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MOH issues

JaniV123JaniV123 member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Party
I am in the process of choosing my MOH. I have 3 best friend of whom I thought of choosing 2 to be my MOHs. One of them has been my neighbor/bff/sister forever and I thought she would be the witness. She recently started dating her first BF and she disappeared from the face of the earth, started blowing me off in general, and even lying to me. This hurt me a lot. Well since she has been like that iit has been impossible for me to even talk to her and thus I am unsure on whether I should still have her as my MOH or just a BM so she doesnt feel pressured or anything. My other BFF is the kind of friend who dissapears whenever she starts dating a guy and only calls or contacts when she needs something, is upset, or most of her other friends blow her off. Fi doesnt think she deserves to be my MOH. i am conflicted with this and would appreciate some input. I am still leaning towards having them both be MOH but having "sis" be the witness (if i can find her)


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Re: MOH issues

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Why couldn't the third one be your MOH, especially if the other two drop off your radar screen whenever a new guy comes into their lives?

    And why couldn't the same person be witness and MOH?
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    JaniV123 said:
    I am in the process of choosing my MOH. I have 3 best friend of whom I thought of choosing 2 to be my MOHs. One of them has been my neighbor/bff/sister forever and I thought she would be the witness. She recently started dating her first BF and she disappeared from the face of the earth, started blowing me off in general, and even lying to me. This hurt me a lot. Well since she has been like that iit has been impossible for me to even talk to her and thus I am unsure on whether I should still have her as my MOH or just a BM so she doesnt feel pressured or anything. My other BFF is the kind of friend who dissapears whenever she starts dating a guy and only calls or contacts when she needs something, is upset, or most of her other friends blow her off. Fi doesnt think she deserves to be my MOH. i am conflicted with this and would appreciate some input. I am still leaning towards having them both be MOH but having "sis" be the witness (if i can find her)
    Well all a MOH and BM have to do is buy the dress and show up on your wedding day so I am not sure what pressure they will feel by being given the MOH title.

    Why not just have all of them be BMs and just not have a MOH if you really can't decide?

    By asking people to be in your wedding you are honoring their friendship with you, not asking them because you want them to throw you parties.  You know your friends and you know how they are on a regular basis so don't expect that behavior to change just because you are getting married and you are asking them to be in your wedding party.



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  • delujm0delujm0 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper

    If these people are blowing you off recently why do you even want them to be BMs?  Your BMs should be the people that are closest to you RIGHT NOW and that you expect to be closest with in the future.  It shouldn't just be the people that you've known the longest.  My BMs are my sister, my FI's sister (both family, so easy to argue that they'll be in our lives in the future) and my two best friends, one of whom i've known for 5 years and the other of whom i've known for 3.  I'm still in contact with several of my childhood friends, but we don't chat much anymore, so they will just be guests.

     

    There is really no difference between MOH and BM except for a silly title, so I'm not sure what your question is here.  Also, anyone can be the winess.  That's not really a special title.

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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I, too, am curious why you would ask people to be in your wedding party if they are the blowing off, disappearing act type. Those don't sound like very good friends to me. You don't even need to designate a MOH. They all do the same thing, so it's not imperative that you name any of them THE CHOSEN ONE.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    I WISH I KNEW HARRY POTTER.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
    image
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    @Maggie0829 First off the dilemma has nothin to do with throwing parties or getting gifts. My mother is hosting my shower and my cousins who are BM have presented an interest in planning my bachelorette party. I am not asking any duties off anyone. Second all these girls are amazing and I love them to death. They have been with me at the good and bad times always and i have known them for 5+ years and over 10 years for the neighbor/sis. I am an only child and do not have any siblings an these girls are like my sisters.
    @AddieL73 Things happen when you date and work and study so the not hanging out/calling all the time I dont hold it against them because its easy to get busy with other stuff, it happens to everyone. Fi thinks friend B doesnt deserve it precisely because of that. Friend A is acting this way since she started going out with her bf and its unusual behavior for her to be that way with me considering she is my neighbor. The things she has blown me off for are NWR and some even planned by herself. Her bf is controlling and i think that is part of the issue. By saying i didnt want her to feel pressured I meant that I dont want her to feel that if she wants (not that she has to) to be with me for X or Y and her BF pulls her away like he has been doing. You guys' culture is very different from mine. Here the witness is the MOH also called the wedding godmother. Around here it is kind of a big deal to make the distinction. Having two MOH has become a modality but one of them is still the witness.
    @Jen4948 Friend 3 was not who i was envisioning as MOH because we are not as close as i am to the other two but she is still a best friend. And she has a lot going on as well.


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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    JaniV123 said:
    I am in the process of choosing my MOH. I have 3 best friend of whom I thought of choosing 2 to be my MOHs. One of them has been my neighbor/bff/sister forever and I thought she would be the witness. She recently started dating her first BF and she disappeared from the face of the earth, started blowing me off in general, and even lying to me. This hurt me a lot. Well since she has been like that iit has been impossible for me to even talk to her and thus I am unsure on whether I should still have her as my MOH or just a BM so she doesnt feel pressured or anything. My other BFF is the kind of friend who dissapears whenever she starts dating a guy and only calls or contacts when she needs something, is upset, or most of her other friends blow her off. Fi doesnt think she deserves to be my MOH. i am conflicted with this and would appreciate some input. I am still leaning towards having them both be MOH but having "sis" be the witness (if i can find her)
    These don't sound like people who are very good friends. I don't see how there is an issue with trying to decide here. Both of these women are not maintaining and honest/healthy friendship with you by lying or only contacting you as default. Pick someone who is actually a trustworthy and close friend or do not have an MOH as PPs have said. Whether the culture is different or not lying and blowing people off is the same everywhere...
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  • JaniV123JaniV123 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    @PolarBearFitz when these friends are behaving this way because of a guys (and not their normal behaviour) i make it my concern that they are not being this way to be rude. Friend A/sis has never been this way just recently with her new BF and this concerns me, and i would be an awful friend if i held that against her. Especially since we are so close. Friend B was like that with her exes but not wih her new bf and FI is holding THAT against her.


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  • PolarBearFitzPolarBearFitz member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    JaniV123 said:
    @PolarBearFitz when these friends are behaving this way because of a guys (and not their normal behaviour) i make it my concern that they are not being this way to be rude. Friend A/sis has never been this way just recently with her new BF and this concerns me, and i would be an awful friend if i held that against her. Especially since we are so close. Friend B was like that with her exes but not wih her new bf and FI is holding THAT against her.
    I'm sorry but their guys aren't forcing them to do anything. It is their choice when they blow you off and lie to you. It really doesn't make a difference who is influencing it if they make poor decisions with your friendship.

    Also it is your MOH and not your FI's he can pick his best man however he sees fit. Your MOH is exclusively your choice and based on your friendship with the person. As long as your MOH hasn't wronged your FI in some way.
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  • KeptInStitchesKeptInStitches member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    AddieL73 said:
    I WISH I KNEW HARRY POTTER.
    I'm about ready to find out if Hogwarts has remedial classes for of-age wizards and witches ...
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