MOH dilemma

Re: MOH dilemma

• Blue_Bird member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  You can breathe a sigh of relief, because the only "duties" associated with being a maid of honor or bridesmaid are showing up on time to the wedding in the right dress, and posing for pictures afterwards. There is no other "leg work" involved, so you certainly don't need to ask an additional person just for that. The planning of the wedding is the job of you and your FI.
  
  If a bridesmaid or maid of honor decides to throw you a party, they'll ask you for a guest list. Apart from that, you needn't worry about this.
  
  P.S.- Nothing is stopping you from asking your other friend to be a bridesmaid or co-maid of honor, but her doing things for you isn't a reason to do so. If you've already asked her to be a bridesmaid, I'd leave it at that.
  

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• HisGirlFriday13 member

  

  February 2014

  mrandmrsfritz said:

  I recently have been considering having two MOH, despite having a very small list of bridesmaids. (There's only 4 I can think of to stand up with me.) My problem began when someone pointed out to me that my best friend, who I've already asked to be my MOH, lives in another state and won't be able to come up for many of the things a MOH traditionally helps with. I still want her as my MOH, but many of the duties are falling on the shoulders of my next best friend and I have been considering asking her to also be a MOH. The reasoning being she is doing a lot of the leg work. i know I need to sit them both down regardless of whether I have one or two MOH and go over details but before that I would like to get some advice on the dilemma of the two MOHs. Please and thank you for your advice.

  What duties? The only duties of anyone in the WP is to buy the right dress/attire (which you will know is in their budget because you will have asked them each privately their budget before going shopping and you will have picked something at or below the lowest price point); showing up on-time and sober; and smiling for photos. That's it.

  
  

  Anyone -- or no one -- may plan and throw you showers or parties. The only rule is that you can't throw them yourself.

  
  

  Your MOH will probably be the one who holds your bouquet during the ceremony and will also likely be the one who bustles your dress, but not necessarily -- I bustled a friend's wife's wedding dress and I wasn't in the WP. 

  

  
  

  
  

  I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'

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• OnionBreath member

  

  February 2014

  Have the MOH that you were going to select. Don't have a backup one to do the "tasks" you don't want forgotten.
  

  

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2014

  You MOH isn't required to do anything but show up the day of your wedding in the dress you picked. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  February 2014

  Choose the one who likes cake best.

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  February 2014

  I'm confused as well because the MOH/ bridesmaids have no other duties than to show up in the correct dress. 

  
  

  Choose your MOH based on who you want to stand up next to you, not who can be a better brideslave! That seems like the worst reason to choose someone.

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• jneen101 member

  

  February 2014

  I need more info about all of the duties.
  

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• erollis member

  

  February 2014

  Anyone can offer to host a bridal shower, batchlorette party, help making things, lend support, and listen to whatever you have to say. People do these things because they want to. No one is required to do anything.

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

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• Grabows14 member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  mrandmrsfritz - Don't let current society's way of making weddings into a production stop you from asking her to be your MOH.... if she found out that you wanted to ask her to your MOH but decided not to because she wouldn't be able to "devote" her time to you enough, then it would be very hurtful... She means a lot to you, that's why you want her there as a WITNESS (on your license) to your marriage.... 

  
  

  ETA: grammar sucks after a 12 hr mid-shift.

  

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• Jen4948 member

  

  February 2014

  The only actual duties any attendant has are to show up on time, sober, and in good spirits, wearing the designated outfit.  There are no things an attendant "traditionally does" unless s/he chooses to take them upon him/herself on his/her own time and dime.
  
  Don't make "who can do things for me" the criteria for choosing an MOH.  Choose the person you would really like to have at your side, regardless of whether or not she goes dress shopping with you, dress fittings with you, throws parties for you, or anything else.
  

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