Too many kids?!?

glamblonde75 · February 2014

I just finished finalizing our guest list. I have 150 total (including myself, the groom, and our kids). Out of 150, there are 60 kids!!! 40% of our guest list is kids!! I haven't sent out the invitations yet. Should we reconsider inviting everyone's kids? This is my second wedding and grooms 1st. My three kiddos are the wedding party. It is very non-traditional, family-oriented. We both don't mind having our friends and family's kids, but 60?! There's a basement area at our reception with a pool table, foos ball, and air hockey. I already have 4 people kind of "assigned" to the task of babysitting. I'm freaking out. Please calm me down.

What are your thoughts?

phira · February 2014

1) You are not required to invite everyone's children just because you're inviting some children. So if your own kids are invited to your wedding, that doesn't mean you'd be rude for not inviting everyone's kids. People will suggest you invite in circles. For example, if your brother's kids are invited, then it would be best to invite your sister's kids as well. But you wouldn't have to also invite your neighbor's kids.

2) Did those folks volunteer to babysit? Your own guests should not be providing childcare at your wedding. Either have parents look after their own kids like they would at any other event, or hire babysitters to do that.

3) Sounds like there's already an area of your reception where kids can go have fun if they're bored of watching the adults dance and drink and be adults. If it's a really separate area, though, then I would really suggest hiring babysitters. I can't imagine enjoying myself at your wedding if I had to stay downstairs with the kids while everyone else enjoyed the reception.

4) I think you need to calm down. It's really not that big a deal, I promise.

Rebl90 · February 2014

glamblonde75 said:

I just finished finalizing our guest list. I have 150 total (including myself, the groom, and our kids). Out of 150, there are 60 kids!!! 40% of our guest list is kids!! I haven't sent out the invitations yet. Should we reconsider inviting everyone's kids? This is my second wedding and grooms 1st. My three kiddos are the wedding party. It is very non-traditional, family-oriented. We both don't mind having our friends and family's kids, but 60?! There's a basement area at our reception with a pool table, foos ball, and air hockey. I already have 4 people kind of "assigned" to the task of babysitting. I'm freaking out. Please calm me down. What are your thoughts?

Are you paying these babysitters or are they guests?

KittyKaty20 · February 2014

Just because you have your children in the WP, you do not have to invite everybody else's children, too.

You could put an age limit/cap on the children you invite, but you must not split up families. You could invite children of family, or close friends, but maybe not the kids of co-workers.

Take a deep breath. It sounds like you and FI want the kids there, but don't want to have them overwhelm a special day for your new family.

One note, though: I hope the 4 people you "kind of 'assigned' to the task of babysitting" are not also guests at your wedding.

lyndausvi · February 2014

60 kids under 6? I would think so. 60 kids from 0-18, not as much. Even so that is based on my own preferences. I wanted more of an adult party feel to the wedding. I still had 7 kids, but the vibe was still more adult like.

I'm not you though. If you want 60 kids, go for it. Invite who you want and stop focusing on the ages of your guests.

grumbledore · February 2014

I wouldn't worry about it on the basis of age itself. If it's too expensive then I would rethink it.

kmmssg · February 2014

That's a bit much for me but it really depends on the ages of the children as Lynda mentioned. I REALLY want to know more about the 4 people who have been assigned to babysit these children. Have some poor teenagers on the list been tasked to do this? If so, that is dead wrong.

I'm sorry but the only babysitters should be the parents of these children. If they are bringing their kids it is THEIR responsibility to watch them.

Please tell us more about who has been assigned this lovely task.

Jen4948 · February 2014

Who is babysitting the children?

If they're volunteers, great. Otherwise, they should be paid vendors (and parents don't always like that).

Aside from that, you're not required to invite everyone's children because you're inviting some, but there's no rule that says you can't.

offthemarket915 · February 2014

I don't know how this would affect the numbers, but you could only invite family kids. That's been our approach and our friend's with kids said, 'great, we could use a fun weekend to ourselves', so it's been fine.

And if you need someone to keep an eye on the kids, I would look into hiring someone. Sites like care.com are good b/c they require background checks, etc for people to offer their services. Having that many kids without proper supervision sounds like a nightmare to me.

jalyndani · February 2014

60 kids is the equivalent of 3 public school classrooms.

That is my idea of a screaming nightmare. I don't care what the age range is.

