Sunday Wedding!

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

My FI and I have just booked our wedding for June 7,2015 which is a Sunday. Our wedding is jewish and catholic and we chose a sunday because some people had an issue with a saturday wedding since it is the sabbath. Also a sunday in June is obviously cheaper so I had no objection to this. Our ceremony is at 12:30, cocktail hour starts at 3 with the reception going from 4-8pm. I really don't think that this should be an issue because it is not late. However, my FI father is complaining that it's on a sunday and that people have work the next day. My parents have work the next day but they are going to take off since it is their daughter's wedding. Nothing about our wedding in during the week (rehearsal is on saturday night), and we are by no means asking for people to stay over or hosting anything on the monday. I think it's rude that he is complaining since my parents are paying 100% and he isen't paying a dime. Am i being unfair for being upset about this. It is my wedding after all and if the people paying for the wedding don't have an issue with the date and time then why should anyone else?

emmyg65 · February 2014

I see no problem with this, especially since you expect to end by 8 (and guests can certainly leave earlier).

But how long is your ceremony, and how far away is your reception site from the ceremony? Because it looks like you might be planning a gap.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

Ceremony is half an hour. and the reception site is 1 mile down the road (in a city). We can stay at ceremony site until 2pm. The reception site is a hotel so their is a bar and open lobby area. By the time people get in their cars and make the trek down a city road they won't have very long to wait for a cocktail hour to start.

KatWAG · February 2014

You need to move your ceremony back to 2 or 2:30pm. Essentially you have having a cocktail hour at the ceremont site (I assume you are hostinf somethign there?) then sending guests to the hotel for another cocktail hour. That doesnt make sense.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

There is only one cocktail hour. At 300pm at the hotel which is the same as the reception site. We would only be staying at the ceremony site for pictures and conversation.

CJandRyan · February 2014

I see nothing wrong with a Sunday! In fact, we are planning for the following Sunday, June 14, 2015! Ours will be 11 a.m. - 4 p.m., a short ceremony followed by lunch and cocktails at the same location. I agree with you that if he is not contributing financially, he doesn't get a say in it! Do what you want, it's your day!

KatWAG · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

There is only one cocktail hour. At 300pm at the hotel which is the same as the reception site. We would only be staying at the ceremony site for pictures and conversation.

So what are your guests going to do for over an hour? Watch you take pictures? Because that is not fun. And if you are staying there for over an hour, you need to host something. Thus making it a cocktail hour.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

KatWAG said:

dianammobilio said:

There is only one cocktail hour. At 300pm at the hotel which is the same as the reception site. We would only be staying at the ceremony site for pictures and conversation.

So what are your guests going to do for over an hour? Watch you take pictures? Because that is not fun. And if you are staying there for over an hour, you need to host something. Thus making it a cocktail hour.

I'm really not sure why having an hour gap between the ceremony and reception is a problem. We are taking bridal party pictures BEFORE the ceremony. Pictures taken after the ceremony would include the guests that attend (all 80 of them), such as large group photos in front of the chapel. No individual pictures will be taken. Also all the guests need to get down a busy city street at valet their car at the hotel (a package we are paying for) so i don't see an issue with having guests do nothing for under an hour. We left time for transportation and ceremony run-over time. I have never heard of guests needed to to be entertained during a one hour gap. it seems excessive.

LondonLisa · February 2014

Just because you have never heard of it, doesn't mean you don't need to do it. It isn't excessive, it is basic hosting duties. Cocktail hour needs to start as soon as your guests arrive. Any gap is very rude.

KatWAG · February 2014

Any gap is rude. Even an hour. The whole point of a cocktail hour is so that the guests will have something to do and the B&G can take pictures. No one wants to stand around and watch you take pictures. Plus group family pictures do not take an hour.

And if your ceremony starts at 12:30 and will end around 1 then you actually have a 2 hour gap. People dont need that long to go a mile down the road. And they need even less time if they are going to valet and not look for parking.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

KatWAG said:

dianammobilio said:

There is only one cocktail hour. At 300pm at the hotel which is the same as the reception site. We would only be staying at the ceremony site for pictures and conversation.

So what are your guests going to do for over an hour? Watch you take pictures? Because that is not fun. And if you are staying there for over an hour, you need to host something. Thus making it a cocktail hour.

