Irritation to the max!

heyyou0107 · February 2014

Is it wrong for me to feel irritated and like no consideration was taken? Here's the situation.....my fiancé and I got engaged, and finalized our date 3 months later. 4 months after we had our date set, my step-brother got engaged, and him and his fiancé decided to set their date 4 weeks before ours!! Am I wrong for feeling like they just had to get married first and the fact they chose a date 4 weeks before us is rude and inconsiderate?? Help!!

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

heyyou0107 said:

Is it wrong for me to feel irritated and like no consideration was taken? Here's the situation.....my fiancé and I got engaged, and finalized our date 3 months later. 4 months after we had our date set, my step-brother got engaged, and him and his fiancé decided to set their date 4 weeks before ours!! Am I wrong for feeling like they just had to get married first and the fact they chose a date 4 weeks before us is rude and inconsiderate?? Help!!

Yes, you are wrong. You get one day, and so does your step-brother. It's not like he got married already and is now planning a PPD the same weekend as your wedding.

Take a deep breath. Be irrationally mad about it, and then let it go. There's no race to get married and it doesn't matter who gets married 1st.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

I understand. Just take a deep breath and let it go. /hugs! Your day will be very special to all of your guests, but most importantly you!

Amyzen83 · February 2014

I can understand this might be a bit stressful if you are involved in each others weddings, but this is one of those things where you have to pick your battles. Nobody is trying to hurt you, they simply want to pick a date that works for them. 4 weeks is plenty of time for the wedding, honeymoon and back in time for your wedding.

hikebikebemerry · February 2014

A month is plenty of time between weddings.

You cannot expect that everybody else put their wedding plans on hold for the entire year that you're getting married. I also have a feeling that the DID take your wedding into consideration, by making sure that there was a month in between.

phira · February 2014

You don't "get" to get married first because you were engaged first. You got engaged and picked a date; they did the same thing. It's fine if it's before your date.

And they didn't pick the same date as you did, so I fail to see the issue.

jenniferurs · February 2014

I'm failing to see the problem.

huskypuppy14 · February 2014

When is your wedding?

sarahufl · February 2014

Yeah, I don't see the problem either. A month is long enough.

JCbride2015 · February 2014

I get you are mad, but it doesn't matter who goes first, and a month is enough time to space out the two events. Just be mad and then let it pass.

abbyj700 · February 2014

You don't get a month - you get a day. Be happy for your brother that he found someone he loves and wants to marry. Your weddings and relationships are not competitions - the sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.

AddieCake · February 2014

I don't understand why so many brides in this situation are under the impression the person sweeping in "ahead" of them is doing it to deliberately best them in some way.

Inkdancer · February 2014

AddieL73 said:

I don't understand why so many brides in this situation are under the impression the person sweeping in "ahead" of them is doing it to deliberately best them in some way.

I agree! There's no way to know why someone chose the date they did. Maybe they wanted to wait until later but venue prices changed, or the photographer they really wanted wouldn't be available. Maybe they have obligations after that. Maybe the bride was dead set on a June wedding. Who knows? As long as it's not the same day, it's not worth stressing over.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

So they are getting married a month before you. And the problem is?

emmaaa · February 2014

I don't see the issue. My best friend got engaged 1 month after me and FI. When we set our date, she said they were planning on September (which is before ours). It never bothered me that she would be married first.

Peaseblossom55 · February 2014

You get a day not a month and who cares if someone gets engaged after you gets married before you. Every couple has to pick a date that works best for them. It seems like such a silly, petty problem, in the grand scheme of the world....

delujm0 · February 2014

The only issue i can see here is if you both share extended family that is from OOT and those people would have to pick one wedding or the other to go to because they couldn't afford to go to both. In that case, it would be mildly inconsiderate for your step-brother to not have considered the OOT family before booking his date. I might also be annoyed if your parents were originally planning to fund $X toward your wedding, but now they have to cut that in half because of your step-brother's plans. But since your parents aren't obligated to pay for anything, that would just be a mild irritation that should blow over fairly quickly.

