Ok, I need your ladies thoughts. I searched for a post similar to this, so I wouldn't have to post, but couldn't find one.
Anyhow, my FI and I have been together for 8 years and engaged for 2 years. I had our wedding all planned out from my dress, decor, reception place, church, and most everything else. Four months prior to our wedding date we had to post pone due to a personal situation, so we rescheduled for summer 2015.
Thankfully, all the venders understood our situation and let us change our date with no problems.
During the holidays, my FSIL got engaged and is now planning a wedding for the end of this year. Well, I found out she is now planning to use our church for the wedding and rehearsal dinner. My FMIL went with me to this church during my planning, so she knows how much this church means to me. I searched months for a church closer to our home before finally deciding to visit this church and it was just perfect. It looked just like the church I had always dreamed about getting married in. No, this isn't a church they (FI Family) have ever attended. My FMIL only knew about the church through me. They have no personal history with the church. In fact, this church is 45 mins away and the church they belong to is 10 mins away. They are claiming there are no other churches they can find, but they are members of one they could have it in.
So, I'm very upset and I feel like a selfish ass for feeling this way. My FI family is huge and I have such a small family, so 80% of our guests will be attending both weddings. I feel horrible for even feeling this way, but it won't stop hurting. Am I getting upset for no reason? I know I will get over it, it just really hurts for some reason. I'm not going to say anything to them about it. I guess, I just needed to get this off my chest. I'm being stupid, right?
Edited: for clarity
Update: I would like to add, that this church many years ago is where my grandmother attended and where my mother was baptized. I did, of course, know about the church and it's location. However, I had not visited the church personally, since I was much younger. I spent several months searching for a church that was perfect, but also was much closer to home. Although, when this failed to produce any results, I decided it would be a great idea to check out the church that had some family history, but much farther from our home. When I visited the church for the first time as an adult, I was blown away by it's beauty. It felt meant to be; therefore, I was determined to make the distance not become an issue as we continued the planning process. I then, planned all of my wedding details around this church.
I am fully aware that I do not own the church, which is why I do not plan to say anything to FI's family. While, I can certainly understand someone else wanting to also use the same church, I feel as though it could have been handled a lot better. It would have been nice to know that at least my feelings had been considered. Instead, I have also now found out that they have been telling me lies as well. Saying they had been searching for a church, but couldn't find one, saying other churches were too small, but then insisting they are not inviting a lot of people. It's one thing to get over having a painfully similar re-make of FSIL's wedding for family only 6 months later, but the lying is hard to let go.
I wish they would have been upfront with me from the very beginning. Instead, of letting me just find out through another source and then lying about why they had no other choice, but to use this church. The lying makes me believe that they did in fact at least think it might bother me. Also, I know FSIL would not have her wedding at this church if the roles were reversed. In the past, she has not even wanted to use the same restaurant that a close friend had already used to recently celebrate their birthday even though it was her favorite restaurant.
Mainly, I am just really hurt by how the whole situation has been handled. Yes, a selfish part of me hurts in knowing I will have to watch FSIL get married in the church I have wanted to for over two years now, but could not. I know this is not FSIL's fault for my wedding delays. I only thought a certain level of compassion would exist for family/future family.
I think there are a lot of brides who want to "wow" their guests on their wedding day, whether it be with flowers, a dress, or the decor. For me; however, the church during our ceremony was to be the "wow" of my day. Yes, it can still be this way. Although, I do believe there will be a certain element of the experience lost to all the guests attending again only months later.
So, how do I make my ceremony stand out other than just having a different color scheme? I do love the church, so I still want to use it for my wedding. Although, I did find out that FSIL is also having her rehearsal dinner at the church just as I had planned to do. In fact, because I had been doing much of my planning before with FMIL, she is now planning on using and doing all of the details I already had planned. At this point, I feel like I should just throw in the towel after the bumpy road we have been down on our journey to get married. I think if this had been the only hiccup along the way, I could have better emotionally dealt with the issue. I know, I do not at all have even the slightest right to be hurt about her using the same church, but I do, and I hate myself for not being a better person.