What is it with venues and cash bars???

Sabinus15 · February 2014

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:

So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Jen4948 · February 2014

Sabinus15 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:
So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Weddings are hosted. You pay. End of story. Doesn't matter if the invitations are verbal or written.

grumbledore · February 2014

Oh I'm not. We have a venue that meets all of my requirements, I just got nervous that we didn't have a backup plan in case anything goes wrong.

JCBride2014 said:
@grumbledore How were you thinking a back-up plan would work? We don't have a back-up plan either, but I'm not about to pay a deposit to keep something else open just in case. Or are you just particularly worried because of problems with your current venue?

We had a momentary snafu (now fixed) with our venue so I panicked and started looking for alternatives just in case. Just wanted to see if we had other potential options in our price range.

lyndausvi · February 2014

The direction this thread is going in is making me sad.

Sabinus15 · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:
So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Weddings are hosted. You pay. End of story. Doesn't matter if the invitations are verbal or written.

BUT WHY? Why are weddings so inherently different from other social events? A wedding is a social event

JCbride2015 · February 2014

grumbledore said:

Oh I'm not. We have a venue that meets all of my requirements, I just got nervous that we didn't have a backup plan in case anything goes wrong.
@grumbledore How were you thinking a back-up plan would work? We don't have a back-up plan either, but I'm not about to pay a deposit to keep something else open just in case. Or are you just particularly worried because of problems with your current venue?
We had a momentary snafu (now fixed) with our venue so I panicked and started looking for alternatives just in case. Just wanted to see if we had other potential options in our price range.

Thanks, makes sense. I was thinking... omigosh am I supposed to have a backup plan???

grumbledore · February 2014

@Sabinus - do we really have to have this discussion again? When you invite guests, you should pick up the tab. It's called being a polite, good host. End of story.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

The direction this thread is going in is making me sad.

Me too. I'm trying really hard not to engage, both here and on @hvlonb's awesome etiquette FAQ.

natswild · February 2014

@ Sabinus 15, check out the sticky at the top of Etiquette.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

@Sabinus15, I really don't get why you bother being on here. You are clearly not listening to the other users on here, which is annoying because you're asking them direct questions even though it's clear you won't accept any answer that doesn't mimic your own idea, but whatever, you don't HAVE to listen to anyone.

Do what you want, but seriously, quit asking us for input on stuff you won't budge on, it's just irritating. If you're so set on a cash bar, then have one and quit bugging us about it and whining when we don't agree. I really feel like the only questions people should post on here should be questions on which they haven't made a decision or actually want input on. If you're not going to change your mind regardless of what is said, then why even bother asking?

So given that you're clearly not here to get advice, what the hell are you here for? Do you really think you're going to make an entire community of people change their mind? We don't like cash bars, and there are a LOT of us that feel that way. You are not going to single-handedly make every single one of us start liking them. Oh well, get over it.

FiancB · February 2014

I JUST had an email exchange with a potential venue. I told them I loved it but hinted we were also looking at another one that was less costly. Their response? "Remember that cash bar sales count toward your minimum!" SMDH. I'm getting the sense that a hosted bar is really rare around these parts.

lyndausvi · February 2014

FiancB said:

I JUST had an email exchange with a potential venue. I told them I loved it but hinted we were also looking at another one that was less costly. Their response? "Remember that cash bar sales count toward your minimum!" SMDH. I'm getting the sense that a hosted bar is really rare around these parts.

Why wouldn't hosted bar also? I don't understand their line of thinking?

JCbride2015 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

FiancB said:

I JUST had an email exchange with a potential venue. I told them I loved it but hinted we were also looking at another one that was less costly. Their response? "Remember that cash bar sales count toward your minimum!" SMDH. I'm getting the sense that a hosted bar is really rare around these parts.

Why wouldn't hosted bar also? I don't understand their line of thinking?

Good point. And if they are going to count a cash bar toward the minimum, how would you know ahead of time whether the minimum would be met? What happens if the guests don't fork over enough cash?

RissAnn1970 · February 2014

When we were looking at venues not one brought up a cash bar. Premium open bar was in every basic package.

jessicabessica · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

FiancB said:

I JUST had an email exchange with a potential venue. I told them I loved it but hinted we were also looking at another one that was less costly. Their response? "Remember that cash bar sales count toward your minimum!" SMDH. I'm getting the sense that a hosted bar is really rare around these parts.

Why wouldn't hosted bar also? I don't understand their line of thinking?

Because if the cash bar counts, then your guests pay part of your minimum so you don't have to. The hosted bar counts too, but the couple has to pay it, so it doesn't reduce the couple's cost at all.

I actually find that kind of surprising. I would have thought that the venue would not count cash bar sales toward the minimum, because then the couple would have to spend more money elsewhere, so the venue comes out ahead (i.e., venue pushes cash bar to get couple to pay minimum and guests pay alcohol, rather than couples + guests pay minimum).

abbyj700 · February 2014

Sabinus15 said:

Jen4948 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:
So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Weddings are hosted. You pay. End of story. Doesn't matter if the invitations are verbal or written.

