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Is 170 too many invites if the venue holds 150?

nwilson0483nwilson0483 member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum

Hello,

I need a little bit of advice. My wedding venue holds 150 people, and my list is currently at 167 (this includes feeding the photographer, videographer and DJ). This is not really a destination wedding, but it is a 3+ hour drive for at least half of the people who are invited so I am expecting that I will probably get more than 17 regrets from RSVP's. Do you think that is too much to bank on? There are people that I can cut if I have to but I'd rather not. Thank you in advance for any opinions!

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Re: Is 170 too many invites if the venue holds 150?

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    melbelleupmelbelleup member
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    nwilson0483 said:

    Hello,

    I need a little bit of advice. My wedding venue holds 150 people, and my list is currently at 167 (this includes feeding the photographer, videographer and DJ). This is not really a destination wedding, but it is a 3+ hour drive for at least half of the people who are invited so I am expecting that I will probably get more than 17 regrets from RSVP's. Do you think that is too much to bank on? There are people that I can cut if I have to but I'd rather not. Thank you in advance for any opinions!

    cut cut cut! You never want to over book a venue. Think how crowded that will be. Every butt needs a seat.  Please reconsider doing this.
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    MNVegasMNVegas member
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    What are you planning on doing if all your guests respond yes? Better to cut now.
    Mary Click here for my bio! image
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    crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
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    I agree with what others have said. Also, remember that venue maximums can be a bit tight so even if you invite 150 and have perfect attendance, it might be a little cozy! 
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    InkdancerInkdancer member
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    Also, remember that venues may say they can hold 150 people, but you need to think about how you will realistically get that many people into the room.

    With tables and a dance floor, will it be crowded at 150? What about the other tables for food and cake and the DJ?

    Not only should you be careful of over-inviting per what the venue says, but make sure everyone has some room to breathe.
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    jessicabessicajessicabessica member
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    Inkdancer said:
    Also, remember that venues may say they can hold 150 people, but you need to think about how you will realistically get that many people into the room.

    With tables and a dance floor, will it be crowded at 150? What about the other tables for food and cake and the DJ?

    Not only should you be careful of over-inviting per what the venue says, but make sure everyone has some room to breathe.
    This is very true.  Remember that there are multiple numbers to consider.  The absolute max is whatever is set from a safety/fire standpoint, but would probably be a tight squeeze.  Then there will be how many can be seated comfortably with a certain size dance floor (plus space for buffet, etc.).  Don't forgot to count you and your FI!
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    crunchymamaof2 crunchymamaof2 member
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    What will you do if you get no declines? You'd be screwed. Don't add that stress onto yourself. The only people that must be invited are the spouses and partners of anyone who considers themselves to be in a relationship. Everyone else is optional. So you need to trim your guest list (I'd honestly shoot for 140-145 max with a 150 limit) or find a new venue.

    After 6 years and 2 boys, finally tying the knot on October 27th, 2013!

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    PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Plus if 150 is venue limit and firecode, then you need to make sure that your officiant, DJ, photographer(s), etc are included in your guestlist to a max of 150.

    You can't cut your list down to 150 guests, plus those vendors.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Ask the venue if they can feed your vendors in a another room. The DJ will probably eat at his table, ask him. That will free up 3 more spaces for you :)
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    edited February 2014

    I agree that you should always plan for 100% attnedance.  Also, I would be careful about how tight and crowded going right up to the maximum number of guests can be.  As some of the pp's have warned it can really suck when this happens. 

    I still remember how little fun I had at my FI's friends wedding becuase everyone was so tightly crammed into the room (and the hallway/room that didn't even get to see the dance floor!!)  They used rectangular tables, so I spent most of the night in the middle of the table with two people on either side of me that would have to get up and completely vacate the table in order to get out.  A lot of people bailed early on that wedding becuase it was just so damn uncomfortable to be squished all night.

    My venue claims it can hold 300.  I would only expect 200-230 to fit comfortably with the bar, cake table, escort cards/wishing tree and other stuff table, sweet heart table, dj booth, and dancefloor included.  Our guest list is only 125, so that we can have plenty of elbow room and we can really spread the tables out.  After enduring so many cramped weddings the venue space was a big concern of mine!

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    I invited 174 to my OOT wedding.  Most of the guests were 3-4 hour drive from the location.   145 showed up that day.  4 no-showed and 4 others cancelled last the week of. 

