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Much needed bridal shower/b party wkd and need your advice

jnsainijnsaini
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in South Asian Weddings

Hey Ladies
I need your advice ladies, I know I can rely on you girls you can understand what I am going through...
so the good first, I am back from my shower and bach party from NYC this wkd, what a great wkd, I was happy to be surrounded by gf's we joked a lot and were in great mood all wkd , the best thing was the agenda was planned so perfectly for entire wkd by sis which put my mind at ease and its nice to take a breather from the word planning. She went all out and gotten a limo (to my surprise) from her house in Philly to NYC (4hr drive) we were relaxed the entire trip there.
Bad Drama that happened-There was some drama created at dinner by 2 girls that showed up (they are FI's best friends gf's) they werent speaking much with me at dinner I dont know why,regardless I thanked them twice politely (at end of dinner) with a hug for showing up to dinner but they didnt say thank you once for the invitation, I told FI a little bit of it but didnt have much time I was upset that they just walked away not acknowledging the invite at all.. During dinner, I tried to not leave them out and I tried hard to get them in convo with our group. Little did I know that would come to bite me in the ass. I was talking to one of the girls, (attempting to have a convo) so I thought I would think of a funny subject to losen them up. I mentioned to her about of this video that was taken at FI's bach party of her bf smashing beer cans with his head, and if she had seen it was funny. She commented by responding her bf doesnt share anything with her like that. I didnt have much to say after that, seems like she didnt want to talk. I tried other times but it was FAIL after that..
So same night these girls met up with one of FI's friends and mentioned about the video (they hadnt seen) and the girl acted so upset about it. So FI's friend had a fight with him saying it shouldnt have been mentioned to her, FI said to him that he  never thought it would be taken wrongly because they(his friends) have shared embarassing or funny things like that before about FI with me and it never hurt anyone.I felt so bad and wanted to apologize to FI's friend which I did but my gf's disagreed saying I shouldnt have and that the girl is too uptight to let her man be, and do what he wants to do and have fun..what do you girls think?? I havent stopped thinking about the situation at all till then!

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Re: Much needed bridal shower/b party wkd and need your advice

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    SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    The girl was out of line and rude. Both of them treated you in a snippy, short manner which was innapropriate given your invitation and constant attempts to be friendly.

    You do not owe anyone an apology, but the fact that you want to give one helps. It is her problem, her irrationality, and her poor behavior.

    I'm sorry you had to go through it but to be honest, you are a classy girl - none of this behavior is a reflection on you. Only on her, for her lack of decency at someones happy occasion.


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    SonaliPopSonaliPop member
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    edited December 2011
    Also, let me add, she was being a beeeeeeeeeeeeeeetch.
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    HinajHinaj member
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    edited December 2011
    First of all, I am glad your shower went so great, minus the awkwardness!!!  But as your other gf's told you, you are not in the wrong here.  You had every right to assume, that the gf would know about the bachelor party since her bf was with your FI, so its onlly logical to talk to her regarding it to get her into a conversation.  And how the hell should your FI know that the video or whatever happened at the bachelor party was not suppose to be mentioned to her??  Your FI is not a mind reader.  If his friend took him aside, and told him something along the line that I don't want XX to know about this for whatever reason, he could have passed that info on to you. 

    Also, your FI's friend should have just told his gf what was going on?  If she knew about it, she wouldn't be so upset, and maybe its the fact that he didn't say anything to her, and she is finding out from you instead of her bf.  or she is really that uptight about it in which case, both of them should have talked it out before the bach party. 

    But in all of this, you and FI are not at fault for anything, and you really shouldn't have to apologize for anything.  I don't even understand why both of them are taking an attitude toward you and your FI. 
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    SonaliPopSonaliPop member
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    edited December 2011
    Yeah - it is an outside issue between them, not you two. You're in the clear and you did your best. Props to you for that.
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    jnsainijnsaini
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Its rough times already for FI and I know FI's friend are his only family and his own fam (90%) chance wont be showing up for the wedding :(..so I am trying hard to not let things go wrong for him. But I feel sometimes no matter what I do or say doesnt help at all :( So i sent this message right away to FI's friend last night when I got back so late below is the exact pasted message
    me: i apologize for mentioning what happened
      no one saw the video
      it was just a mention
      i promise you that
      it was my hard attempt to have a conversation
      my bad
      didnt mean to hurt anyone
      it wasnt amits fault
      he only shared it with me
    12:23 AM and he didnt share it with anyone
      i havent even seen it yet
      my phone didnt download it
      and i havent been on the computer all wkd
    12:25 AM i know u are probably pissed off but my intention wasnt to hurt anyone
      gnite
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    HinajHinaj member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Seriously Nicky, you really went out of your way than you needed and if both of them still don't get and it becomes as big as not showing up to the wedding, which I don't think this calls for then its their fault and their pettiness that is holding them back and you and your FI should not spend that much time worrying about them.  I know his family says they might not show, but I kind of have a hard time believing that they will carry out their threats. 

    You FI just wants to marry you, if people show up to celebrate with you its great, if they don't, its their lost because at the end of the day, you guys will be married and that is the most important thing. 
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    SonaliPopSonaliPop member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Let me say this as your knottie friend...

    This man loves you and you CLEARLY love him. You are doing everything you can and if his family is missing it, that's their fault. If his friends and their respective others kick up a fuss, I can see how hurtful it would be. But he is very lucky to have you and I know you are doing your best to make this a beautiful and wonderful day, and moreso, you are doing everything to be a great partner. You should give yourself some props, girl. With what you have to deal with, you are making it happen!
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    jnsainijnsaini
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Thank you so much girls,
    I read your messages with teary eyes seriously! Its amazing how far we have come. Just never imagined it would be this rough and god has really tested my love all throughout the time we been together..and in a way makes me really believe in love and the strong power it holds between two ppl that no matter waht you pull through it all.
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