How to have a wedding one day and the reception another?

racergoil89 · February 2014

Is there a proper way you're supposed to go about things when you have the wedding one day and the reception the day after? We are having the ceremony in Glendale, CA, two hours away from where we live, and we don't want to rush back to our town to have the reception. There are no places in Glendale that fit our needs all our family and friends all live in the same town as us so we're having the reception the next day for convenience. I was wondering how you properly end a wedding then if there isn't a reception right after?

whitjoy · February 2014

Convenience??? Commiting to TWO days of wedding in addition to a possible rehearsal dinner is not convenient, its actually selfish. For some reason you chose to have your wedding 2 hours away....so you kinda' have to deal. Or move the ceremony.

aurianna · February 2014

I don't think there's a very good way to do this.

The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming to the ceremony. I don't think you can ask guests to drive two hours to your wedding and then not feed them immediately following.
Also, it's not really fair to ask your guests to spend two days coming to your wedding instead of one.

I would either:
Have your ceremony and then have your reception immediately follow also in Glendale
or
Have your ceremony in town instead, and then reception in same town, immediately following.

Good luck!

CMGragain · February 2014

What you are proposing to do is selfish and improper. Have your wedding ceremony where your family and friends can come and enjoy seeing you married. Then thank them properly for coming by giving the reception after the ceremony.
Too many brides are confusing a reception with a dinner dance. If you are having any guests at your ceremony, you MUST host a reception for them after the ceremony - not the next day! The reception is for your guests, not for you. If you aren't having guests, you don't have a reception.
If you want to have a dinner dance, you can have one at any time, but if it isn't on your wedding day, then it is not part of your wedding. No white bridal gown, no first dance, no cake cutting ceremony.

crackktheskyy · February 2014

"Is a 24 hour gap too long?"

No but seriously, @aurianna made some great suggestions for how to properly host your guests. Is there a particular reason you want to have the ceremony and reception in two different cities that are so far apart? Not only is it a two day commitment for your guests, but it's also a long drive if everyone is from Glendale. That's four hours (round trip!) for a ceremony that will likely last one quarter of that time. Guests at that point couldn't even stay the night if they want to attend your reception the next day. Who wants to get ready for a dinner dance after a long two days of traveling?

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

This is terribly rude. Please don't do this. Find a way to host your guests properly after your wedding.

From the sound of your post, that means finding a place in your hometown to have your wedding ceremony.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

I know these responses might seem a little harsh but they are trying desperately to make you see the flip side of your picture.

Try to imagine honestly how you would feel if you were to receive an invitation like this. Imagine it happends durring a busy time in your life. There would be the preparing before hand, then two hours drive to a ceremony, time spend attending the ceremony, two hours back... pretty much takes up your whole Saturday. And then the next day again getting dressed up, driving some place, attending the party, returning takes up another day. If you are someone who works weekends that's asking two days off instead of just one, and this is also hoping you have no guests that would be driving farther to and from both locations (I know personally we have out of town and out of state guests who are planning on coming in the night before the wedding and leaving the day after. Hopefuly you have none of those if you still go down this path.)

You will probably have a lot of people say they can only come to one or the other.

bethsmiles · February 2014

Why are you getting married 2 hours away? Why not just move your ceremony to where you and your friends/family live. That seems way more convenient than what you are planning.

fionahalliwell · February 2014

If this is a church wedding in Glendale, I think I know the venue.

And I can tell you for a fact that I live far enough away from Glendale that I'd ditch the ceremony. Traffic and all...not gonna happen.

Viczaesar · February 2014

racergoil89 said:

Is there a proper way you're supposed to go about things when you have the wedding one day and the reception the day after? We are having the ceremony in Glendale, CA, two hours away from where we live, and we don't want to rush back to our town to have the reception. There are no places in Glendale that fit our needs all our family and friends all live in the same town as us so we're having the reception the next day for convenience. I was wondering how you properly end a wedding then if there isn't a reception right after?

Are you having any guests at all? If so, you need to host them immediately after your ceremony. You absolutely cannot invite people to your ceremony and then say 'See you tomorrow.' It's not okay in any way, shape, or form. Either have a completely private ceremony, with just the two of you and your officiant, or go back to the drawing board.

LondonLisa · February 2014

A reception is a thank you to your guests for coming to your wedding. It must occur immediately after your ceremony (yes, on the same day!). You need to at least have cake and punch to thank your guests for coming to your ceremony (if it isn't at a meal time, if it is then you must serve a full meal).

