A couple of questions about my invitation wording.

afterimage · February 2014

So this is what I have so far. It is a work in progress. We are having a secular wedding.

It is with joy that we

Bride
and
Groom

Invite you to celebrate our wedding

Saturday the 17th of January
Two thousand fifteen
At five o’clock in the evening

Venue name
Venue address
City, Province

Dinner and dancing to follow

Question: is "invite you to celebrate our wedding" okay? I chose this wording because we are not having a super formal wedding and "request the pleasure of your presence" seems so formal and stiff to me. Also, I want to make sure that this line implies properly that they are invited to a wedding ceremony. I am wondering if the wording "celebrate our wedding" gives off the impression that it is a reception/party and not actually the wedding ceremony itself.

MobKaz · February 2014

I would agree that what you have now seems to indicate attendance at a wedding celebration/party and not an actual ceremony.

You could say, "Request the pleasure of your company".

Jen4948 · February 2014

I'd stick with the traditional wording.

"Celebrate our wedding" actually suggests that the actual wedding ceremony already took place, and what the invitation is asking the guests to attend is just a party, with (maybe) a re-enactment ceremony but not the real ceremony.

"Original" wording can lead to confusion as to what the guests are being invited to. That's the reason we tend to favor the traditional wording even when the ceremony is not particularly formal-it clarifies exactly what the guests are being invited to.

CMGragain · February 2014

The pleasure of your company is requested

at the marriage of

Bride's Full Name

and

Groom's Full Name

Saturday, the seventeenth of January
two thousand fifteen
five o’clock

Venue name
Venue address
City, Province

Reception to follow

The bride and groom never directly invite guests to their wedding, which is held in their own honour. Your wording sounds like you are inviting people to a party to celebrate a wedding that has already taken place. 5:00PM is not evening, so leave that out. Evening starts at 6:00 PM. The formality of your wedding is expressed by the paper you use for your invitations. A very formal wedding requires white or ecru paper and raised printing. A less formal wedding used lots of color and designs.

Gizmo813 · February 2014

I know that people are responding according to ettiquette. But I will go out on a limb and say that they are arguing semantics. With "reception to follow" on the invitation, it is pretty clear to me that you are inviting your guests to a ceremony. I am not a fan of the "assume your guests are morons" philosophy.

And I disagree that the wedding is held in YOUR honor. The reception is held to honor the GUEST, and the bride/groom can absolutely host their own shin-dig.

Our wording is, "Together with our parents, we <our names> invite you to share in our joy as we exchange marriage vows."

Jen4948 · February 2014

Gizmo813 said:

I know that people are responding according to ettiquette. But I will go out on a limb and say that they are arguing semantics. With "reception to follow" on the invitation, it is pretty clear to me that you are inviting your guests to a ceremony. I am not a fan of the "assume your guests are morons" philosophy.

And I disagree that the wedding is held in YOUR honor. The reception is held to honor the GUEST, and the bride/groom can absolutely host their own shin-dig.

Our wording is, "Together with our parents, we <our names> invite you to share in our joy as we exchange marriage vows."

You can disagree all you like, but invitations listing the couple as actually hosting their own wedding with no other hosts are not correctly worded. It is not polite to host your own occasion in your own honor-whether or not it's a wedding.

Gizmo813 · February 2014

I can get behind the "if nobody volunteers to host a bridal / bachellorette party, you don't get one", and I agree.

BUT, if nobody volunteers to host your wedding, you don't get one? I'm sorry. I'm not buying it.

My fiance and I are hosting our wedding. WE are inviting guests, WE are greeting them, WE are paying for the wedding. Our parents/families are not, and our invitation is not worded as such.

Receptions are to honor your guests, and thank them for being part of your lives and attending your wedding. They are not to honor the bride/groom. "Reception" means "to receive" as in, guests. They are for guests, not for the couple. The couple can absolutely host.

doeydo · February 2014

I think it just looks weird when invitations aren't in third person.

Jen4948 · February 2014

Gizmo813 said:

I can get behind the "if nobody volunteers to host a bridal / bachellorette party, you don't get one", and I agree.

BUT, if nobody volunteers to host your wedding, you don't get one? I'm sorry. I'm not buying it.
My fiance and I are hosting our wedding. WE are inviting guests, WE are greeting them, WE are paying for the wedding. Our parents/families are not, and our invitation is not worded as such.

Receptions are to honor your guests, and thank them for being part of your lives and attending your wedding. They are not to honor the bride/groom. "Reception" means "to receive" as in, guests. They are for guests, not for the couple. The couple can absolutely host.

Nope.

You can invite all the guests you want-but it is not proper for the invitation to be worded in such a way as to suggest that there are hosts.

Sorry. You can do whatever you want, but etiquette does not agree with you-and those of us here who observe it and promote it are not going to endorse it.

Gizmo813 · February 2014

@Jen4948 - I've google searched all over the internet for support of your claim ... other than "because I/we said so." or "its common knowledge." I cannot find one. Can you please point me to a legitimate etiquette source that states you cannot host your own wedding?

As I said earlier....I agree with the statement that you cannot host your own engagement/bridal/bachellorette party ... because those actually DO honor you. The wedding reception, however, honors the guests. It is BECAUSE of the bride/groom but not ABOUT the bride/groom ... that makes the difference.

CMGragain · February 2014

Gizmo813 said:

@Jen4948 - I've google searched all over the internet for support of your claim ... other than "because I/we said so." or "its common knowledge." I cannot find one. Can you please point me to a legitimate etiquette source that states you cannot host your own wedding?

As I said earlier....I agree with the statement that you cannot host your own engagement/bridal/bachellorette party ... because those actually DO honor you. The wedding reception, however, honors the guests. It is BECAUSE of the bride/groom but not ABOUT the bride/groom ... that makes the difference.

I cannot give you a source because this is wrong. It is perfectly fine to host your own wedding and reception. What is not fine is to word your invitations so that the Bride and Groom are TAKING THE CREDIT for hosting the wedding - even if they really are.
The invitation words it in the passive tense when the bride and groom are hosting. This is very old etiquette. Emily Post, Amy Vanderbilt, Crane's, all sources suggest this wording.
The "Together with their families" phrase is not traditional. It is modern wording, and I personally, try to avoid it. I think it is much better to name the hosts on the invitation. When you do use this phrase, you are sharing the hosting duties with other people, so it is not as AW to use the active tense.
The idea is that the bride and groom are the main focus of the wedding, and for them to also claim hosting credit is just too attention seeking. There is nothing wrong with their hosting - just saying so on the invitation.
I know. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but that's the way it has been for hundreds of years. Something about the phrase "Bride and Groom request the pleasure of your company..." just screams "Oh. look! I'm giving this wonderful wedding myself! Come watch me!"

afterimage · February 2014

Thank you, this makes sense to me. I'll word it a different way than saying celebrate.

I have to say, I learn something new on TK almost every day. I didn't realize that there was so much etiquette around invitation wording, especially if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves.

CMGragain Jen4948 - what is the proper way to do so - would we then have to include both of our parents' names on the invitations? I just feel like that would get so long-winded. FI's parents are both divorced and remarried.

And I think that what I don't understand is why it is bad to have wording that suggests that we are hosting our own wedding, because it really doesn't affect the guests or change anything about our wedding. I guess I kind of get that it can come off as AWish, but I never would have thought that on my own if nobody had told me. I feel like a lot of etiquette makes perfect sense when it comes to being polite and treating others nicely, but then we enter the dark realms of invitation wording, and things get a little weird...

I really appreciate all the feedback. Thank you all!

Jen4948 · February 2014

afterimage said:

Thank you, this makes sense to me. I'll word it a different way than saying celebrate.

I have to say, I learn something new on TK almost every day. I didn't realize that there was so much etiquette around invitation wording, especially if the couple is hosting the wedding themselves.

CMGragain Jen4948 - what is the proper way to do so - would we then have to include both of our parents' names on the invitations? I just feel like that would get so long-winded. FI's parents are both divorced and remarried.
And I think that what I don't understand is why it is bad to have wording that suggests that we are hosting our own wedding, because it really doesn't affect the guests or change anything about our wedding. I guess I kind of get that it can come off as AWish, but I never would have thought that on my own if nobody had told me. I feel like a lot of etiquette makes perfect sense when it comes to being polite and treating others nicely, but then we enter the dark realms of invitation wording, and things get a little weird...

I really appreciate all the feedback. Thank you all!

The point is, if you are hosting your wedding, or for that matter, any other occasion, the correct procedure per etiquette is that you word them as though there is no host. If your parents are not acting as the hosts, meaning that they are not issuing the invitations, receiving the replies, greeting the guests, and seeing that their needs are tended to, then their names do not belong on the invitation. How much anyone might be contributing, and/or their marital status, has nothing to do with it. The invitation does not "honor" you, your parents, or anyone other than the guests, so it should not read like a playbill where the family trees are mapped out. If you need to explain all the relationships, do that in a program, not on the invitation.

Whether or not you think it makes a difference, you asked about appropriate wording, and we gave you the etiquette-correct answer. That's what we're going to endorse, even if you don't "get it" or think it suits your particular situation or think your guests are going to care. We're not going to endorse things that go against etiquette, even if they are "victimless crimes."

CMGragain · February 2014

OP, who is hosting your wedding? I was assuming that you were hosting your own wedding. Is that the case?

afterimage · February 2014

Yes, @CMGragain, we are hosting.

@Jen4948 I think you might have misunderstood my response. I was not rejecting your feedback or attacking etiquette, I was asking you for further clarification because invitation etiquette is unfamiliar to me and you seem to know something about it. I was just explaining why it was not obvious to me beforehand that there are etiquette rules surrounding invites, not saying that they are stupid or that I'm not going to follow them.

What I do understand now is that I do not need to put our parents names on the invitations, and that it is not proper etiquette to say "We invite you to our wedding" or anything to that effect. So if we are hosting our own wedding, the proper phrasing would be:

Bride

and

Groom

request the pleasure of your company...

So is the etiquette breach is for using the active voice instead of the passive voice? Or is it for saying "invite" instead of "request"? or is it both?

Would it be improper to say:

Bride and Groom
invite you to their wedding ceremony... (or something to this effect?)

Jen4948 · February 2014

afterimage said:

Yes, @CMGragain, we are hosting.

@Jen4948 I think you might have misunderstood my response. I was not rejecting your feedback or attacking etiquette, I was asking you for further clarification because invitation etiquette is unfamiliar to me and you seem to know something about it. I was just explaining why it was not obvious to me beforehand that there are etiquette rules surrounding invites, not saying that they are stupid or that I'm not going to follow them.

What I do understand now is that I do not need to put our parents names on the invitations, and that it is not proper etiquette to say "We invite you to our wedding" or anything to that effect. So if we are hosting our own wedding, the proper phrasing would be:

Bride
and
Groom

request the pleasure of your company...

So is the etiquette breach is for using the active voice instead of the passive voice? Or is it for saying "invite" instead of "request"? or is it both?

Would it be improper to say:

Bride and Groom
invite you to their wedding ceremony... (or something to this effect?)

The wording you would use would be

The pleasure of your company is requested
at the marriage of
Bride
and
Groom
on Day, Date
at time
Venue
Address
City, State

afterimage · February 2014

That makes sense now. Thank you for your help.

A couple of questions about my invitation wording.

Re: A couple of questions about my invitation wording.

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