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Why do I need a pre-nup?

CMGragainCMGragain member
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edited February 2014 in Chit Chat
This is for all you ladies who think you don't need one.
Today my late MIL's farm was sold.  She had tried to put it in trust for her two adult children, but somehow some of the paperwork "disappeared" 20 years ago.  Today the farm sold for more than 2 million dollars.  Step-mother gets it all.  We begged FIL to get a prenup, but he didn't.  I feel sad for my husband.
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Re: Why do I need a pre-nup?

  • natswildnatswild member
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    That really sucks!
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  • chibiyuichibiyui member
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    Damn. :(
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
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    Ugh, that sucks. :(
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • JennyColadaJennyColada member
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    Why does the step-mother get it all instead of both of them?
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    That really sucks. I'm sorry for your husband
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited February 2014

    Jennycolada said:
    Why does the step-mother get it all instead of both of them?

    She is his wife.  He has Alzheimers.  She inherits everything unless it is specificly set aside for someone else.  He is no longer capable of making a valid will.
    If he had a pre-nup, it would have excepted his late wife's farm, which was in trust for him until now.  Now that it is sold, there is no more trust.  The farm was in the family for more than 150 years.
    I signed a pre-nup about the farm and the businesses they owned, back in 1976.  No problem for me.  We have done well for ourselves, and DH retired at age 55.  I recently inherited some unexpected money from my own late mother.  I immediately set up a trust account with our children's names on it, JIC.
    My late MIL is whirling in her grave.  All his life DH was told that someday he would have half of the farm. He used to visit the farm with our kids. It is so hard for him.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    ding, ding, ding.

    Sorry that happened to your family.  In this day and age of 2nd marriages they are more important that ever.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    edited February 2014
    Not just 2nd marriages!  Suppose your father owns a farm.  You might not have anything now as a young bride, but suppose you inherit that farm, and then in 20 years, your DH takes off with another woman and wants to claim part of that?  It happens!
    Get the pre-nup!
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    PS. There is a 4 carat diamond solitaire men's ring that is supposed to go to DH.  It was from his mother, too.  I bet he never gets it!
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
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    I am so sorry, @CMGragain. That just sucks.
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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited February 2014
    It isn't yours until it is yours.  I know you have read Dickens' Great Expectations.  "God Bless the Child Who's Got His Own".
    I can't help think about my little grandson, and how that farm could have made such a difference for his future.
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  • pinkshorts27pinkshorts27 member
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    CMGragain said:
    PS. There is a 4 carat diamond solitaire men's ring that is supposed to go to DH.  It was from his mother, too.  I bet he never gets it!
    I just mentioned this on another thread, but the only reason my dad got his dad's ring was because his dad managed to get it to him before he passed. My aunt tried to take it.

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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited February 2014
    Funny story about the diamond.  It was loose in a jar of cold cream up in the top of my late MIL's aunt's closet.  She had about 10 diamonds she had bought as investment against another 1930's Depression.  MIL knew about it, and went and got the jar before they cleaned out the apartment after the aunt died.  (Auntie had no children, but had helped to raise MIL after her parents died.)  MIL's ne'er-do-well brother had already rummaged through the apartment, but he didn't know about the diamonds.  My SIL has a custom ring made from some of them.  The largest (4 carats) was set into a man's ring, and worn by my FIL for the past 40 years.  I guess MIL didn't really like jewelry, but she wanted her son to have that ring.  Oh, well.
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  • jdluvr06jdluvr06 member
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    This just reaffirms my and FI's decision to have the prenup.
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited February 2014
    Good!  I was hoping I would help somebody by posting this!

    PS.  FIL was an attorney before he had to retire!
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  • hikebikebemerryhikebikebemerry member
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    But what if neither of us own a farm worth $2 mill?  Or tons of diamonds?
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
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    edited February 2014
    hikebikebemerry said:
    But what if neither of us own a farm worth $2 mill?  Or tons of diamonds?
    Marry well!  ;-)

    Kidding.  But if you get good educations, work hard and are careful with your money, someday, hopefully, you will have money put away for your retirement.  That's what we did.  Having a long stable marriage certainly helps, but I'll be darned if my DH's next wife will inherit MY jewelry!!!
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  • blabla89blabla89 member
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    Ugh, so sorry your family is going through this @CMGragain.

    My parents didn't have a pre-nup. They eventually separated but never divorced. Now that my mother has passed away, my father is trying every legal maneuver possible to take what little money she left to my brother and I. He hasn't succeeded yet, but it's cost us over $20k to fight it in court, not to mention the stress it's caused for our family. Having the extra legal protection for my mother's assets that a pre-nup could have provided would have prevented this situation. I could have had the wedding of my dreams with that $20k (which was one of the things my mom left the money for)...but I'm not bitter or anything...

    To OP's point, even if you say divorce is not an option for you - in the case of death or a debilitating medical condition, you may not get a choice and it's best to have the pre-nup in place.
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
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    So sorry you had to deal with all of this!!

     

    I realize most girls on here are going into their first marriage. However, stuff does happen that can be out of your control. Once you have a family, it's very important to consider things like pre-nups for second marriages and living trusts. We have both in place because my DH has two children that he wants to ensure are taken care of if something happens to him. So, please do not think of a prenup/living trust as something that is related to a divorce! Think of it as something that can protect your future family.

     







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  • natswildnatswild member
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    very true.  We will be doing a prenup, even though it's my first, it's his second, and I was totally on board when he suggested it.
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  • cruffinocruffino member
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    Sorry to hear it. A fight over an inheritance caused a rift in my mothers family about 40 years ago. It was never repaired. It's such a shame that families are ruined over greed.
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    @cruffino When my grandfather died (i was 5) and when his will wasread apparently some tricks were played and my aunt got the short of of the stick and has completely broken communication with my grandma, mother and uncle. She has a lot of resentment towards all of them. It breaks my grandmothers heart but she has done a lot of damage, and she disinherited her from what she has told us. I know when my grandmother dies another fight will ensue.
    My family has a lot of property, assets, and businesses and ever since we began thinking about marriage myFI himself suggested a pre-nup. Wearestill in the early stages but we are deff going throughh with it. We are also including a clause to keep our assets separated once we marry just so he is not affected by my career and possible lawsuits nor our future children.


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