HELP! 2 hours between ceremony end and reception beginning

fjb138 · February 2014

So because of my church holding Saturday mass, I have a dilemma. My ceremony has to start at 2:30 (its a full mass so it will be an hour), but my reception does not start until 6 and it is 45 minutes away. I'm not sure if I want to pay for the extra hour just to have the reception start at 5. There is a bar inside of the hotel where our reception is being held, would it be rude to put an insert in the invitation that the bar is there so people have somewhere to go for that hour and 15 until the actual reception starts?? If so, how would I word that correctly? Or what else could I do/suggest to help cover that gap of time??? I already have the invites printed and the reception start time is at 6 so that technically can't change.

banana468 · February 2014

Why did you plan it this way? ?

Add a receiving line at the church and start the reception at 5 or at least host something from 5 to six. Then you'll have cut the gap to 15 min-30 min which is not great but at least it isn't hours.

monkeysip · February 2014

Unhosted gaps are rude. You should host something in between, or pay to start the reception earlier.

I sympathize--I had a 2:00pm Catholic mass wedding. I had to cross a lot of venues off our list because they wouldn't start at a good time. Finally I got a venue to open up for us at 3:45. And we paid extra for it. But that way, there was pretty much no gap by time people made their way over.

Since you already printed the invitations, I would either host something somewhere else (any local restaurants or bars? A room in a hotel to host people for a little while? Or even somewhere in the church hall or courtyard? OR I would move the reception earlier and call up my guests to let them know.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Ditto PPs -- This was poor planning on your part.

banana, monkeysip, and I (among other posters) have all had Catholic Mass weddings with either properly hosted cocktail hours or immediate receptions -- no gaps.

If your Mass starts at 2.30, you'll be done around 3. The receiving line should take you 'til 4, then the guests will arrive at your reception venue around 5 -- and you need to have them properly hosted.

Either do hors d'oeuvres at the reception venue (yes, it will cost more, but that's what happens when you don't plan well), or have it somewhere else -- a hotel, a bar, a pub, the church, whatever.

Alternatively, just move your reception up to start at 5 p.m., but you'd then have to do all your photos pre-ceremony so you could leave the church for the reception at the same time your guests did.

It sounds like your best bet is to fork over the money for a cocktail hour somewhere and just tell everyone about it, either through word of mouth or through insert cards.

APDSS22 · February 2014

I also had a full Catholic mass. It started at 1:30 p.m. and our cocktail hour was ready to go at 3 o'clock which was the physical earliest our guests could reach the venue after the ceremony was done. I also vote for a cocktail hour either set up and paid for at the reception venue or elsewhere and spread by word of mouth for proper hosting of your guests. I would not tell them about the hotel bar because 1. they could probably look up that information themselves if they were interested and 2. it would indicate to me that you were in some way hosting and they might be expecting drinks or nibbles on the house. Shunting them off to the bar is not a good answer here.

Jen4948 · February 2014

Why did you plan for a reception at 6pm if the ceremony ends several hours earlier?

You need to move back the start time of the reception to eliminate the gap, without sending your guests to the bar and/or expecting them to pay for themselves.

CMGragain · February 2014

fjb138 said:

So because of my church holding Saturday mass, I have a dilemma. My ceremony has to start at 2:30 (its a full mass so it will be an hour), but my reception does not start until 6 and it is 45 minutes away. I'm not sure if I want to pay for the extra hour just to have the reception start at 5. There is a bar inside of the hotel where our reception is being held, would it be rude to put an insert in the invitation that the bar is there so people have somewhere to go for that hour and 15 until the actual reception starts?? If so, how would I word that correctly? Or what else could I do/suggest to help cover that gap of time??? I already have the invites printed and the reception start time is at 6 so that technically can't change.

Yes, it would be very rude. If you mention the bar, then you pay for the drinks consumed.

JoanE2012 · February 2014

fjb138 said:

So because of my church holding Saturday mass, I have a dilemma. My ceremony has to start at 2:30 (its a full mass so it will be an hour), but my reception does not start until 6 and it is 45 minutes away. I'm not sure if I want to pay for the extra hour just to have the reception start at 5. There is a bar inside of the hotel where our reception is being held, would it be rude to put an insert in the invitation that the bar is there so people have somewhere to go for that hour and 15 until the actual reception starts?? If so, how would I word that correctly? Or what else could I do/suggest to help cover that gap of time??? I already have the invites printed and the reception start time is at 6 so that technically can't change.

You really need to start your reception at 5pm. Absolutely necessary as a good host. If you didn't want to do it, you really should have thought about that BEFORE you booked the venue so you could find one that was in your budget that could work with your timeframe.

Have your invitations reprinted. Invitation reprinting is a small price to pay to host your guests properly.

And finally, it is incredibly rude to tell your guests there's a bar but then not host it.

phira · February 2014

Pay to start your reception at 5pm.

fionahalliwell · February 2014

I also agree with the idea that you could theoretically host something at the church between the two events instead, but honestly, the logical thing to do is to get the hotel to have your reception ready to go at 5 PM.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

Agree with PPs that time must be hosted. If you're thinking of doing it at the bar: it would be absolutely horrible to send your guests there and then expect them to pay for their own snacks and drinks. What you COULD do is pay to run your own tab for your guests during that time, have some snacks, basically set up a cocktail hour for them in the bar.

That way you can keep your invites with the 6pm printed time, and add an insert that drinks and light snacks will be hosted at the hotel bar from 5-6.

QueerFemme · February 2014

It sounds like you really need to start your reception at 4:15 or 4:30 at the latest. Don't be rude to your guests and male them occupy themselves for 2+ hours.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I would pay to host a cocktail hour someone and then put that as an insert into your invites. If you add a receiving line at the church, it will help fill some of that time, but if your the first guest through you will still have a sizable gap that isn't hosted.

- Can you add a cocktail hour at your venue/hotel bar/church? Whatever you do, you need to host it in some way.

grumbledore · February 2014

Lurkers - do your homework BEFORE you book ANYTHING. Find a reception venue that actually works with your ceremony plans. This is literally the most avoidable wedding problem there is.

LondonLisa · February 2014

You need to pay for the extra hour and something in between. Cocktail hour is that- 1 hour immediately after your ceremony! So you cannot have people standing around eating hors d'oeuvres until 6. Also, receiving lines usually do not take very long so don't do this if you are hoping to eat up a lot of time (they take 15 minutes max)

This needs to be your timeline:

ceremony 2:30

Receiving line 3:30

Drive to reception 3:30/3:45- 4:15 (for the people that leave right away after the receiving line)

Cocktail hour 4:15-5:15

reception meal starts 5:15

ei34 · February 2014

I had a full Catholic mass at 3:30 (church wouldn't let me go later due to schedule) and I avoided a gap by asking my venue to hold a "hospitality hour" before the cocktail hour. It was basically a scaled down cocktail hour- just champagne, wine, beer, fruit/veggie and cheese/cracker displays. Did it cost me? Yes. Were any of my guests subjected to a gap? No. It could be simple, but you do have to host something for that in-between time.

erollis · February 2014

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops.

Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

grumbledore · February 2014

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops. Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

A 30 minute gap is a minor annoyance. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't be pissed. Hours of gap is just horrible. I've experienced that and I'll tell you, everyone was pissed and complaining.

sarahufl · February 2014

We are doing a Catholic mass at 3. We picked a venue that we have for the entire day, not just later in the evening. It costs a bit more, but we plan to have the cocktail hour in full swing by the time people arrive.

erollis · February 2014

grumbledore said:

A 30 minute gap is a minor annoyance. I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't be pissed. Hours of gap is just horrible. I've experienced that and I'll tell you, everyone was pissed and complaining.

The odd thing was no one complained. I was the only one who had a problem with it (besides H). Our friends didn't have an issue because we did something to occupy the time for them. This is one of the weddings where we also revived no thank you card. I guess some people just don't care.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops. Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.

erollis · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops.

Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.
We should have done that. I insisted we go to both even tho I was sick (allergic reaction to a medication). In hindsight I would not have gone to either.

bmydesigner · February 2014

There was a two hour gap between my aunt's wedding. My mom and I were so hungry we went through the McDonald's drive thru.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

There was a two hour gap between my aunt's wedding. My mom and I were so hungry we went through the McDonald's drive thru.

H and I were in a wedding that had an hour to an hour and a half gap. The bride and groom took the limo to their reception location and told the rest of the WP that we had to be there at X time. So H and I stopped by my parents and then went to McD's for some food (we were starving) and then headed to the reception location. Best decision ever because the food at the wedding was not so good.

afaber24 · February 2014

I never knew that gaps were rude until I starting looking on here. Of the 25 or so weddings I've been to in the last 5 years I've only been to one without a gap. All the weddings were either Catholic or some kind of church service with an evening reception. Gaps ranging from 1-4 hours. I never had any trouble entertaining myself.

The only one without the gap was my uncles 3rd wedding. The schedule went like this: 5pm Cocktail hour, 6pm ceremony, 6:15pm dinner served. It was awesome! We sat at round tables with drinks while they had their ceremony. I think the bar was still serving drinks while they said their vows.

Not exactly the style of most weddings though!

sarahufl · February 2014

I once sat in a sportsbar watching soccer with my sister during a 4 hour gap at a wedding in Orlando. We were only 22, so I don't think I knew any better (etiquette-wise) but I still thought it was annoying as hell.

MGP · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops. Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.

I have been to a ton of Catholic weddings and was never subjected to a gap. Lucky that my family has manners and thinks about their guests comfort first. Lurkers - please consider your timeline before booking your sites.

Besides gaps just being rude it really affects how someone plans their day. People like me would have to pay for hours of extra child care and that would certainly be deducted from my gift budget. Also when I am home for the day/night I am just DONE. Hope this picture shows up because this is exactly what I would say if I was invited to anything with a gap:

antoto · February 2014

MGP said:

Maggie0829 said:

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops. Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.

I have been to a ton of Catholic weddings and was never subjected to a gap. Lucky that my family has manners and thinks about their guests comfort first. Lurkers - please consider your timeline before booking your sites.

Besides gaps just being rude it really affects how someone plans their day. People like me would have to pay for hours of extra child care and that would certainly be deducted from my gift budget. Also when I am home for the day/night I am just DONE. Hope this picture shows up because this is exactly what I would say if I was invited to anything with a gap:

This is an excellent point! I would never dare have a gap, but I never thought about it from a parent's perspective - only a "I'm hungry and bored" perspective.

MGP · February 2014

antoto said:

MGP said:

Maggie0829 said:

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops. Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.

I have been to a ton of Catholic weddings and was never subjected to a gap. Lucky that my family has manners and thinks about their guests comfort first. Lurkers - please consider your timeline before booking your sites.

Besides gaps just being rude it really affects how someone plans their day. People like me would have to pay for hours of extra child care and that would certainly be deducted from my gift budget. Also when I am home for the day/night I am just DONE. Hope this picture shows up because this is exactly what I would say if I was invited to anything with a gap:

This is an excellent point! I would never dare have a gap, but I never thought about it from a parent's perspective - only a "I'm hungry and bored" perspective.

It doesn't apply to just kids either. People have pets, sick family members, jobs, etc. Arranging your day/evening is hard enough when you have others counting on you, but then to be expected to arrange an ENTIRE day (every example I have seen on these boards sound like an all day affair so I am estimating 8+ hours) can be a lot to ask for. Personally that would mean me paying my babysitter $120 and I have it good because she is fantastic but cheap.

People just don't see that their selfish decisions aka "I want a religious ceremony that can only be done in the afternoons but an evening/party time reception" impacts their guests more than they think.

(not knocking on church weddings - I had one, but also didn't have a gap)

erollis · February 2014

MGP said:

antoto said:

MGP said:

Maggie0829 said:

erollis said:

I've been to a few Catholic weddings. All had about a 30 minute to an hour gap. I expected this. It's normal for our circle. No one was bothered by it. Then a year ago some friends had a Catholic wedding with an 4 HOUR GAP! It was rediculous. I played hostess at our home to some friends that were at the wedding. Because what is someone supposed to do during that gap? Especially if driving time between church and venue is 15 minutes tops.

Try to have as little of a gap as possible. Also make sure your guests are hosted properly with food and drinks.

With that much of a gap I would be picking and choosing what I attend. Whether it just be the ceremony or just the reception. That much of a gap shows that the couple has no respect for my time. And a lot of times when I go out and then come back home I typically never feel like going back out again. So in that instance I would be going to just the reception. I know that is rude but that is what you get when you plan a wedding with a 4 hour gap.

I have been to a ton of Catholic weddings and was never subjected to a gap. Lucky that my family has manners and thinks about their guests comfort first. Lurkers - please consider your timeline before booking your sites.

Besides gaps just being rude it really affects how someone plans their day. People like me would have to pay for hours of extra child care and that would certainly be deducted from my gift budget. Also when I am home for the day/night I am just DONE. Hope this picture shows up because this is exactly what I would say if I was invited to anything with a gap:

This is an excellent point! I would never dare have a gap, but I never thought about it from a parent's perspective - only a "I'm hungry and bored" perspective.

It doesn't apply to just kids either. People have pets, sick family members, jobs, etc. Arranging your day/evening is hard enough when you have others counting on you, but then to be expected to arrange an ENTIRE day (every example I have seen on these boards sound like an all day affair so I am estimating 8+ hours) can be a lot to ask for. Personally that would mean me paying my babysitter $120 and I have it good because she is fantastic but cheap.

People just don't see that their selfish decisions aka "I want a religious ceremony that can only be done in the afternoons but an evening/party time reception" impacts their guests more than they think.

(not knocking on church weddings - I had one, but also didn't have a gap)

Oh my. I had never thought of little ones and needing a sitter. We had little ones at both our ceremony and reception.

Having a large gap is rude and inconsiderate in ways I hadn't even thought of! New brides please don't have a big gap. Your guests will be happier.

What does the bride and groom do for 4 hours? Pictures don't take that long.

photokitty · February 2014

Growing up Catholic I always expected a gap and HATED them! Totally talked trash about them behind their backs. The only time I ever liked a gap was when I was 8 their was a 2 hour or more gap so my dad took me and my 5 siblings to the zoo - in our church clothes. My parents had no other option bc what were they going to do with 6 kids at an OOT wedding?? It was so rude! But at 8 I was stoked bc I go to go to the zoo - even if it was in my dress shoes.

Gaps are the worst. I can live with 30 mins bc I can take my time, get lost or stop at a drug store for whatever I realized I forgot. But past that I think you are super rude and don't care about anyone but yourself. I means, that's basically the truth right? You and your dream day and more important than everyone else you supposedly care a ton about and want there with you???

HELP! 2 hours between ceremony end and reception beginning

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