If you want to have a dinner dance later at a different venue (such as the next day) this is not a wedding reception. You will be a wife then, not a bride, so no big white dress, no wedding party in matching outfits, no "first dance" but you can have a spotlight dance. This is just a party, not a wedding reception, so it shouldn't be "wedding-y"

Frankly, I agree with PP, you are asking your guests to give up a whole weekend to you. It is terribly rude. It would be much nicer, easier, and kinder to your guests to find a venue that can have both your ceremony and reception on the same day.

AroundTheBlock · February 2014

racergoil89 said:

Is there a proper way you're supposed to go about things when you have the wedding one day and the reception the day after? We are having the ceremony in Glendale, CA, two hours away from where we live, and we don't want to rush back to our town to have the reception. There are no places in Glendale that fit our needs all our family and friends all live in the same town as us so we're having the reception the next day for convenience. I was wondering how you properly end a wedding then if there isn't a reception right after?

When you hold social events on two different days, the proper thing to do is to treat them as two separate events. They must both have a social dimension and you must offer hospitality at both -- and hospitality includes food and drink, and shelter -- and to be perfectly proper you should send separate invitations for the separate events so that your guests feel free to accept one and decline the other.

Your reception at home on the following day is entirely a social event and perfectly proper. You'll hear that you cannot call it a "reception" since it isn't on your wedding day, but that is nonsense. People hold receptions all the time, both associated with ceremonial events such as citizenship ceremonies or theatre opening nights, but also as a stand-alone event (viz. the Lieutenant Governor's New-Year's day Reception or the Austrian Club's spring Debutante reception, and also private receptions held by women who just enjoy entertaining.) A reception is simply an event where a hostess "receives" her guests -- and offers hospitality of course, so more food and drink and care for your guests' comfort. I assume you are doing all that so don't worry about the second day's event.

However regarding your actual wedding on the previous day, you have nailed it when you asked how to close the ceremony. It would be extremely awkward to invite people to travel, sit quietly and witness your ceremony, and then just leave. All their excitement at sharing your day and wanting to greet you as a new wife has to be just snuffed out. People prefer to chat after a ceremony: even after a grade-school awards ceremony or an ordinary church service or a bridge-club meeting, people want to mill around and talk over the event with each other. Since you're the one asking them out, you should provide a little something to refresh them while they are milling around: a glass of punch or a cup of tea or coffee, and a sliver of wedding cake or a couple cookies is more than adequate; but there should be something. Is there somewhere on the grounds of your ceremony site, where you could greet your ceremony guests and offer them some minimal refreshments that would fulfill your obligations as a hostess, and provide a smooth ending to your ceremony?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

AroundTheBlock said:

racergoil89 said:

Is there a proper way you're supposed to go about things when you have the wedding one day and the reception the day after? We are having the ceremony in Glendale, CA, two hours away from where we live, and we don't want to rush back to our town to have the reception. There are no places in Glendale that fit our needs all our family and friends all live in the same town as us so we're having the reception the next day for convenience. I was wondering how you properly end a wedding then if there isn't a reception right after?

When you hold social events on two different days, the proper thing to do is to treat them as two separate events. They must both have a social dimension and you must offer hospitality at both -- and hospitality includes food and drink, and shelter -- and to be perfectly proper you should send separate invitations for the separate events so that your guests feel free to accept one and decline the other.

Your reception at home on the following day is entirely a social event and perfectly proper. You'll hear that you cannot call it a "reception" since it isn't on your wedding day, but that is nonsense. People hold receptions all the time, both associated with ceremonial events such as citizenship ceremonies or theatre opening nights, but also as a stand-alone event (viz. the Lieutenant Governor's New-Year's day Reception or the Austrian Club's spring Debutante reception, and also private receptions held by women who just enjoy entertaining.) A reception is simply an event where a hostess "receives" her guests -- and offers hospitality of course, so more food and drink and care for your guests' comfort. I assume you are doing all that so don't worry about the second day's event.

However regarding your actual wedding on the previous day, you have nailed it when you asked how to close the ceremony. It would be extremely awkward to invite people to travel, sit quietly and witness your ceremony, and then just leave. All their excitement at sharing your day and wanting to greet you as a new wife has to be just snuffed out. People prefer to chat after a ceremony: even after a grade-school awards ceremony or an ordinary church service or a bridge-club meeting, people want to mill around and talk over the event with each other. Since you're the one asking them out, you should provide a little something to refresh them while they are milling around: a glass of punch or a cup of tea or coffee, and a sliver of wedding cake or a couple cookies is more than adequate; but there should be something. Is there somewhere on the grounds of your ceremony site, where you could greet your ceremony guests and offer them some minimal refreshments that would fulfill your obligations as a hostess, and provide a smooth ending to your ceremony?

