Bridesmaid Vent

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

MrsEll · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:
I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

It sounds like your feelings are pretty spot-on. I don't think saying anything would do any good, honestly. If you can suck it up and follow-through, then do it. If, on the other hand, this really bothers you, then you can always back out. Either way, I wouldn't be too surprised if your friendship fizzles out after this.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

MrsEll said:

AgnesJay1 said:
I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

It sounds like your feelings are pretty spot-on. I don't think saying anything would do any good, honestly. If you can suck it up and follow-through, then do it. If, on the other hand, this really bothers you, then you can always back out. Either way, I wouldn't be too surprised if your friendship fizzles out after this.

Me neither. I kinda have the feeling that she asked me to be in the wedding because I'm her big sis and it's just out of obligation (it's a tradition in our sorority to ask your big sis and little sis to be in your wedding)

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

I think your feelings are very reasonable- If I was treated the same way as a bridesmaid I would also be annoyed. As a bridesmaid, you have ONE job- get the dress and show up to the wedding wearing it. You should not have to buy the headband and shoes. If she wants everyone to match that much she should be buying it, you're not a piggy bank. Her attitude is really gross too, especially the "Priorities in order" comment. She needs to get her head out of her ass, her wedding may be a priority for her, but she should not expect everyone else's world to revolve around it. She sounds obnoxious, IMO.

I think it would be reasonable of you to step down if you wanted to. Keep in mind this will end the friendship, not because you'd be rude, but because she definitely sounds like the type to flip out and not see what she did wrong to upset you. I don't see the point in preserving friendships with people who don't treat you well, so I would step down, but that's just me. If you can tolerate it a little longer and go through with this, props to you, you're more patient than me, and should definitely reward yourself with liberal use of the open bar.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

I can maybe understand her not wanting to talk about her marriage-prep classes. I mean that stuff is really between her, her FI, and their teacher. I wouldn't really want to gossip about want kind of possible marriage issues FI and I may be facing or what we aren't agreeing on either. I would just let that go and if she wants to talk to you about it she will.

As for the rest. Yes she is being a huge diva and yes she is using her supposed friends as props in her wedding.

SJM7538 · February 2014

She sounds like real a "special snowflake"

If you care about the friendship I would just show up in the dress the day of and smile for pictures, that's all you are required to do. And enjoy the bar!!

If your okay with it ending then I would drop out bc it doesn't sound like she is going to get any better.

Side note... I will never ever understand why women think their WP are there servants. What the hell are you doing on your wedding day that requires a woman to think everyone needs to be at their beckoning call. You're a bride not the damn queen of England.

Sorry that last part was unrelated and a total rant.

photokitty · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

I can maybe understand her not wanting to talk about her marriage-prep classes. I mean that stuff is really between her, her FI, and their teacher. I wouldn't really want to gossip about want kind of possible marriage issues FI and I may be facing or what we aren't agreeing on either. I would just let that go and if she wants to talk to you about it she will.

As for the rest. Yes she is being a huge diva and yes she is using her supposed friends as props in her wedding.

This^^

It doesn't matter if you are NFP instructor, her sex life is none of your business. I wouldn't want to discuss that with anyone beside my FI and the person instructing us, not everyone is comfortable talking about their sex life. And there could be other factors, like health issues that make it a more sensitive subject. I get that you are trying to be a supportive friend, but you have to let it go and not push the issue bc it's her marriage and sex life, not yours

Otherwise, yes you are prop and she is rude expecting you do buy matching shoes and head pieces. If she wants them she should buy them.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

photokitty said:

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

I can maybe understand her not wanting to talk about her marriage-prep classes. I mean that stuff is really between her, her FI, and their teacher. I wouldn't really want to gossip about want kind of possible marriage issues FI and I may be facing or what we aren't agreeing on either. I would just let that go and if she wants to talk to you about it she will.

As for the rest. Yes she is being a huge diva and yes she is using her supposed friends as props in her wedding.

