Etiquette going mainstream- CNN/Real Simple's take

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

It was right on the front page this morning on CNN.com:

http://www.cnn.com/2014/02/20/living/wedding-etiquette-matrimony/index.html?hpt=hp_c3

Not sure I'm full on board with a few of their suggestions.

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

My stupid browser won't let me edit for spelling. It should say "Not sure I'm fully on board..."

crunchymamaof2 · February 2014

It's by Anna Post. That about sums it up.

photokitty · February 2014

I stopped reading at "Because an invitation comes with the expectation of a gift,"

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

Inkdancer · February 2014

Anna Post needs to go away.

emmaaa · February 2014

I didn't even make it half way through.

banana468 · February 2014

Inkdancer said:
Anna Post needs to go away.

Agreed! I stopped reading it. My eyes were burning.

SammiNJonni · February 2014

Emily is rolling in her grave.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

I stopped by number 4 because it was just wrong!

- Not following up with an invite, making a BM pay for their hair and make-up, Then it got to BM's duties and I was like oh hell no!!!!!

sarahufl · February 2014

"Bridesmaids generally assist in the planning of the wedding, help the bride choose her dress, attend fittings for their own dresses, and attend any parties they are invited to. Though it often makes sense for bridesmaids to throw the bridal shower, they are not required to do so.

During the wedding festivities, bridesmaids act as an ambassador of sorts to the couple and may be expected to help with the little details that keep the day running smoothly. They should also participate in any activities like a receiving line or a bouquet toss."

Since my BMs are to be considered "ambassadors" do I need to provide them with a badge? Some sort of shiny vest so people know they are the ambassador? Also, my DOC is being PAID to help the day run smoothly. And no way any of them would be subjected to a bouquet toss.

Nope.

KeptInStitches · February 2014

Poor Emily. How did her descendents fail so epically at etiquette?

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

Does that ambassadorship come with diplomatic immunity?

edit-spelling

antoto · February 2014

Some of these suggestions are correct, but others...

Why is it that she thinks she can be an authority on etiquette just because of who her mother was?

MrsMack10612 · February 2014

KeptInStitches said:

Poor Emily. How did her descendents fail so epically at etiquette?

I was thinking the same thing. Poor girl isn't just rolling in her grave, she's a full on whirling dervish.

Vivandiere8 · February 2014

I don't know, I felt like the majority of the etiquette was correct. As for the few points pointed out so far... Everyone on here has disagreed back and forth about wether you should send an invite to someone you know can't attend. When I read that I didn't think she was saying "you must send a gift if you get an invitation", but just that some people genuinely do feel they must so keep that in mind.

Bridesmaids paying for their own makeup and hair? I also heard on here that it was not the brides responsibility to pay for that unless she insisted on a particular salon, and look, etc

Most of the article re-affirmed what we agree with on here and I think it would do more good than harm if brides to be read it.

photokitty · February 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

Does that ambassadorship come with diplomatic immunity?

edit-spelling

If it did we'd also be helping with hiding bodies at the end of the night!!

Inkdancer · February 2014

Vivandiere8 said:

I don't know, I felt like the majority of the etiquette was correct. As for the few points pointed out so far... Everyone on here has disagreed back and forth about wether you should send an invite to someone you know can't attend. When I read that I didn't think she was saying "you must send a gift if you get an invitation", but just that some people genuinely do feel they must so keep that in mind.

Bridesmaids paying for their own makeup and hair? I also heard on here that it was not the brides responsibility to pay for that unless she insisted on a particular salon, and look, etc

Most of the article re-affirmed what we agree with on here and I think it would do more good than harm if brides to be read it.

Re: the bolded-- Yes, a bridesmaid who chooses to go to a salon and get her hair and makeup done should absolutely pay for it herself. If a bride is demanding it, she should pay for what she is requiring.

Cookie Pusher · February 2014

After reading everyone's comments, I'm afraid to click on the link. I might have a stroke right here in my cubicle!

LadyMillil · February 2014

Jells2dot0 said:

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

What does a "casual relationship" even mean?

Mitch617 · February 2014

I don't know, I felt like the majority of the etiquette was correct. As for the few points pointed out so far... Everyone on here has disagreed back and forth about wether you should send an invite to someone you know can't attend. When I read that I didn't think she was saying "you must send a gift if you get an invitation", but just that some people genuinely do feel they must so keep that in mind.

Bridesmaids paying for their own makeup and hair? I also heard on here that it was not the brides responsibility to pay for that unless she insisted on a particular salon, and look, etc

Most of the article re-affirmed what we agree with on here and I think it would do more good than harm if brides to be read it.

As far as hair and makeup, I think the bride has to pay if she is requiring BMs to get these things done professionally. Even if she is not dictating the style, but saying "we have to get our hair done" then she should pay because a BM might have been planning to just do it herself. But I think usually the BM choose to get their hair done without being told they have to, and then they pay for their own. If I were asked to be in a bridal party I would assume I'm going to pay for dress and hair, probably not makeup because I would do my own.

