Pet Peeve: "My big day!"

Re: Pet Peeve: "My big day!"

• mlemoe03 member

  

  February 2014

  I agree...if this day is all about YOU, and the groom doesn't show up...how married are you? I hate brides that spout this "It's all about me. It's my big day. I'm the bride!" crap. It's not all about the bride. It's about the couple!

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• Cookie Pusher member

  

  February 2014

  It's just so immature sounding. It reminds me of being in grade school and seeing other kids throw tantrums when they don't get the toy they want or something!

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• JCbride2015 member

  

  February 2014

  Ugh I hate this one too.  Or "my special day" and ESPECIALLY "the best day of my life."  I'm with Cookie, it just sounds so immature like a little girl stamping her feet on her birthday.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

  
  

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• grumbledore member

  

  February 2014

  Yes! I think that's it, it sounds very childish.

  
  

  

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• JennyColada member

  

  February 2014

  Yea.
  
  I mean, I'm as excited to get married as the next bride, but I'd imagine the day that I land my dream job and win the lottery and score a free trip around the world would be the best day of MY life.

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  February 2014

  If the best day of your life is when you're, say, 30 like me, and life expectancy is around 80, that's a let-down of a life.

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• pumpkinsandturkeys member

  

  February 2014

  I don't understand it, either. It's not about you -- it's about showing your love and commitment to each other; it's about sharing and celebrating with family and friends (or just with each other, if that's what you choose). And I agree that it's not necessarily the biggest day of your life -- it certainly won't be for me. It will be special and the start of a new chapter, but it's not 'mine' and it's not about the day... It's about the marriage.

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• StephJean83 member

  

  February 2014

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast.
  
  Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis

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• FiancB member

  

  February 2014

  Childish is a great way to put it. I also think it's kind of weird when people say it's the best day of their lives- I hope it won't be mine! I'm sure it'll be memorable and wonderful but I can think of at least a dozen things that would trump a wedding. 

  
  

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• doeydo member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  StephJean83 said:

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast. Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  So, you were iffy on colours and your sister, who is a BM, was emailing you pictures of dresses then you called her to yell and curse at her?  Poor girl.  She was trying to help, I imagine, so I truly hope you apologized for being an insane bridezilla.  I can understand if you had picked a colour (for example, pink) and then she was like "I hate pink.  I am wearing lime green" that you might want to talk to her, but even then, the yelling and cursing would be uncalled for.  

  
  

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• Emmy1493 member

  

  February 2014

  NOPE. Not mean at all. I hate that saying too! Like, how more bratty and entitled can you make yourself look/sound with that statement.

  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• bethsmiles member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  StephJean83 said:

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast. Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  Seriously? That seems WAY over the top! Why on earth couldn't you just ignore her or nicely tell her you weren't considering those options?  I think I would've chosen to not be a BM if someone screamed at me like that.
  
  I hate the "my day" thing too. I agree with the PPs who said it's childish and makes me think of a little girl stomping her foot.
  

  
  

  
  

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• LondonLisa member

  

  February 2014

  I hate "the people that love me won't care, and if they do, then they shouldn't come!" excuse used. 

  
  

  Firstly, because it isn't true (I have been really angry at some behavior of friends/ILs around weddings- yes I still love them but I DID care and thought they were super rude).

  
  

  Secondly, and more importantly, shouldn't that be even more of an excuse to not treat them like crap/ host them properly? Yes, my mother will love me unconditionally if I treat her like rubbish, but I won't do it because I know it would hurt her and I don't want to cause that.

  
  

  It is all entitlement culture, which is just gross.

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• jenniferurs member

  

  February 2014

  I've never heard my big day, only "my day" or "the big day." I dislike the former, but have no problem with the latter.

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2014

  StephJean83 said:

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast. Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  Um. Wow. That was an overreaction. 

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• FiancB member

  

  February 2014

  Just makes me picture the bride being all:

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  February 2014

  Eh, I'm going to sympathize with @stephjean83.   My sister is my MOH but we haven't exactly gotten along our entire lives.  We all agree here on The Knot that bridesmaids have ONE job, and that's to show up on time in an acceptable dress. I myself am regretting giving my 'maids the freedom to choose their own dresses, as I've gotten nothing but grief over it so far. It's like, you have ONE JOB!  Get a friggin' dress that's within my "vision"!  I haven't snapped at my sister yet because if I do, it could very well ruin MY BIG DAY (sarcasm!), but StephJean said what I've been thinking.  In some families, sisterly-screaming is pretty normal and blows over quickly. 

