Don't like unity candle or sand ceremony, alternatives?

aileen200420 · February 2014

I'm not a fan of the unity candle or sand ceremony. They work for some people, but not me. Is there something else I can do at my ceremony, or should I stick to traditional ceremony with vows and nothing else. I'd like the ceremony to last about 30 minutes. Ideas or suggestions? Thanks! Siobahn

Jen4948 · February 2014

I'd just stick to a traditional ceremony. You can add readings or music that have meaning for you, but you don't need an additional "unity ceremony" to make you "more married."

aileen200420 · February 2014

Thanks. That's what I was thinking but I didn't think about adding a reading. I like that.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

We didn't have any "unity" ceremony and we also didn't have any readings. You don't need that stuff to be married. You can just skip all of it and just do your vows and exchange rings.

CMGragain · February 2014

The Unity candle is a relatively new tradition that started in the 1970's. It is not a part of the traditional marriage ceremony, but it is often done because of its symbolism. Catholic ceremonies forbid its use. You don't need to have anything except your basic ceremony, which normally lasts about 20 minutes.

winelover123 · February 2014

We did a wine ceremony - we mixed 2 kinds of red wines into one glass and shared it. Google "unity ceremonies" and you'll get a ton of different ideas.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

winelover123 said:
We did a wine ceremony - we mixed 2 kinds of red wines into one glass and shared it. Google "unity ceremonies" and you'll get a ton of different ideas.

Cute! But you are SO brave to drink red wine in your dress!

mlg78 · February 2014

We watered a tree because I love the similarity of a tree and a relationship...they both need nurtured, strong roots, it grows over time, etc. We got married in September so it was too late to plant it in the yard so we're planting it in the spring so we can watch it grow over the years

erinlin25 · February 2014

my brother and SIL did the wine ceremony too, I thought it was pretty cool and it fit them perfectly. But ditto you do not have to do a unity ceremony if it is not your thing. We did the Irish hand ceremony. google will be your friend in this case

shelikespink · February 2014

I also hate the idea of the unity candle and sand! It seems so cheesy.. not sure what I'm going to do yet! I'm stuck. I want people to feel like it wasn't a waste of time to come to the ceremony!

amoraresdevivir · February 2014

My fiance and I are talking about doing the unity ceremony AFTER the vows, and what we're thinking of doing is taking a small box and putting a bottle of wine into it. During the unity ceremony, we would put our vows into the box as well, and hammer a couple nails into the lid of the box, and have that as something we can break open down the road, either on a special anniversary or if times just get tough and we want to remind ourselves what we've promised each other. I actually got the idea from somewhere else, but if it's something we feel will be feasible during the ceremony, that's what we'd like to do.

aileen200420 · February 2014

That's exactly how I feel. I want a traditional ceremony. We don't want to write out own vows or anything I just am worried the ceremony will be too short.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

amoraresdevivir said:

My fiance and I are talking about doing the unity ceremony AFTER the vows, and what we're thinking of doing is taking a small box and putting a bottle of wine into it. During the unity ceremony, we would put our vows into the box as well, and hammer a couple nails into the lid of the box, and have that as something we can break open down the road, either on a special anniversary or if times just get tough and we want to remind ourselves what we've promised each other. I actually got the idea from somewhere else, but if it's something we feel will be feasible during the ceremony, that's what we'd like to do.

We're doing something similar. Our officiant mentioned it. We are going to write letters to each other to open on our 5 year anniversary or when the marriage goes through a difficult time. Then we can read the letters and drink the wine.

mrsbanany · February 2014

shelikespink said:

I also hate the idea of the unity candle and sand! It seems so cheesy.. not sure what I'm going to do yet! I'm stuck. I want people to feel like it wasn't a waste of time to come to the ceremony!

I can't imagine anyone thinking a ceremony was a waste of time. That is the whole point of a wedding. Stick to what you want to do, a ceremony isn't a performance for your guests, it's the beginning of your marriage. Anyone that would be bored at the ceremony won't be any more entertained with a candle or sand.

About the wine and the letter thing, I am not a huge fan of that either. I like the idea of having letters to open on your 5th or whatever anniversary but I am not a huge fan of the "or if our marriage gets rough" exception. I don't know it just seems to me like you are preparing for a marriage ending argument and drowning your sorrows in a bottle of wine that you put in a box on your wedding day will solve it.

Anyway the point is, don't include anything if you don't want to. The ceremony will be as long as it needs to be to represent you two as a couple and at the end of it you'll be married. Don't stress about adding things to the ceremony, just do what you think fits you best.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

aileen200420 said:

That's exactly how I feel. I want a traditional ceremony. We don't want to write out own vows or anything I just am worried the ceremony will be too short.

There is no set standard to the length of a wedding ceremony. Your ceremony will be as long or as short as you want it to be. Don't stress about the length of the ceremony. Typically a lot of guests (in my circle) prefer a shorter ceremony to a longer one.

themuffinman16 · February 2014

My FI and I are planting a magnolia tree. We are taking soil from his family's house and from my family's house and adding a small amount to the tree, symbolizing our two homes becoming one. The magnolia tree is my grandmother's favorite, and is my quiet way to include her in my ceremony without drawing too much attention to her passing. It will be nice to include her in spirit, but not diminish the happy tone of our wedding.

Futuremrsds2015 · February 2014

My FI and I plan on doing the unity cross. I wanted something that I can keep plus I don't really like the sand or candle ideas.

amandanalvins · February 2014

I didn't really want to do the sand or candle either. So I scoured Google and found a couple different options. We finally decided ona unity painting. We are including my two sons and will each use a different color of paint and put on canvas.

CheleLyn · February 2014

We are doing a version of a Hand Ceremony

http://www.weddinggoddess.com/hand_blessing_ceremony_53236.htm

MairePoppy · February 2014

CMGragain said:

The Unity candle is a relatively new tradition that started in the 1970's. It is not a part of the traditional marriage ceremony, but it is often done because of its symbolism. Catholic ceremonies forbid its use. You don't need to have anything except your basic ceremony, which normally lasts about 20 minutes.

You might be interested in this. I attended a Catholic wedding, where the priest allowed a unity candle back in the 70's. The MOG and the MOB had saved the bride's and groom's baptismal candles, which were lit at the Nuptial Mass, as a symbol of their baptisms. The Unity Ceremony was gaining popularity in the Protestant churches and the priest took great care to explain the significance of the candles for my friend's ceremony.

I'm not fond of the Unity candle ceremony. To me, a marriage is a commitment between two adults to begin a new family with their marriage as the foundation. It doesn't join the *bride's family to the groom's family, as I have often seen referenced on TK. As much as I like my daughter's ILs, I don't feel like I'm related to them. I respect that other people have different understandings about marriage and families, though.

ETA * or the groom's to the groom's family, or the bride to the bride's family

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2014

shelikespink said:

I also hate the idea of the unity candle and sand! It seems so cheesy.. not sure what I'm going to do yet! I'm stuck. I want people to feel like it wasn't a waste of time to come to the ceremony!

Huh?? Have you honestly ever thought "I'm so glad I came to this wedding ceremony, because that sand thing was super entertaining!"? Likely not. The point of going to a ceremony is to see two people get married; as long as that happens, it's not a waste of time.

Assuming, of course, they leave the ceremony and proceed directly to some sort of hosted reception, not drive an hour and wait through a 2 hour unhosted gap before the reception starts. THAT would be a waste of time, regardless of how long or entertaining the ceremony was.

Don't like unity candle or sand ceremony, alternatives?

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