Engagement Parties Ideas??

plentyofus · February 2014

If you had or planned your engagement party, I would love to hear your ideas.
My FI and I are a laid back couple so I'm thinking of a barbecue at a forest preserve.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

You shouldn't be planning your own engagement party. Parties where you are the guest of honor shouldn't be thrown by you since it just comes across as "look at me! celebrate me!"

But if someone offers to throw you one then the only thing you should have a say in is the guest list and date.

AddieCake · February 2014

Ditto Maggie. This isn't something you need to concern yourself with unless someone offers to host one for you.

Congrats on your engagement and happy wedding planning!

JCbride2015 · February 2014

Don't worry about your e-party unless someone offers to throw the party for you.

CMGragain · February 2014

Neither I, nor my daughter, had an engagement party because no one offered to give us one. I would never be so gauche as to plan or throw a party in honor of myself!

JMalettas · February 2014

Ditto with the PPs on not throwing yourself an engagement party. Although, I'm sure you got the gist of that before you got to my post! If you want to celebrate your engagement with close friends, (given that you haven't been engaged long), maybe go out for celebratory drinks or something!

Generally a family member, or possibly a close friend would host an engagement party, if they were going to. My MIL hosted ours. We gave her an invite list, and she took care of the rest.

Congrats on your engagement!!

*J

KatWAG · February 2014

Someone offered to host an e-party for my H and I. We didnt have a theme and actually nothing wedding-y at the party. It was a cocktail party. Just passed apps and drinks. They only thing H and I didn was give a 15-20 second thank you toast.

plentyofus · February 2014

Yea I have heard it is not politically correct lol but we have had family members throw there own engagment parties so its not a big deal to us. But thxs again for the advice ladies.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

plentyofus said:

Yea I have heard it is not politically correct lol but we have had family members throw there own engagment parties so its not a big deal to us. But thxs again for the advice ladies.

Just because others have done something rude doesn't mean that you should do the same rude thing. I mean if all your other family members jumped off a bridge would you do it too?

plentyofus · February 2014

@Maggie0829

Some people families are different and so is mine. We dont follow stupid "rules" like that. If i want to throw myself an E-Party for our families that is what I am going to do and no one is going to look down at it

Maggie0829 · February 2014

plentyofus said:

@Maggie0829

Some people families are different and so is mine. We dont follow stupid "rules" like that. If i want to throw myself an E-Party for our families that is what I am going to do and no one is going to look down at it

@plentyofus - they are not stupid "rules". It is called etiquette which means being considerate to those around you. And throwing yourself a party is a bit AW. Also I would like to know how you are so certain that no one will side-eye this. Many times in families things aren't always accepted by some but they never tell those that are doing the rude things that for fear of hurting their feelings.

What other stupid "rules" are you going to be dismissing?

plentyofus · February 2014

LOL Please miss me with the whole "etiquette thing" Im not a person who really gives damn about other people opinions

I appreciated the ladies advice above but this is the way we are doing stuff.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

plentyofus said:

LOL Please miss me with the whole "etiquette thing" Im not a person who really gives damn about other people opinions I appreciated the ladies advice above but this is the way we are doing stuff.

Um if you don't care about other peoples opinions then why are you even asking questions on this forum? Just do whatever you want since that is what you are going to do no matter what we say or suggest.

KatWAG · February 2014

plentyofus said:

LOL Please miss me with the whole "etiquette thing" Im not a person who really gives damn about other people opinions I appreciated the ladies advice above but this is the way we are doing stuff.

I hope you dont mind when your friends snark behind your back about your lack of etiquette. Because they will.

plentyofus · February 2014

@maggie- bc someone dont get all uptight about stupid rules like you lol

@Katiwag- LOL naw I dont have people like that...WE SAY WHAT WE MEAN AND MEAN WHAT WE SAY (YOU LADIES ALL WAY TO UPTIGHT)

KatWAG · February 2014

plentyofus said:

@maggie- bc someone dont get all uptight about stupid rules like you lol

@Katiwag- LOL naw no. I don't have people like that...WE SAY WHAT WE MEAN AND MEAN WHAT WE SAY (YOU LADIES (are) ALL WAY TO(o) UPTIGHT)

FTFY

Maggie0829 · February 2014

plentyofus said:

@maggie- bc someone dont get all uptight about stupid rules like you lol

@Katiwag- LOL naw I dont have people like that...WE SAY WHAT WE MEAN AND MEAN WHAT WE SAY (YOU LADIES ALL WAY TO UPTIGHT)

I am sorry that I think treating people with respect and not throwing myself parties just because that is the way it is always done makes me uptight. In fact, if it does make me uptight than thank goodness for that.