BUT WHY? Why are weddings so inherently different from other social events? A wedding is a social event

They couldn't have a multibillion dollar industry if they didn't have rules like this... :-)

delujm0 · February 2014

The thing i REALLY don't understand is that i feel like 90% of the time the venue would make a bigger profit offering ONLY a "$XX per person" bar package. Our venue offers packages between $24-36/person. I KNOW a lot of people are not going to drink that much booze. There are people coming that won't drink booze at all. And the people that will drink more than that won't cover everyone else. Not to mention the fact that it would be so much easier to manage. Cash bars are crazy from all angles.

Jen4948 · February 2014

abbyj700 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Jen4948 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:
So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Weddings are hosted. You pay. End of story. Doesn't matter if the invitations are verbal or written.

BUT WHY? Why are weddings so inherently different from other social events? A wedding is a social event

They couldn't have a multibillion dollar industry if they didn't have rules like this... :-)

In this instance, it's got nothing to do with the wedding industry. Just as you don't invite guests to your home for dinner and ask them to pay for their meals or even their drinks, you don't do it at a wedding. For purposes of hosting, the venue becomes an extension of your home, and you pay all the costs. Expecting your guests to open their wallets to save you money is RUDE.

Stop trying to defend any "guests should pay" suggestions, because they are indefensible.

FiancB · February 2014

jessicabessica said:

lyndausvi said:

FiancB said:

I JUST had an email exchange with a potential venue. I told them I loved it but hinted we were also looking at another one that was less costly. Their response? "Remember that cash bar sales count toward your minimum!" SMDH. I'm getting the sense that a hosted bar is really rare around these parts.

Why wouldn't hosted bar also? I don't understand their line of thinking?

Because if the cash bar counts, then your guests pay part of your minimum so you don't have to. The hosted bar counts too, but the couple has to pay it, so it doesn't reduce the couple's cost at all.

I actually find that kind of surprising. I would have thought that the venue would not count cash bar sales toward the minimum, because then the couple would have to spend more money elsewhere, so the venue comes out ahead (i.e., venue pushes cash bar to get couple to pay minimum and guests pay alcohol, rather than couples + guests pay minimum).

Yeah, basically they were trying to say they aren't that expensive because I can just push the cost of the wedding onto my guests! Brilliant! Hosted still counts too, but then I'd be paying for it, and who wants to do that? I might as well get them to pay for their food, too, and heck the decoration package while we're at it!

I would say actually most venues offer this up as an option, at least ones that I've talked to.

I like the $X per hour option because it makes both sides happy. I know what I'm getting into, I probably save a little money, but the venue still makes some pretty big guaranteed profits.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

RissAnn1970 said:

When we were looking at venues not one brought up a cash bar. Premium open bar was in every basic package.

This was my experience as well. No one mentioned cash bars, and no venue was ever cash bar only.

mollyringwald15 · February 2014

Jumping back to the original post - My fiance and I looked at many venues (probably too many). About half of them charged different prices for drinks depending on if it was cash or hosted. For instance, if you opted for a cash bar a white wine would cost $8, but if you hosted they would give you a lower price and only charge $7. Never encountered somewhere that said we could not host... that is weird.

I also viewed a golf course that strongly suggested the drink ticket concept. The event coordinator said the majority of couples choose this option at their facililty. She said it makes it so much easier, just have your Dad hand out the tickets or something right after the ceremony.

I actually laughed in her face. She didn't seem to get it.

Tandksmommy · February 2014

Our venue specifically has listed on their event information that weddings are not given the option of a cash bar. We can either do the bar package per person or do it by consumption and we pay the tab. We are opting for the consumption because we have enough people/kids that don't drink, and the number of drinks those who do drink would have to consume was insane.

abbyj700 · February 2014

Jen4948 said:

abbyj700 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Jen4948 said:

Sabinus15 said:

Sabinus15 said:

But what if you invite your friends and family a week ahead of time to a small wedding, and everyone eats out at a restaurant afterwards and the couple doesn't pay for everything. That sounds an awful lot like a lot of other informal events (baptisms/confirmations, birthdays, family reunions) that happen all the time and no one expects for one person to pay for everyone's meal. I'm just asking, what inherently makes a wedding so special that it needs it's own set of etiquette?

Doesn't matter how formal the occasion is-if you issue the invitation, you're responsible for picking up the tab, wedding or any other occasion.

BOXLESS:
So if I invited everyone verbally, what is it then? Hosted or unhosted? I'm just failing to see where everyone draws the line one way for most social events, but WHOA, WAIT. You can't do the same thing for a wedding, that's heresy!

Weddings are hosted. You pay. End of story. Doesn't matter if the invitations are verbal or written.

BUT WHY? Why are weddings so inherently different from other social events? A wedding is a social event

They couldn't have a multibillion dollar industry if they didn't have rules like this... :-)

In this instance, it's got nothing to do with the wedding industry. Just as you don't invite guests to your home for dinner and ask them to pay for their meals or even their drinks, you don't do it at a wedding. For purposes of hosting, the venue becomes an extension of your home, and you pay all the costs. Expecting your guests to open their wallets to save you money is RUDE.

Stop trying to defend any "guests should pay" suggestions, because they are indefensible.

Wow...nowhere have I ever said guests should pay. Nor are we having a cash bar at our wedding.

What is it with venues and cash bars???

Re: What is it with venues and cash bars???

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