I'm really not sure why having an hour gap between the ceremony and reception is a problem. We are taking bridal party pictures BEFORE the ceremony. Pictures taken after the ceremony would include the guests that attend (all 80 of them), such as large group photos in front of the chapel. No individual pictures will be taken. Also all the guests need to get down a busy city street at valet their car at the hotel (a package we are paying for) so i don't see an issue with having guests do nothing for under an hour. We left time for transportation and ceremony run-over time. I have never heard of guests needed to to be entertained during a one hour gap. it seems excessive.

Because it is rude to your guests. Are you seriously going to take group shots for 45 minutes? As a guest I would not want to do that. And as a photographer taking a large group shot will take maybe 10 minutes, tops. And how will you be telling your guests you want a large group shot? Typically once a ceremony is over with the guests make their way to the reception. They don't stick around to see if you want to take pictures with them.

You said the reception site is 1 mile down the road in the midst of a city. It will not take your guests 50 minutes to get to the reception site. Your cocktail hour needs to start when the first guest arrives at the reception. Period.

It is never excessive to host your guests properly and having an hour gap is not hosting your guests properly.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

Our venue will not start cocktail hour until 3pm. We have rented out a private restaurant and they need time to close to the public and set up for our reception. Of course I would have loved for it to start at 2pm but having that small gap is really not uncommon for couples choosing to host their ceremony and reception at different sites. Our guests will not promptly head over to the reception after the ceremony as it is a small wedding and we are requesting them to stay at the ceremony site for group photos. Our ceremony will most definitely start late, due to set-up time restrictions that has a very small window. So in this case it is not rude for me to start a cocktail hour at 3pm.

I'm more concerned about people not wanting to come to a sunday wedding than I am about starting a cocktail hour at 3pm which I had no decision in if I wanted that venue.

ei34 · February 2014

A wedding that finishes at 8pm on a Sunday wouldn't bother me in the slightest. PPs have already touched on the gap and you seem to have your own thoughts, so I'm not going to share mine other than to say that 7.5 hours (12:30-8) is more time than I like to give to a wedding. It's essentially the whole day when you include getting ready and travel to and from. But re your original concern, a Sunday, I wouldn't have a problem with. Try to ignore your FFIL's complaint about the Sunday..

Maggie0829 · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

Our venue will not start cocktail hour until 3pm. We have rented out a private restaurant and they need time to close to the public and set up for our reception. Of course I would have loved for it to start at 2pm but having that small gap is really not uncommon for couples choosing to host their ceremony and reception at different sites. Our guests will not promptly head over to the reception after the ceremony as it is a small wedding and we are requesting them to stay at the ceremony site for group photos. Our ceremony will most definitely start late, due to set-up time restrictions that has a very small window. So in this case it is not rude for me to start a cocktail hour at 3pm.

I'm more concerned about people not wanting to come to a sunday wedding than I am about starting a cocktail hour at 3pm which I had no decision in if I wanted that venue.

It is only common to those that choose that route. I have been to many weddings where the ceremony and reception take place at different locations and never once had to deal with a gap.

What if they don't want to stay for photos? And again, pictures will only take maybe 15 minutes and then getting to the location will take another 15-20 minutes. So what are they all supposed to do for 30 minutes? Twiddle their thumbs?

You should try everything under the sun to prevent your wedding from starting late. Your guests will show up 15 minutes if not more before your set start time. They certainly do not want to be sitting around waiting for your ceremony to start because you happen to be running late.

You are not being considerate about your guests time by not only having a gap but already knowing that your ceremony will be starting late.

And your last sentence is your main problem. You are more concerned about people showing up to your wedding them hosting them properly.

KatWAG · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

Our venue will not start cocktail hour until 3pm. We have rented out a private restaurant and they need time to close to the public and set up for our reception. Of course I would have loved for it to start at 2pm but having that small gap is really not uncommon for couples choosing to host their ceremony and reception at different sites. Our guests will not promptly head over to the reception after the ceremony as it is a small wedding and we are requesting them to stay at the ceremony site for group photos. Our ceremony will most definitely start late, due to set-up time restrictions that has a very small window. So in this case it is not rude for me to start a cocktail hour at 3pm.

I'm more concerned about people not wanting to come to a sunday wedding than I am about starting a cocktail hour at 3pm which I had no decision in if I wanted that venue.

Yes, it is uncommon and rude to have a gap no matter where your ceremony or reception are taking place.