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• climbingsingle member

  

  February 2014

  FiancB said:

  Just makes me picture the bride being all:

  
  

  
  

  Hahahahaha! I freaking love this gif. 

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• OnceUponSnow member

  

  February 2014

  Sometimes I feel so bad for the grooms. I've seen so many girly girl color palettes and I can't help but wondering, when I see bubblegum pink everywhere : hmmm ... is she getting married (like, are we celebrating a couple) or she having a cupcake party with her girl friends ? Some trends are extremely feminine and I believe it comforts the idea that it's the ''bride's day'' rather than the couple's. I appreciate the fact my FI is very masculine, I don't want to put him into a bubblegum pink shirt with purple butterflies as a boutonniere, sitting at a table with diamonds everywhere over a fuschia and zebra print tablecloth. It can be fun for a bridal shower or bachelorette, but it feels inappropriate (and costumy) for a wedding.

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• NYCBruin member

  

  February 2014

  I also loathe this phrase.  I think the reason it bugs me so much is that it always feels like the person saying it cares more about their wedding than their marriage.  And that makes me sad.

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• Lowell14 member

  

  February 2014

  I, too, dislike the term "MY DAY". I was talking to FSIL and FMIL about something and mentioned that I wanted to discuss it with FI. FMIL said that it was MY day and i could do what i please. I know she meant no malice by saying this. She just meant that is was FI 2nd wedding and knowing her son, didnt think he would actively participate in planning. i still make sure to say OUR day, OUR wedding, because thats what it is. I do the heavy lifting by narrowing down choices and he chooses out of 2 or 3 options (He prefers this way and voices his opinion if he doesnt like something)

  FI first wife STEAMROLLED him when planning ie: mom and I booked x, mom and I bought y, mom and I decided z...Anyone could have been at the altar that day...sadly, it was FI...

  
  

  

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• LadyMillil member

  

  February 2014

  For me, it depends on the context. So, if someone said "it's my (our) day so we are having wedding pie because we don't like cake"  that is ok. However, if it's being used as an excuse to justify rude behaviour or being a bridezilla then it comes off as immature and entitled.

  
  

  

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• behsco90 member

  

  February 2014

  This reminds me of when I went e-ring shopping a couple months ago to get ideas for my BF.  He is very opinionated when it comes to style so I wanted to pick out styles that we both would like.  I told the sales associate this and she was like, "Well it's your ring! Pick out what YOU want.  It doesn't matter what he wants!" 
  
  Uh, yeah no.  Sure it's my ring, but he's the one forking out the $$$$ for it, and he'll have to look at it the rest of his life, so I want him to like it too!
  

  
  

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• Amyzen83 member

  

  February 2014 edited February 2014

  I agree with you grumbledore! When bratty women say it's my wedding I'll do what I want I respond with, ummm I'm pretty sure there's a groom involved too!

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• dolewhipper member

  

  February 2014

  ClimbingBrideNY said:

  show previous quotes

  StephJean83 said:

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast. Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  Um. Wow. That was an overreaction. 

  Eh, I think I understand where StephJean83 s coming from. I, too, have a sister who's overly too excited. She was doing the exact same thing, sending me pictures, her "vision" on my wedding, and I bean-dipped her every time. Finally I just had to tell her, "Listen. Let me figure out WTF is going on first, and then I'll let you know. K? We've got a year. Just post things on the pin board you like." She got the point after that (and started pinning everything). I think when it's your sister it's kind of that sisterly love we give/receive  

  
  

  Other than that, I like correcting people on the "our" day. My BM did the whole "Its MYYY day" when she got married and all the other BMs (myself included) was over it FAST. Very speshal snowflake.

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• HaileyDancingbear member

  

  February 2014

  LondonLisa said:

  I hate "the people that love me won't care, and if they do, then they shouldn't come!" excuse used. 

  
  

  Firstly, because it isn't true (I have been really angry at some behavior of friends/ILs around weddings- yes I still love them but I DID care and thought they were super rude).

  
  

  Secondly, and more importantly, shouldn't that be even more of an excuse to not treat them like crap/ host them properly? Yes, my mother will love me unconditionally if I treat her like rubbish, but I won't do it because I know it would hurt her and I don't want to cause that.

  
  

  It is all entitlement culture, which is just gross.

