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Do we have to ask my MOH's FI to be a GM?

PottersBridetoBePottersBridetoBe member
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My MOH is engaged and FI's best man is married, and they are the only people we've asked to be in the bridal party so far. I'm asking FI's BM to be a bridesmaid because we are really close friends, and I'm also going to ask another close friend of mine to be a bridesmaid, who is in a serious relationship. FI is only going to ask another of his close friends, who is in a serious relationship.

Do I have to ask to SO of the GM to be BM and do we have to ask the FI on my MOH and the SO of my BM to be GMs? I would like for the sides to be equal, and my mother says we have to ask both if they are in a serious relationship, but we barely know the GM and the BM's SOs and both my FI and myself dislike my MOH's FI.
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Re: Do we have to ask my MOH's FI to be a GM?

  • doeydodoeydo member
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    My MOH is engaged and FI's best man is married, and they are the only people we've asked to be in the bridal party so far. I'm asking FI's BM to be a bridesmaid because we are really close friends, and I'm also going to ask another close friend of mine to be a bridesmaid, who is in a serious relationship. FI is only going to ask another of his close friends, who is in a serious relationship.

    Do I have to ask to SO of the GM to be BM and do we have to ask the FI on my MOH and the SO of my BM to be GMs? I would like for the sides to be equal, and my mother says we have to ask both if they are in a serious relationship, but we barely know the GM and the BM's SOs and both my FI and myself dislike my MOH's FI.


    OK, listen, even sides do not matter whatsoever.  Like, at all.  So get that out of your head.  You ask your nearest and dearest to stand on your side, and your FI asks his nearest and dearest to stand on his side.  Gender also doesn't matter, you can have bridesmen and he can have groomsladies if you wanted.  Now, to answer your question, no you are not obligated to ask anyone to be in the wedding party, let alone a SO of one of your BMs.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You do not need even sides.

    Nor do you have to include both halves of a couple in your wedding party.  They must be invited to the wedding and seated together at the reception, but that is all.

    You don't even have to stick to your own gender in choosing your attendants.

    So your mother is wrong.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your mother is wrong. You choose your bridal party based on whom you are closest to, not who is seeing who. Just make sure your bridal party gets to sit with their dates at the reception.
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  • manateehuggermanateehugger member
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    No one - literally no one - will care if you have even sides at your wedding. So you shouldn't either. And a good photographer knows how to arrange a wedding party if that's your concern for some reason. 

    And no, you don't have to ask SO's to be in your wedding party. FI is a groomsman fairly often; it would be the most awkward thing to be asked to a bridesmaid by his friends' fiancees. 
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  • MuttiSigynMuttiSigyn member
    10 Comments First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No, you don't have to ask both 'parts' of a couple to be in your wedding party. If you really want your wedding party to have equal sides, see if there is anyone at all that your FI would like to have on his side. If not, since you haven't ask your bridesmaids yet; drop one. Or, just deal with having uneven sides. Pretty much all the weddings I've been to have had uneven sides, as will I.
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  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I think it's fine if you want even sides as long as both you and your FI agree. But you can't tell your FI " I have 3 girls so you can only have 3guys on your side". If he wants 4 and you want 3 people that's absolutely fine. No one should be trying to find an extra person or not asking someone because of even sides.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2014
    Also, if there's a concern about how they'll walk down the aisle, you can always have a BM walk between two GMs or a GM walk between two BMs. That way, it still looks like the ladies are being "escorted", if that's what you're going for.

    The alternative is to have everyone walk single-file, or grouped up randomly, or however they want to do it. Personally, once the bride and groom walk past, I don't really pay attention to the way the attendants are walking out. I've seen a ton of variations, and none of them struck me as odd.
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  • phiraphira member
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    "Do we have to ask my MOH's FI to be a GM?"

    NOPE.
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
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    Why in the world would anyone think they have to ask both parts of a couple to be in a wedding party?  That's silly.  You ask whomever you want. If they have a spouse or SO, then you just have to invite that person to attend the wedding and seat them together at the reception.  Why would you ask someone you barely know to be in the wedding?  Or am I just being absurdly logical here? 
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  • kmmssgkmmssg mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I am a 4 time MOB and I think your mom is crazy too!  There is NO reason to ask the SO of a great friend to be in your wedding.  That is crazy thinking in my book.  Where did she get that idea?
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    RebeccaB88 said:
    Why in the world would anyone think they have to ask both parts of a couple to be in a wedding party?  That's silly.  You ask whomever you want. If they have a spouse or SO, then you just have to invite that person to attend the wedding and seat them together at the reception.  Why would you ask someone you barely know to be in the wedding?  Or am I just being absurdly logical here? 
    I have seen threads on this board where a BM is fighting with the bride because she wants to walk down the aisle with her BF/FI/H, who happens to be the GM.

    I don't get it. It's a 10-second walk, and you stand on separate sides of the aisle. You can always be seated together at the reception. I don't know if it's an, "I don't want her walking with my man," thing, or that they think it's romantic (totally forgetting they are not the focus of the day, btw), or what. I know that isn't the case here, but I always laugh when I see those threads.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    wrigleyville said:
    RebeccaB88 said:
    Why in the world would anyone think they have to ask both parts of a couple to be in a wedding party?  That's silly.  You ask whomever you want. If they have a spouse or SO, then you just have to invite that person to attend the wedding and seat them together at the reception.  Why would you ask someone you barely know to be in the wedding?  Or am I just being absurdly logical here? 
    I have seen threads on this board where a BM is fighting with the bride because she wants to walk down the aisle with her BF/FI/H, who happens to be the GM.

    I don't get it. It's a 10-second walk, and you stand on separate sides of the aisle. You can always be seated together at the reception. I don't know if it's an, "I don't want her walking with my man," thing, or that they think it's romantic (totally forgetting they are not the focus of the day, btw), or what. I know that isn't the case here, but I always laugh when I see those threads.
    Totally agree!
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  • SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
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    wrigleyville said:
    RebeccaB88 said:
    Why in the world would anyone think they have to ask both parts of a couple to be in a wedding party?  That's silly.  You ask whomever you want. If they have a spouse or SO, then you just have to invite that person to attend the wedding and seat them together at the reception.  Why would you ask someone you barely know to be in the wedding?  Or am I just being absurdly logical here? 
    I have seen threads on this board where a BM is fighting with the bride because she wants to walk down the aisle with her BF/FI/H, who happens to be the GM.

    I don't get it. It's a 10-second walk, and you stand on separate sides of the aisle. You can always be seated together at the reception. I don't know if it's an, "I don't want her walking with my man," thing, or that they think it's romantic (totally forgetting they are not the focus of the day, btw), or what. I know that isn't the case here, but I always laugh when I see those threads.
    I got into an argument with FMIL over this. FSIL is a bridesmaid. FI's BIL is the BM. FMIL said I should have them walk together. I told her BM is walking with the MOH not a BM they will sit together at the reception and FSIL will walk with her cousin who is also a GM.

    FSIL is not being promoted or FBIL demoted because FMIL wants them walking together. It's a 10 second walk they can be introduced to the reception together or something but not the ceremony.
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