Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

Amyzen83 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:
Interesting planning strategy.

Lurkers - DO NOT DO THIS AT HOME.

I second this!!!!!!

Viczaesar · February 2014

Your friend is an idiot, frankly.

raeah219 · February 2014

ughhhhh!!!!!! So i just tried to explain to her all of this. I told her that its really early to finalize her guest count and that the venue only needs a rough estimate on the number. I also asked her why she didnt text me when she saw I didnt respond. She said because the venue needed a final headcount to work within her budget (I have no clue what kind of venue this is) and she said that since they are on a tight budget she had to finalize the guest list early. Also, she said that she didnt call me to check because she doesnt have everybodys phone number and she thought it wouldnt be fair to call some of us and not others. She felt email was the most fair....REALLY?!?!? Im so mad!

lyndausvi · February 2014

Sorry to be blunt, said friend is an idiot. Be glad you dodged this bullet. It will only get worse between now and Dec 20. Wouldn't be surprised if you got a b-list invite since people will no doubt drop out between now and then.

Kauris · February 2014

My venue doesn't need a final head count until 72 HOURS before our event. So just keep this in mind as you plan your wedding of things NOT to do. And be glad you are not dealing with crazy anymore.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

ughhhhh!!!!!! So i just tried to explain to her all of this. I told her that its really early to finalize her guest count and that the venue only needs a rough estimate on the number. I also asked her why she didnt text me when she saw I didnt respond. She said because the venue needed a final headcount to work within her budget (I have no clue what kind of venue this is) and she said that since they are on a tight budget she had to finalize the guest list early. Also, she said that she didnt call me to check because she doesnt have everybodys phone number and she thought it wouldnt be fair to call some of us and not others. She felt email was the most fair....REALLY?!?!? Im so mad!

Either your friend is misunderstanding what the venue is telling her or she needs to just walk away from this venue if they really do need a final headcount now for a December wedding.

And she didn't think it would have been fair to call some but not others? What? Tell your friend to get her ass on these boards because she needs some serious wedding planning 101 like now.

[Deleted User] · February 2014

@raeah219 I can't help but wonder if maybe your friend just doesn't want to invite you? She's been incredibly clueless but with all this hemming and hawing she sounds like she's just being a really craptastic friend. I would say keep moving with your wedding plans and this may be a friend that you want to consider not a friend at all...

lyndausvi · February 2014

My venue doesn't need a final head count until 72 HOURS before our event. So just keep this in mind as you plan your wedding of things NOT to do. And be glad you are not dealing with crazy anymore.

No venue needs counts a year out.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

raeah219 said:
ughhhhh!!!!!! So i just tried to explain to her all of this. I told her that its really early to finalize her guest count and that the venue only needs a rough estimate on the number. I also asked her why she didnt text me when she saw I didnt respond. She said because the venue needed a final headcount to work within her budget (I have no clue what kind of venue this is) and she said that since they are on a tight budget she had to finalize the guest list early. Also, she said that she didnt call me to check because she doesnt have everybodys phone number and she thought it wouldnt be fair to call some of us and not others. She felt email was the most fair....REALLY?!?!? Im so mad!

Very sorry OP! End the friendship with her because it's clear she didn't value your friendship enough to get your proper info and couldn't be bothered to follow up with you. Basically all I'm hearing from ur friend are lame ass excuses. Be glad you don't have to deal with the crazy anymore.

Amyzen83 · February 2014

TexasBride2014 said:
@raeah219 I can't help but wonder if maybe your friend just doesn't want to invite you? She's been incredibly clueless but with all this hemming and hawing she sounds like she's just being a really craptastic friend. I would say keep moving with your wedding plans and this may be a friend that you want to consider not a friend at all...

FYI I would add that I would Not be taking ANY wedding advice from this friend because it's clear she doesn't know what she is doing!

sarahufl · February 2014

bwahahaha, this is so ridiculous! She basically polled people a year out so she could price a venue? Is she holding people to their replies?

My friends ask each other all the time- "hey, we are picking between 2 dates, which works better for you?" to get a GENERAL idea of who can make it. No way would we consider that an RSVP!

