Invites to just the reception vs. ceremony & reception

Squeaker2002 · November 2009

I'm getting married on top of a huge rock formation and space is limited. How do I go about invciting only certain people to both ceremony and reception? How would I word that I am only inviting most of the people to the reception?

duckie1905 · November 2009

For that, I would include a separate ceremony card for those that are invited to the ceremony. For everyone else just give them the invite to the reception.

But, I do hope you know that more than likely you will hurt people's feelings over this. Some still consider the ceremony to be the important part and frankly, if they aren't invited to the ceremony don't see much purpose in going to the reception. IMO, it isn't nice to split your guests by order or importance. Either book a venue that can accomodate everyone or cut your list so everyone can attend.

Just food for thought.

KappaK · November 2009

I second PP. I would be offended if I received only an invite to the reception and not the ceremony. It will probably make your other guests feel like they weren't important enough to make the cut to watch the ceremony.

danieliza1127 · November 2009

Some people might be offended to not be invited to the ceremony, but many others will totally understand. It is okay as far as etiquette goes to invite some to the reception only, what's not okay is to invite some to the ceremony only and not the reception.

So the best way for you to do what you have planned is to make your main invitation for the reception only, and then add an insert about the ceremony information that only goes in the invitation for those invited to the ceremony.

aerinpegadrak · November 2009

The other ladies have the right idea about doing a reception invitation with an insert to the ceremony for those invited.

I'd get word of mouth working for you on the ceremony location. Normally I'd be a little miffed to only be invited to the reception, but if I knew that the ceremony was going to be somewhere kind of crazy (the top of a giant rock, skydiving, underwater), then I wouldn't really expect to be invited to that.

ashleypastori · December 2009

I agree with the seperate invitations. It wouldn't hurt my feelings to be invited to just the reception and not the ceremony given the location of the ceremony. Frankly, I see nothing wrong with only having your closest friends and family at the ceremony and having everyone at the reception. I would consider having them on different days though. Most of the time when I've been to receptions where people had small famliy ceremonies, the reception was held the next day or the next weekend. I'm not sure why, but it seems less insulting to the guests that weren't invited to the ceremony to have more of a seperation between the ceremony and the reception.

Squeaker2002 · December 2009

Thanks everyone! It is hard trying to make everyone happy. It's starting to irk me and the wedding is 18 months away! Grrr!!! If we only rent chairs for the elderly folks and say, our parents then we can fit most everyone into the park. If we put chairs out, we can only get 1/2 our invite list there.

Just trying to figure out whats right and whats not. Why is pleasing "family" so stinkin hard!!

mrsamyjones · December 2009

hey have you thought about broadcasting your ceremony to your reception site so that those who "cant fit" can still watch there are several ways to do this but it's just a thought

aerinpegadrak · December 2009

I'd caution against inviting fully half your guest list to the ceremony. People are much less likely to be hurt if they know that the ceremony is family/WP only than if they find out that most of the guests got to see the ceremony, but they didn't. It's okay to limit the ceremony, but it's best to limit it as far as possible to avoid hurt feelings.

Goldlie11 · December 2009

I 'm in a similar situation that everyone can't come to the ceremony. FI really wants to get married at City Hall NYC, which can only fit 30 people. What we are doing is inviting grandparents, parents, siblings, and our wedding party (if we even decide to have a wedding party).

Just make it very clear that you really want to have your ceremony at a certain site and that you regret that everyone cannot attend. Ceremonies are super short, so I'm not sure if everyone will get bent out of shape over missing it. Videotaping the event is a good idea.

christine825_us · December 2009

It is your wedding but personally, I wouldn't go to the reception if I wasn't welcome at the ceremony. Maybe thats just me though.

banana468 · December 2009

I think PPs hit the nail on the head. If you're going to do this, keep the ceremony very limited - 20 guests or fewer for this to work.

Beyond that, be prepared that some people will be hurt that they're not invited to the ceremony. You can't control how they feel so you'll want to be prepared with a few answers.

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