This^^
It doesn't matter if you are NFP instructor, her sex life is none of your business. I wouldn't want to discuss that with anyone beside my FI and the person instructing us, not everyone is comfortable talking about their sex life. And there could be other factors, like health issues that make it a more sensitive subject. I get that you are trying to be a supportive friend, but you have to let it go and not push the issue bc it's her marriage and sex life, not yours

Otherwise, yes you are prop and she is rude expecting you do buy matching shoes and head pieces. If she wants them she should buy them.

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

sarahufl · February 2014

Why do adults need matching headbands? That confuses me.

I agree with PP about the NFP stuff, I wouldn't take that too personally. I can understand why you asked, but I think she was fine not responding.

jdluvr06 · February 2014

If I were you I would dropped out.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

Doesn't change the fact that your friend may not want to discuss that with you or anyone besides her instructor.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

Doesn't change the fact that your friend may not want to discuss that with you or anyone besides her instructor.

And that's fair. I'm just trying to show interest in what's going on in her life right now. I just get annoyed when people hear that I'm an NFP instructor and that automatically makes me a perv that wants to know about a person's sex life.

sarahufl · February 2014

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

Doesn't change the fact that your friend may not want to discuss that with you or anyone besides her instructor.

And that's fair. I'm just trying to show interest in what's going on in her life right now. I just get annoyed when people hear that I'm an NFP instructor and that automatically makes me a perv that wants to know about a person's sex life.

FTR, I don't think that. I think you are interested in what your friend is doing. Doesn't mean she wants to share.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

Doesn't change the fact that your friend may not want to discuss that with you or anyone besides her instructor.

And that's fair. I'm just trying to show interest in what's going on in her life right now. I just get annoyed when people hear that I'm an NFP instructor and that automatically makes me a perv that wants to know about a person's sex life.

I seriously doubt that is what sarahufl was saying. She was just saying that things that are discussed in certain pre-marriage classes are for the couple and only the couple should volunteer that information, rather then getting prodded by a friend for details just because she happens to be a NFP instructor as well.

Inkdancer · February 2014

Sounds like someone really does need to get her priorities in order... and it isn't you!

jenniferurs · February 2014

I have no issue with her asking you to try on bridesmaid dresses (since you said the first dress wasn't to your taste) and not responding immediately to your texts. Nor do I have an issue with her not wanting to discuss marriage prep with you.

The only thing I think she did wrong was require you to purchase things on top of the dress that she should otherwise be required to pay for. It's an etiquette faux-pas for sure, but not something I'd necessarily end a friendship over, nor would I assume she only views you as props or servants because of that. Some people are just truly naive to the etiquette involved in bridesmaid attire.

That being said, you could let her know that the shoes and headband are placing a burden on your wallet, but I'm not sure what else you can do, short of backing out.

STARMOON44 · February 2014

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out.

And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

photokitty · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

photokitty said:

Maggie0829 said:

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

I can maybe understand her not wanting to talk about her marriage-prep classes. I mean that stuff is really between her, her FI, and their teacher. I wouldn't really want to gossip about want kind of possible marriage issues FI and I may be facing or what we aren't agreeing on either. I would just let that go and if she wants to talk to you about it she will.

As for the rest. Yes she is being a huge diva and yes she is using her supposed friends as props in her wedding.

This^^
It doesn't matter if you are NFP instructor, her sex life is none of your business. I wouldn't want to discuss that with anyone beside my FI and the person instructing us, not everyone is comfortable talking about their sex life. And there could be other factors, like health issues that make it a more sensitive subject. I get that you are trying to be a supportive friend, but you have to let it go and not push the issue bc it's her marriage and sex life, not yours

Otherwise, yes you are prop and she is rude expecting you do buy matching shoes and head pieces. If she wants them she should buy them.

You must not be too familiar with NFP (nor instructors). The follow up sessions (or the introductory class) doesn't even discuss the frequency, positions, or ANY details of the sex life. It's more about the woman (or couple) understanding the woman's cycle and when she is fertile.

I'm very familiar, thank you very much. My cycle and when I have sex on it is none of your business and I'm sure that's what your friend is thanking. My sex life isn't just about positions and frequency. Fertility is a very private thing and VERY emotional thing for a lot of people and you probably offended her by asking her.