Inkdancer · February 2014

cmfarr said:

Jells2dot0 said:

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

What does a "casual relationship" even mean?

F-buddies.

thisismynickname2 · February 2014

I really liked the pictures of properly addressed invitations. Can someone verify those are correct? That realm has me mystified.

SammiNJonni · February 2014

@thisismynickname The only one I see they messed up on is the unmarried couple living together. They should be listed on separate lines. How they have it written is a married couple with different last names.

LadyMillil · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

cmfarr said:

Jells2dot0 said:

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

What does a "casual relationship" even mean?

F-buddies.

That's what I thought. I'm a little confused about why not inviting the single guest in a casual relationship is a problem if that's what they mean by "casual relationship" . I thought proper etiquette was to invite everyone that considers themselves a couple, so F-buddies doesn't seem to fit that. Or, do they also mean people who just started dating are in a "casual relationship"?

Inkdancer · February 2014

cmfarr said:

Inkdancer said:

cmfarr said:

Jells2dot0 said:

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

What does a "casual relationship" even mean?

F-buddies.

That's what I thought. I'm a little confused about why not inviting the single guest in a casual relationship is a problem if that's what they mean by "casual relationship" . I thought proper etiquette was to invite everyone that considers themselves a couple, so F-buddies doesn't seem to fit that. Or, do they also mean people who just started dating are in a "casual relationship"?

That's the problem--everyone defines this differently. I would define it as "have gone on a date or two, are not sure about relationship status." But my FMIL's social circle defines anyone not engaged as a casual relationship. And that's where feelings get hurt and things get messy. Better to just invite everyone's SO, no matter of status.

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

Inkdancer said:

cmfarr said:

Inkdancer said:

cmfarr said:

Jells2dot0 said:

My favs are:

"If someone lets you know that they have a conflict, don't follow up with an invitation"

"You are not obligated to give single guests and guests who are involved in more casual relationships the option to bring a date."

What does a "casual relationship" even mean?

F-buddies.

That's what I thought. I'm a little confused about why not inviting the single guest in a casual relationship is a problem if that's what they mean by "casual relationship" . I thought proper etiquette was to invite everyone that considers themselves a couple, so F-buddies doesn't seem to fit that. Or, do they also mean people who just started dating are in a "casual relationship"?

That's the problem--everyone defines this differently. I would define it as "have gone on a date or two, are not sure about relationship status." But my FMIL's social circle defines anyone not engaged as a casual relationship. And that's where feelings get hurt and things get messy. Better to just invite everyone's SO, no matter of status.

Yup that's why I highlighted it. What is casual to me is not to someone else. The couple is not necessarily in a position to judge and many end up hurting feelings. So, if it even remotely looks like a "couple", then they should get an invite.

wrigleyville · February 2014

Oh my god. The comments section. I can't even...

"It's your day, so do whatever you want. If someone has a problem with it, they're the problem, not you."

/bangs head against wall

Jells2dot0 · February 2014

wrigleyville said:

Oh my god. The comments section. I can't even...

"It's your day, so do whatever you want. If someone has a problem with it, they're the problem, not you."

/bangs head against wall

Yikes! Here are some other gems:

The fact that this 'etiquette' is needed is an incredibly sad comment on our society these days. There should be no rules to weddings. It's about the bride and groom. It's their day, no one else's.

I strongly disagree that only wedding guests should be invited to a bridal shower. This may vary from one part of the country to another. Why should a friend that is not invited to the wedding (maybe it is a very small wedding) not be able to be involved in some of the wedding excitement? I am thrilled to be able to celebrate with the bride to be, her friends and family at an event even if I don't make the list to being a wedding guest.

SP29 · February 2014

A few things made me "ugh":

-saying that an invitation implies a wedding gift.

-suggesting a honeymoon fund

-implying that a bridesmaid needs to pay for her hair and make up- yes, if she chooses to get it done she pays for it, but a BM can also choose to do her own hair and make up

-enlisting family and WP to help call people who haven't RSVP'd (unless they offer to help)

A good definition I have heard of for a relationship in which the SO must be invited, is do the two people present themselves as a couple? Would you invite both people to your home if you were having friends over for dinner?

Thus, they may have gone on a few dates and consider themselves to be a social couple, or they could have been F-buddies for 6 months but do not consider themselves a couple.

FiancB · February 2014

I also kind of think it's kind of shitty to stipulate no kids but then still have a flower girl/ring boy. Maybe that's technically okay in the rules but to me it says "I like kids as long as they're my props and nothing else". The flower girl and ring boy aren't essential to a wedding, so if you say no kids than don't have them either.

Etiquette going mainstream- CNN/Real Simple's take

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