Holy Bad Etiquette! (Raising money!!!)

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

@Inkdancer Thank you!!!

I grew up in Northern NY, lived in Western NY, Capital Region, and now live in CT. I have NEVER heard of these before coming onto TK!

I wouldn't call it a "northern thing".. I'd call it a "tacky thing".

*Clutch pearls and fans self*

crackktheskyy · February 2014

melbelleup said:

LDay2014 said:

crackktheskyy said:

Wait...what? I've never even heard of this. You have to go to a separate event and pay for a ticket to go to the wedding? It's not like it's a movie or a carnival...

I'd pass on the "admit one."

The people who pay for tickets don't get to go to the wedding...It's just a fundraiser for the main event.

LDay said it. It's just a big party, which people pay to attend. There's usually alcohol and a bunch of food. Tickets are usually $5-$20 all you can drink and eat (or until they run out). It isn't limited to people attending the wedding, it's for friends, co-workers, strangers etc. The bride and groom then use the money raised to help fund their wedding. My one friend wanted to have one.... and my FI has been to them. It's kind of a redneckish thing. Or at least, in these cases.

Oh! So basically a frat party with a cover charge where the proceeds are used to fund a wedding. I mean, if they really want to stretch that green, why not include a cash bar and a dollar dance?

LDay2014 · February 2014

crackktheskyy said:

melbelleup said:

LDay2014 said:

crackktheskyy said:

Wait...what? I've never even heard of this. You have to go to a separate event and pay for a ticket to go to the wedding? It's not like it's a movie or a carnival...

I'd pass on the "admit one."

The people who pay for tickets don't get to go to the wedding...It's just a fundraiser for the main event.

LDay said it. It's just a big party, which people pay to attend. There's usually alcohol and a bunch of food. Tickets are usually $5-$20 all you can drink and eat (or until they run out). It isn't limited to people attending the wedding, it's for friends, co-workers, strangers etc. The bride and groom then use the money raised to help fund their wedding. My one friend wanted to have one.... and my FI has been to them. It's kind of a redneckish thing. Or at least, in these cases.

Oh! So basically a frat party with a cover charge where the proceeds are used to fund a wedding. I mean, if they really want to stretch that green, why not include a cash bar and a dollar dance?

lol...not uncommon here too. Still tacky.

And yes, they do often still have showers, bachelorette etc.

fourtsixand2 · February 2014

cmfarr said:

jalyndani said:

So let me get this straight. The bride and groom front the money for food, alcohol, decorations, and entertainment for a massive party that is intended to help them raise money to fund their wedding/reception so that it can be a massive party with food, alcohol, decorations, and entertainment? Yes And the people invited to said "fundraiser" may not actually be invited to the main event?? Yes Da fuq? Why not forgo such a tacky monstrosity and save your money for just the wedding/reception? That's what I always ask, but apparently you can make a lot of money this way. What an absolutely ridiculous concept. Who comes up with shit like this?

These are super popular where I grew up. In fact, the only person I know that didn't have one for their wedding is me. I agree they are super tacky/rude. From what I've heard from friends and family who think I should have a stag and doe, you end up spend $5000-8000 for the food/alcohol/venue/entertainment and can expect to make >$10,000, which gives you a profit of at least $2000.

When in the world did a wedding become a profit-making event???

LondonLisa · February 2014

Oh dear! I have never heard of something like this until I came to TK.

I just want to ask these people: "have you no shame"?! I was always taught that talking about money, let alone asking for money, was incredibly rude.

What is this-alms for the poor? Are they going to stand on they side of the road with a cardboard sign "need money for wedding" and an upturned cap? Shameful!

jenna8984 · February 2014

These are actually very common where I live (MA) and I've always thought it was the worst thing I've ever heard. I've been invited to at least 5 that I refused to attend. No way in hell am I being part of this shitshow to help you pay for your own damn wedding.

And by the by, most that I've been invited to were because the bridal party were told to "invite everyone you know" and I was not even friends with the B&G nor would I have been invited to the wedding!! I heard one of them actually had the groom's mother standing at the door DEMANDING tickets from the bridal party significant others!!!

