Sister - cash bar and cash meal!

sofakingmad · February 2014

And really? $45/person. No way.

Nope nope nope nope.

OP, you really should talk to her about this.

delujm0 · February 2014

This is terrible, but if she's one of those brides that feels that her guests should be honored just to be invited and won't mind paying for their own meals and therefore won't be swayed by reason...

...maybe you can use the "but if you ask them to pay for their meals, they might not also get you gifts" line. It's not a strict science, but in my experience, brides that feel like their wedding is an "honor" for other people to attend are generally the same brides that are gift-grabby. Because if they weren't gift-grabby, they would be perfectly happy hosting a smaller wedding that they could easily afford to host properly, and getting fewer gifts.

For some brides, the thought of not getting gifts might be enough for them to settle for serving something cheap (pizza, BBQ, whatever) so that they would "make a profit" instead of charging admission.

Disclaimer: i do not feel this way about any of this, i am fully hosting my wedding, and i don't expect gifts from anyone. But we all know that there are a lot of people out there that don't feel the same way.

SP29 · February 2014

Oh boy, oh boy.

I'd be interested to know how your sister plans to get the money from guests, particularly since most venues require you to make regular deposits leading up the wedding, with a final payment a few days to a week or two before.

If she puts it on the invitation, she should expect a higher decline rate. If she asks at the reception, a lot of people won't have the money on them. If she asks afterwards, she's likely to lose a bunch of friends.

I agree with you and your mom teaming up together (not against her) to see if you can help her come up with a better idea. I also agree with Delujm, while I don't agree with it myself, if need be I'd use any slant that would work towards getting your sister to host her guests better, such as, "Guests might not know to bring enough money for dinner and drinks", "Guests will likely give you a smaller gift", etc.

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

What do your parents think? Any chance they can help talk her out of this mess?

marshmallow1982 · February 2014

What I would be interested to know is, will the guests know in advance that they have to pay for their meal? I mean, what if someone comes with their 3 kids and doesn't happen to have $180 on them!

Tandksmommy · February 2014

I would be horrified if I got to a wedding and spent X on a gift (usually comparable to what I think the cost of the meals is going to be)- only to be told I then needed to pay for my meal. If it wasn't pay week, I may not be able to afford it on top of paying for travel, hotel, gift, etc.

delujm0 · February 2014

I mean there have been stories on here about guests showing up at weddings, noticing that it was cash bar, opening their cards, and removing the checks from them in order to cover their own drinks. If guests are also told to pay for their own FOOD? Are you kidding? I'd never attend that wedding (if I knew about it in advance...if i found out once I arrived, I'd leave, with my gift in tow). If i want to go out to dinner, I'll go without having to get all dressed up, without going to the trouble of traveling, and without getting a gift, to whatever restaurant i want to.

Inkdancer · February 2014

Tandksmommy said:

I would be horrified if I got to a wedding and spent X on a gift (usually comparable to what I think the cost of the meals is going to be)- only to be told I then needed to pay for my meal. If it wasn't pay week, I may not be able to afford it on top of paying for travel, hotel, gift, etc.

This is very true for me as well. If it's the first pay period of the month, all my bills just went out and I have $0 left to spend on anything not in my budget.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

We are going to have to hear an update on this one!

lyndausvi · February 2014

If I'm paying for my own meal I decide when, where and how much. And we are a couple who have no problem dropping $45 on entrees alone. We only have a problem with someone else deciding the when, where and how much for us.

banana468 · February 2014

lyndausvi said:
If I'm paying for my own meal I decide when, where and how much. And we are a couple who have no problem dropping $45 on entrees alone. We only have a problem with someone else deciding the when, where and how much for us.

My aunt has that philosophy when she's talked with people who thought that guests should cover their plate. Her line is, "If you want me to cover my plate then I get to pick the place. "

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

lyndausvi said:

If I'm paying for my own meal I decide when, where and how much. And we are a couple who have no problem dropping $45 on entrees alone. We only have a problem with someone else deciding the when, where and how much for us.

Agreed, amen!

[Deleted User] · February 2014

Hopefully she puts it in her invitations that there will be a charge for the meal so guests aren't caught off guard when they are presented with a bill at the end of the evening. I think she is going to be surprised by how many people either decline due to having to pay for their own meal or how little they get in gifts. If I were a guest and having to pay for my own dinner that's going to take away from my budget on what I can afford to give the bride & groom as a gift, in fact they might only get a card with nothing in it.

Hopefully you can change her mind, or at least convince her to put something about the charge with the invites as so that guests aren't caught by surprise by the charge.

Jen4948 · February 2014

I doubt she will put anything in her invitations.

But if she did, it wouldn't surprise me if she gets an acceptance rate of 0.

BMoreBride6 · February 2014

@tesskerr
any updates?

FiancB · February 2014

Yes, dying to know how this is going down!

Sister - cash bar and cash meal!

Re: Sister - cash bar and cash meal!

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