  THIS.  I'll never understand seeing someone loving you as an excuse to treat them poorly or walk all over them.  When someone is nice to me and shows they care, I appreciate that, given how insanely difficult I can be to talk to- It took my MOH about a year to get me out of my shell.  She's an amazing friend and I'm grateful she was so damn patient.  So given how awesome she is, why the hell would I give her grief over the style of a dress, for instance?  

  
  

  Although even when someone isn't as socially weird as me, it's still just a wonderful thing to know someone really loves you and cares about you.  Why anyone would take it for granted and just be obnoxious in return is beyond me.  

  

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• NYCBruin member

  

  February 2014

  HaileyDancingbear said:

  show previous quotes

  LondonLisa said:

  I hate "the people that love me won't care, and if they do, then they shouldn't come!" excuse used. 

  
  

  Firstly, because it isn't true (I have been really angry at some behavior of friends/ILs around weddings- yes I still love them but I DID care and thought they were super rude).

  
  

  Secondly, and more importantly, shouldn't that be even more of an excuse to not treat them like crap/ host them properly? Yes, my mother will love me unconditionally if I treat her like rubbish, but I won't do it because I know it would hurt her and I don't want to cause that.

  
  

  It is all entitlement culture, which is just gross.

  THIS.  I'll never understand seeing someone loving you as an excuse to treat them poorly or walk all over them.  When someone is nice to me and shows they care, I appreciate that, given how insanely difficult I can be to talk to- It took my MOH about a year to get me out of my shell.  She's an amazing friend and I'm grateful she was so damn patient.  So given how awesome she is, why the hell would I give her grief over the style of a dress, for instance?  

  
  

  Although even when someone isn't as socially weird as me, it's still just a wonderful thing to know someone really loves you and cares about you.  Why anyone would take it for granted and just be obnoxious in return is beyond me.  

  x10000  

  Don't worry guys, I have the Wedding Police AND the Whambulance on speed dial!

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• StephJean83 member

  

  February 2014

  shannonmaya said:

  show previous quotes

  
  

  ClimbingBrideNY said:

  
  

  
  

  StephJean83 said:

  
  

  I hate it too *but* have said it to my sister. It was to get it across to her that she had her wedding, got to pick her BM dresses or at least had the chance before she was steam rolled by her now DH's aunt and cousins into picking one dress for all BMs and MOH picked a different dress. I was still deciding color scheme and the dress colors she kept emailing me were nowhere near what I was deciding between so I called her and screamed at her that "IT'S MY DAY AND I WILL PICK THE F*CKING COLORS I WANT AND YOU WILL WEAR IT OR NOT BE A BM!" It shut her up real fast.
  
  Other than that one time, I correct people when they say that it is all about the bride. I love that my FH is very active in planning our wedding, even if he screws up the date. At the end of the day, it wouldn't mean anything if FH isn't there because the day about us committing our lives to each other.

  
  

  Um. Wow. That was an overreaction. 

  
  

  Eh, I think I understand where StephJean83 s coming from. I, too, have a sister who's overly too excited. She was doing the exact same thing, sending me pictures, her "vision" on my wedding, and I bean-dipped her every time. Finally I just had to tell her, "Listen. Let me figure out WTF is going on first, and then I'll let you know. K? We've got a year. Just post things on the pin board you like." She got the point after that (and started pinning everything). I think when it's your sister it's kind of that sisterly love we give/receive  

  
  

  Other than that, I like correcting people on the "our" day. My BM did the whole "Its MYYY day" when she got married and all the other BMs (myself included) was over it FAST. Very speshal snowflake.

  
  
  It was really her trying to put "her vision" of what she wanted instead of listening to what my FH and I wanted. When I said we were debating our color scheme it was deciding between one of two colors and she didn't like the colors we were deciding between. It was over months of her emailing, texting, calling that I finally did snap on her after bean dipping wasn't working.
  
  

  You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. - Barbara DeAngelis

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• grumbledore member

  

  February 2014

  Honestly, I loathe the words regardless of context.  I don't even care if the most polite bride in the world says it, it still annoys me.  It sounds ridiculous to me.  

  
  

  

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• Marzipan13 member

  

  February 2014

  I'm not a fan of those words being tossed around too often, in a "special snowflake" kind of way.  However, I agree that... it IS a big day!  The biggest in your life so far!  But I much prefer saying "our big day".  After all, it wouldn't even be a day without him... 

  

  
  

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