HELP! 2 hours between ceremony end and reception beginning

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

photokitty said:

Growing up Catholic I always expected a gap and HATED them! Totally talked trash about them behind their backs. The only time I ever liked a gap was when I was 8 their was a 2 hour or more gap so my dad took me and my 5 siblings to the zoo - in our church clothes. My parents had no other option bc what were they going to do with 6 kids at an OOT wedding?? It was so rude! But at 8 I was stoked bc I go to go to the zoo - even if it was in my dress shoes.

Gaps are the worst. I can live with 30 mins bc I can take my time, get lost or stop at a drug store for whatever I realized I forgot. But past that I think you are super rude and don't care about anyone but yourself. I means, that's basically the truth right? You and your dream day and more important than everyone else you supposedly care a ton about and want there with you???

I always wonder what the fuck the bridal party is doing during these 2+ hour gaps? If your pictures are taking that long you are doing it wrong, and not only that but if I am your BM then you better be providing me transportation and food during this gap. . . otherwise I'm going to have to respectfully peace out and eat so I don't flipping pass out ><

antoto · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

photokitty said:

Growing up Catholic I always expected a gap and HATED them! Totally talked trash about them behind their backs. The only time I ever liked a gap was when I was 8 their was a 2 hour or more gap so my dad took me and my 5 siblings to the zoo - in our church clothes. My parents had no other option bc what were they going to do with 6 kids at an OOT wedding?? It was so rude! But at 8 I was stoked bc I go to go to the zoo - even if it was in my dress shoes.

Gaps are the worst. I can live with 30 mins bc I can take my time, get lost or stop at a drug store for whatever I realized I forgot. But past that I think you are super rude and don't care about anyone but yourself. I means, that's basically the truth right? You and your dream day and more important than everyone else you supposedly care a ton about and want there with you???

I always wonder what the fuck the bridal party is doing during these 2+ hour gaps? If your pictures are taking that long you are doing it wrong, and not only that but if I am your BM then you better be providing me transportation and food during this gap. . . otherwise I'm going to have to respectfully peace out and eat so I don't flipping pass out ><

Oh god can you imagine a 2+ hour photo session? My engagement photos were a little over one hour and by the end I wasn't even smiling or posing.

grumbledore · February 2014

FH was in a wedding where there was like a 4hour unhostedgap - the wedding party was taken in two limos (the bride's had snacks, the other one did NOT) to a location 40 minutes from the ceremony site (in the opposite direction from the reception site which was about 30 minutes from the ceremony site)and made to pose/wait around for hours in July heat outdoors with no coverage or water/food. It was a huge shit show.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

grumbledore said:

FH was in a wedding where there was like a 4hour unhostedgap - the wedding party was taken in two limos (the bride's had snacks, the other one did NOT) to a location 40 minutes from the ceremony site (in the opposite direction from the reception site which was about 30 minutes from the ceremony site)and made to pose/wait around for hours in July heat outdoors with no coverage or water/food. It was a huge shit show.

Oh my God, I think I would have killed the Bride and Groom and hidden the bodies after 45mins of that shit.

Inkdancer · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

grumbledore said:

FH was in a wedding where there was like a 4hour unhostedgap - the wedding party was taken in two limos (the bride's had snacks, the other one did NOT) to a location 40 minutes from the ceremony site (in the opposite direction from the reception site which was about 30 minutes from the ceremony site)and made to pose/wait around for hours in July heat outdoors with no coverage or water/food. It was a huge shit show.

Oh my God, I think I would have killed the Bride and Groom and hidden the bodies after 45mins of that shit.

Totally would have gone Carrie on that bride.

MGP · February 2014

Here is another thing to consider - how about the guests that travel in the day of the ceremony? You are requiring them to get on the road/plane earlier to rush and get to the ceremony, then kill time during the gap. In addition to them staying up late for the reception and then (likely) turning around and going home the next day. Totally and completely rude.

carliealissa · February 2014

Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?

Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.

