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Bridesmaid got invited to be bridesmaid to other friend's wedding on same day?!!

ajakikiajakiki member
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in Wedding Party
I'm feeling a bit weird about something, and wanted some opinions from fellow "the-knotters". Over a year ago I invited one of my oldest friends to be my bridesmaid, and she accepted. Just now, she is telling me she just got invited to be a bridesmaid at one of his other good friend's weddings on the same day. SHe just pulled out of being my bridesmaid, but she also turned down the other one.

She wants to "make both weddings." Which seems kind of impossible since they'll probably be around the same time of day at least an hour a part. I understand its kind of a predicament for her, but I feel kind of bummed that she can't commit to mine since I invited her over a year ago. I feel kind of like a brat even posting this...but it just makes me feel weird that she would want to be like "bye gotta go to the other wedding!" Its not bar hopping...

LOL anyways, other bridesmaid thinks I should just invite her as a guest like usual. Thoughts? I kind of just want to tell her to pick one of the other...but I don't want to be a b-zilla. Thanks! 


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Re: Bridesmaid got invited to be bridesmaid to other friend's wedding on same day?!!

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    BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
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    ajakiki said:
    I'm feeling a bit weird about something, and wanted some opinions from fellow "the-knotters". Over a year ago I invited one of my oldest friends to be my bridesmaid, and she accepted. Just now, she is telling me she just got invited to be a bridesmaid at one of his other good friend's weddings on the same day. SHe just pulled out of being my bridesmaid, but she also turned down the other one.

    She wants to "make both weddings." Which seems kind of impossible since they'll probably be around the same time of day at least an hour a part. I understand its kind of a predicament for her, but I feel kind of bummed that she can't commit to mine since I invited her over a year ago. I feel kind of like a brat even posting this...but it just makes me feel weird that she would want to be like "bye gotta go to the other wedding!" Its not bar hopping...

    LOL anyways, other bridesmaid thinks I should just invite her as a guest like usual. Thoughts? I kind of just want to tell her to pick one of the other...but I don't want to be a b-zilla. Thanks! 


    To the bolded, don't do that.  Ultimatums rarely work in your favor.  Yes, it sucks that she pulled out but think about it if you were in a similar situation.  What if 2 people you cared deeply about were getting married on the same day?  I say invite her as a guest (no do not replace her in the WP)...it's not like she ditched you so we can be the other girl's BM.  You never know, maybe it is possible she can be there for both of you.
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    Simply FatedSimply Fated member
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    That sucks and I can totally understand why you feel weird about it. She did commit to your wedding, so she really shouldn't have backed out. But oh well. if she wants to run around that day trying to make both weddings, then that's on her.
    Honestly? If I were in your shoes, I'd be super disappointed and possibly hurt, but I hope I'd eventually get over it. I mean, you can't control what other people do and it is what it is.

    I definitely wouldn't tell her to just pick one or the other, but I'd silently be hoping she'd just pick the other one.
    Oh, but I do think it's okay to ask for a definite yes or no as far as the reception goes. She shouldn't have you pay for her meal if she knows for certain she won't be there for that portion. Totally my opinion, though.
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    ajakikiajakiki member
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    I like that. I'll of course still invite her,as she is a great old friend, and know that it'd be tough to be put in that situation. I just would feel a bit odd having her leave half way through for another wedding..but that will be up to her. I think I will just ask her for a yay or nay either way - since I'll want to know if she's eating dinner at my reception. I think that's fair enough.

    Oh well! : ) Thanks for letting me vent and understanding!
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    ViczaesarViczaesar member
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    I understand why you're sad, OP, but you need to put yourself in her shoes.  You asked her to be in your wedding really early - you say you asked her over a year ago, and your wedding isn't until this August.  It's not reasonable to expect her to know her schedule and whether she will have any other important events that day almost 2 years from your wedding.  Now she has two good friends getting married the same day and wants to be able to celebrate with both of you.  Certainly ask for an RSVP so you know whether to pay for a meal for her, but otherwise just try to be happy that she's going to spend part of the day with you rather than all of the day with her other friend (sort of a 'glass is half full' argument).



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    sarahuflsarahufl member
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    That sucks. But think about how hard it must be for her, too. I have had to choose and it is never fun.

    Maybe she CAN make it to both of yours. IMO, if I had 2 friends getting married on the same day, I would try to at least come to some of the events for both people. But I am a people pleaser, so maybe that is just me.
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    flyingfoxesflyingfoxes member
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    That is really tough - I would think that if it were me I would stick to my original obligation to be bridesmaid, but at least she didn't ditch you to be the BM in the other wedding.  :)  I've fortunately only had 2 weddings in one day once - I was able to make both ceremonies by the skin of my teeth but by then I didn't want to attend the reception of the second one - too much running around in one day for me.  :)
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    qmda76 said:
    That is really tough - I would think that if it were me I would stick to my original obligation to be bridesmaid, but at least she didn't ditch you to be the BM in the other wedding.  :)  I've fortunately only had 2 weddings in one day once - I was able to make both ceremonies by the skin of my teeth but by then I didn't want to attend the reception of the second one - too much running around in one day for me.  :)
    Me too.  But I think that if you make the commitment to be someone's wedding party member, then you accept that you're not available to be someone else's wedding party member on the same day.  Trying to have it both ways when the schedules conflict actually does seem to me to be rude to the person whose wedding party you agreed to be in first.
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    BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
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    Jen4948 said:
    qmda76 said:
    That is really tough - I would think that if it were me I would stick to my original obligation to be bridesmaid, but at least she didn't ditch you to be the BM in the other wedding.  :)  I've fortunately only had 2 weddings in one day once - I was able to make both ceremonies by the skin of my teeth but by then I didn't want to attend the reception of the second one - too much running around in one day for me.  :)
    Me too.  But I think that if you make the commitment to be someone's wedding party member, then you accept that you're not available to be someone else's wedding party member on the same day.  Trying to have it both ways when the schedules conflict actually does seem to me to be rude to the person whose wedding party you agreed to be in first.
    Well she did say she wasn't going to be in either wedding...
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    edited February 2014
    BMoreBride6 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    qmda76 said:
    That is really tough - I would think that if it were me I would stick to my original obligation to be bridesmaid, but at least she didn't ditch you to be the BM in the other wedding.  :)  I've fortunately only had 2 weddings in one day once - I was able to make both ceremonies by the skin of my teeth but by then I didn't want to attend the reception of the second one - too much running around in one day for me.  :)
    Me too.  But I think that if you make the commitment to be someone's wedding party member, then you accept that you're not available to be someone else's wedding party member on the same day.  Trying to have it both ways when the schedules conflict actually does seem to me to be rude to the person whose wedding party you agreed to be in first.
    Well she did say she wasn't going to be in either wedding...
    Actually, the OP says she did accept the OP's first invitation to be in her wedding party and then pulled out, apparently so she can just be a guest at both.  I think she should have stood by her original commitment to the OP and let the other bride know that no, she couldn't attend her wedding because of a schedule conflict.  She handled it very poorly and IMO rudely and put the OP in a rotten position.
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    WildMageletWildMagelet member
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    I agree with Jen, that the x-BM should have stood by her original commitment, but that's water under the bridge now.  Even if she wanted to double-dip and attend both weddings, she could have been a BM in the OPs ceremony and then attended as a guest later in the day to the other wedding festivities.  BP photos before the ceremony are getting more popular to get more photos in without inconveniencing guests.  Unless the ceremonies are 2+ hours apart in starting time it's not like she will be able to attend both ceremonies, anyways.


    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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    BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
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    Jen4948 said:
    BMoreBride6 said:
    Jen4948 said:
    qmda76 said:
    That is really tough - I would think that if it were me I would stick to my original obligation to be bridesmaid, but at least she didn't ditch you to be the BM in the other wedding.  :)  I've fortunately only had 2 weddings in one day once - I was able to make both ceremonies by the skin of my teeth but by then I didn't want to attend the reception of the second one - too much running around in one day for me.  :)
    Me too.  But I think that if you make the commitment to be someone's wedding party member, then you accept that you're not available to be someone else's wedding party member on the same day.  Trying to have it both ways when the schedules conflict actually does seem to me to be rude to the person whose wedding party you agreed to be in first.
    Well she did say she wasn't going to be in either wedding...
    Actually, the OP says she did accept the OP's first invitation to be in her wedding party and then pulled out, apparently so she can just be a guest at both.  I think she should have stood by her original commitment to the OP and let the other bride know that no, she couldn't attend her wedding because of a schedule conflict.  She handled it very poorly and IMO rudely and put the OP in a rotten position.
    Sorry I misread your comment, I thought you were saying that the girl changed her mind in order to be in the second wedding.  Reading fail on my part
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    Tell her to watch the beginning of 27 Dresses. 
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    ajakikiajakiki member
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    Yeah, that's kind of how I felt at first. I guess it would have been a bit different if she were just invited as a guest to begin with. Oh well! I told her it's up to her, and that I'd love to have her, but she'll just need to divy up that day for herself however she'd like to. My dad's 2 best friends from middle school's kids got married on the same day somehow, and a bunch of mutual friends just picked one or the other and it was no big deal. Less stress = more fun in my opinion.

    I'd personally rather go to 1 wedding in 1 day, but I invited her to celebrate on Sunday at the day after brunch if she wanted to say hi too. : ) It's all good, and if i see her at any point during the weekend that will be good enough. Thanks for your help and advice, ladies!
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