Imminent death and wedding plans

Re: Imminent death and wedding plans

• CrazyCatLady3 member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  I would skip the STDs and just let any VIPs know by word of mouth when and where the wedding is.  STDs are not necessary and might look insensitive in this situation.  Send out invites on the earlier side if you wish. 

  
  

  I'm sorry about the family situation.

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• OliveOilsMom member

  

  February 2014

  STDs are a newer and unnecessary wedding stationary.  In light of your daughter's FMIL's diagnosis, I would skip the STDs. 

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2014

  I'm not really sure what the proper etiquitte is this situation, but can only share that my grandmother passed a week before my wedding so I know how difficult a family death be at that time.  Not only are you missing the person, but having to deal with the planning in addition and being sensitive to other family members and that person's memory is no easy task.  For a few days I struggled with what to do - change timing? add a small memorial speech to the ceremony? Add something to the program? In the end we just went ahead with what we have originally planned, and had our wedding a few days after a lovely service for my grandmother. It was an emotional and busy week, but I knew that she would have wanted me to continue with the wedding we had planned that was very 'us' and keep the happy and sad events separate.  Maybe just ask your daugher's future in laws what they would like? Maybe her FMIL would like to have the stds sent now so that she can experience friends calling with congrats... or maybe not. Only she/her family can tell you. Best of luck in this hard time!

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  February 2014

  Agree with PP that forgoing Save the Dates might be best.  Your daughter and future son-in-law can spread the word verbally.  I would also let your future SIL set the pace and course for the wedding.  It may be that he wants to adjust the wedding timeline to help his family, to grieve, or simply to not have two closely tied, emotional events.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• KittyKaty20 member

  

  February 2014

  Have you already ordered the Save The Dates? If so, please give a copy to your daughter's FMIL...

  My grandfather was 97 years old when my FI asked for his blessing to wed me. He gave it, and asked when the wedding date was. It wasn't set in stone yet, but we said May 2014. "Why are you waiting so long?" He then said he'd do his best to make it. When our Save the Dates arrived, we sent him one, and he kept it on his little table until the day he passed in July 2013.

  FMIL may enjoy the special stationary to remind her that her son is loved and will continue to be surrounded by love for all his days.

  

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• Inkdancer member

  

  February 2014

  Talk to your daughter's FMIL about what she thinks is best. She may want to proceed as though her life is completely normal, and want to send them out anyway so she can see people congratulating her son. On the other hand, she may not want them sent now, and you can forgo them.
  
  Save the Date cards aren't necessary. If you really need to make people aware of your plans well in advance because they are out of town or have to request time off significantly in advance, you can call, email, or write a note separately.
  

  

  

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• Drewsgirl31 member

  

  February 2014

  Obviously we don't know the specifics but 3 years ago my aunt was told her cancer was inoperable and she would only have 3 months at most. She's here, healthy and in remission. No one knows when their time will really be, I'd keep things going as planned just in case she is lucky enough to still be around. Another aunt was also given 6 months just before thanksgiving so her time would be in May if the dr are right, our vow renewal is in June, do we not include her in the invitation? It's a fine line with these things

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  February 2014

  I would hold off on STD just in case plans change. Like if they do end up moving their wedding date so his mother can be there of if they decide to change their wedding date because they decide it's too much to continue to plan the wedding while grieving the loss of his mother.

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• Inkdancer member

  

  February 2014

  rwhite0123 said:

  Obviously we don't know the specifics but 3 years ago my aunt was told her cancer was inoperable and she would only have 3 months at most. She's here, healthy and in remission. No one knows when their time will really be, I'd keep things going as planned just in case she is lucky enough to still be around. Another aunt was also given 6 months just before thanksgiving so her time would be in May if the dr are right, our vow renewal is in June, do we not include her in the invitation? It's a fine line with these things

  Vow renewals tend to be very small, intimate affairs. If you are inviting other aunts, invite this one too. If you are not inviting other aunts, do not invite this one.
  
  In most cases, you should not neglect to invite someone because you don't think they'll live long enough to make it to the event. Either they will know you think that, and it will hurt their feelings, or they'll surprise you and live that long and then you will feel bad for not sending them an invitation.
  

  

  

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• Drewsgirl31 member

  

  February 2014

  Inkdancer said:

  
  

  rwhite0123 said:

  
  

  Obviously we don't know the specifics but 3 years ago my aunt was told her cancer was inoperable and she would only have 3 months at most. She's here, healthy and in remission. No one knows when their time will really be, I'd keep things going as planned just in case she is lucky enough to still be around. Another aunt was also given 6 months just before thanksgiving so her time would be in May if the dr are right, our vow renewal is in June, do we not include her in the invitation? It's a fine line with these things

  
  

  Vow renewals tend to be very small, intimate affairs. If you are inviting other aunts, invite this one too. If you are not inviting other aunts, do not invite this one.
  
  In most cases, you should not neglect to invite someone because you don't think they'll live long enough to make it to the event. Either they will know you think that, and it will hurt their feelings, or they'll surprise you and live that long and then you will feel bad for not sending them an invitation.
  
  
  
  Oops I wasn't really asking lol I was just trying to make my point in a similar scenario. Unless she passes before invitations go out she will be invited
  

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• Inkdancer member

  

  February 2014

  @rwhite0123 I thought you might be, but figured I'd chime in anyway for lurkers. I'm going through this with my grandparents and I am choosing to assume that they are invincible and immortal, because the other option is too sad to contemplate.
  

  

  

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