And I really seriously doubt the bolded. Friends of ours had a cash bar at their wedding. There were plenty of people talking about it but not one person went up to them and said "god I can't believe you have a cash bar, that is so rude." Why? Because generally we don't like to hurt other people who we know and love, no matter how hard we roll our eyes at their rudeness.

plentyofus · February 2014

some people are just different....... that is what makes this country to so great LOL. Im defin going to have a cash bar hahahah

plentyofus · February 2014

LOL......haha sorry for my typos.....:) I'm glad you not my English professor.....

laurenstlouis · February 2014

plentyofus said:

some people are just different....... that is what makes this country to so great LOL. Im defin going to have a cash bar hahahah

If you really want help and advice, I think you should start here:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/995381/cash-bars-everything-you-need-to-know-in-one-place/p1

plentyofus · February 2014

I was not asking if it was taboo or not. I could care less like I have stated before. I was looking for ideas.....dont get me wrong I appreciated the sound advice but where im from and how i was raised we dont get uptight about things like this. Im a thoughtful and compassionate person and this does not take take away from that.

laurenstlouis · February 2014

Totally get that. While I personally wouldn't host my own engagement party, I'm not a stickler (nor do I think I would look down on) a couple that genuinely just wants to celebrate their happy news with close friends and family. It still goes against everything decent etiquette tells you to do, and I would hope that they would be smarter about it and turn it into a "Getting to Know You" type of party (where families and close friends can get together before the wedding to meet and get to know one another, instead of a "Yay! We're engaged!" party) but I'm pretty laid back and if that's what a couple wants to do, then whatever. It's on them. However, the second you expect your GUESTS to start paying for things at your wedding (read: a cash bar), then you cease to be a gracious, thoughtful, or compassionate host. I'm terribly sorry if I misunderstood your previous post, but it sounded like you were saying you planned on having a cash bar at your wedding. Your guests should not be expected to pay for anything at your big day...that's just Weddings 101. I would hope that you don't expect dinner guests to pay for their beverages when you have them over, so why should your wedding be any different? I'm really sorry and I'm honestly not trying to be rude, I just really can't think of a nicer way to say that having a cash bar is an incredibly rude thing to do to your guests; many of which are already spending money on gifts for you, possibly taking time off work to share in your day, paying for their own lodging and travel expenses if they're coming from out of town, etc.

For what it's worth, I really do think a laid-back, casual engagement BBQ party sounds like a cute idea.

plentyofus · February 2014

I was not asking if it was taboo or not. I could care less like I have stated before. I was looking for ideas.....dont get me wrong I appreciated the sound advice but where im from and how i was raised we dont get uptight about things like this. Im a thoughtful and compassionate person and this does not take take away from that.

plentyofus · February 2014

laurenstlouis said:

Totally get that. While I personally wouldn't host my own engagement party, I'm not a stickler (nor do I think I would look down on) a couple that genuinely just wants to celebrate their happy news with close friends and family. It still goes against everything decent etiquette tells you to do, and I would hope that they would be smarter about it and turn it into a "Getting to Know You" type of party (where families and close friends can get together before the wedding to meet and get to know one another, instead of a "Yay! We're engaged!" party) but I'm pretty laid back and if that's what a couple wants to do, then whatever. It's on them. However, the second you expect your GUESTS to start paying for things at your wedding (read: a cash bar), then you cease to be a gracious, thoughtful, or compassionate host. I'm terribly sorry if I misunderstood your previous post, but it sounded like you were saying you planned on having a cash bar at your wedding. Your guests should not be expected to pay for anything at your big day...that's just Weddings 101. I would hope that you don't expect dinner guests to pay for their beverages when you have them over, so why should your wedding be any different? I'm really sorry and I'm honestly not trying to be rude, I just really can't think of a nicer way to say that having a cash bar is an incredibly rude thing to do to your guests; many of which are already spending money on gifts for you, possibly taking time off work to share in your day, paying for their own lodging and travel expenses if they're coming from out of town, etc. For what it's worth, I really do think a laid-back, casual engagement BBQ party sounds like a cute idea.

Thanks for hun for your advice and reply. You said it perfect actually. I was been sarcastic regarding the cash bar. However, where im from if we was to do a cash bar then it wouldnt be a big deal. I have been to wedding that only had a open bar for an hour (co-worker) and my brother had one.

