Is your FI/DH your best friend?

ShallowSeas · February 2014

FI is definitely my best friend and vice versa, but we were best friends 6 years before we started dating. I'm sure even if we hadnt been best friends prior that he would still be my best friend. He's the person I'm closest to and I tell him everything. We hang out not just as FI's but also as best friends. I can count on FI for anything and know that he will never judge me...he has all the qualities I would consider to be a best friend.

laceybird · February 2014

I consider FI my best friend simply because I have a very small group of friends. My closest female friend (who refers to us as BFFs) if great, and we enjoy spending time together, but in the 10+ years we've known each other, we really haven't had any "heart-to-heart" talks or anything on a deep and personal level.

Sure, we would talk about boy troubles and frustrations and things of that nature, but we don't really share a lot of personal stuff going on between the two of us. We've always used our time together forgetting about things that bother us and just enjoying company and having fun together, which is what we want.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

jenniferurs said:

Nope. I have a husband and a best friend. They're different people. They're both the most important people in my life. But they fulfill me in very different ways. Also, I could never marry my actual best friend because she drives me a bit batty.

It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say they're married to their best friend.
Why would that be a pet peeve of yours? Just because you don't view your husband to be your best friend doesn't mean that others don't view theirs to be.

It's sort of a pet peeve of mine, too. I don't know why exactly, and I would never tell somebody it bothers me (except obviously on an internet forum where that's the topic of discussion). I think it contributes to some kind of idea in society that your relationship is the end-all be-all of life, or that it's not important to have other friends outside the relationship. As I said above, I also think that phrase leeches the passion out of a relationship. This will sound harsh, but people who say "I'm married to my best friend" sound to me like they don't have much of a life outside their relationship. I realize obviously that is NOT true of the vast majority of people who say that, and really what they're trying to say is that Fi is very special to them. The wording just rubs me the wrong way.

Senecaf · February 2014

FI is my best friend I guess. I never think of him that way though. We have known each other since adolescence and I don't have a ton of other friends.

If you all asked this Questing to your s/o what would they say. I know mine would say his best friend is not me. I'm his FI. Not the same kind of best friend.

emmyg65 · February 2014

jenniferurs said:

Nope. I have a husband and a best friend. They're different people. They're both the most important people in my life. But they fulfill me in very different ways. Also, I could never marry my actual best friend because she drives me a bit batty.

It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say they're married to their best friend.
Why would that be a pet peeve of yours? Just because you don't view your husband to be your best friend doesn't mean that others don't view theirs to be.

I said it was a pet peeve, not that I think it's wrong or untrue or whatever. FWIW, other pet peeves of mine include when people whistle when they breathe or insist on paying for things with exact change.

The spouse/best friend thing bugs me partly because it's sometimes symptomatic of a feeling that marriage is the ne plus ultra of human relationships, and partly because i think that's just a lot of pressure to put on a single relationship, and partly because some people who say this are practically joined at the hip with their spouse and have no independent sense of self-worth.

Obviously, some people really do get to marry their best friend and none of those issues are at play. That's why it's just a pet peeve.

flyingfoxes · February 2014

Yeah I find it a bit cheesy when people say they're married to their best friend. FI says I'm his best friend though, lol. I just feel like I HAVE a best friend, known her since we were 14. FI is who I'm also going to share everything with, but I can have both - I don't have to choose.

WildMagelet · February 2014

I have more than one "best friend" but FI is definitely on the list. We were close friends before we were a couple though, so that might have something to do with it. Not everyone I've dated I have considered to be my "best friend," for me it's not automatically a title that goes along with significant other.

APDSS22 · February 2014

I have a lot of people I would trust to help me move a dead body...but I would say my husband is my best friend. My friends tend to be a circle of good friends rather than a "best friends" relationship though so maybe that contributes.

easilyunamused · February 2014

I don't know, 10 years ago it was me and my best girlfriends against the world. Now, it's me and DH against the world. Relationships change and evolve. I spend 99% of my time with H, because we both live thousands of miles away from our home states. We have friend here, but we will hang out them together most of the time. No one could replace my girl best friend, but MH is my life partner. It's a different relationship.