    You just never know.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    HaileyDancingbearHaileyDancingbear member
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    Just remember, worst case scenario for only inviting 150 is that some don't show and you have empty seats.  Not a big deal.  
    But worst case scenario for inviting 170 is that everyone shows up and you have to turn 20 people away at the door!  No amount of sugar coating or apologizing or explaining about the venue is going to make up for the fact that these people possibly took time off work and bought a gift, got all dressed up, drove 3+ hours, and then were told they had to leave.  That is a friendship-ending move.  
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    grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    nwilson0483 said:

    Hello,

    I need a little bit of advice. My wedding venue holds 150 people, and my list is currently at 167 (this includes feeding the photographer, videographer and DJ). This is not really a destination wedding, but it is a 3+ hour drive for at least half of the people who are invited so I am expecting that I will probably get more than 17 regrets from RSVP's. Do you think that is too much to bank on? There are people that I can cut if I have to but I'd rather not. Thank you in advance for any opinions!


    Yes, it's too many. Do not over-invite. Lurk some older threads for horror stories.

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Yes.  Never invite more people than the venue can hold.  And always plan for 100% attendance, regardless of how likely it is that invitees will decline or no-show.  You never know.
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    Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
    Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its
    If you hold 17 of those invitations until you get your first no back, then you can send out one for each no. No one needs to know, so no hurt feelings.

    Emily Post says its okay to do this, and that guests should respond immediately if they know they cannot make it so that the bride may invite another.

    Just make sure your vendors are included in that guest count!!

    I also feel similarly to the overcrowded venue PPs.. my venue holds up to 270. But we went to a food tasting event where 134 people showed up and it seemed like I wouldn't put anymore in that room to have space for dance floor, food station, head table!

    Always plan for 100% to come, but 75% on the high side usually show.

    Good luck!

    image   image   image

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    no one likes to be B listed.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    You need to change guest count. I can tell you from experience that people who I sent "courtesy invites (oversea relatives that my parents said, they won't come but you need to send them an invite because they are your aunts & uncles)" ended up coming and my MIL said, don't worry at least 30% of the list won't come, we only had 6 declines from her list which doesn't equal 30%. Luckily our venue could easily accomodate the people, we ended up with 120 and the room could have gone up to 200, but we had to work hard to come up with the extra money too for them.
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    Sugargirl1019Sugargirl1019 member
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    lyndausvi said:

    no one likes to be B listed.

    No one has to know. You do what you gotta do. You want to know etiquette, Emily Post says you could do this.

    OP will decide if she wants to use this option, despite many of you disagreeing because all your guests will know if they are B listed ??

    image   image   image

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    mbross3mbross3 member
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    Sugargirl1019 said:
    no one likes to be B listed.
    No one has to know. You do what you gotta do. You want to know etiquette, Emily Post says you could do this. OP will decide if she wants to use this option, despite many of you disagreeing because all your guests will know if they are B listed ??
    I don't think OP should do this. Of course not every single guest will know that they were "B" listed but it's enough for even one guest to know. And word will travel. Example: I was invited to my cousin's wedding last summer. She and I are very close. She is not close with my sister. My sister did not receive an invitation, but was spending the weekend at my apartment with me (for a little event called lollapalooza) and was there when my invitation arrived. She was hurt that she wasn't also invited, but she eventually got over it. Just over 3 weeks later, she receives an invitation in the mail to the wedding. Clearly B listed, and clearly made the cut only after some unknown others declined. THIS was far more hurtful than just not being invited. Not being invited she could understand, basically being told she was only good enough for a second tier invite, not ok. NOT OK. 

    Honestly, I would probably have assumed she'd be invited and mention it to her had she not been there when I got my invite. I know that this would have been rude of me to assume anyone was invited, but I'm just being honest. Other people will make the same assumptions and people will find out that they received their invitations weeks (or a month or whatever) later than others. They will know they were b-listed, and that is a worse feeling than just not being invited. 

    Please do not do this OP.
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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    Sugargirl1019 said:
    no one likes to be B listed.
    No one has to know. You do what you gotta do. You want to know etiquette, Emily Post says you could do this. OP will decide if she wants to use this option, despite many of you disagreeing because all your guests will know if they are B listed ??
    And how would you know they won't?    It's rare the someone would have 17 people or say 8-9 different couples in who do not socialize with others at the wedding.  They will  know the  others already got their invites.   One look at the postmark and you can tell.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    phiraphira member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If your venue holds 150 people, then you should invite 148 people maximum (I assume you and your future spouse will be there as well). Do not B-list. We live in a world where many people are not capable of inviting every single person they want to invite to their wedding.
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