The biggest wedding etiquette sins

Jen4948 · February 2014

In no particular order:

PPDs
Emotional "scenes"/violence
Drunkenness/use of illegal substances
Not including relationship partners as plus-ones/Inviting them as "and guest"
Insufficient seating
No protection from elements
Tiered hospitality
Couple/hosts ignore guests
Cash bars
Potluck receptions
Cash requests/registries
Registry info in wedding invitations
"Adults only"/Indicating who's not invited on invitations
Gaps between ceremony and reception
Not enough food/drinks
Food/drinks of poor quality
Unsupervised kids
Insufficient/unsanitary bathrooms
Expecting guests to work wedding without compensation
No thank-yous for gifts

Feel free to add.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

Turning your WP into Brideslaves.

Changing from Open Bar to Cash Bar during the event

doeydo · February 2014

B-listing

AddieCake · February 2014

Lack of cake. OK, that's not really one.

Jen4948 · February 2014

AddieL73 said:

Lack of cake. OK, that's not really one.

Oh yes it is!!! In fact, that's probably the biggest wedding etiquette sin of all!

AddieCake · February 2014

Hahaha!

emmyg65 · February 2014

"Crowdfunding" your wedding

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

Turning your guests into a captive audience, i.e. slideshows, absurd performances (I saw a YouTube vid yesterday of a couple who choreographed a whole battle with super heroes and bad guys involving the WP... it was awful), or too many/too long speeches

Inkdancer · February 2014

Cash requests aren't just limited to cutesy poems asking for cash gifts. Hosting Stag & Does or Jack & Jills that people buy tickets to, registering for gift cards, Honeyfunds: these are just alternate ways of telling your guests that you expect them to open their wallets to fund your wedding.

tesgirl123 · February 2014

A lot of stores now are pushing for you to register for gift cards or a "Dream Fund" to be used towards larger purchases. Both ideas are really tacky and rude.

I would add that any sort of cutesy poem that "explains" something is probably poor etiquette, startign the ceremony absurdly late, and insufficient parking or having guests walk a long a distance with no warning from the parking lot (I went to a wedding in a vineyard where we had to walk 1/2 uphill on gravel to the reception site, it was gorgeous but feet were filthy)

HaileyDancingbear · February 2014

AddieL73 said:

Lack of cake. OK, that's not really one.

princessleia22 · February 2014

tesgirl123 said:

A lot of stores now are pushing for you to register for gift cards or a "Dream Fund" to be used towards larger purchases. Both ideas are really tacky and rude.

I would add that any sort of cutesy poem that "explains" something is probably poor etiquette, startign the ceremony absurdly late, and insufficient parking or having guests walk a long a distance with no warning from the parking lot (I went to a wedding in a vineyard where we had to walk 1/2 uphill on gravel to the reception site, it was gorgeous but feet were filthy)

I went to a wedding a couple years ago where we had to walk about 1/4 mile from the parking lot across grass. And it was raining all day so the ground was wet and soft. Needless to say, that did not go well with heels on and I sunk with every step. It was either that or walk barefoot through the wet grass & mud.

More no-no's:

Tip jars or donation jars at reception

"Donated in your honor" wedding favors

Putting registry info in invite or referring to gifts in any way on invites

Telling guests what to wear

thisismynickname2 · February 2014

tesgirl123 said:
A lot of stores now are pushing for you to register for gift cards or a "Dream Fund" to be used towards larger purchases. Both ideas are really tacky and rude.

I would add that any sort of cutesy poem that "explains" something is probably poor etiquette, startign the ceremony absurdly late, and insufficient parking or having guests walk a long a distance with no warning from the parking lot (I went to a wedding in a vineyard where we had to walk 1/2 uphill on gravel to the reception site, it was gorgeous but feet were filthy)

Wait. Crap. Gift cards on a registry is rude? I just set up my registry two weeks ago on Crate and Barrel and it automatically adds those unless you uncheck the option. I didn't see it as asking for cash because I figured someone might go to the registry, not see anything they particularly wanted to buy and say "eh, gift card." Also it's not cash-cash that I'd just put towards covering a plate (kidding!).

I take it I should fix that immediately.

Sugargirl1019 · February 2014

@thisismynickname leave it. All of my registries tack on a gift card at the bottom too. No ones thinking you're asking for cash. I'd just leave it alone.

NYCBruin · February 2014

Including children in the ceremony as if they were getting married (i.e. vows)

phira · February 2014

Cookie Pusher said:

Turning your guests into a captive audience, i.e. slideshows, absurd performances (I saw a YouTube vid yesterday of a couple who choreographed a whole battle with super heroes and bad guys involving the WP... it was awful), or too many/too long speeches

True story: my partner really wanted to have his friend (who's his two-time ex-girlfriend) "object" during the ceremony and then have a sword fight with him (or me; I told him that would make more sense) to prevent the marriage from occurring.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

I found the video online! It's 9 and a half minutes of my life that I will never, ever get back. One of my male coworkers found this and said that if he was a guest, he'd be making snarky comments the entire time. I'd have just rolled my eyes so hard they'd fall out of my head...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z04VIhagpko

phira said:

Cookie Pusher said:

Turning your guests into a captive audience, i.e. slideshows, absurd performances (I saw a YouTube vid yesterday of a couple who choreographed a whole battle with super heroes and bad guys involving the WP... it was awful), or too many/too long speeches

True story: my partner really wanted to have his friend (who's his two-time ex-girlfriend) "object" during the ceremony and then have a sword fight with him (or me; I told him that would make more sense) to prevent the marriage from occurring.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

*smacks forehead* Ok, I get that even as an adult it can be fun to dress up, swing around ancient weaponry, and play act. I do get that. I have acted in lots of theater productions, worked as a reenactor, and even dress up for renaissance festivals. But I know my marriage ceremony is not a place where I want even a hint of play acting brought in. It just seems like completely the wrong moment for this sort of thing (and it's usually not as entertaining as you think it is)

kmmssg · February 2014

AddieL73 said:

Lack of cake. OK, that's not really one.

THAT is the biggest one! I don't really give much of a rip about dinner but don't be messing with my cake!

phira · February 2014

Vivandiere8 said:

*smacks forehead* Ok, I get that even as an adult it can be fun to dress up, swing around ancient weaponry, and play act. I do get that. I have acted in lots of theater productions, worked as a reenactor, and even dress up for renaissance festivals. But I know my marriage ceremony is not a place where I want even a hint of play acting brought in. It just seems like completely the wrong moment for this sort of thing (and it's usually not as entertaining as you think it is)

Which is how I convinced my partner this would be a bad idea. I totally agree with you: you don't want your wedding to feel like any part of it is fake.

LondonLisa · February 2014

I'm not a big fan of disproportionate spending in hospitality- e.g. 10,000 dollar dress at a cash bar reception. I know it is none of my business what people prefer to spend their money on (and cash bars are rude), but at least host everyone properly! For some reason, it just rubs me the wrong way.

Also, large gaps so the couple can go take photos at multiple locations.

Couples that do not understand the difference between choose and forced- ie "we HAVE to have a gap because our church only does 2pm weddings and our reception hall opens at 6". That is not a forced upon a couple, they CHOSE to have their receptions

Cultural misappropriation- eg doing "rituals" belonging to another culture/ religion because you think it is neat- not because you are a follower/convert/member of a deeply held belief system. For example, I saw that a couple wanted to do a stomp on the glass Jewish ritual at their wedding (neither were Jewish) because they thought it was "cool". Not sure if this is an etiquette sin per se, but it certainly feels inappropriate.

The largest one to me is entitlement- anyone that feels that they are entitled to something (dream wedding, evening reception, PPD) is just awful because it is most likely at the expense of their guests.

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

Drink tickets or providing your wedding party/yourselves with upgraded options. Assigning guests jobs

jessicabessica · February 2014

Sugargirl1019 said:

@thisismynickname leave it. All of my registries tack on a gift card at the bottom too. No ones thinking you're asking for cash. I'd just leave it alone.