Bubblegum5586 · February 2014

jenna8984 said:

These are actually very common where I live (MA) and I've always thought it was the worst thing I've ever heard. I've been invited to at least 5 that I refused to attend. No way in hell am I being part of this shitshow to help you pay for your own damn wedding.
And by the by, most that I've been invited to were because the bridal party were told to "invite everyone you know" and I was not even friends with the B&G nor would I have been invited to the wedding!! I heard one of them actually had the groom's mother standing at the door DEMANDING tickets from the bridal party significant others!!!

I am also from MA and it seems to be my friends or friends of friends from western mass that do this. I have been invited to numerous ones via FB to see that clearly the entire friends list was invited (500+ people). There was this one that my friend went to (she knew she was invited to the wedding too) and tried to get me to go with her when I said I got the FB invite, saying it wasn't weird they invited me. Ok maybe not "weird" but RUDE!!! So I get to pay admission to your party, buy raffle tickets to try and win prizes so you can raise money for your wedding I am not invited to?!?! I didn't go and heard after the fact that they didn't have enough food for everyone (so you paid admission for what....?!?!) and that they raised TEN FREAKIN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! SAY WHAT???!!

jalyndani · February 2014

I'm sorry, but if you've got the money on hand to finance such horrendous shitshow, WHY IN GOD'S NAME do you need MY help to raise money for your wedding?

ei34 · February 2014

I'd never heard of a Jack & Jill party until I came to TK. (If it's a northern thing I spent 28 years in ignorant bliss..) If I was a member of the WP I'd flat out refuse to sell tickets, much less attend the party.

photokitty · February 2014

bubblegum1309 said:

jenna8984 said:

These are actually very common where I live (MA) and I've always thought it was the worst thing I've ever heard. I've been invited to at least 5 that I refused to attend. No way in hell am I being part of this shitshow to help you pay for your own damn wedding.
And by the by, most that I've been invited to were because the bridal party were told to "invite everyone you know" and I was not even friends with the B&G nor would I have been invited to the wedding!! I heard one of them actually had the groom's mother standing at the door DEMANDING tickets from the bridal party significant others!!!

I am also from MA and it seems to be my friends or friends of friends from western mass that do this. I have been invited to numerous ones via FB to see that clearly the entire friends list was invited (500+ people). There was this one that my friend went to (she knew she was invited to the wedding too) and tried to get me to go with her when I said I got the FB invite, saying it wasn't weird they invited me. Ok maybe not "weird" but RUDE!!! So I get to pay admission to your party, buy raffle tickets to try and win prizes so you can raise money for your wedding I am not invited to?!?! I didn't go and heard after the fact that they didn't have enough food for everyone (so you paid admission for what....?!?!) and that they raised TEN FREAKIN THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!! SAY WHAT???!!

Just think - if we could get these people to volunteer their time and do a fundraiser like this for an actual charity what a great use of their time & "skills" it would be!

climbingsingle · February 2014

Wow. I've never heard of something like this before. I can't get over how tacky some people are.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Ok, now I feel so un-special because no one threw me a Jack & Jill party. Dammit, Knotties - get on this! I'm getting married, and I'M SPESHUL!!

LadyMillil · February 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Ok, now I feel so un-special because no one threw me a Jack & Jill party. Dammit, Knotties - get on this! I'm getting married, and I'M SPESHUL!!

Throw one for yourself! I get invited to one almost every weekend in the summer (people sending FB invites to everyone on their friend list, not paying attention to the fact some people live across the country now) and almost every party is hosted by the bride and groom.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Oh, but I don't have the money to lay out for a party like that. Should I do a GoFundMe to raise money so I can afford a J&J to raise money so I can afford my wedding? Maybe make it a BOYB or cash bar pot luck sort of deal?

Inkdancer · February 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Oh, but I don't have the money to lay out for a party like that. Should I do a GoFundMe to raise money so I can afford a J&J to raise money so I can afford my wedding? Maybe make it a BOYB or cash bar pot luck sort of deal?

I think a potluck with a cover charge is a great idea.

grumbledore · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Oh, but I don't have the money to lay out for a party like that. Should I do a GoFundMe to raise money so I can afford a J&J to raise money so I can afford my wedding? Maybe make it a BOYB or cash bar pot luck sort of deal?

I think a potluck with a cover charge is a great idea.

