 guest wedding and I KNOW it's against etiquette but our photo place is 20 mins away too.

It's not ideal, but it's something I'm comfortable doing...unless you ladies have any other suggestions?

It has been suggested you take pictures before the ceremony. That way you can start your ceremony at 4pm and avoid a gap. You haven't responded to this; you've only said that you're purposefully breaking etiquette and seem to avoid any solutions posters have offered.

tx91 · February 2014

the cocktail hour was literally created for guests to spend time while pictures are taken and it would be incredibly rude. However if you want everyone in the pictures there really isn't a need for a cocktail hour unless it's a matter of setting things in place for a dinner. I would suggest taking all the pictures beforehand if it's important to you or maybe have a program (it can be a plain sheet of paper that you print yourself) that explains the timeline and that you want all the guests in a picture so they know not to run off to the cocktail hour. It's untraditional but might solve your problem and I think it's still good etiquette.

tcnoble · February 2014

@lyndausvi I'm in the same kind if situation... FI and I will be attending an OOT wedding this summer in which I'm a BM and there's a 2.5 hour gap so I feel bad even making him come with me. Too bad the hosts don't consider these things.

Is an hour gap too long?

Re: Is an hour gap too long?

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