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Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

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Re: Im so upset right now!!! I know this is against some etiquette rule!

  • sofakingmadsofakingmad member
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    delujm0 said:
    DragonBlood13 said:
    delujm0 said:

    If i were you, i'd find out her venue, then i'd book the same one like 1-2 weeks before her, and invite all of your shared friends to your wedding (except for her).  I'm guessing she'd not take to that too kindly, based on her previous immature responses.  But then again, i like to ruffle feathers when people are being assholes.

     

    Also, i GUARANTEE you if she sends out formal invitations in 8 months or so she will get different RSVPs than this email did.  And i can almost guarantee you that as soon as people RSVP "no" that originally said "yes" she's going to start B-listing people, because again, she sounds like she's immature and completely immune to other peoples' feelings.

    You sound like a peach.  Calling someone immature, but then saying that you do immature things because of other people being immature.  


    Excuse me for not explicitly adding "<sarcasm>"  or "SNARK ALERT" to my post.

     

    Also, i wouldn't saying that i DO immature things because of other people being immature.  I've actually never been in that situation, because i make it a point to only deal with people who are mature, respectful adults (i also deal with actual children, of course.  i shouldn't have had to add that for clarity here, but apparently this is Literal Post day).

    Oh.  Ok.


    sexy, harry styles, best song ever, cute, beautiful, asdjglñlñ, marcel
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    edited February 2014
    Let's say just for shits and giggles your friend is telling the truth though highly unlikely and the venue is in fact demanding a precise number before booking then me thinks it's time to find a new venue!

    Edited because stupid iPhone truncated a word
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    image


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  • delujm0delujm0 member
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    SP29 said:
    Yikes! Your friend is crazy.

    My venue was full service and our final numbers and payment were due 2 weeks prior. There is no way she has to pay the venue this early or give a final count. Of course there are minimums and maximums, but the venue tells you that (you agree to pay for a minimum of X guests, the room holds a max of Y), it doesn't dictate when you send out your invites or who you invite (as long as it is in between those numbers). 

    Also, it is up to the B&G to contact everyone who didn't RSVP on time. Also also, not having everyone's phone number is not an excuse- it is up to the B&G to get everyone's (correct) contact information. 

    I'm thinking what your "friend" has done is sent out essentially a poll to see who would come, then told the venue her budget and how many guests she was thinking of inviting, and then the venue has given her a price they are willing to offer for X service. Then likely what has happened is your friend has realized her budget still can't accommodate everyone she initially "polled" so because you didn't reply, she's going to cut you from the guest list. 

    Man, I hope you don't continue to see this person as a "friend", how rude for you. Sorry. 

    That's exactly how i read this situation as well.  I wouldn't continue to be friends with this person either.
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  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    Chipmunk415 said:
    @texas- edited because I forgot an "i" in crainial. Enjoy away! Another favorite of mine- voluntold
    There is way too much "voluntolding" done at weddings.  Or is it "voluntelling"?  Either way there is way too much of it.
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  • jneen101jneen101 member
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    How old is this person?  She sounds like a complete fucking moron and an asshole.
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
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    raeah219 said:
    I didnt want to use the same venue as her because we have the same group of friends and I dont want them coming to the same venue within months of each other. She says she needed a final headcount to give the two venues she is choosing between and that is why she sent the invites via email and that its too late to add to the list because she has already gotten final quotes from her top two venues. 
    sooo confused. Top TWO venues? Who books a venue AFTER the RSVP's are due..what am I missing?
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  • indianaalumindianaalum member
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    ughhhhh!!!!!! So i just tried to explain to her all of this. I told her that its really early to finalize her guest count and that the venue only needs a rough estimate on the number. I also asked her why she didnt text me when she saw I didnt respond. She said because the venue needed a final headcount to work within her budget (I have no clue what kind of venue this is) and she said that since they are on a tight budget she had to finalize the guest list early. Also, she said that she didnt call me to check because she doesnt have everybodys phone number and she thought it wouldnt be fair to call some of us and not others. She felt email was the most fair....REALLY?!?!? Im so mad! 

    STUCK IN BOX:

    This sounds like a friend who is LYING to you..run from her. A true friend would be ecstatic to know a good friend can suddenly make their wedding that is a YEAR away.

    I call BULLSHIT on her
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  • syoun1njsyoun1nj member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Your friend is wrong. She has not sent invites. She gauged interest which is weird but most people don't know their plans a year out. If she thinks those are her invites...she is in for a rude surprise. Venues do not need a final headcount until about 2 weeks before the date. She may have a quote but that doesn't mean shit. I'm sorry your friend is not very bright, though! Hope she comes to her senses.
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    crackktheskyy said:
    So....sort of off topic but because you mentioned getting venue referrals from this person...I just wouldn't. If you do, you might have to provide a head count 4 years in advance.