For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

carliealissa · February 2014

@MGP- in most cases, you can't start the ceremony later- the issue is whether or not to start the reception earlier, eliminating the gap. So I would think it would be worse for those out of town guests with no gap- it would for me anyway. When a wedding is early and I don't have the time to get as ready as I would like beforehand, that is valuable time afterward to freshen up at the hotel and fix hair/makeup/dress etc. before the reception. With no gap, you're REALLY crunched for time to rush on the plane, get ready and get there, or just be unhappy with your appearance at the reception. Now if they can push the ceremony later, that would be a good option.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

Do you really need to pay more if you start the reception earlier? Can't you start an hour earlier and end and hour earlier?

Maggie0829 · February 2014

carliealissa said:

Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

Actually not exhausting at all because every wedding I have been to the couple hasn't been so rude as to not respect my time and throw in a 2.5 hour gap just because she wants a church ceremony and an evening reception.

Inkdancer · February 2014

carliealissa said:

Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

The issue isn't that a wedding is going on longer than the "proper length of time". The issue is that there's a massive part of the day that I'm expected to fend for myself. If I've traveled from out of town to be at someone's wedding, it's not very courteous of them to say "okay now go do something else for 3 hours while I take pictures" when they could just as easily take pictures before the wedding (when I don't have to be there) or actually host me properly while they go do pictures. I'm happy to party with my friends all night... when they show me that they want to actually spend time with me by hosting me the whole time, instead of wandering off somewhere and letting me fend for myself.

MGP · February 2014

carliealissa said:

@MGP- in most cases, you can't start the ceremony later- the issue is whether or not to start the reception earlier, eliminating the gap. So I would think it would be worse for those out of town guests with no gap- it would for me anyway. When a wedding is early and I don't have the time to get as ready as I would like beforehand, that is valuable time afterward to freshen up at the hotel and fix hair/makeup/dress etc. before the reception. With no gap, you're REALLY crunched for time to rush on the plane, get ready and get there, or just be unhappy with your appearance at the reception. Now if they can push the ceremony later, that would be a good option.

You are missing my point here. Please don't try and justify that a gap could be beneficial for a traveler. It never will be because a gap is rude no matter what. Find a way to have a gap-less wedding. It's not fair to anyone to twiddle their thumbs for hours until the venue opens. They respect you enough to make it to your wedding, be equally respectful of their time.

abbyj700 · February 2014

Yeah...sorry - the gap is rude. I had never even HEARD of a gap between a reception and a wedding until I came here. I, like others, am wondering what exactly the bride and groom would be doing for all that time? Pictures are one thing - but more than an hour seems a bit overkill to me. Childcare, traveling, boringness...shit, me and my other half would probably be hammered at a reception if we were responsible for killing 4 hours mid afternoon at an out of town wedding!

I'm just baffled on how this happens so often with people without them even giving it a second thought until things have progressed so far...

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

I hate gaps, especially when I have to travel for a wedding. Example:

FI and I were invited to a lovely wedding in Philadelphia. The outdoor garden ceremony was due to start at 1pm with the black tie reception starting at 6pm. So, we were expected to have 2 different sets of attire AND figure out what to do with ourselves for 4 hours in a city that was 2.5 hours away from home. Get a hotel room, you say. Well... why? We had a work engagement the next morning that required us to leave from home (we checked, none of the local hotels were keen on having us park our trailer in their garage). Several of us guests (including members of the bridal party) were miffed - me for the gap, them for having their dates hanging out with nothing to do for 4 hours. None of us dared breathe a word to the happy couple as we weren't nearly as rude as they are.

ETA: Did this offend you too? Because it's obviously not about you.

delujm0 · February 2014

I've been to a few of these, and they have always annoyed me. I grew up Catholic and my family is Italian, so i don't want to hear any "you just don't understand how Catholic/Italian weddings work" excuses. I do. And I hate it. And I think it's rude. However, I still go to the weddings, because I love and support the couple. And I never mention to them how annoying I find it. So if you think all of your guests are cool with this, just because they show up and don't complain about it to your face, think again.

There is ALWAYS a way around doing this. ALWAYS. Figure one out.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

carliealissa said:

@MGP- in most cases, you can't start the ceremony later- the issue is whether or not to start the reception earlier, eliminating the gap. So I would think it would be worse for those out of town guests with no gap- it would for me anyway. When a wedding is early and I don't have the time to get as ready as I would like beforehand, that is valuable time afterward to freshen up at the hotel and fix hair/makeup/dress etc. before the reception. With no gap, you're REALLY crunched for time to rush on the plane, get ready and get there, or just be unhappy with your appearance at the reception. Now if they can push the ceremony later, that would be a good option.

Almost all of the weddings I have been to have had no gap, including OOT ones where I drove in the day of the wedding, and I had no problem getting dressed and doing my hair and make up in time to make the ceremony. Nor did I need any extra time to fix my hair/make up/dress.

I can do professional looking, full coverage, evening make up in less than 10 minutes, yet you are calling me high maintenance? If I can get my shit together w/o a gap, I think that is the antithesis of high maintenance, no?

Gaps really, really suck. They are a waste of people's time, money, and patience. Please avoid them.

MobKaz · February 2014

Gaps often require me to spend much more money to attend a wedding.

We had a wedding 4 hours from home. The ceremony started at 1:00 PM. The reception started at 6:00 PM. We traveled the night before because it was easier than getting up at dawn. Following the ceremony, had the couple hosted their reception immediately, we could have avoided another nights' stay in a hotel room. A luncheon reception, even lasting until 6:00PM, would have allowed us to return home at a decent hour.

We spent the gap hours wasting time playing cards, getting sleepy, and wanting to ditch the reception. Gaps are rude and a total buzz kill.

QueerFemme · February 2014

carliealissa said:

Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

I've heard that it's rude from plenty of other places. Most of the time, when people are standing around outside the church wondering what to do for the next 2-3 hours and bitching about the gap. Just because someone doesn't say something to your face, doesn't mean they don't think it's rude.

Havana2014 · February 2014

I don't agree with a some of the points made on this site about etiquette (some things are quite different in my country) but I'm my opinion gaps are pretty rude. You say people are there to celebrate with the B&G but that's not happening if the B&G have disappeared for hours on end!

Eta. Apologies, quote didn't work. That was on response to calieallissa.

banana468 · February 2014

caralissa said:
Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

Could you just plan better in the first place? The guests want to party with the B&G! They shouldn't have to wait around because the hosts aren't well, hosting.

YourDogDontKnowSit · February 2014

This is me being stupid, obviously, but how is a gap even advertised? Does it say "fend for yourself for 2 hours" (maybe in a cutesy format - "pictures for the bride and groom, have fun for 2 hours in your room!") on the invitation? Does the invitation say "Ceremony at 3 and Reception at 6" and you have to assume that there is a gap? Or is a total surprise? Because every wedding I have ever attended has had a reception or cocktail hour immediately following, some say so on the invitation but the ones at the same venue as the ceremony sometimes just give a single start time and you presume there's a reception. I'm counting my lucky stars that I have to ask this question because it means I haven't encountered a gap, but seriously it sounds like the rudest thing ever.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

YourDogDontKnowSit said:

This is me being stupid, obviously, but how is a gap even advertised? Does it say "fend for yourself for 2 hours" (maybe in a cutesy format - "pictures for the bride and groom, have fun for 2 hours in your room!") on the invitation? Does the invitation say "Ceremony at 3 and Reception at 6" and you have to assume that there is a gap? Or is a total surprise? Because every wedding I have ever attended has had a reception or cocktail hour immediately following, some say so on the invitation but the ones at the same venue as the ceremony sometimes just give a single start time and you presume there's a reception. I'm counting my lucky stars that I have to ask this question because it means I haven't encountered a gap, but seriously it sounds like the rudest thing ever.

This.

