Thanks For Your Advice

specificnorthwest · February 2014

I've made seats for everyone and food for all those eating solids. THanks so much for the advice!

AprilH81 · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Right now, I'm treating children under 3 as "non existent" IE they sit in parents laps, I'm not providing food for them because children that age need high chairs to eat and the venue can't provide it, they honestly can't be left to crawl on the floor because it's a rough wooden warehouse floor (read SPLINTERS), so I'm basically treating them like they're attached to their mothers. Bear in mind, my reception is 2pm to 4 or 5pm, between meals so that we are only providing adults and children 3+ a light snack.

I can't afford a babysitter or a "kiddy area", am I being reasonable or should I provide more?

I'm worried because I can't afford much of anything in addition and I can't ask my friends to leave their kids at home. I'm on an extremely tight budget, I have about $25 wiggle room.

First, most kids are out of high chairs and into booster chairs around 1 1/2 years give or take.

Second, no kid over the age of one is going to sit patiently in a parents lap, they will want to wiggle, run and play. There is no way to reasonably expect they will be "attached to their mother".

Third, with kids under 1 (especially infants) you should provide chairs at the table so parents can sit the baby down in the car seat.

Bottom line you need to provide SOME SORT of chair for all the kids that RSVP yes. You don't have to provide a baby sitter or a kids room, but you need to provide them a place to sit.

You should provide some sort of baby friendly food (once they start on solids they can do soft fruit that is cut up) and the toddlers can most likely eat whatever you are serving as long as it isn't too spicy.

Teddy917 · February 2014

Yes. You need to provide a chair. The mother is at leader going to want to set down a bag, car seat, the kid if he/she can sit on their own. Providing a meal is probably not necessary for little ones. But two/three year olds might need something.

You dont have to provide a sitter. You couldn't require people to drop their kids off anyway.

specificnorthwest · February 2014

Ok, I can provide more seats, and could change around some catering options to provide kid friendly food, but i can't provide food for every single little one. Honestly, I think parents should provide their little ones whatever snack because I can't guarantee that every child likes say apples and cheese or if I can provide food to consider EVERY allergy (there are a LOT of little ones with diverse allergies.) Since it's between a meal and parents probably won't want to stay until the end (kids get restless and cranky from overstimulation). I am providing food and seats for kids 3 and up.

My venue is at a warehouse, children cannot crawl on the floor without getting wet/muddy/splinters. I can't have small ones who don't know better left to their own devices.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

Is it possible to NOT invite children? I'm asking because you said you can't ask people to leave their kids at home... did you consider this when you chose your venue?

specificnorthwest · February 2014

I didn't realize that it might be an issue that parents would leave the kids to crawl around a room of virtual strangers.

Teddy917 · February 2014

You're right that kids might not like the options. If that happens, tough. The parents can either bring other stuff or make their kid eat what's offered. But you're inviting them so they must be offered a chair and food as they are your (pint-sized) guests.

Just put ____ number of kids meals. Then if parents decide Junior doesn't need a meal they put 0.

RebeccaB88 · February 2014

I think you're overthinking this. Kids are walking by the time they're 1 & 1/2 years old, and most parents are going to notice an uneven rough wood floor and not let the crawlers down on it. It's the parents responsibility to police their kids, not yours. (Understanding that not all parents do this, but if they don't and something happens, it's on the parents.) All you have to do is provide appropriate food, not cater to their likes and dislikes. The parents can deal with what they do and don't want to eat. Just make sure everyone has a chair and the kids can sit at a table with their parents, plenty of napkins, and parents will probably improvise whatever else they need. For the highchair set, they will probably play Trade the Baby so each parent can eat. The older kids can run around outside until they figure out there's cake available.

phira · February 2014

You need to provide food for everyone who's old enough to eat solid foods. I get not providing formula and Gerbers, but you should not expect parents to provide snacks for their kids at your event. You're inviting these people, including these kids, to your wedding; it's rude to say, "Well, you and your kids are invited, but I'm not feeding them, so bring something." You're not required to cater to every picky eater's whim, of course; if a toddler doesn't want chicken nuggets when chicken nuggets happens to be the kiddie meal, that's not your problem.