    Also, why are you still trying to find a way to get to this wedding? I mean, I'm sure someone will drop out and all, thus opening a spot. But why would you even want to go?! I must be missing something.
    Exactly! I could think of so many better things to do on that day!
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  • missnc77missnc77 member
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    raeah219 said:
    She is saying that since its a full service venue they need an exact headcount. I told her that Im sad that I misssed her invite and that if anybody cancels to let me know so I can have their spot. I'm sure some ppl will drop since it's 5 days before Christmas. 
    You may want to save face and just let it go. It really sounds like she doesn't want to invite you. Are you sure you are as good of friends as you think you are? I think you may be waiting on an invite that will never come. 
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    delujm0 said:

    That's not what she's saying.  She told you that she needed a headcount early so that "the venue could work within her budget."  That means that she told the venue her budget, they told her how many people that budget would cover, and now she's trying to make sure that will work for her.  Quite frankly, it seems like she's already close to her budget and she thinks that including you will throw her over, which is why she's not letting you RSVP now.

     

    If i were you, i'd find out her venue, then i'd book the same one like 1-2 weeks before her, and invite all of your shared friends to your wedding (except for her).  I'm guessing she'd not take to that too kindly, based on her previous immature responses.  But then again, i like to ruffle feathers when people are being assholes.

     

    Also, i GUARANTEE you if she sends out formal invitations in 8 months or so she will get different RSVPs than this email did.  And i can almost guarantee you that as soon as people RSVP "no" that originally said "yes" she's going to start B-listing people, because again, she sounds like she's immature and completely immune to other peoples' feelings.

    That's what I got out of this too. . . or she is a freaking idiot and is misunderstanding what the veue is asking of her, which is also possible.

    She's going to be in for a rude awakening when she signs a contract for say $100 at X price, and a bunch of people end up RSVPing no because of life or how close the wedding is to Christmas, and she is still stuck with the X bill.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • MGPMGP member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper
    Your friend is wrong. She has not sent invites. She gauged interest which is weird but most people don't know their plans a year out. If she thinks those are her invites...she is in for a rude surprise. Venues do not need a final headcount until about 2 weeks before the date. She may have a quote but that doesn't mean shit. I'm sorry your friend is not very bright, though! Hope she comes to her senses.
    While most of us on this board would agree with your comment (including myself) this idiot bride obviously sees it a different way. Beside the back asswards planning she sees the email as the actual invite and is essentially uninviting people if they declined or didn't respond. It's most certainly going to come back to bite her and I am sure this is not the only gross misconduct in this production. OP I am sorry your "friend" is treating you this way. Don't allow yourself to be B listed and distance yourself from this entire situation. Weddings bring out the crazy and the true colors in people. Stay strong! :)
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    back asswards I love this!!!
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  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    edited February 2014
    OP I'm sending a big hug your way. Sorry you got caught in this drama.

    ETA spelling
    ________________________________


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    OP after all the advice you've received here I sincerely hope that if she DOES say oh yea now I have room for you, that you tell her to go pound sand. Focus on your own planning and definitely best wishes to you! 
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  • heathertimsheathertims member
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    I used evites thinking it would be more efficient. It was not.  That was my goal here, being efficient. I learned the hard way and am trying to tell my brother. He doesnt believe me. 

    Anyway, I think she could have been a little more proactive in getting up to date e-mails (not saucy_gurl69@hotmail.com types of emails we had as kids) and geeze calm down. Emails go to peoples junk mail. Sometimes the websites glitch. Calm your pants lady! 

    The one thing I did like a lot was that I could see when people had received my invites but did not respond. It also helped me to determine those who legitimately did not get the invite. 
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  • heathertimsheathertims member
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    Also, your friend is a jerk. Run for the hills!!! 
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  • raeah219raeah219 member
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    I really don't think she is trying to be malicious or hurtful. I really just think she doesn't know anything about wedding planning and she is doing the best she can. I hate what she is doing but I still want to support her so if a b list spot opens up and she calls me I will be there on her big day, and if not I'll just send my congratulations card and wish her the best from home
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    raeah219 said:
    I really don't think she is trying to be malicious or hurtful. I really just think she doesn't know anything about wedding planning and she is doing the best she can. I hate what she is doing but I still want to support her so if a b list spot opens up and she calls me I will be there on her big day, and if not I'll just send my congratulations card and wish her the best from home
    Maybe she isn't being malicious, but she honestly doesn't care if you are there or not.

    Why would you want to go to a wedding for someone who genuinely doesn't care if you are there?  
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