If neither of those scenarios are the issue, you need to settle down. You get one day. My two best friends and i all got engeged in the following order: me, friend 1, friend 2. We are getting mrried in this order: friend 2, friend 1, me. Also, friend 1's wedding is literally two weeks before mine. We are all in each other's weddings, and we are all delighted about it. Pull yourself together.

Jen4948 · February 2014

Is the problem that you have OOT guests who can't get the time off or afford to travel to both your weddings within one month and would have to make a choice between which wedding they attend?

If that's the case, yeah, I can see how that would be annoying, and I sympathize, but it's still your stepbrother and his FI's right to pick whatever date works for them even if it inconveniences you. You don't get any more say in their wedding date than they get in yours.

Mkincaid2014 · February 2014

Try not to worry about it. After my fiance and I picked our date last year for October 2014, my sister picked the same weekend but in 2013 (actual wedding date off by one calendar day) and planned her whole wedding in about 3 months. At first I was irritated because it seemed rude, but then I got over it. She's spending her first anniversary at my wedding, and that was her choice. :-)

My advice is to try to be understanding about any family members who are going to have to go to both weddings. Let the parents wear the same thing to both if they want to, send your save the dates on the early side to your VIPs so they know they'll have two weddings to attend around the same time, get your hotel block set early so people can plan accordingly, etc.

ETA: missing 2nd paragraph.

climbingsingle · February 2014

Yes, you are wrong in being upset. My cousin got engaged after me. Her wedding is two weeks before mine. And it doesn't bother me in the slightest. We both picked days that worked best for us. I get one day, she gets one day.

antoto · February 2014

I got engaged a full year after my good friend and I am getting married 2 weeks before her (she had quite a long engagement, I had quite a short engagement). I think she had the same exact reaction as you at first, but then she came to her senses and she is happy for me just as I am happy for her.

I didn't pick my wedding date to hurt her just like your step-brother didn't pick his to hurt you.

You are having a bridezilla moment and need to take a nice deep breath and get over it.

SammiNJonni · February 2014

You get one day. I understand being upset if there are a lot of shared OOT guests who may have to choose between the two but even then it is the guests choice if they could make both. Your step brother did not choose his date to hurt you.

tesgirl123 · February 2014

You can be upset and annoyed and vent to your FI or MOH for roughly 1/2 an hour. Then you need to remember that this is presumably someone you care about and should be happy for. You need to get over it. You can be mildly annoyed that a weekend will be eaten up by another committment a month before your wedding when you have tons of stuff to do, and then you smile and hug your stepbrother and SIL and genuinely be happy for them. You need to offer to help them anyway you can, including turning over all sorts of research you did on vendors, halls, etc.

Now, if your FSIL starts to choose identical stuff to what you chose that can be really weird and eerily similar to what Phyllis from the Office did to Pam(watch the episode and laugh). At that time, you still need to get over it and choose different stuff and move on. Two days aren't worth destroying a family.

ei34 · February 2014

You're overreacting. If your step-brother set his wedding for the same day as yours, I'd be upset.

heyyou0107 · March 2014

I want to thank you all for your responses. As both dates are getting closer I am getting excited!! For both weddings. I have let let the irritation go, moved on from it, and have been helping her with her own planning and ideas!

lc07 · March 2014

tesgirl123 said:

You can be upset and annoyed and vent to your FI or MOH for roughly 1/2 an hour. Then you need to remember that this is presumably someone you care about and should be happy for. You need to get over it. You can be mildly annoyed that a weekend will be eaten up by another committment a month before your wedding when you have tons of stuff to do, and then you smile and hug your stepbrother and SIL and genuinely be happy for them. You need to offer to help them anyway you can, including turning over all sorts of research you did on vendors, halls, etc.

Now, if your FSIL starts to choose identical stuff to what you chose that can be really weird and eerily similar to what Phyllis from the Office did to Pam(watch the episode and laugh). At that time, you still need to get over it and choose different stuff and move on. Two days aren't worth destroying a family.

Huh?

Irritation to the max!

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