You dodged a bullet for sure. She is not only a careless friend, she is planning a very stupid event.

lyndausvi · February 2014

I would love to see a copy of the email. Seriously. I wonder if everyone else knows they have committed to an even a year out.

sofakingmad · February 2014

My venue needed 30 days which seemed excessive (but it was a DW). But a final head count now for a December wedding?? OMG.

antoto · February 2014

I am dying to know how old this girl is.

Not that age is ever an excuse to get away with being massively rude.

tammym1001 · February 2014

This is insane. I wouldn't be able to tell someone what I'm doing on the 20th of this month, let alone on the 20th of a month 11 months away! Your "friend" is crazy and I agree that it almost sounds like she didn't want you to come. And like other pp's have said, please don't take any wedding advice from her!

QueerFemme · February 2014

Your friend is an idiot, and an asshole, honestly. There is NO way all of the people who did RSVP to her tacky email invitation, can guarantee that they will not have any other conflicts a year in advance. What if they move, end the friendship, have a baby, have a medical issue, blah blah blah. Your friend sounds as dumb as a box of rocks.

sofakingmad · February 2014

antoto said:

I am dying to know how old this girl is.

Not that age is ever an excuse to get away with being massively rude.

This reminds me of when I used to work for a pharmacy. If a woman was on anti-biotics, doctors would often time tell them to "double up" on birth control, meaning condoms some other type of birth control. They would come into the pharmacy demanding we refill their Rx for their BCP because the doctor told them to double up on it. And trying to explain to them what the doctor meant was like talking to a brick wall.

OP, your friend reminds me of those people. Your friend has completely misunderstood what the venue needed and she is basing her guest list on an evite that she sent out 10 months in advance. Someone needs to talk to her!

raeah219 · February 2014

She is saying that since its a full service venue they need an exact headcount. I told her that Im sad that I misssed her invite and that if anybody cancels to let me know so I can have their spot. I'm sure some ppl will drop since it's 5 days before Christmas.

phira · February 2014

Your friend isn't just an idiot. She's a bad friend. Wow.

For lurkers:

When you are getting quotes from vendors, they will ask how many people will be at your wedding. Obviously you do not know this number because you are not psychic. They are asking for an estimate. There's a big difference between, "We're expecting 50 guests," and, "We plan to invite 350 people." Some venues do have a minimum, virtually all of them have a maximum, but no venue (or vendor) actually is asking for your final head count before you've even booked. They're going to base their quote on your estimate, and this will affect things like food and beverage minimums, but it's JUST an estimate.

When you need to contact people to let them know when your wedding is, or to invite them to the wedding, be wary about email. That isn't to say that you can never send e-vites. But be careful: you need to make sure that you have the most recent email addresses for your guests, and if follow-up is required (if you need an RSVP), you need to get in touch with folks who don't get back to you. There's a chance they're like me and they forgot to RSVP, but there's also a chance you sent the email to the wrong email address, or it got caught in their spam filter. This is absolutely your responsibility.

sofakingmad · February 2014

raeah219 said:

She is saying that since its a full service venue they need an exact headcount. I told her that Im sad that I misssed her invite and that if anybody cancels to let me know so I can have their spot. I'm sure some ppl will drop since it's 5 days before Christmas.

That venue really sucks and you should definitely stay away from it.

manateehugger · February 2014

raeah219 said:

She is saying that since its a full service venue they need an exact headcount. I told her that Im sad that I misssed her invite and that if anybody cancels to let me know so I can have their spot. I'm sure some ppl will drop since it's 5 days before Christmas.

Our caterer/coordinator is "full service. She requests a rough number 3 weeks out and a final number 1 week out.

Seriously. Just sit back and giggle at her idiocy. She's being rude and stupid.

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

OP, I'm so sorry, but your friend has gone beyond the "idiot" stage and into what Evil Chipmunk refers to as "flucking moron." A final guestlist/ headcount at least 10 months out? Email invites? 5 days before Christmas? Sweet lord, this friend has a bad case of crainial/rectal conjoinment. She may need some waffles.

I'm taking drink orders now. Who wants wine, who wants margaritas, and who wants it straight from the bottle?

happywiggle · February 2014

raeah219 said:

She is saying that since its a full service venue they need an exact headcount. I told her that Im sad that I misssed her invite and that if anybody cancels to let me know so I can have their spot. I'm sure some ppl will drop since it's 5 days before Christmas.

Wow... I have a complete full service venue, and the only thing they need more than a month in advance is hotel reservations. Everything else is finalized 2 weeks prior. Just, wow.

Emmy1493 · February 2014

I think your friend should have learned the logistics of finding a venue, and guest-imating. When FI and I were looking into venues, we knew we just needed an idea of how many people we might have. My venue does NOT require a final head count until a few weeks to a month before the wedding.

Like how are you going to ever now an exact amount even if they did "RSVP?" Things can come up in between now and then and the numbers would not be accurate at all.

You might share this with your friend. (*Some snark intended, but it's this or doing some serious web browsing.. or coming here, of course!*)

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Chipmunk415 said:

OP, I'm so sorry, but your friend has gone beyond the "idiot" stage and into what Evil Chipmunk refers to as "flucking moron." A final guestlist/ headcount at least 10 months out? Email invites? 5 days before Christmas? Sweet lord, this friend has a bad case of cranial/rectal conjoinment. She may need some waffles.

I'm taking drink orders now. Who wants wine, who wants margaritas, and who wants it straight from the bottle?

I'm stealing the bolded. I love that!

delujm0 · February 2014

That's not what she's saying. She told you that she needed a headcount early so that "the venue could work within her budget." That means that she told the venue her budget, they told her how many people that budget would cover, and now she's trying to make sure that will work for her. Quite frankly, it seems like she's already close to her budget and she thinks that including you will throw her over, which is why she's not letting you RSVP now.

If i were you, i'd find out her venue, then i'd book the same one like 1-2 weeks before her, and invite all of your shared friends to your wedding (except for her). I'm guessing she'd not take to that too kindly, based on her previous immature responses. But then again, i like to ruffle feathers when people are being assholes.

Also, i GUARANTEE you if she sends out formal invitations in 8 months or so she will get different RSVPs than this email did. And i can almost guarantee you that as soon as people RSVP "no" that originally said "yes" she's going to start B-listing people, because again, she sounds like she's immature and completely immune to other peoples' feelings.

sofakingmad · February 2014

delujm0 said:

If i were you, i'd find out her venue, then i'd book the same one like 1-2 weeks before her, and invite all of your shared friends to your wedding (except for her). I'm guessing she'd not take to that too kindly, based on her previous immature responses. But then again, i like to ruffle feathers when people are being assholes.

Also, i GUARANTEE you if she sends out formal invitations in 8 months or so she will get different RSVPs than this email did. And i can almost guarantee you that as soon as people RSVP "no" that originally said "yes" she's going to start B-listing people, because again, she sounds like she's immature and completely immune to other peoples' feelings.

You sound like a peach. Calling someone immature, but then saying that you do immature things because of other people being immature.

Chipmunk415 · February 2014

@texas- edited because I forgot an "i" in crainial. Enjoy away! Another favorite of mine- voluntold

delujm0 · February 2014

DragonBlood13 said:

delujm0 said:

If i were you, i'd find out her venue, then i'd book the same one like 1-2 weeks before her, and invite all of your shared friends to your wedding (except for her). I'm guessing she'd not take to that too kindly, based on her previous immature responses. But then again, i like to ruffle feathers when people are being assholes.

Also, i GUARANTEE you if she sends out formal invitations in 8 months or so she will get different RSVPs than this email did. And i can almost guarantee you that as soon as people RSVP "no" that originally said "yes" she's going to start B-listing people, because again, she sounds like she's immature and completely immune to other peoples' feelings.
You sound like a peach. Calling someone immature, but then saying that you do immature things because of other people being immature.

Excuse me for not explicitly adding "<sarcasm>" or "SNARK ALERT" to my post.

Also, i wouldn't saying that i DO immature things because of other people being immature. I've actually never been in that situation, because i make it a point to only deal with people who are mature, respectful adults (i also deal with actual children, of course. i shouldn't have had to add that for clarity here, but apparently this is Literal Post day).

thelastdreamer · February 2014

People like this should not be allowed to plan weddings for the sake of their guests or whoever's money they're spending. My venue is full service and I have to give a final count three days before the event. In the meantime we told our venue person "Between 80 and 100" and she said "It would be X per person."

The venue meant they wanted an idea of how many guests she was having. Good grief.

Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

Re: Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

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