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Wedding Etiquette Forum
racergoil89
member
How to have a wedding one day and the reception another?
Is there a proper way you're supposed to go about things when you have the wedding one day and the reception the day after? We are having the ceremony in Glendale, CA, two hours away from where we live, and we don't want to rush back to our town to have the reception. There are no places in Glendale that fit our needs all our family and friends all live in the same town as us so we're having the reception the next day for convenience. I was wondering how you properly end a wedding then if there isn't a reception right after?
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Re: How to have a wedding one day and the reception another?
The reception is a thank you to the guests for coming to the ceremony. I don't think you can ask guests to drive two hours to your wedding and then not feed them immediately following.
Also, it's not really fair to ask your guests to spend two days coming to your wedding instead of one.
I would either:
Have your ceremony and then have your reception immediately follow also in Glendale
or
Have your ceremony in town instead, and then reception in same town, immediately following.
Good luck!
Too many brides are confusing a reception with a dinner dance. If you are having any guests at your ceremony, you MUST host a reception for them after the ceremony - not the next day! The reception is for your guests, not for you. If you aren't having guests, you don't have a reception.
If you want to have a dinner dance, you can have one at any time, but if it isn't on your wedding day, then it is not part of your wedding. No white bridal gown, no first dance, no cake cutting ceremony.
From the sound of your post, that means finding a place in your hometown to have your wedding ceremony.
Try to imagine honestly how you would feel if you were to receive an invitation like this. Imagine it happends durring a busy time in your life. There would be the preparing before hand, then two hours drive to a ceremony, time spend attending the ceremony, two hours back... pretty much takes up your whole Saturday. And then the next day again getting dressed up, driving some place, attending the party, returning takes up another day. If you are someone who works weekends that's asking two days off instead of just one, and this is also hoping you have no guests that would be driving farther to and from both locations (I know personally we have out of town and out of state guests who are planning on coming in the night before the wedding and leaving the day after. Hopefuly you have none of those if you still go down this path.)
You will probably have a lot of people say they can only come to one or the other.
Your reception at home on the following day is entirely a social event and perfectly proper. You'll hear that you cannot call it a "reception" since it isn't on your wedding day, but that is nonsense. People hold receptions all the time, both associated with ceremonial events such as citizenship ceremonies or theatre opening nights, but also as a stand-alone event (viz. the Lieutenant Governor's New-Year's day Reception or the Austrian Club's spring Debutante reception, and also private receptions held by women who just enjoy entertaining.) A reception is simply an event where a hostess "receives" her guests -- and offers hospitality of course, so more food and drink and care for your guests' comfort. I assume you are doing all that so don't worry about the second day's event.
However regarding your actual wedding on the previous day, you have nailed it when you asked how to close the ceremony. It would be extremely awkward to invite people to travel, sit quietly and witness your ceremony, and then just leave. All their excitement at sharing your day and wanting to greet you as a new wife has to be just snuffed out. People prefer to chat after a ceremony: even after a grade-school awards ceremony or an ordinary church service or a bridge-club meeting, people want to mill around and talk over the event with each other. Since you're the one asking them out, you should provide a little something to refresh them while they are milling around: a glass of punch or a cup of tea or coffee, and a sliver of wedding cake or a couple cookies is more than adequate; but there should be something. Is there somewhere on the grounds of your ceremony site, where you could greet your ceremony guests and offer them some minimal refreshments that would fulfill your obligations as a hostess, and provide a smooth ending to your ceremony?
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
OP, were you planning on doing pictures before your ceremony? Which means you guys would be at your church an hour or so before your ceremony? And then planning more pictures after the ceremony?
Holy Jesus that would be a super long day for the Wedding Party, when you consider having to get your hair and makeup done, get dressed, drive out there, take pics, ceremony, more pics. When do they get to eat in all of this?
If I sound super food motivated it's because diabetes and hypoglycemia run in my family and I learned a long time ago to prioritize eating and my blood sugar levels above all else.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
I would have to say that there is no way I would travel 2 hours each way just to see your ceremony. Thats a huge chunk of my day gone for something that will only take 20mins-1 hour (depending on the type of ceremony). If I were you I would find a recpetion venue that holds everyone right after the ceremony or just have the ceremony in your home town right before your reception. If you are really attached to both site maybe you could compromise and have your engagement photos taken at one and the wedding at the other?? Why are you so set on two distant locations?
And then do they have to get all done up again for the reception the next day? Would they wear the same dress two days in a row? What if they sweat into the dress. Gross.
But this sounds like a case of a couple who really likes this particular church venue, and not a case where a multi day wedding would be customary.
"Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
It's also not right for you. You and your new husband need to get married, get a piece of cake, greet your guests, and get going on your honeymoon. You don't leave for a night of wedded sexiness, then get up the next day and see everyone again for another wedding or family event.
agree with PPs. There are two options here:
1) move the ceremony to the same city and date as the reception; or move the reception to the same city and date as the ceremony
2) have the ceremony the day before and invite ONLY immediate family (siblings, parents, grandparents, and the bridal party, plus their SOs) to the ceremony - host those people at a regular restaurant meal afterwards. By "host" i mean "pay for it." Then have a big reception the following day. Do not require the bridal party (or anyone else) to wear the ceremony dresses/suits for the reception.
Everything would be a lot easier if you do it all in one day. i mean think it through. for example, do you want professional photographer at both events? if so are you willing to pay DOUBLE for that? a wedding photographer would view this as two separate events on two separate days. do you plan to be in bridal attire for both events? if so are you planning to get your hair/makeup done TWICE? seriously, this sounds like a logistical and budgetary nightmare.
The only proper thing to do here is to find a way to move the reception and ceremony to the same day in roughly the same area. You either need to find a reception venue in Glendale, or move the ceremony to where the reception venue you have now is. Pick which one is most important to you, because you can't have both. Maybe use the current reception venue for a day-after brunch? You really do need to fix this. I'm sorry if you're upset, but your guests have to come first here. If you want you and your FI to come first, you need to get married privately (no one else in attendance) or elope.