I disagree. Guests know that if you register at a store, you would appreciate receiving a gift card to that store. Putting it on the registry is just insulting. I know that many stores do that by default these days, but if you can uncheck the box, I would do that.

firebabe6519 · February 2014

Honey funds / and wedding related go-fund-me

Not having enough food / serving a meal during mealtimes

Not feeding the WP over mealtimes when they are required to be present to assist in day of preparation

Uninviting

Inviting people to wedding events but not to the wedding

Sending "sorry your not invited" invites

Removal and replacement of WP members

tesgirl123 · February 2014

jessicabessica said:

Sugargirl1019 said:

@thisismynickname leave it. All of my registries tack on a gift card at the bottom too. No ones thinking you're asking for cash. I'd just leave it alone.

I disagree. Guests know that if you register at a store, you would appreciate receiving a gift card to that store. Putting it on the registry is just insulting. I know that many stores do that by default these days, but if you can uncheck the box, I would do that.

The three stores I registered at would not let me uncheck the option and I specifically asked about removing the GC option and was told I could not. I complained at all three stores and it didn't help at all. Unfortunately, looking into other stores for a possible registry, most of them include the GC without letting you opt out.

LondonLisa said:

Also, large gaps so the couple can go take photos at multiple locations.

Couples that do not understand the difference between choose and forced- ie "we HAVE to have a gap because our church only does 2pm weddings and our reception hall opens at 6". That is not a forced upon a couple, they CHOSE to have their receptions.

This must be a regional thing. I live in NJ and am Catholic. I have been to primarily Catholic weddings in this state and there is always a gap between the service and the reception. You assume that the service is a full Mass(typically 1 hour) and then wedding reception will start a couple of hours later. Most guests use the time to check into the hotel and freshen up. It's not ideal but since its so normal, most people don't care and expect it.

doeydo · February 2014

thisismynickname said:

A lot of stores now are pushing for you to register for gift cards or a "Dream Fund" to be used towards larger purchases. Both ideas are really tacky and rude.

I would add that any sort of cutesy poem that "explains" something is probably poor etiquette, startign the ceremony absurdly late, and insufficient parking or having guests walk a long a distance with no warning from the parking lot (I went to a wedding in a vineyard where we had to walk 1/2 uphill on gravel to the reception site, it was gorgeous but feet were filthy)
Wait. Crap. Gift cards on a registry is rude? I just set up my registry two weeks ago on Crate and Barrel and it automatically adds those unless you uncheck the option. I didn't see it as asking for cash because I figured someone might go to the registry, not see anything they particularly wanted to buy and say "eh, gift card." Also it's not cash-cash that I'd just put towards covering a plate (kidding!). I take it I should fix that immediately.

thisismynickname Yeah, asking for gift cards is basically asking for money. I would change that as soon as possible if I were you.

KatWAG · February 2014

Using kids as props. IE, having a flower girl or a kid carry a sign with a cutesy saying on it, and then not inviting them to the reception.

Jen, love the list but I would move having a gap higher up on the list of gievances

sarahufl · February 2014

The people at Macy's were SO aggressive with their "Dream Fund" card. FI and I both had to tell the woman repeatedly that we didn't want it. If you add it on a Macy's registry, it ends up in a very prominent position at the top of your registry and it just felt tacky.

If people want to give us GCs, awesome. But let them choose that option.

MrsAitch · February 2014

shrekspeare said:

I may have forgotten to include return postage for the RSVP envelopes. I think that's pretty bad.

I actually don't think this is a big deal at all. But I'm pretty much an old lady in a 20 somethings body and carry around a book of stamps in my purse (actually I keep it in my checkbook...) and wouldn't think twice about having to put a stamp on an RSVP.

Miss Manners actually considers including RSVP cards at all to be rude.

Inkdancer · February 2014

sarahufl said:

The people at Macy's were SO aggressive with their "Dream Fund" card. FI and I both had to tell the woman repeatedly that we didn't want it. If you add it on a Macy's registry, it ends up in a very prominent position at the top of your registry and it just felt tacky.

If people want to give us GCs, awesome. But let them choose that option.

Wow. We were just at Macy's this weekend and when I said "no Dream Fund, no gift cards" she took it off no problem.

NYCBruin · February 2014

shrekspeare said:

I may have forgotten to include return postage for the RSVP envelopes. I think that's pretty bad.

This one actually isn't against etiquette. Some really old school etiquette will tell you that including RSVP cards at all (with or without stamp) is rude because it sends the message that you don't think your guests are smart enough to RSVP properly (which used to mean writing out your own RSVP on your own stationary).

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