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What a doozy

InkdancerInkdancer member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Received an invitation from a friend last night, and I was absolutely appalled at the etiquette issues.

1. The ceremony is being held 45 minutes from the reception site. Transportation between the two is not being provided.

2. The ceremony will be at 4:30 pm. The reception, which will begin around 6 I think, will provide appetizers only.

3. The reception card states "We respectfully request that children do not attend." I think everyone probably could figure that out, as the reception is being held at a very non-kid-friendly local club.

I sent back a yes because these are close family friends, but I am not looking forward to going to this wedding.
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Re: What a doozy

  • crackktheskyycrackktheskyy member
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    Oof. Bring a big purse and some snacks. I would be quite hungry! 
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    Unless they are planning on an hour long ceremony theres a chance of a gap.  Plus the snacks only makes me wonder exactly what they are hosting...have fun can't wait to hear the follow up
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  • cupcait927cupcait927 member
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    Definitely bring snacks in your purse! This sounds like a trainwreck in the making.
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  • antotoantoto member
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    Wow.  Eat a lot before and know you will be hitting up a drive through on the way home :(
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    The distance between the ceremony and reception site and lack of transportation isn't actually rude. They're not required to provide transportation from point A to point B. A 45-minute drive is inconsiderate, sure, and everything else on that invite was terribly rude, but the transportation issue isn't rude.
     I know it's not required, but I was shocked that they expect their guests to drive all the way to H-boro and then all the way back to R-town without even being properly hosted.

    I think if you're going to make it 45 mins to an hour away, you should provide transportation. Especially since the reception card didn't actually list a reception start time. What if we book it, get there at 5:30, and then can't get in? What if we get stuck in traffic, get there at 6:30, and miss all of the hors d'oeuvres? I just envision way too many uncomfortable possibilities.

    Oh well, guess we will just astound these people with amazing hosting and convenience at our wedding!
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    Inkdancer, you show em how it's done at yours! I bet your wedding will be amazing!
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  • JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
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    Eat a big lunch!!!!
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  • ChemFanatic25ChemFanatic25 member
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    jenna8984 said:
    antoto said:
    Wow.  Eat a lot before and know you will be hitting up a drive through on the way home :(

    I was going to say hit the drive through on the drive to the reception!
    Yum! Nothing like a mcdonald's hamburger and fries while dressed up all fancy :P Seriously though, there was a 2 hour gap between the ceremony and reception of a wedding I attended and I went to a local pub where I bought homemade chips and a burger - hello heaven!
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    If the ceremony starts at 4:30 and is 1/2 hour then it's 45 min to the reception than at the most it's a15 min wait at most. Most likely people will get there right at 6 depending on traffic. Yeah 44 min is not ideal but the onlyt thing that would bother me iS the apps only reception
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    @laurynm84 I am only guessing that it starts at 6. No actual start time was provided.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    Just be glad only have to drive 45mins to the reception and that it is on the same day of the wedding. . . not a 2hr drive to a ceremony, then a 2hr drive home, then a reception the following day ;-)

    Full disclosure: My reception venue is about a 35mins-40mins drive, traffic accounted for, from the church where we are getting married.  But our reception is following directly after our ceremony and it includes apps during cocktail hour, a dinner with multiple food stations, and wedding cake and multiple cookie/cupcake tables for dessert. . . maybe we can negotiate some fancy coffee stations as well.  What is that called, Venetian coffee or something?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    PDKH said:
    The 45 minutes wouldn't bother me...but then again, I'm used to living in spread out cities. I did limit our in-between distance to 30 minutes max though. 

    Order in pizza to the reception. I secretly love when I've seen that happen during a mealtime wedding that didn't serve real food. 



    You have experienced this in person?!  GTFO?!  That is awesome.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    Not sure where u live op but I'm a fan of togos sandwiches or Erik's deli, they are quick meals but healthier than normal fast food and they are filling
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    PDKH said:
    The 45 minutes wouldn't bother me...but then again, I'm used to living in spread out cities. I did limit our in-between distance to 30 minutes max though. 

    Order in pizza to the reception. I secretly love when I've seen that happen during a mealtime wedding that didn't serve real food. 



    You have experienced this in person?!  GTFO?!  That is awesome.
    Yeah, I've seen it happen twice actually lol. Both were acquaintance weddings - I was a +1 at one, and a church member at another. 

    At the first wedding, my date and his friends ordered in IMO's pizza, met the delivery guy in the parking lot, and chowed down at the table. At the second, someone I didn't know did it and I went hungry :(
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    Hahaha! Pizza delivery to the reception. That is hilarious and awesome. And I would have to fight the urge not to do that. 

    I'd be bothered by the 45 minute drive. That's way too far to travel, IMO. My cousin's wedding was like that. She also had a cash bar and a buffet with not enough food. 
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    edited February 2014
    Inkdancer said:
    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
    Send her here.

    Although, is 6 weeks really that unreasonable?  It's only two weeks ahead of a 4 week invite.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Inkdancer said:
    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
    Send her here.

    Although, is 6 weeks really that unreasonable?  It's only two weeks ahead of a 4 week invite.
    No, the RSVP date is 6 weeks out. The wedding is 11 weeks from now.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    Inkdancer said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Inkdancer said:
    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
    Send her here.

    Although, is 6 weeks really that unreasonable?  It's only two weeks ahead of a 4 week invite.
    No, the RSVP date is 6 weeks out. The wedding is 11 weeks from now.
    This one is tricky; I don't think you can assume she's b-listing. 

    I've gotten invitations at all sorts of wacky times because people don't bother to educate themselves on proper invitation timelines. There are tons of wedding planning timelines out there that say to send invites at 12 weeks. 6 weeks is unusual, but I've heard it before. 
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  • RissAnn1970RissAnn1970 member
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    Maybe they're hosting lots & lots of heavy apps & it'll be fine?

    The drive wouldn't bother me at all; in my area 45 minutes could easily be 10 miles, depending on the day & time.  I used to work 17 miles from my house & my commute was over an hour each way.  That was fun.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
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    RissAnn1970 said:
    Maybe they're hosting lots & lots of heavy apps & it'll be fine?

    The drive wouldn't bother me at all; in my area 45 minutes could easily be 10 miles, depending on the day & time.  I used to work 17 miles from my house & my commute was over an hour each way.  That was fun.
    I sure hope so. I'm just really wary. This social circle is known for etiquette no-nos.

    The drive may not bother some, but it bothers me. This is a 35 mile difference in a not super urban area. There were plenty of excellent reception venue options closer to her church, so I don't really understand why such a long drive.

    (I say this with authority because we are getting married in the same city as her reception later this year, and we have approximately the same budget. We researched a lot of the same things and made very different choices.)
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
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    I suggest popcorn for dinner, and maybe a video camera. At least, that's something I'd highly considered doing if I got that invite... mmm popcorn!

    Now I want popcorn...

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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
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    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Inkdancer said:
    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
    Send her here.

    Although, is 6 weeks really that unreasonable?  It's only two weeks ahead of a 4 week invite.

    A 6 week out RSVP date is insane. Even really annoying caterers take numbers a couple of weeks out.

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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Eat a huge lunch before you go, and be prepared to get dinner someplace afterward.

    I don't blame you for not wanting to go.
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  • cowgirl8238cowgirl8238 member
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    grumbledore said:
    PrettyGirlLost said:
    Inkdancer said:
    So I just checked the invite again, and noticed something. My requested RSVP date is 6 weeks before the wedding.

    I really hope that doesn't mean she's B-Listing.
    Send her here.

    Although, is 6 weeks really that unreasonable?  It's only two weeks ahead of a 4 week invite.

    A 6 week out RSVP date is insane. Even really annoying caterers take numbers a couple of weeks out.


    Although one can't assume B-Listing this does seem to lend itself to a B-Listing.  I am guessing/hoping that she is just trying to account for extra time for snail mail and chasing down stragglers but who knows!  Also the 45 mins isn't terrible but if you are passing multiple venues in doing such that is ridiculous!!! 

    Please tell us what happens once you go and definitly go ahead and order some pizza!!

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