Two ceremonies in the same day, what do you guys think?

LadyMorvenMacBeth · February 2014

My FI is a Danish Hindu of fully Indian descent, and I'm a caucasian Scottish Humanist/Atheist, so we were thinking instead of having one ceremony that mashes up three languages, two religions and three cultures, having two ceremonies. We would have a non-traditional Humanist, legal ceremony, that would be in English and Danish, then a dry reception, then a shortened traditional Hindu ceremony in English and Sanskrit.

What do you guys think? We're looking at the first ceremony starting at 9am and the second ceremony finishing at about 1:30pm.

firebabe6519 · February 2014

Are you having separate guest lists for each event? If I were invited to two ceremonies the same day, I'd definitely be side-eyeing the B&G.

Personally I would just do one ceremony. While it is great to honor your history / culture, there are ways to incorporate important aspects of each into one beautiful ceremony. That is what my FI and I are doing. FI is Jewish, and my family is Irish on one side, and American Indian on the other. We are mostly following a Jewish ceremony with the Irish handfasting and a Native American ritual and blessing at the end.

flyingfoxes · February 2014

I would stick to one ceremony that incorporates the things that are most important to you in it.

CMGragain · February 2014

I think one ceremony is enough. Most Indians and Danes speak English.

HisGirlFriday13 · February 2014

Weddings are about bringing together two (or more) families and at least two heritages and traditions.

You need to figure out which aspects of your assorted cultural and religious and ethnic heritages matter most to you and put those together in some kind of wedding ceremony that is legally and spiritually binding.

LondonLisa · February 2014

I think that is a rather long day for your guests. Also, having one ceremony, refreshments, and then back in for a second ceremony feels like a conference coffee break to me. The wonderful thing about marriage between people of different cultures is blending the two together and creating a new family. The marriage ceremony is one of the nest places to do this. Pick what aspects of your Scottish/ Humanist culture and his of his Danish and Indian culture to create one ceremony. I also think it is perfectly appropriate to have a portion of the ceremonies in Danish/ Sanskrit, but I would have a translation/ short description of the passage/ ritual in your wedding programme so people are able to follow along who may not speak that language. This ceremony should be no longer than an hour. After that, people get very restless.

Also, 9 am is a rather early start for a wedding. I would suggest starting it no earlier than 11 am- half 10 at a push.

Some of the best weddings I have been to are the ones where cultures are blended. I have been to a South African/Japanese wedding, a Korean/German wedding and a British/Colombian wedding and they have always been so much fun- a great chance to get to learn about other cultures and celebrate in new ways.

STARMOON44 · February 2014

I think this sounds like a self-indulgent drag. 9am? Really? What makes that sound like fun? Sure, a multi-lingual multi-faith wedding might be a little complicated, but that's okay.

LadyMorvenMacBeth · February 2014

LondonLisa said:

I think that is a rather long day for your guests. Also, having one ceremony, refreshments, and then back in for a second ceremony feels like a conference coffee break to me. The wonderful thing about marriage between people of different cultures is blending the two together and creating a new family. The marriage ceremony is one of the nest places to do this. Pick what aspects of your Scottish/ Humanist culture and his of his Danish and Indian culture to create one ceremony. I also think it is perfectly appropriate to have a portion of the ceremonies in Danish/ Sanskrit, but I would have a translation/ short description of the passage/ ritual in your wedding programme so people are able to follow along who may not speak that language. This ceremony should be no longer than an hour. After that, people get very restless.

Also, 9 am is a rather early start for a wedding. I would suggest starting it no earlier than 11 am- half 10 at a push.

Some of the best weddings I have been to are the ones where cultures are blended. I have been to a South African/Japanese wedding, a Korean/German wedding and a British/Colombian wedding and they have always been so much fun- a great chance to get to learn about other cultures and celebrate in new ways.

STARMOON44 said:

I think this sounds like a self-indulgent drag. 9am? Really? What makes that sound like fun? Sure, a multi-lingual multi-faith wedding might be a little complicated, but that's okay.

I don't know about where you guys live but 9am is very normal time to begin a wedding at here. Almost 30% of wedding start before 10am.

LondonLisa · February 2014

Where are you based? I'm British (you said you are Scottish) and I have never heard of a wedding starting before 10:30. Is there a reason you want it to start so early?

LadyMorvenMacBeth · February 2014

Thanks everybody for your advice We've decided that we will just have the one ceremony, and we're having it at dawn.