If there is a 1-3hr time span between the time the ceremony ends and the time the reception begins. . . you might have a gap *said in best Jeff Foxworthy voice*

YourDogDontKnowSit · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

YourDogDontKnowSit said:

This is me being stupid, obviously, but how is a gap even advertised? Does it say "fend for yourself for 2 hours" (maybe in a cutesy format - "pictures for the bride and groom, have fun for 2 hours in your room!") on the invitation? Does the invitation say "Ceremony at 3 and Reception at 6" and you have to assume that there is a gap? Or is a total surprise? Because every wedding I have ever attended has had a reception or cocktail hour immediately following, some say so on the invitation but the ones at the same venue as the ceremony sometimes just give a single start time and you presume there's a reception. I'm counting my lucky stars that I have to ask this question because it means I haven't encountered a gap, but seriously it sounds like the rudest thing ever.

This.

If there is a 1-3hr time span between the time the ceremony ends and the time the reception begins. . . you might have a gap *said in best Jeff Foxworthy voice*

Do. Not. Want.

MyNameIsNot · February 2014

I think everyone else has hit on the fact that the gap is very rude.

My bigger issue at this point would be the 45 minute difference between ceremony and reception. That's excessive. Even without a gap people would be picking ceremony or reception. Paired together with this rude gap, I wouldn't imagine anyone would attend both the ceremony and reception. It looks to me like you need a new reception venue.

It takes me an hour to get to work every day, and I would still be annoyed if you expected me to go that far between ceremony and reception.

jenniferurs · February 2014

carliealissa said:
Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

Nope. Nope nope nope.

tcnoble · February 2014

Nobody follows your thinking that "it's just ONE day, people will understand, it's my WEDDING, they can give up one day for it." No. No. And still no.

This will always run in the same line as cash bars and PPDs. Endless circles of attempts at justification and special circumstances. JUST SAY NO.

grumbledore · February 2014

PrettyGirlLost said:

grumbledore said:

FH was in a wedding where there was like a 4hour unhostedgap - the wedding party was taken in two limos (the bride's had snacks, the other one did NOT) to a location 40 minutes from the ceremony site (in the opposite direction from the reception site which was about 30 minutes from the ceremony site)and made to pose/wait around for hours in July heat outdoors with no coverage or water/food. It was a huge shit show.

Oh my God, I think I would have killed the Bride and Groom and hidden the bodies after 45mins of that shit.

I actually had such a migraine by the time we ate dinner that we ended up leaving right after we ate. It was awful. Oh, and it was a PPD.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

I still want to know what the hell people are doing to themselves that they NEED a gap in order to have enough time to get dressed for a wedding.

Are you running out and having touch up lipo done between the ceremony and the reception? A quick boob lift? What?

grumbledore · February 2014

carliealissa said:

Oh my goodness, some of you are coming across so high maintenance! If you have some kind of problem with the schedule or you only like to party a couple hours before going to bed or you are appalled by their perceived rudeness, then just don't go! People plan weddings assuming that their loved ones WANT to celebrate with them. You chose to have kids, so you're going to spend less on a wedding gift because you had to pay "extra" for childcare? That's cool. Sorry for not considering your kids and your tight financial situation and what you personally feel is the proper length of time alotted for a wedding?
Like afaber24, this is the first place I've heard of gaps being so rude either. Or long receptions apparently. If I'm not close to someone, then I just don't attend their wedding. If we are close, than I am thrilled to be a part of the day they have planned and am ready to party all night. I've been to many weddings with gaps, and we all usually enjoy it more- extra time to celebrate with out of town friends at someone's home, hotel, bar or restaurant.
For goodness sake, relax... it has got to be exhausting attending all these weddings with your noses in the air, talking trash behind your loved ones backs, tallying rudeness points and deducting accordingly from their wedding gifts. What treasured friends you must be.

In the case of the 4 hour gap I described, I had no idea there was going to be a gap. So, no, I didn't have the opportunity to decide to avoid it, or at the very least bring a snack, or my own car so I would be able to leave. Not only was part of that gap planned, but another hour+ was added on because the B&G were late to the reception.

It's the responsibility of the hosts to plan for their guests' comfort, as we are doing with our own.

HELP! 2 hours between ceremony end and reception beginning

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