SP29 · February 2014

I agree that you need to provide a chair for everyone, regardless of age and some food option. But I also agree you are over thinking this. It's up to the parents to mind their children, and as long as you have something appropriate to eat it's not your fault if every kid doesn't like it. Whatever you choose for the kids doesn't have to be anything crazy, and it can be something that the adults can eat too, such as fruit or cheese and crackers. If the child is that young that something simple won't suffice (such as the child is not eating solids), I am sure the parent will be prepared and bring the appropriate food. If you are doing plated meals, not a bad idea to put ___number of kids meals so you have idea how many little ones are eating. We had a dinner reception. Our flower girl (our niece) was just over 2. She had the same kids meal as her 7 year old brother. As a 2 year old she eats (mostly) the same food her parents do, and she knows how to sit in a chair so your age 3 cut off is a bit odd and not accurate to what you are assuming. ETA: for some reason my paragraphs are not showing up...

MGP · February 2014

Is it possible to NOT invite children? I'm asking because you said you can't ask people to leave their kids at home... did you consider this when you chose your venue?

Honestly treating kids as if they are non existent is worse than not inviting them at all. Find a way for them to all have seating and provide food for any kids that are on solid foods (for the record most babies start on some type of solid at 6 months). You have an obligation to be a proper host no matter what your guest's age.

mysticl · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Ok, I can provide more seats, and could change around some catering options to provide kid friendly food, but i can't provide food for every single little one. Honestly, I think parents should provide their little ones whatever snack because I can't guarantee that every child likes say apples and cheese or if I can provide food to consider EVERY allergy (there are a LOT of little ones with diverse allergies.) Since it's between a meal and parents probably won't want to stay until the end (kids get restless and cranky from overstimulation). I am providing food and seats for kids 3 and up.

My venue is at a warehouse, children cannot crawl on the floor without getting wet/muddy/splinters. I can't have small ones who don't know better left to their own devices.

If a child has a food allergy the parents will most likely bring appropriate food for the child or work around what you have. I took my son to a wedding when he was 11 months old. I fed him from my plate. You don't need to have special kid food you just need to have food for them. I would be seriously annoyed to show up at a wedding and discover my now 17 month old (who was an invited guest) was expected to sit on my lap. I quite simply cannot eat if he is on my lap. As for the time of your wedding we would most likely stay the entire time. We would allow him to get down and walk around. We would supervise him but if I tried to hold him the entire time he would become cranky and begin to cry/scream.

I have to ask why are you holding your reception in a building that has wet, muddy floors? That would give me the impression of your venue being "dirty" and not somewhere I would want to spend time or eat.

mysticl · February 2014

AprilH81 said:

specificnorthwest said:

Right now, I'm treating children under 3 as "non existent" IE they sit in parents laps, I'm not providing food for them because children that age need high chairs to eat and the venue can't provide it, they honestly can't be left to crawl on the floor because it's a rough wooden warehouse floor (read SPLINTERS), so I'm basically treating them like they're attached to their mothers. Bear in mind, my reception is 2pm to 4 or 5pm, between meals so that we are only providing adults and children 3+ a light snack.

I can't afford a babysitter or a "kiddy area", am I being reasonable or should I provide more?

I'm worried because I can't afford much of anything in addition and I can't ask my friends to leave their kids at home. I'm on an extremely tight budget, I have about $25 wiggle room.

First, most kids are out of high chairs and into booster chairs around 1 1/2 years give or take.

Second, no kid over the age of one is going to sit patiently in a parents lap, they will want to wiggle, run and play. There is no way to reasonably expect they will be "attached to their mother".

Third, with kids under 1 (especially infants) you should provide chairs at the table so parents can sit the baby down in the car seat.

Bottom line you need to provide SOME SORT of chair for all the kids that RSVP yes. You don't have to provide a baby sitter or a kids room, but you need to provide them a place to sit.

You should provide some sort of baby friendly food (once they start on solids they can do soft fruit that is cut up) and the toddlers can most likely eat whatever you are serving as long as it isn't too spicy.

My 17 month old loves Mexican food.

LondonLisa · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Ok, I can provide more seats, and could change around some catering options to provide kid friendly food, but i can't provide food for every single little one. Honestly, I think parents should provide their little ones whatever snack because I can't guarantee that every child likes say apples and cheese or if I can provide food to consider EVERY allergy (there are a LOT of little ones with diverse allergies.) Since it's between a meal and parents probably won't want to stay until the end (kids get restless and cranky from overstimulation). I am providing food and seats for kids 3 and up.

My venue is at a warehouse, children cannot crawl on the floor without getting wet/muddy/splinters. I can't have small ones who don't know better left to their own devices.

If you are doing fruit, crackers and cheese platters, that is perfectly fine for a child. You don't have to serve them a happy meal, but just have enough food to include them. Don't treat them as a "non-guest" but also don't worry if they do not like your option. They don't eat very much to begin with so just a little extra at the buffet, juice or milk, and some cake will go very far. When I was little, I never had "children's meals", usually just the same as my parents in a smaller portion. If the children have severe allergies, I guarantee the parents will bring their own food for them as to prevent cross contamination. What are you planning on serving?

I also agree they each need a seat. It is the parent's responsibility to make sure their child behaves, but it is your responsibility to provide refreshments (but you don't have to provide a special children's meal).

Edited: spelling

emmyg65 · February 2014

I don't think you need to provide any special food for children, but you do need to have enough of whatever you're serving for all your guests, including children. And enough chairs for all your guests, including children. Beyond that, trust parents to parent their own kids.

Don't treat any of your guests as "nonexistent." If you don't want kids there, just don't invite them.

JellyBean52513 · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

I didn't realize that it might be an issue that parents would leave the kids to crawl around a room of virtual strangers.

Your reasoning is really confusing.... first of all, virtual strangers? Are none of your guests related to each other or otherwise already acquainted? Second of all, you didn't realize that children crawl and that a parents might set their child down off their lap? Have you EVER been around children?

I swear I'm not trying to be sarcastic. I'm just flabbergasted that a grown adult has no understanding about children. Kids crawl, they walk, they run. Even children aged 1+ won't simply sit still in a lap all night (but they will have bites of their parents' food!).

If you're not going to put your food down and invite only parents (which it seems like that's what you truly want), then you need to be a good host and provide a seat for every butt and make sure there is food for everyone. Let parents decide, if their kids are invited, whether or not to bring something else for their child and let the parents police their kids. If they want their kids to crawl around and get dirty or stepped on, that's the parent's problem, not yours. And I guarantee you that it won't affect you or the rest of your wedding in any way.

Edited for clarity

banana468 · February 2014

I get the impression that you're trying to be nice but you don't have a lot of experience with young children. Once DD was walking, she was on the move (and that was at 12 mo. She rarely crawled after that time. ) When DH and I went to his aunt's for Easter, we had to eat in shifts because she wouldn't stay still. There was no sitting on the lap because there was no sitting. And once she stopped eating purees, I fed her what we ate. I may have had a small snack but I wouldn't show up to a wedding with my child and food for her unless she had allergies.

wrigleyville · February 2014

mysticl said:

I have to ask why are you holding your reception in a building that has wet, muddy floors? That would give me the impression of your venue being "dirty" and not somewhere I would want to spend time or eat.

I wondered the same thing. I wouldn't want to show up in a dress and heels, only to find out the floor is muddy and wet. I also wouldn't want to sit down, as the hem of my dress might touch that floor.

Jen4948 · February 2014

You need to provide chairs for everyone, regardless of age. Treating children under 3 as "non-existent" is rude to them and their parents. And yes, don't expect them to sit quietly in their parents' laps. That's rude to the parents as well as their children.

Beyond that, it's up to the parents to make sure their children behave appropriately. Leave that in their hands.

SJM7538 · February 2014

Please do not treat children this way. Every human being invited to your wedding needs a seat. When you go to a restaurant do you see parents with their children in their laps? No they are either in booster seats or carriers that can be set down on a chair.

As far as food just make sure your buffet has a few kid friendly choices although most parents will know if their child is a fussy eater and will plan appropriately. My nephew pretty much eats anything at 17 months old and my sister would most likely not have an issue feeding him at a buffet wedding.

And you are not required to hire a sitter. It is the parents responsibility to make sure their child behaves.

Please elaborate on the dirty muddy floors?

[Deleted User] · February 2014

I had two kids at my wedding that fell under this category. I didn't include them in the head count for food but I did include them in the chair count. One was only 4 months old, so even though our venue had high chairs, it was easier for the parents to bring in the baby carrier/car seat and just put it on a chair to watch the baby while they ate and talked to other guests. I wouldn't worry about providing food, if you are already serving fruit & cheese/crackers and/or veggies, if it works for the child, the parents will give them a little off their plates. They won't eat enough to have to worry about charing for a full adult. If the child is on a special diet or has allergies, they will bring their own food for their child. I didn't hire any type of a sitter, but understood that they would end up leaving shortly after dinner because their kids would need to go to bed. Keeping afternoon nap times in mind, those guests with kids may not be able to stay long at your reception even with it being an afternoon reception. Relax & just plan for seating and you'll be fine.