Also, @LondonLisa and @firebabe6519, I just want to suggest keeping your answers more gender neutral. Obviously, you don't have to it's your choice, but it's quite annoying. My FI is many things, but male isn't one of them.

LondonLisa · February 2014

@LadyMorvenMacBeth Gah! You are absolutely correct about needing to be gender neutral and I sincerely apologise. Sorry to be so heteronormative (that one of my biggest pet hates- so I'm frustrated with myself!).

Edited- spelling.

LadyMorvenMacBeth · February 2014

@LondonLisa Eh, don't worry about it too much. Also, we're in the Edinburgh area, so I don't know why you don't have any early morning weddings like we do. I think it might be because a lot of the wedding venues around here are closed from 11:30 till 2. Not sure why to be honest. We actually starting at dawn now, about 4:50am for the time of year. Dawn (and early morning in general) have massive symbolism for new beginning in the Hindu faith, so it was really important to my FI to start as early as we could.

doeydo · February 2014

4:50 a.m.?! Sorry, but that is ridiculous. I get up at 6:30 a.m,. just to have enough time for a shower and breakfast before I have to leave for work at 7:30 a.m.,and that's early enough for me. For attending a wedding, I like to do my hair and make-up, so it takes me some time. Heck, I'd probably have to get up at 2:30 a.m. in order to get ready and allow for driving time. Don't be surprised if you get a lot of declines from your guests...

STARMOON44 · February 2014

Ha! You're joking right? Or are you really that delusional? If you sincerely need to get married at dawn, how about a December wedding when dawn in Edinburgh is at 8:45? Still crazy early, but at least it is some what more considerate. And I'd be interested to know what part of your fiancees Hindu faith requires a dawn wedding, since I've never heard of Hindu weddings taking place then.

Maggie0829 · February 2014

Sorry but any wedding that starts before 11am, unless it is my sisters, I am declining. And if I received an invite for a wedding to start at damn, meaning 4:50am, I would be too busy laughing my ass off at the craziness of the couple to even be able to fill out the RSVP card.

mysticl · February 2014

I would honestly think that 4:50am was a typo and that you meant 4:50pm and then I would wonder what was up with the oddball timing.

Liatris2010 · February 2014

How do your vendors feel about a 4:50 start time? I'd imagine the venue needs time to set up chairs, prep food, set tables, etc.

cowgirl8238 · February 2014

Liatris2010 said:

How do your vendors feel about a 4:50 start time? I'd imagine the venue needs time to set up chairs, prep food, set tables, etc.

My wedding will be at 11:30AM. As it was we had to pass on a few vendors because they said it was too early! (mostly with hair and make-up people but still). I am also in the camp of thinking it was a typo.

I can understand if you wanted to take a moment with your FI at dawn. You MIGHT be able to find a photog that you can hire for the whole day to even take a few photos of you two on the wedding day, but having the whole wedding at 4:50 in the morning seems insane to me. (I'm not trying to be rude, I just seriously just don't understandyour current plan)

HobokensFury · February 2014

I would think there was a typo if I got invited to a wedding before 5 am. I'd be 12 hours late.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

4:50 am? Then I say go for two ceremonies! Since you're asking your guests to come at 4:50 a.m., I anticipate that you and your husband will be the only two people there. Might as well do whatever you want since it will just be the two of you.

Yes, I am saying that I anticipate 99% of your guest list declining when you want to have your wedding at DAWN.

STARMOON44 · February 2014

I think @TheGrimReaper is really onto something (although OP has clarified it's wife, not husband). A private, just the two of you and an officiant, dawn ceremony, followed later in the day by a public ceremony and reception sounds like it could be a really moving meaningful experience for both of you. I'm normally not a fan of having a ceremony when you're already married, but with the 2 cultures you are merging I can see how it would be necessary. Or you could even do the dawn ceremony during your honeymoon to avoid a really long wedding day.

TheGrimReaper · February 2014

STARMOON44 said:

I think @TheGrimReaper is really onto something (although OP has clarified it's wife, not husband). A private, just the two of you and an officiant, dawn ceremony, followed later in the day by a public ceremony and reception sounds like it could be a really moving meaningful experience for both of you. I'm normally not a fan of having a ceremony when you're already married, but with the 2 cultures you are merging I can see how it would be necessary. Or you could even do the dawn ceremony during your honeymoon to avoid a really long wedding day.

Whoops, missed that part while skimming. Thanks!

I disagree with the rest of your post though. I think having two ceremonies, unless all of your guests are aware it's your second, is rude. I was playing with the fact that I anticipated no one would show up to a dawn wedding. I think OP's best bet is to have one cermony that incorporates everything. Not at dawn.