ETA - for the record I never consider you a perv or implied that in the slightest. I grew up Catholic and went through NFP class as well. NFP is about your sex life…and isn't open for discussion just bc you are a NFP instructor. I don't expect any old OBGYN to feel free to ask me about my hoo-haa except my lady parts doctor.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out. And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

SlothGoals · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out. And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

There is nothing offensive, per se, about asking. I think what PP's are trying to convey is that if you're looking for non-wedding topics to talk about you should stay away from her NFP classes.

misshart00 · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out.

And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

I think it's fine to ask her how it's going. However, you seem to be pressing the issue by continuing to ask her. Drop it. She already said she doesn't want to talk about it.

photokitty · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out. And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

Perhaps bc not all devout Catholics are excited by NFP, some don't even choose to follow it. Some feel a lot of guilt around it. It's not an easy subject for a lot of Catholics. It can be very stressful and a touchy subject. You being an instructor and fully behind the practice of NFP could be overwhelming and make her feel very uncomfortable talking to you about it. And you are being judgey about it already, as evident by the fact that you brought it up in your rant.

What's so offensive about her saying she doesn't want to talk about it?? I mean you don't think it's offensive to ask, so give her the same courtesy about not to want to talk about it.

It could also come of as offensive bc at least in this thread, to me, you feel very condescending.

ETA typos

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

kristbot said:

AgnesJay1 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out. And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

There is nothing offensive, per se, about asking. I think what PP's are trying to convey is that if you're looking for non-wedding topics to talk about you should stay away from her NFP classes.

Right. I asked once. She said "I'd rather not talk about it" and changed the topic. It has never come up again.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

photokitty said:

AgnesJay1 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Her family planning is none of your business. Butt. Out. And if you don't want to buy the shoes or headband, just tell her!

What is so damn offensive about just saying "Hey, how's your class going?" when I know she's taking it and I teach the same one?!?!

Perhaps bc not all devout Catholics are excited by NFP, some don't even choose to follow it. Some feel a lot of guilt around it. It's not an easy subject for a lot of Catholics. It can be very stressful and a touchy subject. You being an instructor and fully behind the practice of NFP could be overwhelming and make her feel very uncomfortable talking to you about it. And you are being judgey about it already, as evident by the fact that you brought it up in your rant.

What's so offensive about her saying she doesn't want to talk about it?? I mean you don't think it's offensive to ask, so give her the same courtesy about not to want to talk about it.

It could also come of as offensive bc at least in this thread, to me, you feel very condescending.

ETA typos

I was just simply trying to point out ways in that I have tried to make it about her and not about me. I also offered to forward her the list of suggested songs that we had at for my DJ and she was actually thankful. I guess I should have put that in my OP.

photokitty · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said: I was just simply trying to point out ways in that I have tried to make it about her and not about me. I also offered to forward her the list of suggested songs that we had at for my DJ and she was actually thankful. I guess I should have put that in my OP.
*****************stupid quote boxes!******

It is good that you are being supportive and trying to make things about her. You are a good friend.

All I'm saying (and most people on here) is drop the NFP and pre canna talk and try to make the best of it. She is being a diva about the shoes and headbands.

singinchick13 · February 2014

I may be right out to lunch here, but why do you have to take a NFP class? Sorry, just curious, I guess it's a religious requirement but I have only heard it referred to before by those trying to/trying not to conceive.

mysticl · February 2014

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

This sentence makes it sound like you have repeatedly asked her about NFP/Pre Cana classes. Maybe that's not what you meant to convey but that's how I read it. Like other's have said it's highly personal and she just doesn't want to talk about it. It could be that she fully plans to go out and a script for BC (or already has one) so she's just putting in her time in the class to satisfy the requirements. It could be that something sensitive came up that has her upset. It could be the fact that you are an instructor makes her uncomfortable.

As for the matching headbands and shoes, did your little ever happen to be a recruitment chair? I used to be a National for my sorority and have met a few who wanted everyone to match perfectly.

Edited because I was talking to my husband at the same time and apparently I do not talk and type very well.

STARMOON44 · February 2014

See, I think that's your problem. Asking her about her family planning classes because you teach them is making it about you.

And the only reason people are mentioning this is because you brought it up as an issue you have with her.