Agreed. I mean, it's not like you're made of money!

KickAssMOH · February 2014

@Kellirus I quickly just searched my gmail history to see if we are in the same weding party as I am. Turns out I am in the same boat as you - I am a BM in an upcoming wedding from my friend who grew up in Western MA and just like all of her local friends, we are going to be throwing a jack & jill with entry tickets and raffle prizes, etc. I know that it is completely considered poor etiquette here. I am happy to throw a party that will make her happy and will conform with what her local roots dictate. The people who are going to buy the "entry tickets" are all locals that are accustomed to this type of "fundraiser" so I'm not worried that I will be offending the guests. THIS SUCKS.

I was told that I need to contribute a raffle prize, sell tickets, etc. This is not my cup of tea, but I am not going to back out or say anything negative about it [to her face] because even though I'm embarassed to be taking part in this...well... I dunno I'm just gonna grin and bear it. I really love this friend and don't want to hurt her, and if it puts my own etiquette in a bad light for one day of my life then so be it.

PhoneCardLady · February 2014

I must behind the times. I thought a Jack and Jill was a wedding shower where both the bride & groom attend....

I feel a headache coming on.....

grumbledore · February 2014

KickAssMOH said:

@Kellirus I quickly just searched my gmail history to see if we are in the same weding party as I am. Turns out I am in the same boat as you - I am a BM in an upcoming wedding from my friend who grew up in Western MA and just like all of her local friends, we are going to be throwing a jack & jill with entry tickets and raffle prizes, etc. I know that it is completely considered poor etiquette here. I am happy to throw a party that will make her happy and will conform with what her local roots dictate. The people who are going to buy the "entry tickets" are all locals that are accustomed to this type of "fundraiser" so I'm not worried that I will be offending the guests. THIS SUCKS.
I was told that I need to contribute a raffle prize, sell tickets, etc. This is not my cup of tea, but I am not going to back out or say anything negative about it [to her face] because even though I'm embarassed to be taking part in this...well... I dunno I'm just gonna grin and bear it. I really love this friend and don't want to hurt her, and if it puts my own etiquette in a bad light for one day of my life then so be it.

You are more forgiving than I am. I would absolutely refuse to participate in this. And for what it's worth, I live in MA too (SE).

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Oh, but I don't have the money to lay out for a party like that. Should I do a GoFundMe to raise money so I can afford a J&J to raise money so I can afford my wedding? Maybe make it a BOYB or cash bar pot luck sort of deal?

I think a potluck with a cover charge is a great idea.

How many tickets should I make the wedding party sell? I mean, the minumum number that, if they don't sell that many, they have to pay me the money for anyway. And do I make the house party have to sell the same amount or make them sell less since none of them are going to be in the wedding anyway?

grumbledore said:

Inkdancer said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Oh, but I don't have the money to lay out for a party like that. Should I do a GoFundMe to raise money so I can afford a J&J to raise money so I can afford my wedding? Maybe make it a BOYB or cash bar pot luck sort of deal?

I think a potluck with a cover charge is a great idea.

Agreed. I mean, it's not like you're made of money!

I know, right? There's no way I can afford to rent enough chairs or enough food for everyone now that I bought my $10,000 dream gown!

misshart00 · February 2014

PhoneCardLady said:

I must behind the times. I thought a Jack and Jill was a wedding shower where both the bride & groom attend....

I feel a headache coming on.....

That's what it is where I'm from. I was so confused when I first came to TK and everyone said they were rude.

emcme22 · February 2014

MrsMack10612 said:

HisGirlFriday13 said:

(a) Yes
(b) it's tacky
(c) FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, please page a KG (@KnotPorscha) and have your user name changed from something that isn't your name and e-mail address
(d) AOL is still an ISP?

Yes, my dad still uses it.

I had heard of them from a friend of mine who's husband runs with a younger crowd. Apparently it's very popular with them in that particular part of MA, near the NH boarder.

I was mortified. She went to one and partook but because it was friends didn't see the harm in helping.

I had heard of Jack and Jills as a co-ed shower and then these type of fundraising things. So weird.

Also I'm From MA and had no idea it was popular around here. I also have a lot of family who live near the NH border, I'm very curious now haha.