Kauris · February 2014

Could you possibly keep it to a cake and punch type of reception? Then you wouldn't have to worry about what kids eat or don't, because ALL (okay most) kids love cake! Plus, it might be even less expensive than what you are planning.

MrsEll · February 2014

Does your venue/caterer offer a children's option or reduced price for children? Our venue charged us something really low - $10 or $20 - with the options we had selected. Or we could have chosen to have a special meal just for those kids - chicken fingers or something.

MrsEll · February 2014

Also, I'm sure you don't realize how bad your post sounds. I can only hope that, if you are in fact blessed with children at some point, your sentiments toward children in general will have changed significantly. How should you treat a child under 3? Like a little human, that's how.

Pepper6 · February 2014

1. You need to provide a chair for every person (and yes, babies/toddlers are people). Whether it's for the parents to set a carrier on or just a place reserved for the child, they need a seat.

2. If you are only serving light snacks anyways and not a full meal, then children under 3 really won't need to be included in your head count as they'll likely just eat from their parents plates. If you want to be 'safe' in making sure you have enough though, I'd add a 'person' to your catering count for every 3-4 children under 3.

Viczaesar · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Ok, I can provide more seats, and could change around some catering options to provide kid friendly food, but i can't provide food for every single little one. Honestly, I think parents should provide their little ones whatever snack because I can't guarantee that every child likes say apples and cheese or if I can provide food to consider EVERY allergy (there are a LOT of little ones with diverse allergies.) Since it's between a meal and parents probably won't want to stay until the end (kids get restless and cranky from overstimulation). I am providing food and seats for kids 3 and up.

My venue is at a warehouse, children cannot crawl on the floor without getting wet/muddy/splinters. I can't have small ones who don't know better left to their own devices.

Then you should not invite them. It is absolutely inappropriate to invite anyone that you are not planning on feeding.

ETA: The same goes for chairs! Every butt gets a chair. I don't know of any 3 year old lap children. Your attitude about your guests who are age 3 and under is bizarre.

indianaalum · February 2014

specificnorthwest said:

Ok, I can provide more seats, and could change around some catering options to provide kid friendly food, but i can't provide food for every single little one. Honestly, I think parents should provide their little ones whatever snack because I can't guarantee that every child likes say apples and cheese or if I can provide food to consider EVERY allergy (there are a LOT of little ones with diverse allergies.) Since it's between a meal and parents probably won't want to stay until the end (kids get restless and cranky from overstimulation). I am providing food and seats for kids 3 and up.

My venue is at a warehouse, children cannot crawl on the floor without getting wet/muddy/splinters. I can't have small ones who don't know better left to their own devices.

you are MORE likely to have them crawling on the floor if you do NOT give them a seat.

You need to feed them. They are still human beings. If they have allergies, parents know either to let you know, or not let them eat the food depending on the severity.

honestly? your attitude toward small children is a little disconcerting

From a PRACTICAL standpoint, people won't enter your venue and realize their child has no chair, therefore you are CREATING a seating dilemma. If I come with my child, I place him next to me on the assumption he has a chair..which means there is one less chair when the next person sits at the table. You WILL have a nightmare on your hands by not having enough chairs..people will be fighting over chairs and stealing them from other tables

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

It sounds like you should just not invite children.

SP29 · February 2014

Also, ask your caterer about the cost for small children.

We had one child under 12, and 2 under the age of 3. They were all counted for a chair. All kids under 12 were eligible for a kids meal. There was no charge for kids under 3, but they still got a meal.

I doubt your caterer will charge you full price for small children, but you still need to have something for them.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

Have invitations gone out? We're childrens names included on those invites?

Liatris2010 · February 2014

It isn't nice to invite a person to an event and then ignore them. How would you feel if someone invited you to a party and when you got there you were told there was no seat for you and no food for you? You'd feel like you weren't wanted and that you shouldn't have come. Your feelings would be hurt. The kids your inviting might be too young to feel that way, but their parents will feel it for them. Don't invite guests you are planning to ignore. Either find chairs and food for the kiddies (fruit, veggies, cheese, crackers all sound like things toddlers will eat) or don't invite them.

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