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Gift Etiquette

MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Do you normally give a gift both at the bridal shower and the wedding? I usually do both, but I am wondering what everyone else does or what is considered "proper".
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Re: Gift Etiquette

  • huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    SammiNJonni said:
    I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Ditto.
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  • MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
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    SammiNJonni said:
    I usually do both. A gift off the registry for the shower and cash at the wedding.
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Both.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I do both if I attend both. If I'm invited to the shower but can't make it, I usually just send a card.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I give a gift for a shower and then cash for the wedding
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  • SammiNJonniSammiNJonni member
    Tenth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Combo Breaker
    MrsMarende said:
    show previous quotes
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    What the...... just speechless.
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  • MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Yes quite literally cash. 

    Registry is on wanderable.com and include:

    Cash for Honeymoon - not even hiding it as in buy us a dinner here or there it's literally like $5000 limit and you can gift towards it. 

    Target gift cards up to $2000

    Cash towards a King size mattress $2000

    Cash towards furniture up to $5,000


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  • MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I have to say it has made me feel a lot less generous. Due to the cash registry I had planned on giving her a check at the wedding. I refuse to play into the online ATM scam that is this wedding registry. 

    I honestly didn't think I would be invited to the bridal shower, but now I am a little perplexed as to what type of a gift to give. Do I write 2 checks? 

    SO AWKWARD!
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
    Ninth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    MrsMarende said:
    I have to say it has made me feel a lot less generous. Due to the cash registry I had planned on giving her a check at the wedding. I refuse to play into the online ATM scam that is this wedding registry. 

    I honestly didn't think I would be invited to the bridal shower, but now I am a little perplexed as to what type of a gift to give. Do I write 2 checks? 

    SO AWKWARD!
    A gift is always at the discretion of the giver. So if her rudeness has made you feel less generous, then no, of course you don't have to give two checks. Or split your less generous (however you define that) budgeted amounts into two checks if you really feel compelled to present her with something - but you are absolutely not obligated to play into her gift-grabbiness.
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  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I only give one gift, even if I go to the bridal shower (when that's the case, I give it at the shower). I don't feel bad or defensive about it. I just figure, "I am getting [couple] a gift for their wedding." It's easier to give boxed gifts at showers than it is at weddings.
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • TheGrimReaperTheGrimReaper member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Honestly? I wouldn't go to the shower.  And I'd write a check for the wedding.  If you absolutely want to go to the shower, pick a thoughtful gift.  Some of my favorite gifts at my shower weren't off my registry.
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  • MrsMarendeMrsMarende member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    TheGrimReaper said:
    Honestly? I wouldn't go to the shower.  And I'd write a check for the wedding.  If you absolutely want to go to the shower, pick a thoughtful gift.  Some of my favorite gifts at my shower weren't off my registry.
    This is actually what I have been thinking, just not go.
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  • TheGrimReaperTheGrimReaper member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    MrsMarende said:
    show previous quotes
    This is actually what I have been thinking, just not go.
    I don't think you'd be in the wrong to decline. Just because she wants to be a pig about what she registers for doesn't mean you have to go along with it! (But if you go please come back and tell us how much of a shit show it was)
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  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    Seventh Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    It depends. I would either give two smaller gifts - one at the wedding and one at the shower, or give one larger gift for both wedding and shower. How I would decide which to do would be based on what I thought the B&G would need.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would not attend this train wreck at all! How gift grabby! 

    Is it to late to decline? I'm with PP- if I went, I would get something big, multicoloured and engraved! 


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  • ei34ei34 member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I normally give a physical gift off the registry at the shower and then cash at the wedding.  In your particular case, where your friend registered for cash, I'd either decline the shower and give my usual cash wedding gift, or give a gift card at the shower and no gift at the wedding.  I'm not giving cash twice I'm not her suga-momma!
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  • RissAnn1970RissAnn1970 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Love Its 10 Comments
    Shower = boxed gift

    Wedding = $$

    And I'd 100% decline a cash shower.
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    MrsMarende said:
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    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    There is such a thing as a cash registry????  This hurts my heart... I'm sad.
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  • InkdancerInkdancer member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
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    There is such a thing as a cash registry????  This hurts my heart... I'm sad.
    Is she just going to sit around and open envelopes full of $$????
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    grumbledore said:
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    In that case, if I attended the shower at all, I'd get her an odd colored toaster with no gift receipt
    I was going to suggest the same thing.

    Anniversary

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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    No way would I bring cash to a shower. I was invited to a "personal shower" (a term I learned yesterday on TK!!) and the bride was registered for honeymoon panties (think $100 lace thongs). I refused to buy that. So I got her a GC to Urban Outfitters and some sunscreen or something. Along with a note to buy herself some fun sundresses for her Hawaiian honeymoon. Put it in a cute little bag.

    She loved it and I got to not buy her panties. 
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  • fourtsixand2fourtsixand2 member
    25 Love Its 10 Comments
    MrsMarende said:
    show previous quotes
    Unfortunately for bridal shower I am attending next month the bride registered for cash.
    She registered for CASH???  In my head, I'd think all the more reason to settle on a nice bath set.  I'm way more inclined to offer cash if it's not requested, and I think that's a little tacky.

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