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Gap Update

LDay2014LDay2014 member
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edited February 2014 in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay Ladies...I have done some thinking and here's what FI and I have come up with to avoid the gap but still allow us to do pics where we wanted to.  

As you may remember we were a little stuck since the reception venue doesn't open until 5 and our ceremony will likely end around 3:30.  FI and I are NOT willing to do 'first look' pics and it was resulting in an hour and a half of an unhosted gap...so here's the verdict.

  • 3 - 3:30pm Ceremony (in our backyard)
  • 3:30 - 4pm Formal photos in the backyard with family (this way my Dad with MS/dementia doesn't have to travel).  We will also provide punch and cheese/cracker, fruit, and cold cut platters at this time
  • 4pm - 5pm Rail Bridge Photos with FI and the WP.  The snacks and punch will continue at the house in our absence
  • 5pm - 5:30pm Guests arrive at the restaurant for dinner
This way, we are avoiding the gap but still getting the pics in the location that was important to us while properly hosting our guests :)
Thoughts? Does this work?
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Re: Gap Update

  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    As long as its not 2 cocktail hours, I think its a fine plan.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    Inkdancer said:
    So you're basically having a cocktail hour at your house for the guests? I think that's a great idea!
    Pretty much (but no alcohol because the'll need to drive to the restaurant afterwards).
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  • Amyzen83Amyzen83 member
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    LDay2014 said:


    Inkdancer said:

    So you're basically having a cocktail hour at your house for the guests? I think that's a great idea!

    Pretty much (but no alcohol because the'll need to drive to the restaurant afterwards).

    Alcohol doesn't need to be involved for a cocktail hour so your good
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    @AprilH81 the bridge is about 20 mins away, so that hour budgets in the time for us to travel.
    Essentially, I expect that the 'cocktail time' will be from 3:30 - 4:30 when people will start heading over to the reception site 20 mins away as well.  Reception time will be listed for 5pm, we plan to arrive at 5:30ish

    As a reminder, it is a very small wedding (only 26 ppl including us) 
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
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    I think your plan sounds perfectly nice.
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  • phiraphira member
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    I don't get why there needs to be a second set of formals at a different location. Honestly, I'd budget more time for formals at the house, since more people will be there, and fewer formals at the non-wedding location (since it will not be where you got married or where you have your reception, and since it'll just be the wedding party and not any other guests).
    Anniversary
    now with ~* INCREASED SASSINESS *~
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
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    I agree with grumbledore.  I know that these locations are important to you and your FI but 90 minutes (hopefully that includes travel time) is a bit much.

    Have you and your FI considered having professional photos taken on a different day at the bridge? Kind of a trash the dress/suit style photo shoot?

    I mean I know that you would still need to host a cocktail hour at your home because of the venue situation but you could start your ceremony a half hour later and then have the cocktail hour actually be an hour.

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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    I agree with grumbledore.  I know that these locations are important to you and your FI but 90 minutes (hopefully that includes travel time) is a bit much.

    Have you and your FI considered having professional photos taken on a different day at the bridge? Kind of a trash the dress/suit style photo shoot?

    I mean I know that you would still need to host a cocktail hour at your home because of the venue situation but you could start your ceremony a half hour later and then have the cocktail hour actually be an hour.
    This is what I was wondering. If you are at your home, presumably there isn't another ceremony or something keeping you from starting later?
    image
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    edited February 2014
    This photo location is very important to us.
    We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.

    What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    edited February 2014
    jenniferurs said:
    I think the thing is that you really haven't totally solved the problem. 60 minutes for cocktail hour is really PLENTY of time, and making people wait longer so you can have photos at an unrelated location isn't good hosting.
    Agreed. The ceremony ends up at 3:30 and you've said you won't arrive at the reception site until 5:30. That leaves 2 hours of waiting, which IMO, is far too much. Even if it includes refreshments and 20 minutes of travel, 1 hour 40 minutes of waiting around for the bride and groom would get old fast for me.
    Then don't come.  
    Sometimes ladies, while I respect your opinions you really do get VERY nit picky. I have corrected the etiquette breach and while it may not be specifically to your liking there is nothing wrong with our timeline.  It will not be a late evening, we are not having an extensively long reception.
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  • missnc77missnc77 member
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    If it's such a small party, how many people will be left when y'all leave to take photos? 


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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    missnc77 said:
    If it's such a small party, how many people will be left when y'all leave to take photos? 