LadyMorvenMacBeth · February 2014

First off: the dawn wedding was indeed the original plan. We ran the start time my absolutely everyone we intend to invite and every single one of them said that it was absolutely fine. We're not completely insane; if any of them had had the reaction most of you have had, we would have kept the 9am start. But, they didn't, so what you think of the timing matters not (to us anyway, it might matters to any lurkers thinking about having a dawn wedding).

Secondly, we are only having the ceremony at dawn, the reception will be held a day later in the evening.

Thirdly, if I am paying money to someone just to set up the venue which was always specified to be at dawn (as we are) then I should like to think they'd be willing to do so.

STARMOON44 · February 2014

I never understand posters who leave out key details like that. Your original post said nothing about arranging everything for dawn and nothing about having a reception a day later.

Either way, if people show up at dawn there should be some sort of reception immediately following- even an hour of tea and muffins would do.

QueerFemme · February 2014

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

First off: the dawn wedding was indeed the original plan. We ran the start time my absolutely everyone we intend to invite and every single one of them said that it was absolutely fine. We're not completely insane; if any of them had had the reaction most of you have had, we would have kept the 9am start. But, they didn't, so what you think of the timing matters not (to us anyway, it might matters to any lurkers thinking about having a dawn wedding). Secondly, we are only having the ceremony at dawn, the reception will be held a day later in the evening. Thirdly, if I am paying money to someone just to set up the venue which was always specified to be at dawn (as we are) then I should like to think they'd be willing to do so.

I'm confused. You aren't hosting a reception for the people who attended immediately after your ceremony?

ShesSoCold · February 2014

So these people have to get up before the ass crack of dawn to go to a wedding ceremony and you're not even having a reception for them?

Love_Cam · February 2014

I am a firm believer that only you know your crowd so if you say they are all okay with going to a dawn wedding then I believe you. I personally wouldn't go, but if your friends will then I think you have really really really great friends.

I agree with the PPs though that you do need to have something after the ceremony- muffins, coffee, tea, etc. It doesn't have to be anything elaborate but something to thank them for coming.

HobokensFury · February 2014

I'd be pissed if I got up in the middle of the night for a wedding and didn't even get a friggin bagel and a cup of coffee. I'd seriously rethink my relationship with that person.

mysticl · February 2014

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

First off: the dawn wedding was indeed the original plan. We ran the start time my absolutely everyone we intend to invite and every single one of them said that it was absolutely fine. We're not completely insane; if any of them had had the reaction most of you have had, we would have kept the 9am start. But, they didn't, so what you think of the timing matters not (to us anyway, it might matters to any lurkers thinking about having a dawn wedding). Secondly, we are only having the ceremony at dawn, the reception will be held a day later in the evening. Thirdly, if I am paying money to someone just to set up the venue which was always specified to be at dawn (as we are) then I should like to think they'd be willing to do so.

I'm confused. You aren't hosting a reception for the people who attended immediately after your ceremony?

DH and I were invited to a wedding like that. The ceremony was Friday morning and the reception was Saturday afternoon/evening. I thought it was really weird. We didn't go, though that wasn't the reason.

mysticl · February 2014

I never understand posters who leave out key details like that. Your original post said nothing about arranging everything for dawn and nothing about having a reception a day later. Either way, if people show up at dawn there should be some sort of reception immediately following- even an hour of tea and muffins would do.

Exactly. It said a 9am ceremony, followed by a reception followed by another ceremony. Then later the idea of dawn got thrown in.

PrettyGirlLost · February 2014

LadyMorvenMacBeth said:

First off: the dawn wedding was indeed the original plan. We ran the start time my absolutely everyone we intend to invite and every single one of them said that it was absolutely fine. We're not completely insane; if any of them had had the reaction most of you have had, we would have kept the 9am start. But, they didn't, so what you think of the timing matters not (to us anyway, it might matters to any lurkers thinking about having a dawn wedding). Secondly, we are only having the ceremony at dawn, the reception will be held a day later in the evening. Thirdly, if I am paying money to someone just to set up the venue which was always specified to be at dawn (as we are) then I should like to think they'd be willing to do so.

If you are inviting guests to your dawn ceremony, then you need to host them afterwards with food and drinks. And since the ceremony is going to be at 5am, I think breakfast would be appropriate.

Two ceremonies in the same day, what do you guys think?

Re: Two ceremonies in the same day, what do you guys think?

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