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BM who can't fulfill her duty?

ksweene1ksweene1 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
My side of the bridal party is my sister (MOH) and my two best friends from high school. I'm getting married in September 2014 in Georgia. All three of my maids live in NJ. One of my high school friends informed me that she is pregnant with her third child - so excited for her and her growing family. She is due two days before my wedding, making her attendance at the wedding virtually impossible in any form (BM or guest) except if something horrific and/or unexpected happens (which could be incredibly sad and for which I am NOT hoping). She said she would understand if I wanted to replace her/demote her and I said I would absolutely not do that. She's my best friend and I truly want her there to share my day and to be a BM. But if she can't fulfill Rule #2 of a BM (showing up; Rule #1 being buying a dress), should she remove herself? If she doesn't remove herself, do I expect that she buy a dress she'll never wear? (That sounds silly and bridezilla-ish just typing it out...) She still wants to be involved in everything - bridal showers, bachelorette activities, etc. Can you have a "BM in spirit"?
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Re: BM who can't fulfill her duty?

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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Sure.  But don't replace or demote her.  Just leave things be.
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    WildMageletWildMagelet member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    mobkaz said:
    The kindest, in the true spirit of friendship suggestion would be to suggest she wait until 3-4 weeks prior to the wedding before purchasing a dress.  Suggest she look for a dress in the same color as the bridal party, but suited to her current physical status.  If she is able to attend, all will be right with the world.  If she is unable to attend, she has a dress that she can easily return.

    In any event, list her in your wedding program as one of your bridesmaids.  There is no need to demote or replace her.
    All of this!

    Also, if she can make it, make sure she has a chair so she can sit down during the ceremony and when she needs to during pictures.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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    sarahuflsarahufl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Yep, tell her to hold out till she feels more comfortable buying something and you 100% want her there if it works out that way.
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    ksweene1ksweene1 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks for everyone's feedback! We'll definitely list her in the program or on signage (whatever we end up doing) whether she's there or not. If she is there, we'll have a chair for her to sit in, in case she needs it. I'll talk to her about the dress, but honestly, I'd be so thrilled if she could make it, she could wear sweatpants and a sweatshirt for all I care.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    I would continue to call her a BM in the program, but since she won't be attending she won't need a dress.

    This is also an example of where "Honorary Bridesmaid" is appropriate.  She physically can't be there, but would be standing up for you if she were.  
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    She can't make it to your wedding for good reason. That doesn't make her any less important to your life. So go ahead and still call her a bridesmaid, invite her to any pre-wedding events, but don't ask her to buy a dress. If for any reason she CAN make it to your wedding, she just won't have a matching dress. 

    Also, have someone be in charge of setting up a skype/facetime session with her the day of your wedding while you're all getting ready, so she can say hi and share in your joy (and if she has a new baby, you can share in that joy!). And if you want to be silly, hold up the iPad with her skyped in for a group picture with the other bridesmaids. 
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