We are both still independent people, but we very much enjoy each others company.

Wine is amazing. That is all.

jenniferurs · February 2014

JCBride2014 said:

jenniferurs said:

emmyg65 said:
Nope. I have a husband and a best friend. They're different people. They're both the most important people in my life. But they fulfill me in very different ways. Also, I could never marry my actual best friend because she drives me a bit batty.

It's actually a pet peeve of mine when people say they're married to their best friend.
Why would that be a pet peeve of yours? Just because you don't view your husband to be your best friend doesn't mean that others don't view theirs to be.

It's sort of a pet peeve of mine, too. I don't know why exactly, and I would never tell somebody it bothers me (except obviously on an internet forum where that's the topic of discussion). I think it contributes to some kind of idea in society that your relationship is the end-all be-all of life, or that it's not important to have other friends outside the relationship. As I said above, I also think that phrase leeches the passion out of a relationship. This will sound harsh, but people who say "I'm married to my best friend" sound to me like they don't have much of a life outside their relationship. I realize obviously that is NOT true of the vast majority of people who say that, and really what they're trying to say is that Fi is very special to them. The wording just rubs me the wrong way.

So do the people who have an FI and a separate best friend only have those two people in their lives? Or do they have friends beyond the BEST friend and their fiancé? And if they're allowed to have friends outside of their best friend, why wouldn't those people whose FI is their best friend also be able to have a plethora of others? Note, nobody is saying FI is their ONLY friend; just best. That doesn't preclude them from having other friends, nor does it preclude them from having a life. It's just a classification of that one relationship.

I still consider my best friend of 17 years to be my best friend, but my FI is also my best friend. And if I HAD to choose one or the other as being closest to me, it'd be FI. This is a man who has put hemorrhoid cream on my hemorrhoids and personally administered enemas to me in order to relieve the pressure. This is a guy who pops my pimples. This is a guy who plays hours of video games with me, watches football all weekend with me, and with whom I share everything and have the most in common (I love my best friend of 17 years but she's not into football and video games so much). Heck, even when we broke up for a year, we still hung out daily, because we loved each other's company that much.

That also doesn't mean that we lack passion though. In fact, I think you have to be pretty damn passionate about someone to administer an enema to her and still be so attracted to her that you were having sex with her that same day

. But that's just me.

So I guess I just don't see why your FI being your best friend is a bad thing. The same way you can have your best friend and others on top of that in your life, so too can someone have an FI who is their best friend and also have others in their life. All it means is that they're closer to their FI than anyone else and I just can't understand why that concept would annoy someone.

grumbledore · February 2014

My FI is my best friend, but I have a few "best" friends I can't imagine living without.

photokitty · February 2014

My brother is my best friend, but since we have both gotten married DH is closing in on the title. DH told me a few months before the wedding that i am his bf...I've felt pretty guilty he's not mine since he told me. It's a sibling bond and I've never had a non family member come close to that bond.

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

Maybe I'm a best friend whore but I have like 3 people I consider my best friends :P I don't really view "Best friend" as meaning you're picking one person who you like better than all of your other friends, I view it as another tier of friendship- you have your friends, then your best friends.

KytchynWitche · February 2014

I love FI (obviously), and yes he is certainly one of the best friends I could ever have, but he's not my best friend. My mom and my MOH are my best friends.

hlvonb · February 2014

My fiance is my best friend. He knows me better than I know myself sometimes. There's nothing I couldn't tell him and vice versa.

Teddy917 · February 2014

My husband has this saying: "You're better than my best friend , you're my wife."

Is your FI/DH your best friend?

Re: Is your FI/DH your best friend?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards