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Uninvited guest "tagging along"!

LaurenbizLaurenbiz member
10 Comments Second Anniversary
in Wedding Woes

My mom said "yes" to the "can so-and-so tag along?" question, and my mom did this "during a weak moment" as she calls it.

 

BACK STORY: My mom has a cousin, I'll call him Greg. Greg and my immediate family are close. Greg's married to Mary. Mary has a big family, some relatives we're friendly with, some we have no contact with. Some of Mary's brothers and sisters are invited to the wedding. Mary's sister Betsy is one I never talk to and is not invited. She lives in another state but will be in town during the time of the wedding. So, Mary asked my mom if Betsy could come to the wedding since she'll just happen to be visiting that area. My mom said yes.

 

HANG ON! Betsy was never on the invite list. I know who she is, she knows who I am, but there is no contact or relationship with Betsy. My mom said that Betsy would want to see her sisters and brothers at the wedding. If she wants to see her family, can't she schedule that on another day? 

 

Do you see my issue? If I say no, she can't come, then this whole side of the family might not be happy with me. If I say yes, she can come, then I give into someone else's selfishness to simply just see their family at MY event. She never was on the guest list. Why will she be at my wedding?


THOUGHTS?


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Re: Uninvited guest "tagging along"!

  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I'd be annoyed by this.
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  • GBCKGBCK member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    Your mom said yes.
    That's not 'binding', but, if the 'yes' has been given, it tends to be WWIII/relationship ending/drama-riffic to take back that yes and say no.
    (if your mom had said "let me check w/ my daughter, that would be different)

    So...how much do you NOT want this person there?  enough to create a rift between Betsy's family (including the siblings invited) and yours?  
    And are we talking a 20 person wedding or a 150 person wedding?  Because if it's the latter, you'll probably never even notice she's there.
    (and--check yourself.  I get it was gauche and you don't like her using your wedding as a family GTG.  But  wanting to see your wedding and participate in the day isn't 'selfishness' as much as it's cluelessness)
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  • mrsconn23mrsconn23 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Is there a huge issue with Betsy?  Or is this just stemming from someone inviting someone else to your wedding? 

    I understand the annoyance factory, totally.  But if it's just one person, I'd let it go.  Put them all at a table with each other and call it a day. It's not worth pissing several people off, IMO. 

    And tell your mom to direct any future invite requests to you if she can't say no to people. 
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    Yeah, your mom was seriously out of line. And I'd be pissed, too.

    I agree with @GBCK, that un-inviting her now will cause WWIII and drama UNLESS you can couch it in terms of, "Mom, we couldn't invite everyone from Mary's family, and for you to have gone and said yes to Betsey means that all the people we DIDN'T invite are going to rightfully have hurt feelings."

    Also, if not ALL of Betsey's brothers and sisters are invited to your wedding (which is sounds like the case is, from your OP), then she's going to be attending your wedding to see her siblings at the expense of seeing other siblings at the same time. That doesn't make sense.

    Also, weddings aren't family reunions. They often turn into one (mine did; my dad's siblings were all together with their spouses for the first time in years), but if it were going to be a family reunion it should be for, you know, YOUR FAMILY (or your FI's), not your cousin's wife's siblings.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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