Except that if her ceremony ends around a meal time, she should provide a full meal for her guests. OP what time is your ceremony?

lyndausvi · February 2014

4 hours round trip just for the ceremony? Then a 24 hours gap?

No, just no.

antoto · February 2014

If you do it as you are planning you will have a whole bunch of people only come to one event and they will probably be weirded out that you are inconveniencing them. There are a lot of great tips in the PPs, if I were you I would seriously consider them.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

4 hours round trip just for the ceremony? Then a 24 hours gap?

No, just no.

And what about the Wedding Party?

OP, were you planning on doing pictures before your ceremony? Which means you guys would be at your church an hour or so before your ceremony? And then planning more pictures after the ceremony?

Holy Jesus that would be a super long day for the Wedding Party, when you consider having to get your hair and makeup done, get dressed, drive out there, take pics, ceremony, more pics. When do they get to eat in all of this?

If I sound super food motivated it's because diabetes and hypoglycemia run in my family and I learned a long time ago to prioritize eating and my blood sugar levels above all else.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I would have to say that there is no way I would travel 2 hours each way just to see your ceremony. Thats a huge chunk of my day gone for something that will only take 20mins-1 hour (depending on the type of ceremony). If I were you I would find a recpetion venue that holds everyone right after the ceremony or just have the ceremony in your home town right before your reception. If you are really attached to both site maybe you could compromise and have your engagement photos taken at one and the wedding at the other?? Why are you so set on two distant locations?

antoto · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

4 hours round trip just for the ceremony? Then a 24 hours gap?

No, just no.

And what about the Wedding Party?

OP, were you planning on doing pictures before your ceremony? Which means you guys would be at your church an hour or so before your ceremony? And then planning more pictures after the ceremony?

Holy Jesus that would be a super long day for the Wedding Party, when you consider having to get your hair and makeup done, get dressed, drive out there, take pics, ceremony, more pics. When do they get to eat in all of this?

If I sound super food motivated it's because diabetes and hypoglycemia run in my family and I learned a long time ago to prioritize eating and my blood sugar levels above all else.

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD POINT. I don't have diabetes or hypoglycemia and I would still be a grumpy beotch if someone didn't feed me after like 5 hours of wedding stuff.

mbross3 · February 2014

There's a lot of good advice happening here, and it might be scary to have to rethink your wedding plans, but remember you have to think about your guests.

I think you need to find a ceremony cite near your reception cite. I can't imagine someone asking me to drive two hours, watch a ceremony, and then just leave and drive another 2 hours. No matter what time of day your ceremony is, this IS going to involve some meal time. (If you're ceremony is at 11am, it will be over at lunch time, if it's at 1pm people will have to leave before 11am and will be hungry for lunch right after, if it's at 4pm it will be encroaching upon dinner time...) you have to provide something as a thank you for your guests immediately following the ceremony, and if you choose to move your reception to the ceremony area, you'll need to factor in the 2 hours necessary for your guests to get home after.

It sounds unduly complicated. Just move your ceremony for the convenience of your guests.

KatWAG · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

4 hours round trip just for the ceremony? Then a 24 hours gap?

No, just no.
And what about the Wedding Party?

OP, were you planning on doing pictures before your ceremony? Which means you guys would be at your church an hour or so before your ceremony? And then planning more pictures after the ceremony?

Holy Jesus that would be a super long day for the Wedding Party, when you consider having to get your hair and makeup done, get dressed, drive out there, take pics, ceremony, more pics. When do they get to eat in all of this?

If I sound super food motivated it's because diabetes and hypoglycemia run in my family and I learned a long time ago to prioritize eating and my blood sugar levels above all else.

And then do they have to get all done up again for the reception the next day? Would they wear the same dress two days in a row? What if they sweat into the dress. Gross.

ChemFanatic25 · February 2014

I don't know if this is the case for OP but one of my friends is Muslim and when her friends and families have weddings they are huge affairs - 3 days being the minimum I believe. She explained that one day is for the bride, one day is for the groom and one day is for both? I may be wrong but that's how I heard it. Anyway, the guests are invited to all 3 days of the festivities and normally they have different outfits for every day. Is that what is going on here, OP?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

ChemFanatic25 said:

I don't know if this is the case for OP but one of my friends is Muslim and when her friends and families have weddings they are huge affairs - 3 days being the minimum I believe. She explained that one day is for the bride, one day is for the groom and one day is for both? I may be wrong but that's how I heard it. Anyway, the guests are invited to all 3 days of the festivities and normally they have different outfits for every day. Is that what is going on here, OP?

Weddings that span a few days for cultural reasons aren't a problem to me. I would love to be invited to a Muslim or Hindu wedding, they sound like beautiful and fun events.

But this sounds like a case of a couple who really likes this particular church venue, and not a case where a multi day wedding would be customary.

ChemFanatic25 · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

ChemFanatic25 said:

I don't know if this is the case for OP but one of my friends is Muslim and when her friends and families have weddings they are huge affairs - 3 days being the minimum I believe. She explained that one day is for the bride, one day is for the groom and one day is for both? I may be wrong but that's how I heard it. Anyway, the guests are invited to all 3 days of the festivities and normally they have different outfits for every day. Is that what is going on here, OP?

Weddings that span a few days for cultural reasons aren't a problem to me. I would love to be invited to a Muslim or Hindu wedding, they sound like beautiful and fun events.

But this sounds like a case of a couple who really likes this particular church venue, and not a case where a multi day wedding would be customary.

Oh then never mind. That seems really inconvenient to the guests you're inviting. OP, you can't find a church closer, or do you have special attachment to this church? I would try really hard to find a venue for the reception really close because driving 2 hours for a ceremony that may last at the most one hour and then driving back would be pretty inconvenient for me as a hypothetical guest.

VerizonGirl · February 2014

Posters have mentioned that this idea is not right for your wedding party, for your wedding guests, etc.

It's also not right for you. You and your new husband need to get married, get a piece of cake, greet your guests, and get going on your honeymoon. You don't leave for a night of wedded sexiness, then get up the next day and see everyone again for another wedding or family event.

delujm0 · February 2014

agree with PPs. There are two options here:

1) move the ceremony to the same city and date as the reception; or move the reception to the same city and date as the ceremony

2) have the ceremony the day before and invite ONLY immediate family (siblings, parents, grandparents, and the bridal party, plus their SOs) to the ceremony - host those people at a regular restaurant meal afterwards. By "host" i mean "pay for it." Then have a big reception the following day. Do not require the bridal party (or anyone else) to wear the ceremony dresses/suits for the reception.

Everything would be a lot easier if you do it all in one day. i mean think it through. for example, do you want professional photographer at both events? if so are you willing to pay DOUBLE for that? a wedding photographer would view this as two separate events on two separate days. do you plan to be in bridal attire for both events? if so are you planning to get your hair/makeup done TWICE? seriously, this sounds like a logistical and budgetary nightmare.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

I'm pretty upset that the OP has decided to post and run and won't explain to us why she would think this is anything other than a terrible idea.

antoto · February 2014

TheGrimReaper said:

I'm pretty upset that the OP has decided to post and run and won't explain to us why she would think this is anything other than a terrible idea.

To be fair she may have just not checked back yet. Let's assume the best...

antoto · February 2014

perhaps she is even too busy because she is changing her venues!!! Dare to dream...

annathy03 · February 2014

Please don't do this.

Even if they live locally to you, which it sounds like most of your guests do, it is selfish to ask guests to dress up, drive 2 hours, watch the ceremony, drive 2 more hours home, and then dedicate the following day to dressing up and attending the reception. I would absolutely not be attending your ceremony, and would probably decline the wedding altogether.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

Please reconsider this. I know it's your wedding and there's something about this location that's special to you. But, it's really not proper for you to ask people to drive 4 hours round trip in traffic just for the ceremony. Yes, it's the important part of the day and yes, they should do it because they love you. But that doesn't mean you're in the right to make them choose between doing it or not going at all. When you choose to invite guests to watch you get married, you must take their needs and comfort into account. That's being a good hostess. You have a big responsibility here, and that's to take good care of the guests that attend your wedding. Please take that seriously, and start thinking about other people than just yourself.

The only proper thing to do here is to find a way to move the reception and ceremony to the same day in roughly the same area. You either need to find a reception venue in Glendale, or move the ceremony to where the reception venue you have now is. Pick which one is most important to you, because you can't have both. Maybe use the current reception venue for a day-after brunch? You really do need to fix this. I'm sorry if you're upset, but your guests have to come first here. If you want you and your FI to come first, you need to get married privately (no one else in attendance) or elope.

sarahufl · February 2014

So curious about the reasoning behind this!

How to have a wedding one day and the reception another?

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