ETA: just finished reading the thread and saw all the other people from MA talking about this. Granted I don't go to many weddings but I've never noticed a fbook status about one before or random invite. Then again I probably thought it was about a wedding shower. So glad my cousin didn't do this when I was her MOH

KittyKaty20 · February 2014

kellirus@aol.com said:

The bride and groom know, and are fine with it, but to top it all off this will be the only party for them, no wedding shower, no other parties or get togethers....

Yeah...if the B/G are fine with this faux pas, I'm pretty sure they're going to end up wanting an engagement party, and one or two showers, and a kick-ass Bachelor/Bachelorette party.

Also, if someone told me I could buy a ticket to a Stag & Doe Party, I'd politely refuse, as I don't hunt and look washed out in camo print.

If they said it was a Jack & Jill Party, I'd wonder why I would pay to watch some clumsy kids go up a hill for water, only to fall back down after...

kellirus · February 2014

After talking to both the Mother of the Groom and the Bride, I realize this is a regional thing and completely normal. I will be making several baskets to help out..... I had only ever heard of a JackandJill being a shared Bachelor and bachelorette party, so I had no point of reference as far as the fund raising aspect was concerned. I honestly thought I was crazy,,,,,, that may still be true, I only want what is best for the bride and groom and would gladly pay for anything they needed for the wedding, just being a southerner when I originally saw the email I was shocked since down here it’s a MAJOR faux pas to ask for money.

Inkdancer · February 2014

kellirus@aol.com said:

After talking to both the Mother of the Groom and the Bride, I realize this is a regional thing and completely normal. I will be making several baskets to help out..... I had only ever heard of a JackandJill being a shared Bachelor and bachelorette party, so I had no point of reference as far as the fund raising aspect was concerned. I honestly thought I was crazy,,,,,, that may still be true, I only want what is best for the bride and groom and would gladly pay for anything they needed for the wedding, just being a southerner when I originally saw the email I was shocked since down here it’s a MAJOR faux pas to ask for money.

It may be "normal" for their social circle but it is still super rude.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

misshart00 said:

PhoneCardLady said:

I must behind the times. I thought a Jack and Jill was a wedding shower where both the bride & groom attend....

I feel a headache coming on.....

That's what it is where I'm from. I was so confused when I first came to TK and everyone said they were rude.

Ditto here. When I started seeing people say J&J parties were rude, I was like, 'why is it rude to have the groom at the party, too?' because in my social circle, J&J just means co-ed.

Then I heard about these fund-raiser showers and my head hurt.

grumbledore · February 2014

kellirus@aol.com said:

After talking to both the Mother of the Groom and the Bride, I realize this is a regional thing and completely normal. I will be making several baskets to help out..... I had only ever heard of a JackandJill being a shared Bachelor and bachelorette party, so I had no point of reference as far as the fund raising aspect was concerned. I honestly thought I was crazy,,,,,, that may still be true, I only want what is best for the bride and groom and would gladly pay for anything they needed for the wedding, just being a southerner when I originally saw the email I was shocked since down here it’s a MAJOR faux pas to ask for money.

It's hella rude no matter where you do it.

photokitty · February 2014

kellirus@aol.com said: After talking to both the Mother of the Groom and the Bride, I realize this is a regional thing and completely normal. I will be making several baskets to help out..... I had only ever heard of a JackandJill being a shared Bachelor and bachelorette party, so I had no point of reference as far as the fund raising aspect was concerned. I honestly thought I was crazy,,,,,, that may still be true, I only want what is best for the bride and groom and would gladly pay for anything they needed for the wedding, just being a southerner when I originally saw the email I was shocked since down here it’s a MAJOR faux pas to ask for money.

************************
Yeah, cuz I'd totally trust the opinions of the people who raised their children to be tacky and think it is ok to ask others to fundraise and pay for their wedding.

Of course these woman think it's normal - they raised rude offspring and see if as a way to not be asked to contribute any of their own money to the wedding.

You aren't crazy, they are. It is a MAJOR faux pas to ask for money.

jenna8984 · February 2014

Whoa we have a lot of Massachusetts people representing here! Maybe we should do a meet-up one day

becky22002 · February 2014

OMG, just did a google search for Jack and Jill party....the images are beyond disturbing

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