If your ceremony definately going to start late, then why not push back the time so your guests dont have to sit around and wait.

jenna8984 · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

Our venue will not start cocktail hour until 3pm. We have rented out a private restaurant and they need time to close to the public and set up for our reception. Of course I would have loved for it to start at 2pm but having that small gap is really not uncommon for couples choosing to host their ceremony and reception at different sites. Our guests will not promptly head over to the reception after the ceremony as it is a small wedding and we are requesting them to stay at the ceremony site for group photos. Our ceremony will most definitely start late, due to set-up time restrictions that has a very small window. So in this case it is not rude for me to start a cocktail hour at 3pm.

I'm more concerned about people not wanting to come to a sunday wedding than I am about starting a cocktail hour at 3pm which I had no decision in if I wanted that venue.

80 people is not a small wedding. It's a pain in the ass trying to get people's attention and order them into pictures when there's only 20 people....nevermind 80! That just sounds like a chaotic mess.

And even rush hour in Manhattan doesn't take an hour to drive a mile.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

I will try asking the venue again because we cannot change our ceremony time as it is at a historic chapel that only has time increments for 2 hours. I'm not trying to be rude to my guests I want them to not waste their time. I would love to have a separate mini cocktail hour at the ceremony space to have something for them to do but no food or drinks are allowed. Picture were the only thing I could come up with. It's not possible to extend the cocktail hour or have it earlier. I am left with no other option at this point.

It is actually very common to have a gap between ceremony and reception. How are you supposed to include travel time and time for the ceremony to run over? I Think it's more unrealistic to have less than an hour for guests to get to the location and I wouldn't want everyone to rush.

If you know of any viable solutions that would be great.

climbingsingle · February 2014

I'd be fine with a Sunday wedding at that time. I once went to a wedding on a Sunday where we weren't fed dinner until 8pm. That sucked.

Like PPs said, any kind of gap is rude. Why can't you push your ceremony back? Also, why are you asking all 80 guests to hang around for pictures? if you are in fact expecting all of your guests to wait around like that, you need to serve them something.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

I will try asking the venue again because we cannot change our ceremony time as it is at a historic chapel that only has time increments for 2 hours. I'm not trying to be rude to my guests I want them to not waste their time. I would love to have a separate mini cocktail hour at the ceremony space to have something for them to do but no food or drinks are allowed. Picture were the only thing I could come up with. It's not possible to extend the cocktail hour or have it earlier. I am left with no other option at this point.

It is actually very common to have a gap between ceremony and reception. How are you supposed to include travel time and time for the ceremony to run over? I Think it's more unrealistic to have less than an hour for guests to get to the location and I wouldn't want everyone to rush.

If you know of any viable solutions that would be great.

What are the two hour increments? You say your ceremony is at 12:30. Is the second hour in the two hour increment? Or is that still in the first hour increment, such as 12-2? If my second question is true then why not move the ceremony to 2:30 and then have your cocktail hour start the moment your first guest arrives (probably around 3:15ish).

And is the group shot something that you really want or were you just doing it to fill the time? I agree with Jenna that trying to wrangle 80 people is going to be really tough. Why not just take pictures with your guest as you/they want them at the reception?

KatWAG · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

I will try asking the venue again because we cannot change our ceremony time as it is at a historic chapel that only has time increments for 2 hours. I'm not trying to be rude to my guests I want them to not waste their time. I would love to have a separate mini cocktail hour at the ceremony space to have something for them to do but no food or drinks are allowed. Picture were the only thing I could come up with. It's not possible to extend the cocktail hour or have it earlier. I am left with no other option at this point.

It is actually very common to have a gap between ceremony and reception. How are you supposed to include travel time and time for the ceremony to run over? I Think it's more unrealistic to have less than an hour for guests to get to the location and I wouldn't want everyone to rush.

If you know of any viable solutions that would be great.

Okay I will give you an example. If a ceremony starts at 12:30 and ends at approx 1pm and the distance between the 2 locations in about a mile. Then the cocktail hour should start at 1:15. This gives your guests plenty of time to leave the ceremony get to the car and drive one mile.

No one needs to rush. Attendance is not taken at cocktail hour. If someone arrives at 1:20 or even 1:45, its fine. The point is that you need to have something for your guests to do while you take pictures.

Also, if the ceremony venue gives you a 12-2 time slot; why not have your ceremony at 1:30? Then at least you can cut down on the gap.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

I would also like to add that you shouldn't be planning for your ceremony to start late or run over the slated time. Your wedding should start on time. Period. There is nothing more annoying then sitting around and waiting for a wedding to start when the start time has come and gone.

KatWAG · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

I would also like to add that you shouldn't be planning for your ceremony to start late or run over the slated time. Your wedding should start on time. Period. There is nothing more annoying then sitting around and waiting for a wedding to start when the start time has come and gone.

Yup. I would show up to your wedding at noon or 12:10. Its not hard to start on time.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

KatWAG said:

Maggie0829 said:

I would also like to add that you shouldn't be planning for your ceremony to start late or run over the slated time. Your wedding should start on time. Period. There is nothing more annoying then sitting around and waiting for a wedding to start when the start time has come and gone.

Yup. I would show up to your wedding at noon or 12:10. Its not hard to start on time.

Heck, we started 5 minutes early because I just couldn't wait any longer!

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

All of your points are valid. We cannot book a later time slot because it is already booked. My time-slot is from 12-2 and we must leave at 2, so starting a ceremony at 1:30 is not an option as the next couple needs to allow their florist to set up for their event. The chapel is VERY strict with when you must start and leave. They expect our ceremony to start at 12:30 and no later than 12:45 for any issues that may arise. In a perfect world I would have the cocktail hour start at 2, but unfortunately that's not an option here. It was not even my original question that I asked because I already knew that it was not going to work the way I had originally intended. Sometimes you can try to plan for a perfect wedding schedule and it doesn't work out that way due to vendor restrictions. My vendors being the Chapel and the restaurant.

If i could avoid being rude I would but in this case I cannot see how it will work any other way without the gap.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

All of your points are valid. We cannot book a later time slot because it is already booked. My time-slot is from 12-2 and we must leave at 2, so starting a ceremony at 1:30 is not an option as the next couple needs to allow their florist to set up for their event. The chapel is VERY strict with when you must start and leave. They expect our ceremony to start at 12:30 and no later than 12:45 for any issues that may arise. In a perfect world I would have the cocktail hour start at 2, but unfortunately that's not an option here. It was not even my original question that I asked because I already knew that it was not going to work the way I had originally intended. Sometimes you can try to plan for a perfect wedding schedule and it doesn't work out that way due to vendor restrictions. My vendors being the Chapel and the restaurant.
If i could avoid being rude I would but in this case I cannot see how it will work any other way without the gap.

You could have avoided it by going with a different reception location. You knew there restrictions and you knew there was going to be a gap but you went along with it anyways. Poor planning should not be passed on to your guests.

The only other thing I can think of is hosting something at your home (if it is nearby) or another facility for an hour.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

We chose the reception venue because it means something to us as a couple. Also the proximity to the chapel was excellent as we wanted our guests to have a short commute. As I stated before not everything can be perfect in planning a wedding and on the wedding day. Having a one hour gap between ceremony and reception was a small compromise to make our guests feel comfortable in other ways (such as not having a far distance to travel, and providing valet services so they don't have to find somewhere to park in the city). I have been to many weddings when there was hours between ceremony and reception, and they were a distance apart. It would be impossible to have anything less than an hour between the end of a ceremony and start of a reception, if it were in two different locations. Guests would lose time in the cocktail hour because they were traveling to the reception space. That makes even less sense than waiting 1 hour to start a cocktail hour. Based on etiquette yes it's rude to have guests wait in a lobby or bar area until cocktail start time. But in practice it does not give guests enough travel time or allow for any unforeseen circumstances. Such as traffic, road construction, and elderly guests who take more time to get from one location to another. I would rather have my guests not rush and be able to "freshen up" or use the restroom before a cocktail hour begins. Most people eat the most at cocktail hours and I would hate to have a guest not eat enough because they missed the cocktail hour because it was directly back-to-to back with the ceremony end time.

bequietgera · February 2014

In response to your original question, I don't think a Sunday wedding that ended at 8 would pose a problem for me as long as I weren't an out of town guest that had to work Monday morning. If I lived in town, it'd be a perfect end time. That's around the time I'd leave a restaurant for dinner any old weekday anyway. Do you plan to invite lots of out of town guests?

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

bequietgera said:

In response to your original question, I don't think a Sunday wedding that ended at 8 would pose a problem for me as long as I weren't an out of town guest that had to work Monday morning. If I lived in town, it'd be a perfect end time. That's around the time I'd leave a restaurant for dinner any old weekday anyway. Do you plan to invite lots of out of town guests?