But that's just me. Whatever floats your boat.

tcnoble · February 2014

@jalyndani only in schools where class-size reduction is a real thing! That's only two classes at my school

but about 59 kids too many, in my opinion haha

antoto · February 2014

It sounds like your wedding is going to be a BLAST! If you didn't like kids then obviously this would be a problem, but I don't think that's the case

Just make sure you have paid babysitters and keep in mind some of the tips from PPs about not needing to invite EVERYONE'S kids if you don't really want to.

Have fun! I wish I had more kids in my wedding

I think they bring so much life and energy to the day.

antoto · February 2014

jalyndani said:

60 kids is the equivalent of 3 public school classrooms.

That is my idea of a screaming nightmare. I don't care what the age range is.

But that's just me. Whatever floats your boat.

I'm a teacher and each of my classes is 35. No idea what school you know of that only has 20 kids. So 60 kids is less than two of my classes

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

jalyndani said:

60 kids is the equivalent of 3 public school classrooms.

That is my idea of a screaming nightmare. I don't care what the age range is.

But that's just me. Whatever floats your boat.

Holy shit. So basically a wedding is breaking out at an elementary school, lol.

saacjw · February 2014

I don't think it's too many, it sounds like some of the weddings I've been to with huge Catholic families, so I might have a weird perspective. I am also one of the people here who was really opposed to a kid free wedding (for me, other people can do what they want) because I think kids at weddings are fun. For what it's worth, you still may have some of your friends choose not to bring their kids along so that they can have a night out. We had a couple who did that.

I say, if you like these kids, if it's appropriate to have kids at your reception, and you don't mind the number of people you've invited, go for it and don't worry about it.

MairePoppy · February 2014

Ditto kmmssg 100% Who are the four people who volunteered to watch 60 kids, while the other adults enjoy your wedding reception? TBH, if these are mostly young children, I would scale back on those invites. How many children would you have if all your sibling's children are invited?

jalyndani · February 2014

@antoto Well, my mom is an elementary school teacher at a smaller district; her class size is usually 18-23 kiddos. I guess in bigger districts, you're correct- WAY MORE kids in a class!

@PrettyGirlLost Basically. With no parental or teacher supervision. Imagine combining @antono's classroom with a second classroom, and just left them to manifest their own entertainment with no rules.

I'm not anti-child. I want children one day. But that doesn't mean that I want sixty kids at my wedding reception.

antoto · February 2014

@jalyndani Do they have an opening for an art teacher? lol

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

jalyndani said:

@antoto Well, my mom is an elementary school teacher at a smaller district; her class size is usually 18-23 kiddos. I guess in bigger districts, you're correct- WAY MORE kids in a class!

@PrettyGirlLost Basically. With no parental or teacher supervision. Imagine combining @antono's classroom with a second classroom, and just left them to manifest their own entertainment with no rules.

I'm not anti-child. I want children one day. But that doesn't mean that I want sixty kids at my wedding reception.

Do the wedding guests know that there will be that many young kids at the wedding?

This would be highly irregular for my family and friends, based on the weddings I have been in and attended, and I would be stunned, lol.

antoto · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

jalyndani said:

@antoto Well, my mom is an elementary school teacher at a smaller district; her class size is usually 18-23 kiddos. I guess in bigger districts, you're correct- WAY MORE kids in a class!

@PrettyGirlLost Basically. With no parental or teacher supervision. Imagine combining @antono's classroom with a second classroom, and just left them to manifest their own entertainment with no rules.

I'm not anti-child. I want children one day. But that doesn't mean that I want sixty kids at my wedding reception.

Do the wedding guests know that there will be that many young kids at the wedding?

This would be highly irregular for my family and friends, based on the weddings I have been in and attended, and I would be stunned, lol.

I feel like this is slightly more normal if the couple is a little bit older of if it's a Catholic or Mormon wedding.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

scribe95 said:

I had never heard of a kid-free wedding before coming on here. Still haven't attended one. For some circles not having kids would be the surprise. Know your people.

I had never heard of kids free weddings until recently either. I have been a wedding with no kids but that was my friends inviting a bunch of us at the last minute to go to Vegas with them because they got sick of wedding planning.

Viczaesar · February 2014

scribe95 said:

I had never heard of a kid-free wedding before coming on here. Still haven't attended one. For some circles not having kids would be the surprise. Know your people.

Same.

lyndausvi · February 2014

scribe95 said:

I had never heard of a kid-free wedding before coming on here. Still haven't attended one. For some circles not having kids would be the surprise. Know your people.

We are semi-kid free people. Generally speaking the following people are deemed "must haves" regardless of age in our circle.

Kids of couple

siblings of couple

nieces/nephews

first cousins

WP members

It's rare that kids of cousins or friends are invited to weddings. In my case, only my nieces and nephews were invited simply because everyone one else in those categories are adults. If any were kids they also would have been invited.

antoto · February 2014

jdluvr06 said:

scribe95 said:

I had never heard of a kid-free wedding before coming on here. Still haven't attended one. For some circles not having kids would be the surprise. Know your people.

I had never heard of kids free weddings until recently either. I have been a wedding with no kids but that was my friends inviting a bunch of us at the last minute to go to Vegas with them because they got sick of wedding planning.

Lol soooort of wishing I could do that

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

Ok, first off, 4 people to monitor 60 kids????? Maybe in classrooms a teacher is able to keep a bunch in line, but having one person be in charge of 15 kids who are running around and playing, that is a bit much, and extremely stressful for them! Don't you dare have anyone do this who isn't A. completely aware of how many kids they will be in charge of and B. BEING PAID to do this. I don't know exactly what you mean by "Assigned" but I can tell you that if you means 4 guests are being told to watch these kids, that is absolutely not ok. They'll miss all of the fun at the reception, (Can't exactly be like "ok 60 kids, sit down and behave while I go eat drink and dance!") and instead be doing childcare, which is a JOB you PAY someone to do! Hire babysitters!!!!

And second, if you don't want 60 kids at your wedding, that's absolutely fine. You can cut the list down to just kids of family members, or even just your own kids. That is absolutely fine etiquette-wise.

phira · February 2014

I've been in charge of 15 kids at a time (well, and there was that time I was in charge of 30 because the senior instructor combined the classes for convenience and then sat in the back texting her boyfriend while I lost my voice trying to manage the classroom). It's ... okay. Easier than a classroom of 25 or 30, which is what my mom deals with.

OP, hope you haven't run away.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

phira said:

I've been in charge of 15 kids at a time (well, and there was that time I was in charge of 30 because the senior instructor combined the classes for convenience and then sat in the back texting her boyfriend while I lost my voice trying to manage the classroom). It's ... okay. Easier than a classroom of 25 or 30, which is what my mom deals with.

OP, hope you haven't run away.

Was this in a classroom, though? I agree 15 or more can be managed by a teacher in a classroom environment, but I think it's different when they're all in a basement running around and playing, etc.

phira · February 2014

Sort of. I was teaching a summer science program, so we had kids of various ages (5-13) in every classroom. It was about halfway between babysitting and teaching.

If the OP does end up with 60 kids at her wedding, I'd say she should hire at least 6 babysitters.

princessleia22 · February 2014

I think it is fine, assuming you are okay with having that many kids there. And it definitely helps that you have a venue that has activities for the kids, so you don't have 60 kids getting bored at the reception or taking over the dance floor and reducing the enjoyment for the adults. I would definitely "hire" some responsible babysitters to man the basement play area though.

And some of the parents may look at this as an opportunity for a night out and not bring their kids too. And you likely won't have 100% attendance anyway. So just because you invite 60 kids doesn't mean you will have 60 kids attending.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

If you 'assigned' me the task of babysitting at your wedding, we would no longer be friends.

Consider trimming the list to either family kids only, or none at all. 60 kids is just stupid huge.

tcnoble · February 2014

HaileyDancingbear said:

phira said:

I've been in charge of 15 kids at a time (well, and there was that time I was in charge of 30 because the senior instructor combined the classes for convenience and then sat in the back texting her boyfriend while I lost my voice trying to manage the classroom). It's ... okay. Easier than a classroom of 25 or 30, which is what my mom deals with.

OP, hope you haven't run away.

Was this in a classroom, though? I agree 15 or more can be managed by a teacher in a classroom environment, but I think it's different when they're all in a basement running around and playing, etc.

I can manage 40 kids in my classroom, but like you said, that's because they are at SCHOOL where most of them know how to behave (some of the time) and understand the rules in place.

60 kids who may not know the adults in charge are NOT going to be easily managed. Even a movie and treats will only suffice them for maybe 15 minutes, depending on the ages.

I do not envy the folks that were possibly voluntold that they're on kiddie duty that night.

Too many kids?!?

Re: Too many kids?!?

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