    Since it's a smaller group now going for the photos, it will be around 20 people
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited February 2014
    I think it probably depends on your guests.  If I were a guest at this wedding and I had a ton of really great friends with me then I think the time would pass pretty quickly for me (at some hour long cocktail hours it seems to go by in about 5 minutes!).  But if I were alone or only knew one person then that would be an awfully long wait.

    But you know what?  This is so much better than having an unhosted gap, so while we can ALWAYS find something that could be more ideal, you have definitely upgraded the situation which will be much more comfortable for your guests.
    image
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  • missnc77missnc77 member
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    Will all 20 be driving to the restaurant? At least offer a couple of bottles of wine and some beers for the cheese and crackers for those that aren't driving. That would be a nice touch for not a lot of money. Are they all just going to be sitting around in a quite home until it's time for them to drive over? I don't know, the whole thing just sounds dumb to me. If you want to take photos on the bridge, do it before or the day after. Don't make your guests just sit around eating cheese and crackers for over an hour watching the clock until it's time to go to the restaurant. Buzzkill.
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
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    I just don't understand why anyone would think making your guests wait for you for almost 2 hours is a polite thing to do. You want pictures at a second location? Do it on your own time; not theirs.

    I had the same dilemma and am having my photographer do a separate photo shoot on a different day, because I'd never dream of putting my own wants above my guests' comfort.
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    Maggie0829 said:
    LDay2014 said:
    This photo location is very important to us.
    We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.

    What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
    Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?
    That may be your preference, but it's not ours.  We are doing it all on the same day.  I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
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  • jneen101jneen101 member
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    LDay2014 said:
    Then don't come.  
    .
    I think the problem is that usually people don't realize there is a 2 hour waiting period until it is too late and they are already there.  Are you telling everyone in advance that they will have to wait 2 hours for you?  If so then yes, people can choose not to come.  Otherwise, it's too late and they are already there.
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
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    edited February 2014
    LDay2014 said:


    Maggie0829 said:


    LDay2014 said:

    This photo location is very important to us.
    We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.

    What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.

    Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?

    That may be your preference, but it's not ours.  We are doing it all on the same day.  I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.

    You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue.

    And newsflash, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
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  • kgd7357kgd7357 member
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    We have a second location, but gave up and are just doing it before hand. While I don't think your plan is terrible, I'd pick up a few coolers of beer. Plenty of guests wont need to drive. Also toss on an ipod.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    LDay2014 said:
    jenniferurs said:
    I think the thing is that you really haven't totally solved the problem. 60 minutes for cocktail hour is really PLENTY of time, and making people wait longer so you can have photos at an unrelated location isn't good hosting.
    Agreed. The ceremony ends up at 3:30 and you've said you won't arrive at the reception site until 5:30. That leaves 2 hours of waiting, which IMO, is far too much. Even if it includes refreshments and 20 minutes of travel, 1 hour 40 minutes of waiting around for the bride and groom would get old fast for me.
    Then don't come.  
    Sometimes ladies, while I respect your opinions you really do get VERY nit picky. I have corrected the etiquette breach and while it may not be specifically to your liking there is nothing wrong with our timeline.  It will not be a late evening, we are not having an extensively long reception.
    I think there is though- that 2 hour time span where your guests will be waiting around for you.  Sorry, but even a hosted gap of 2hrs would get on my nerves.  Who all is going all the way out to the bridge with you?  I get that it might be important to you and your FI, but I wouldn't drag the wedding party out there too.

    So in that case, why can't you guys hire the photographer to come back another day and just do photos with your new husband at the bridge?  You can wear your dress again, and you don't have to "trash" it although it might get mucked up a bit anyways.

    What are you guys planning on doing as a back-up rain plan since so much of your wedding day is outside?  Would you still go out to the bridge in the rain?

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    jenniferurs said:
    Maggie0829 said:
    LDay2014 said:
    This photo location is very important to us.
    We're not changing our timing - it is very carefully thought out due to the travel time that is needed both for us to get to the photo place and for our guests to get to the reception.

    What was the issue before was the gap and we have solved that problem.
    Again, why can't you and your FI take pictures at this place on another day?
    That may be your preference, but it's not ours.  We are doing it all on the same day.  I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
    You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue. And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
    by the way, that's classy..the whole name calling thing? Not sure how an hour of COCKTAIL HOUR (plus a half hour of travel time) turned into two hours.

    Not uncommon at all for a wedding to have a ceremony, half hour travel time to the reception, then start the cocktail hour.  We are just doing the reverse.


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