No, only 2 guests will be from out of town (my grandma and FI uncle). Most guests are actually from the area. My parents and my other grandparents live much further away.

bequietgera · February 2014

Well then I'd be happy to attend on a Sunday! Give me some food and I'm good!

Maggie0829 · February 2014

dianammobilio said:

We chose the reception venue because it means something to us as a couple. Also the proximity to the chapel was excellent as we wanted our guests to have a short commute. As I stated before not everything can be perfect in planning a wedding and on the wedding day. Having a one hour gap between ceremony and reception was a small compromise to make our guests feel comfortable in other ways (such as not having a far distance to travel, and providing valet services so they don't have to find somewhere to park in the city). I have been to many weddings when there was hours between ceremony and reception, and they were a distance apart. It would be impossible to have anything less than an hour between the end of a ceremony and start of a reception, if it were in two different locations. Guests would lose time in the cocktail hour because they were traveling to the reception space. That makes even less sense than waiting 1 hour to start a cocktail hour. Based on etiquette yes it's rude to have guests wait in a lobby or bar area until cocktail start time. But in practice it does not give guests enough travel time or allow for any unforeseen circumstances. Such as traffic, road construction, and elderly guests who take more time to get from one location to another. I would rather have my guests not rush and be able to "freshen up" or use the restroom before a cocktail hour begins. Most people eat the most at cocktail hours and I would hate to have a guest not eat enough because they missed the cocktail hour because it was directly back-to-to back with the ceremony end time.

I don't get the bolded. If your reception site was 30 minutes away from your ceremony space and your ceremony ended at 2pm then your cocktail hour wouldn't start until 2:30. The half hour between the ceremony ending and the start of the cocktail hour gives your guests time to travel to the reception location and still not miss any of the cocktail hour.

I have never been to a wedding where I felt the need to rush to the reception. The cocktail hour is a way to greet your guests and host them prior to the reception beginning. It is up to the guest as to when they arrive at your reception venue. They can take their time if they want or they can run on over. It is up to them.

And the whole "they eat the most at cocktail hour" is not always true. In fact all the weddings I have been too people chow down during both cocktail hour and dinner.

bananasplit472001 · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

dianammobilio said:

We chose the reception venue because it means something to us as a couple. Also the proximity to the chapel was excellent as we wanted our guests to have a short commute. As I stated before not everything can be perfect in planning a wedding and on the wedding day. Having a one hour gap between ceremony and reception was a small compromise to make our guests feel comfortable in other ways (such as not having a far distance to travel, and providing valet services so they don't have to find somewhere to park in the city). I have been to many weddings when there was hours between ceremony and reception, and they were a distance apart. It would be impossible to have anything less than an hour between the end of a ceremony and start of a reception, if it were in two different locations. Guests would lose time in the cocktail hour because they were traveling to the reception space. That makes even less sense than waiting 1 hour to start a cocktail hour. Based on etiquette yes it's rude to have guests wait in a lobby or bar area until cocktail start time. But in practice it does not give guests enough travel time or allow for any unforeseen circumstances. Such as traffic, road construction, and elderly guests who take more time to get from one location to another. I would rather have my guests not rush and be able to "freshen up" or use the restroom before a cocktail hour begins. Most people eat the most at cocktail hours and I would hate to have a guest not eat enough because they missed the cocktail hour because it was directly back-to-to back with the ceremony end time.

I don't get the bolded. If your reception site was 30 minutes away from your ceremony space and your ceremony ended at 2pm then your cocktail hour wouldn't start until 2:30. The half hour between the ceremony ending and the start of the cocktail hour gives your guests time to travel to the reception location and still not miss any of the cocktail hour.

I have never been to a wedding where I felt the need to rush to the reception. The cocktail hour is a way to greet your guests and host them prior to the reception beginning. It is up to the guest as to when they arrive at your reception venue. They can take their time if they want or they can run on over. It is up to them.

And the whole "they eat the most at cocktail hour" is not always true. In fact all the weddings I have been too people chow down during both cocktail hour and dinner.

I meant that if the cocktail hour were to start exactly after the ceremony ended there would be no travel time. That is what I thought you were saying. All guests need time to travel between cocktail hour and ceremony so a gap should accommodate for that time. Any gap is inevitable due to the travel time. I am agreeing that it is not ideal but there is nothing I can do if my reception space won't move the cocktail hour closer due to the fact it will be open to the public until 1. This is not a traditional banquet hall that lets you chose your timeslot.

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