APDSS22 · February 2014

singinchick13 said:

I may be right out to lunch here, but why do you have to take a NFP class? Sorry, just curious, I guess it's a religious requirement but I have only heard it referred to before by those trying to/trying not to conceive.

It is part of the pre-cana marriage prep for Catholics as it is considered to be a foundation piece for married life.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

Personally, nothing screams Bridezilla to me.

She asked you to go and try on a dress- that's pretty standard. Bonus points that she actually cared about how you looked in the dress, and picked another bc she didn't think it looked flattering on you.

She wants you to have matching shoes, hair, and hair pieces- Rookie mistake. If she pays for everything, thn fine. Otherwise just tell her you can't afford whatever, and then see what she says. The wedding industry and its slaves have brainwashed brides into thinking they must have matchy matchy BMs.

Also, churches make a big deal about ppl being present for the rehearsal. They need to chill a bit, IMO. Adults can figure out how to hold flowers and walk down an aisle, especially those that have been in a wedding before. Just ignore any of her comments related to the rehearsal, and don't let her or her church coordinators guilt you into making the rehearsal if you really cannot.

@photokitty nailed it with regards to the NFP issue. No matter what the church requires a couple to sit through nor what their official stance is, a couple's reproductive choices are between them and God, IMO.

AgnesJay1 · February 2014

mysticl said:

AgnesJay1 said:

So I'm a bridesmaid in my sorority sister's wedding this June. I think she's become a bit of a diva, but I don't want to ask any of the other women in the BP and risk it getting back to her. SO, that's what internet strangers are for ... right?

She emailed several of us and asked us what we thought of a certain dress. I wasn't a huge fan because it was quite short and I just don't feel comfortable in a super short skirt in a Catholic wedding. And I told her that (I'm not sure what the others said). She then emails us and asks us to go to David's Bridal and try on dresses and take pictures & send it back to her so she can see how we look in another style. The nearest DB is a good 45 minutes away from me in a traffic-congested part of town. So, I went, tried it on, took some pics in the mirror, and texted it to her (to which I got no reply until I called her to see if she got the pics. She said "yeah, I didn't like how it looked on you, so I'll find something different.")

When she finally chose the dress, she also told us that she'd like for us to get matching black shoes (she sent us a link). And she shared with us what she called her "vision" for our hair, including pictures from Pinterest and a link to where to buy matching headbands from a vendor on Etsy. (My hair is a pixie cut, so there isn't much "visioning" to do).

While I was visiting her for one of her showers, I told her that I wouldn't be able to make the rehearsal since she lives (and the wedding is) 4 hours away from me. I don't get much vacation time at work, and I just spent a week of vacation time on a cruise with my family. She made a snarky comment under her breath about not having priorities in line. She said it as I was walking away, so I just ignored it and stewed to myself.

On another note, since we're both Catholic (and I'm an NFP instructor), I asked her how her NFP class was going (it's required in our diocese). She told me that she didn't want to talk about it, and she's blown off any interest I have shown in asking her how the marriage prep is going.

I feel like I'm just her prop that is supposed to stand there (with my badass haircut), hold flowers, and basically be her b!tch for a day. I've already bought the dress, and I don't want to back out of the wedding because I really am happy for her. Do I say something, or just keep my mouth shut and hope for good booze at the open bar?

This sentence makes it sound like you have repeatedly asked her about NFP/Pre Cana classes. Maybe that's not what you meant to convey but that's how I read it. Like other's have said it's highly personal and she just doesn't want to talk about it. It could be that she fully plans to go out and a script for BC (or already has one) so she's just putting in her time in the class to satisfy the requirements. It could be that something sensitive came up that has her upset. It could be the fact that you are an instructor makes her uncomfortable.

As for the matching headbands and shoes, did your little ever happen to be a recruitment chair? I used to be a National for my sorority and have met a few who wanted everyone to match perfectly.

Edited because I was talking to my husband at the same time and apparently I do not talk and type very well.

She wasn't chair, but was HEAVILY involved with recruitment. And that sentence made sense to me. She was the type that got excited about some things in the sorority that made me want to puke, lol.

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