I know etiquette 101 and the DO's and DONT's but where im from we dont get uptight about things like that. My E-party is more about our family getting to know one another - a laid back event.

Sometimes people need to just chill out and remember everyone comes from a different walk in life and rules are not universal even though you may think so.

Teddy917 · February 2014

plentyofus said:

laurenstlouis said:

Totally get that. While I personally wouldn't host my own engagement party, I'm not a stickler (nor do I think I would look down on) a couple that genuinely just wants to celebrate their happy news with close friends and family. It still goes against everything decent etiquette tells you to do, and I would hope that they would be smarter about it and turn it into a "Getting to Know You" type of party (where families and close friends can get together before the wedding to meet and get to know one another, instead of a "Yay! We're engaged!" party) but I'm pretty laid back and if that's what a couple wants to do, then whatever. It's on them. However, the second you expect your GUESTS to start paying for things at your wedding (read: a cash bar), then you cease to be a gracious, thoughtful, or compassionate host. I'm terribly sorry if I misunderstood your previous post, but it sounded like you were saying you planned on having a cash bar at your wedding. Your guests should not be expected to pay for anything at your big day...that's just Weddings 101. I would hope that you don't expect dinner guests to pay for their beverages when you have them over, so why should your wedding be any different? I'm really sorry and I'm honestly not trying to be rude, I just really can't think of a nicer way to say that having a cash bar is an incredibly rude thing to do to your guests; many of which are already spending money on gifts for you, possibly taking time off work to share in your day, paying for their own lodging and travel expenses if they're coming from out of town, etc. For what it's worth, I really do think a laid-back, casual engagement BBQ party sounds like a cute idea.

Thanks for hun for your advice and reply. You said it perfect actually. I was been sarcastic regarding the cash bar. However, where im from if we was to do a cash bar then it wouldnt be a big deal. I have been to wedding that only had a open bar for an hour (co-worker) and my brother had one.

I know etiquette 101 and the DO's and DONT's but where im from we dont get uptight about things like that. My E-party is more about our family getting to know one another - a laid back event.

Sometimes people need to just chill out and remember everyone comes from a different walk in life and rules are not universal even though you may think so.

Since it sounds like you're just wanting the families to get to know each other than just call it that. "Introduce the Families" parties aren't about you and so aren't narcissistic which I'm hoping you're not. You're right that rules aren't always universal, however, they should only be broken under certain circumstances (usually only a matter of safety justifies most rule breaking). Nobody offered to throw you an engagement party is not one of those circumstances.

Think of it this way: Etiquette is about trying to allow people to enjoy themselves by basically being polite. An engagement party would certainly make you happy. But in general, most people be happy with the idea of a person saying "Come to my house and celebrate me". It sounds better if you say "Come to my house to get to know my family". Then it's the same thing that you wanted but not about you.

CMGragain · February 2014

Troll? I think plentyofus is enjoying posting rude and outrageous things to see the reaction. Don't feed her. Someone who has so little regard for other people's feelings is not worth the time.

Emmy1493 · February 2014

I think I smell a......big....stinkyyy.......

esthergreene9 · February 2014

I'm throwing an engagement party for my FI and I with close family and friends. I don't quite understand how this is a bad thing. I mean etiquette says you shouldn't throw your own, okay. I haven't done research to see when this etiquette started but pretty sure if it's an old etiquette thing, old etiquette also says women should be seen and not heard. Just saying.

All you ladies say that newly engaged couples who throw their own e-party are going to be talked about being self centered and what not. Who cares! People could say your LAVISH wedding can be self centered also! Do you all also not celebrate your birthdays if someone doesn't throw you a party? Because birthdays are events where you should ALSO be the guest of honor since its the day you celebrate you being born.

Honestly, there is no escaping people talking about whatever it is you are doing! My engagement party is so my family can meet his family and my friends can meet his. Yes, I am LABELING it an engagement party because I want those who I care about to share the joy of our engagement.

Also, I feel like my FI got my engagement ring at the wrong place because mine didn't come with an etiquette 101 handguide.

It's really upsetting to read all of this negativity on a site that is supposed to help other brides out! What's the point if you're just going to troll (see above image) and bash on brides to be who are throwing their own engagement parties.

I am having a cash bar with ONE hosted keg BECAUSE I can't afford to support the alcoholics in mine and my fiance's wedding.

P.S Go ahead, get all worked up, call me names (troll, attention seeker, rude host for making guest pay for awful habits), don't really care.

AddieCake · February 2014

esthergreene9 said:

I'm throwing an engagement party for my FI and I with close family and friends. I don't quite understand how this is a bad thing. I mean etiquette says you shouldn't throw your own, okay. I haven't done research to see when this etiquette started but pretty sure if it's an old etiquette thing, old etiquette also says women should be seen and not heard. Just saying.

All you ladies say that newly engaged couples who throw their own e-party are going to be talked about being self centered and what not. Who cares! People could say your LAVISH wedding can be self centered also! Do you all also not celebrate your birthdays if someone doesn't throw you a party? Because birthdays are events where you should ALSO be the guest of honor since its the day you celebrate you being born.

Honestly, there is no escaping people talking about whatever it is you are doing! My engagement party is so my family can meet his family and my friends can meet his. Yes, I am LABELING it an engagement party because I want those who I care about to share the joy of our engagement.

Also, I feel like my FI got my engagement ring at the wrong place because mine didn't come with an etiquette 101 handguide.

It's really upsetting to read all of this negativity on a site that is supposed to help other brides out! What's the point if you're just going to troll (see above image) and bash on brides to be who are throwing their own engagement parties.

I am having a cash bar with ONE hosted keg BECAUSE I can't afford to support the alcoholics in mine and my fiance's wedding.

P.S Go ahead, get all worked up, call me names (troll, attention seeker, rude host for making guest pay for awful habits), don't really care.

If you can't afford alcohol, you shouldn't have any. It's fine to have a dry wedding. It's not fine to ask guests to pay for drinks at a party you are throwing to thank them. It's not a thank you when they have to supply their own beverages.

And telling people something is a bad idea IS helpful. It helps people avoid making faux pas and potentially embarrassing themselves.

esthergreene9 · February 2014

@AddieL73
Okay. Let me try and understand what you are saying:

If alcohol can't be afforded at a THANK YOU party then I shouldn't have it at all. So basically ETIQUETTE says I should tell my guests "Hey guys, sorry I can't afford alcohol for everyone and instead of being a RUDE host and making you pay for it it's going to be a WATER only event because that's free." Well that's a wedding I wouldn't go to.

And EXPLAINING to someone etiquette and talking shit about the way they want to do things are TWO completely different things.

Since @Maggie0829 @JCBride2014 @CMGragain @KatWAG & @JMallettas are ALL about etiquette I hope you a) are wearing white because you are in fact virgins b) don't live with your FI and c) your dad's are paying for everything as well as giving your FI and his family a wedding dowry. If not then get off your etiquette train and go harass someone about something that matters. Go protest equal human rights! Help girls in 3rd world countries get an education!! Don't worry about brides going against normal traditions. It's not worth the aneurysm.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

esthergreene9 said:

@AddieL73 Okay. Let me try and understand what you are saying: If alcohol can't be afforded at a THANK YOU party then I shouldn't have it at all. So basically ETIQUETTE says I should tell my guests "Hey guys, sorry I can't afford alcohol for everyone and instead of being a RUDE host and making you pay for it it's going to be a WATER only event because that's free." Well that's a wedding I wouldn't go to. And EXPLAINING to someone etiquette and talking shit about the way they want to do things are TWO completely different things. Since @Maggie0829 @JCBride2014 @CMGragain @KatWAG & @JMallettas are ALL about etiquette I hope you a) are wearing white because you are in fact virgins b) don't live with your FI and c) your dad's are paying for everything as well as giving your FI and his family a wedding dowry. If not then get off your etiquette train and go harass someone about something that matters. Go protest equal human rights! Help girls in 3rd world countries get an education!! Don't worry about brides going against normal traditions. It's not worth the aneurysm.

@esthergreene9 You are confusing tradition with etiquette. The bolded are traditions that are now outdated. You're right, we don't do those things anymore for good reason.

Etiquette is a set of social guidelines that focus on one principle: the comfort of your guests is of the utmost importance. The comfort of guests is at the heart of principles like "no cash bar" because it is incredibly rude to ask guests to open up their wallets at your wedding.

It is rude to throw one's own engagement party first because e-parties can be gift giving events, which looks gift-grabby (saying "no presents but your presence" is still rude). And throwing one's own e-party is AWish. Same as throwing your own birthday party: "Everybody look at MMEEEEE!!!" Wedding receptions are a thank-you to your guests for taking time and effort to attend your ceremony, hence OK for the bride and groom to host.

I suggest you head over to the etiquette board or pick up one of Miss Manners' books. But somehow I think you won't do that. Please prove me wrong.

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