Wedding Etiquette Forum

Thank you notes DO MATTER. A LOT.- Real Life Story

Figured the etiquette board could use yet another story of the impact/impression thank you notes leave on guests and people who send you gifts. I've been sending out notes as we receive items, regardless of the fact that our wedding isn't for another 2.5 weeks. In fact, I'm working on a few tonight.

A couple my parents know are aware of our wedding, though they were not on the invitation list. (They are business acquaintances- I've never met them, they've never met me). The wife chose to get us some things off our registry, after asking my mom where we were registered. After ordering, she asked my mom (via email) to ask me to let her and her husband know if/when we got the items. My mother replied wryly that I in fact sent handwritten thank you notes and had been up to date with everything I'd received as of Feb. 14th (I'm actually writing the note for this couple tonight). She explained that I was big on notes, and had spent my childhood firmly believing that accepting a gift without a written note to the giver = mom breaking my fingers.

Mom received a single line email response: "Wow- you two raised Chipmunk right!"

Even if they never say it to your face, people judge when you do (or do not) send thank you notes.

Re: Thank you notes DO MATTER. A LOT.- Real Life Story

  • edited February 2014
    Good for you for keeping on top of it.  I am the same way about thank you notes and it's been funny at times to see the reactions.  You'd think someone saw a unicorn lol
  • LizzieyounceLizzieyounce member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    I've never understood why thank you notes don't get written or sent in a timely manner.  I wrote mine as gifts came in before the wedding and had notes for gifts received at the wedding out within two weeks!  It's not that hard.  I watched a movie and wrote.  Bam! Done.


    ETA to add:  And don't give me the whole "I'm busy" excuse.  I'm a full time nursing student and a homemaker…I'm plenty busy and still managed to do the notes.  
  • I am admittedly terrible at thank you notes for birthdays and Christmas - despite my parents best efforts. But I made sure my bridal shower and wedding ones went out ASAP.
  • Same here, I always try to write thank you cards for special events, or other things that are out of the ordinary. At Christmas and my birthday though, only my parents, grandparents, siblings and fiance give me presents, so it feels kind of weird to write them to people you see like every week. 

    Good for you for being on top of thank yous!
    Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Thank you notes are very appreciated! Even by those you wouldn't expect to notice. When I was writing thank you notes for our Engagement Party gifts (didn't expect any gifts at that party, but we got a few bottles of wine and some picture frames!) my brother mentioned that he never received a TY from a friend whos wedding he was in last summer. He said "I spent about $1,000 on a flight, hotel, tux, gift, and he can't even write me a note!! Rude!". My brother is the type that views weddings as solely drinking events, so the fact that even he was offended by their lack of a TY was a big deal to me. Thank you's are NECESSARY!

    Is it tradition to send a TY note when you exchange gifts with family at Christmas? I guess I've never sent anyone a TY when we both gave each other gifts. Oops!
  • Couples not sending Thank You notes is one of my biggest pet peeves. Out of the 5 weddings I have been to recently (I was in 4 of them) I received Thank You notes from 3 couples. The other 2 I am still waiting on. One of my friends just had a baby and I made a point at her baby shower to write down every item and who gave it so she would have it (because she is one that I didn't receive a Thank You for the wedding gift I sent). That was in November, still haven't received a Thank You. It's not difficult. I have already purchased a stack of Thank You notes that I will send as gifts come in and we're not getting married until November! My mom would be horrified if I didn't send Thank Yous. I remember writing them as a kid whenever I got Birthday presents from people. Anyway, sorry, I kind of went off, but it really bugs me! :)

  • afaber24 said:
    Thank you notes are very appreciated! Even by those you wouldn't expect to notice. When I was writing thank you notes for our Engagement Party gifts (didn't expect any gifts at that party, but we got a few bottles of wine and some picture frames!) my brother mentioned that he never received a TY from a friend whos wedding he was in last summer. He said "I spent about $1,000 on a flight, hotel, tux, gift, and he can't even write me a note!! Rude!". My brother is the type that views weddings as solely drinking events, so the fact that even he was offended by their lack of a TY was a big deal to me. Thank you's are NECESSARY!

    Is it tradition to send a TY note when you exchange gifts with family at Christmas? I guess I've never sent anyone a TY when we both gave each other gifts. Oops!


