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Help! Pregnant BM can't make it!

BarbaraB1014BarbaraB1014 member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I just found out that one of my BMs is pregnant and due the week of the wedding. She was going to have to fly in for the wedding, so needless to say, she's not going to make it. I am incredibly excited and happy for her, particularly as this will be her first baby. (All babies are exciting, but I think there's something extra-special about the first!) I am not mad or upset that she can't make it (just bummed that I'll miss her!), and she is the one who decided to back out. I would never have kicked her out, and if it weren't for the flying across the country part, would have still included her somehow if she didn't feel comfortable or able to be in the wedding party.

But- What do I do now?? My FH offered to drop a GM, but I don't want to risk hurt feelings there. I could also ask another good friend, but I wouldn't want her to just feel like a "replacement" BM. Is it weird to have an uneven number? My "I like things to be symmetrical" brain doesn't really like this option. :/
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Re: Help! Pregnant BM can't make it!

  • nebullamanebullama member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    Uneven sides are not even slightly weird! I have a symmetry loving FI and I explained it to him like this, "I'd be more than happy to make sure the floral arrangements at the altar are even and symmetrical on both sides, but people are not floral arrangements." I say that in hopes that it will give you some perspective.

    Please don't even consider hurting one of your FI's nearest and dearest for the sake of evenness. It will likely end their friendship. And you are 100% right to think that replacing your BM is not the right thing to do at all.

    You'll get used to the unevenness, I promise.
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  • LadyMillilLadyMillil member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    No one will notice or care if your sides are uneven. However, kicking out a GM so your sides will be even can be a friendship ending move

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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Just have uneven sides.  When the WP processes out, one BM can take a GM on each arm.  And if you still want to honor your friend, you can keep her listed as a BM or honorary BM in the program.
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Name Dropper
    JCBride2014 said:
    Just have uneven sides.  When the WP processes out, one BM can take a GM on each arm.  And if you still want to honor your friend, you can keep her listed as a BM or honorary BM in the program.
    This.  Continue to think of her as a bridesmaid.  If you can swing it, send her gift and/or some flowers with a kind note around the time of your wedding.
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    You don't need to do anything.

    You do not need to have even sides, and it would be hurtful to your friend to replace her as a bridesmaid.
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  • Mitch617Mitch617 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I'm having one fewer BM than GM and it is common to have uneven sides. I personally don't like the look of bridal party photos when the sides are way off (like 8 BM and 2 GM) but still I think it is better to ask those close to each of you rather than worry about a tally or the "look"
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  • lc07lc07 member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    OP, I'm so glad that you won't be adjusting the bridal party numbers just to make things even. One of my bridesmaids couldn't make it to our wedding d/t her being pregnant and too high risk to fly. I didn't replace her. But to this day, 2.5 years later I sincerely regret not buying her a gift and not mailing her a bouquet. She is an amazing friend and is supportive and loving of me and my marriage regardless of the fact that she couldn't attend. Just food for thought that you may want to still honor her with those things.
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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Look up some pictures of wedding parties with uneven sides. When there's only one BM or GM "missing", it's super hard to tell unless you actually count (and nobody does that).

    I'm a huge fan of symmetry, but after seeing pictures of uneven sides, I have to say I actually like it. I think it looks really nice. It IS a bit weird when there are only two BMs and then eight GMs, but missing one from one side isn't a big deal and is hardly noticeable.

    During the recessional, you could have the extra GM walk down the aisle with a BM and GM. Have the BM stand in the middle so the two men are "escorting" her.
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  • princessleia22princessleia22 member
    Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    Hmm... I know that flower arrangements look better with odd number of flowers in them.  I wonder if wedding photos work the same way and look better with odd numbers? I could see some logic to that.

    We are having uneven numbers and didn't even think twice about it.  Originally we were going to have 3 BM's and 1 GM.  One of my BM's even offered to drop out because she was concerned about it being so uneven (my BM's also couldn't handle having unmatched dresses... I told them to just buy any short blue dress, but they decided they still needed to coordinate and buy same dress anyway).  But having my best people beside me is more important than even numbers. In the end, FI decided that he wanted to include his nephew in the wedding party also, so it's not quite as off balance now, but it wouldn't ruin my day either way.

    image 

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  • wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited February 2014
    Here are some photos. You can hardly tell the sides aren't even when they're all mixed together.
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  • KickAssMOHKickAssMOH member
    Sixth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    I had uneven sides in my wedding, and when I look at my photos all I really look at is myself anyways hhahahahahhahahahah
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