To invite or not to invite FI friend

Re: To invite or not to invite FI friend

• Cookie Pusher member

  

  February 2014

  Honestly, I think your FI should make the call on this. There's a good chance that not inviting this person will end the friendship if everyone else from the social circle is invited by him (either because he is hurt to not be invited or his FI does the whole "See? The don't actually like you!" thing).

  
  

  I'm in a similar situation where a mutual friend (FI's friend first) disappears every time she has a new dude. We have mutual friends who are invited to the wedding, but we've decided that it wasn't worth it to invite this person because the only time she ever makes time to be a friend is when she needs a free psychologist.

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• zitiqueen member

  

  February 2014

  BRIDGETTCABE said:

  To make a long story short, my FI and his friend have been best friends for almost 10 years. Then his friend meet his now FI. She hates all his friend. I have never meet this girl or this friend and she already has talked horrible about me. She called my FI and asshole and started a huge fight with him. She has completely secluded him from his friends. My FI and him went from hanging out every weekend to once or twice every 4 months. It is not just with my FI. They run around in the same circle and nobody every hears or sees from him. My FI let his friend borrow $1500 a couple years ago. The deal was he would start paying him back when he got a full time job. He got a full time job in June and then he started avoiding. He finally came to a graduation party and paid my FI back. Then he told him all of us would start hanging out because he wanted to get to know me. I live in Georgia and my FI lives in Ohio. I am only up once a month there so every time I have came up he has texted his friend. No response or oh I can't. We don't know if we should invite this friend or not. He seems like he isn't trying or even wants to be friends with anybody but his FI! 

  No, your FI's friend has chosen to seclude himself from his friends. Unless you left out the part where she's holding a gun to his head.
  
  Has your FI asked him why he hasn't started paying the money back?
  

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• HaileyDancingbear member

  

  February 2014

  It's your FI's friend, and you've never met this person, so it is totally your FI's call as to wether or not this friend and his SO will be invited (And they MUST be invited together if any invite goes out.)  

  
  

  Unless your FI is absolutely stumped and asking you for advice, you shouldn't be involved in this.  If that is the case, and that's why you're asking, I would personally say don't invite him because they don't seem to be very good friends anymore, but again, you shouldn't say anything unless he asks.

  

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• erinlin25 member

  

  February 2014

  let your FI decide.  Looks like he did at least honor paying him back so that is good--1500 is a lot and I could see how that would take someone a few months to save up and pay back so I would not hold that against him.  If your FI cares about saving the friendship I would at least invite the guy with his FI (she sounds like a biatch, but it is his friends FI so she needs to be invited), and leave it in their hands.  But if you are on a tight budget with your guest list it is friendships like that that typically get cut. If you are feeling guilty about not inviting, then that is a sign you probably should extend the invite.
  

  
  
  
  

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• FiancB member

  

  February 2014

  It's up to your FI. I would probably lean toward inviting them. It kind of sounds like she'll come up a reason for them not to go anyway, but at least you'll have given them a chance. 

  
  

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• happymellow member

  

  February 2014

  I'd let FI make the call, too.  Isn't that how they say you can tell an abuser though?  They start out by cutting people off from their family and friends?  I'm not calling her an abuser, but I would keep an ear open if and an eye on their relationship if FI's friend needed support.  FI's friend sounds like a keeper even if his horrible fiance isn't.  Personally, I'd try and invite him, but It sounds like his fiance might not let him come anyway.
  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2014

  This needs to be your FI's decision. 

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• hellohkb mod

  

  February 2014

  We're going through an almost identical situation. I let my FH make the decision but he wanted my input because he was very confused. We decided that we will send out an invitation but we are not expecting to hear back or get a yes we will come from FH friend and his FI.

  
  

  If he keeps blowing you off, I would not expect him to respond to you or say he's coming anyway.

  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• abbyj700 member

  

  February 2014

  zitiqueen said:

  No, your FI's friend has chosen to seclude himself from his friends. Unless you left out the part where she's holding a gun to his head.
  

  I couldn't agree more. You don't know this woman and you assume it's her making him not spend time with his friends and that it's not somehow his decision. He's an adult, no gun to his head - it's his choice.
  
  

  
  

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• FiancB member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  This is sort of a weird thought, but maybe try sending it to his work or something where you know he'll see it first? My uncle's wife has a nasty habit of throwing away his cards and letters from family. If this guy's fiance is truly as big a witch as you suspect, I wouldn't put it past her. 

  
  

  ETA: I meant wife, not aunt

  
  

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• BassetHound1232 member

  

  February 2014

  @FiancB that's a really good point. She is actually on anti-psychotic medications and is bi-polar. I've  worked in a pharmacy for over 4 years so I know how bad these conditions are and I know it's not her fault at all. I do feel bad for her. My FI asks me what to do. On one hand he wants to invite him. They have been friends for a very long time and within the past year he has changed. On the other hand my FI friend lets her talk to my FI like dirt and talks horrible about me. 

   I think we'll send him an invite. He can make the decision. He probably won't drive the 8 hours to get here. Maybe it can be a turning point in their relationship and it might make it better!! Thanks everybody!!!!

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• doeydo member

  

  February 2014

  She might be abusive, or at the very least manipulative.  
  Does your FI want to invite him?  Perhaps you can tell him to tell his friend that he is there for him and still cares for him as a friend and then let him be.  

  
  

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