    If its in front of family, we don't send notes, but gifts received from out of town (like my grandma sending something from PA) automatically gets a nice note. I don't get them from her, but she's 92, blind, and I'd rather talk to her on the phone and hear how much she loved getting the goodies (I regularly send her moose munch, a favorite).

    Unfortunately, my mother's brother has not taught his daughter the art of TY note writing. I stopped getting her bday/christmas gifts after two of these went by without a note or acknowledgement. My mom finally got on her niece's ass last year after 2 months went by without niece even cashing the check- mom had no way of knowing if she'd received it as she doesn't do notes. Mom didn't say it to niece, but when uncle brought up "letting things go" (there's a reason they live on opposite sides of the country), mom told him she would if there was some way for her to know the check hadn't gotten lost, but since there are no thank you notes all she has to go on is her monthly bank statement. Silence was deafening.

  • I attended a wedding of a friend from college, she told me she was having her gifts sent to her mom's house so she technically didn't have to send thank you notes until after her wedding, when she picked all the gifts up. I am really offended at this revelation. We had a housewarming party and literally the next day, I had the thank you notes in the mail. There is no reason for putting off the thank you notes for weeks, or months!

    I gave her a shower gift and as her wedding gift designed/printed her wedding invitations (she asked me to). I have yet to receive a thank you note, this was in Oct. She's now pregnant, and guess who WON'T be getting a baby shower gift?
  • I was raised in a family where thank you notes never happened and never heard of them until I started on here.  Now that I've read some of this stuff, I'm determined to have them out for the wedding and my son, who's turning five, will be helping me write his after his birthday party.  
  • I just got a TY from a wedding I went to the first week of August... and it was a preprinted vista print special with a wallet size photo from their wedding.... ughhh... THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR IT BEING 6 MONTHS LATE IF YOU DIDN'T EVEN HAND WRITE THEM!!!.... But they should have been hand written! Obviously this really irked me! 2 faux pas in one!
    image


    Anniversary
  • happymellowhappymellow member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    While I agree thank you notes are a necessity, I was also under the impression that you don't open gifts until you're actually married.  Maybe I'm wrong?  It's been known to happen...just not regularly (don't let my FI know).  ;)
  • While I agree thank you notes are a necessity, I was also under the impression that you don't open gifts until you're actually married.  Maybe I'm wrong?  It's been known to happen...just not regularly (don't let my FI know).  ;)
    You should open gifts when you receive them so that you can properly thank the sender, but you should not use them until after the wedding.
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers
    eyeroll
  • @bubblegum1309, couldn't agree more.  I shared this once before- I had a coworker once who did not send any of us (including her boss) a thank you note.  Instead, she pinned one of those cards with a photo of them holding a sign saying Thank You in the breakroom.   As I said in my original post, I wish I'd known because I would have pinned up a picture of her gift from Tiffany's instead of actually giving it to her.

    I can't stand those type of cards and the lack of a hand written thank you is appalling.


  • Inkdancer said:
    While I agree thank you notes are a necessity, I was also under the impression that you don't open gifts until you're actually married.  Maybe I'm wrong?  It's been known to happen...just not regularly (don't let my FI know).  ;)
    You should open gifts when you receive them so that you can properly thank the sender, but you should not use them until after the wedding.
    Thank you!  My mother was always horrified when she opened a thank you before the wedding.
  • Funny anecdote- We received a wedding gift before Christmas from friends of FI's who are attending. I promptly sent a note thanking them for the gift, for their kind sentiments in the note accompanying the gift, etc. Apparently, the husband of this couple got in trouble with his wife upon receipt of the thank you note.

    See, he'd told her we'd registered on amazon, but DIDN'T tell her he'd picked out our gift (corelle serving bowls and towels, rock on!)

    She was PISSED that he picked out and ordered our gift without her getting the opportunity to look at the registry and give input- sweetheart that he is, he didn't even think of that, just wanted to get us a nice gift. Additionally, she didn't know what he'd done until the TY note arrived.

     I actually apologized to this poor guy for sending a TY note and getting him in trouble. FI had a huge, shit eating grin for days (I'm the one who basically started smacking him into writing thank you notes) over the fact that my being a stickler for etiquette got someone in trouble with his wife.

This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards