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FI asked the ring bearer without me, now what?

jimandpam87jimandpam87 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Party

Long story short, FI and I had been debating on whether or not to have a ring bearer at all in our wedding, mostly b/c the only little boy we know who we'd consider asking is his family friend's son, who will have just turned 3 by our wedding date.  Well, the other night, he was talking on the phone to said family friend and mentioned that we'd like to have his son be the ring bearer, if he could.  This was before us officially deciding whether to ask. 

I'm not mad at FI; I'm assuming he just thought we had decided.  He also doesn't really understand wedding etiquette, and maybe thought he could just ask and then take it back.  But now I feel like I'm stuck, b/c I honestly think he might be too young.  I've never met this kid before, but FI and FFIL are really close with the boy's father.  So I have no idea what his personality is/will be by 1/3/15. 

Is there any way to get out of this?  Or am I stuck b/c FI asked him and it's rude to take it back?  I honestly don't think the parents would be offended, but I don't want to assume and then they ARE offended.

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Re: FI asked the ring bearer without me, now what?

  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    Your FI asked so there is really nothing that you can do.  Just have the kid in your wedding since that is what it seems that your FI wants.  You do not need to know the child or need to meet him prior to your wedding.  And three is a fine age to be a ring bearer.  And has for his personality, he could be the sweetest boy on the planet but on your wedding day he could be a terror and vice versa. There really is no way to predict how a child is going to react when you need him to.

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  • jimandpam87jimandpam87 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Thanks for the advice.  One of my concerns was whether or not 3 was too young to be a ring bearer.  So I'm glad to hear that it's not a big deal.  I only mention personality b/c I know a lot of people say take the child's personality into consideration when choosing. 
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    jimandpam87 said:
    Thanks for the advice.  One of my concerns was whether or not 3 was too young to be a ring bearer.  So I'm glad to hear that it's not a big deal.  I only mention personality b/c I know a lot of people say take the child's personality into consideration when choosing. 
    Totally depends on the kid and how the kid was raised.

    It will likely be totally fine and you will have an adorable kid in your wedding!  It may be smart to mention to the parents (if you are close enough - maybe have your FI do this?) that if he stars having a meltdown or acts inappropriately you would hope they would remove him from the ceremony area.
    image
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    antoto said:
    jimandpam87 said:
    Thanks for the advice.  One of my concerns was whether or not 3 was too young to be a ring bearer.  So I'm glad to hear that it's not a big deal.  I only mention personality b/c I know a lot of people say take the child's personality into consideration when choosing. 
    Totally depends on the kid and how the kid was raised.

    It will likely be totally fine and you will have an adorable kid in your wedding!  It may be smart to mention to the parents (if you are close enough - maybe have your FI do this?) that if he stars having a meltdown or acts inappropriately you would hope they would remove him from the ceremony area.
    No do not do this.  This will come off as rude and that you think that they are complete morons.

    Let the parents parent their child.  You should not tell parents how to handle their kid if they start acting up.  Would you like it if someone told you how to deal with your kid if they start throwing a tantrum?

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  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Just let the little boy walk then sit with his parents
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  • jimandpam87jimandpam87 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    BMoreBride6 said:
    Just let the little boy walk then sit with his parents

    This is probably what we will do.  I'm more concerned about him standing during the ceremony than actually getting down the aisle.
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Have his parents sit in the front row (obviously to the farther side than parents/ BMs etc). Then have him walk down the aisle and sit with his parents. Then when they call for the ring he can bring it up and sit back down. Three is young, but they do better with small, manageable tasks such as "walk from here to there" than standing still and being quiet for 30 minutes.
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Maggie0829 said:
    antoto said:
    jimandpam87 said:
    Thanks for the advice.  One of my concerns was whether or not 3 was too young to be a ring bearer.  So I'm glad to hear that it's not a big deal.  I only mention personality b/c I know a lot of people say take the child's personality into consideration when choosing. 
    Totally depends on the kid and how the kid was raised.

    It will likely be totally fine and you will have an adorable kid in your wedding!  It may be smart to mention to the parents (if you are close enough - maybe have your FI do this?) that if he stars having a meltdown or acts inappropriately you would hope they would remove him from the ceremony area.
    No do not do this.  This will come off as rude and that you think that they are complete morons.

    Let the parents parent their child.  You should not tell parents how to handle their kid if they start acting up.  Would you like it if someone told you how to deal with your kid if they start throwing a tantrum?
    You totally have a point here - you're right :)  I take back what I said.
    image
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  • StefA8StefA8 member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    I'll be having a 2 1/2 year old flower girl, and a 3 1/2 year old ring bearer plus a 6 year old flower girl and a 5 1/2 year old ring bearer this spring. I'm not worried about the ages - mostly because I know that melt downs are likely... Heck, as adults we have meltdowns... If a meltdown occurs take it in stride, and know that since his parents will likely be sitting towards the front they probably won't want everyone looking at them and will most likely take action. Not saying that this is always the case though.
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