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Gap Update

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Re: Gap Update

  • mrs4everhartmrs4everhart member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    OP, I think what you are doing is just fine. I don't see why or how a hosted hour of snacks before or after the travel time is a big issue. We read repeatedly about how the cocktail hour is designed to give the B&G time to take pictures. That's what you're doing with the hour, the "where" is irrelevant. 
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    STBMrsEverhart said:
    OP, I think what you are doing is just fine. I don't see why or how a hosted hour of snacks before or after the travel time is a big issue. We read repeatedly about how the cocktail hour is designed to give the B&G time to take pictures. That's what you're doing with the hour, the "where" is irrelevant. 
    I think the issue is that it's not a cocktail hour, it's longer than that (cocktail.. hours?)

    I think people are suggesting she not do a different location for photos because if she skipped that it would cut that extra wait time.
    image
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    So, for you ladies who are taking up the whole day for your guests...who clearly have an entire day to spend just for you, between travelling to and from your wedding, cost of hotels, etc. that's being considerate of them?

    No one is travelling more than 10 minutes to our wedding, and will all be home early. 

    There are different ways to accommodate guests.

    And yes, it clearly states on the invitations that the ceremony is at 3pm and that the dinner reservation is at 5pm.
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  • happywigglehappywiggle member
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    jenniferurs said:
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    You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue. And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.
    Basically, this. Are you fully disclosing to them prior to the wedding date that the cocktail hour is going to be this long, or are you going to make them wait to find out?
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    LDay2014 said:

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    That may be your preference, but it's not ours.  We are doing it all on the same day.  I have small children, a family, and a very busy schedule and we don't have the time or patience to co-ordinate a second day of wedding crap...I am not justifying my choice to you - we have solved the problem that was etiquette related and I appreciate the feedback from you ladies on that issue.
    You realize that having a cocktail HOUR that lasts over an HOUR is also an etiquette issue, don't you? You throwing a fruit plate and punch at the issue doesn't change the fact that that, in and of itself, is its own issue.

    And news flesh, snowflake, it doesn't matter whether that's your preference or not. You chose to have guests and now you're expected to host them graciously. Making them stand around and wait for you for 2 hours does not a gracious host make.


    by the way, that's classy..the whole name calling thing? Not sure how an hour of COCKTAIL HOUR (plus a half hour of travel time) turned into two hours.

    Not uncommon at all for a wedding to have a ceremony, half hour travel time to the reception, then start the cocktail hour.  We are just doing the reverse.




    Yeah, except those couples actually attend the start of their reception. They don't show up a half hour late. When your guests get to the venue and stand around and wait for you for another half an hour, that's not a reception, that's an extension of cocktail hour.
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    KatWAG said:

    I still dont understand why a first look is out of the question, if this location is so important. It seems logical to me, to take pictures at the off site location before the ceremony. Then you dont have to leave your guests hanging for an hour and half to 2 hours.

    Because they don't want to do a first look and because her preference for everything (not doing a first look, not having one location for pictures, not having a separate day of pictures) supersedes any and everything else.

    Selfish.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    jenniferurs said:
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    Because they don't want to do a first look and because her preference for everything (not doing a first look, not having one location for pictures, not having a separate day of pictures) supersedes any and everything else. Selfish.
    Yea, I figured. I was hoping there would be another reason besides "its MY day!"
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • CrazyCatLady3CrazyCatLady3 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location?  If so, I think this is fine.  

    Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    CrazyCatLady3 said:

    Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location?  If so, I think this is fine.  


    Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
    But a hosted cocktail hour is still against etiquette if it goes above an hour.
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    @KatWAG and @jenniferurs

    Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!  
    First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
    Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
    Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.

    It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this.  Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    CrazyCatLady3 said:
    Will there be drinks and snacks available for your guests at 5 pm when they arrive at the reception location?  If so, I think this is fine.  

    Also, maybe you could have lawn games, card decks and tables, etc. in your backyard to also entertain your guests after the ceremony before they go to the reception location since this will be sort of an extended cocktail hour.
    Yes, there will be.  We are not having a 'set menu' and guests will be able to choose whatever they want to eat/drink.  If we get there earlier than 5:30...GREAT! I'm not standing outside until a magic moment...we will go in as soon as we get there (which, worst case scenario is 5:30)
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
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    LDay2014 said:
    @KatWAG and @jenniferurs

    Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!  
    First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
    Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
    Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.

    It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this.  Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
    I would ask your fi what is more important, the photo locations or not having a first look. That way he gets to choose.
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • FiancBFiancB member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Wait, so you had a long gap because the reception place doesn't open til 5... so what's wrong with pushing back the ceremony time to, say, 4:30? Then you have the ceremony at 4:30, it's over at 5 and your guests can immediately go to cocktail hour at the reception place and you have an hour to do pictures and you should be able to get that done right? It sounds like the locations are pretty close together?

    Good for you for trying to figure out how to better host your guests, but that sounds like a much smoother and more convenient timeline to me. Plus your pics should turn out better- late afternoon has much better light than early.

    Did I miss something? You already sent invites or something?
    image
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    jenniferurs said:
    If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.

    Or they can do the family pictures before the ceremony and still not have the bride and groom see each other.
    photo composite_14153800476219.jpg
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    I'll speak to the "taking up the whole day" thing as well - we are starting our ceremony at 4 PM (about a half hour), immediately transitioning into a cocktail "hour" (more like a half hour if I have my way) a block away at our reception location, and then starting our reception between 5 and 5:30.  The reception ends at 10.  So no, that's not a full day.  I hate waiting around, I'm working hard not to make anyone else do it.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
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  • LDay2014LDay2014 member
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    AprilH81 said:
    show previous quotes

    Or they can do the family pictures before the ceremony and still not have the bride and groom see each other.
    Yes, we are doing this.  
    The more we get done with family beforehand, the better...and the sooner we can go get ours done after the ceremony and the sooner we are back to the restaurant
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  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    The only people whose entire days were consumed by our wedding were ours, my parents (by my mother's choice; she's too much of a micro-manager not to have overseen everything), and our WP, because I paid for the BMs to get their hair done (my treat, but only if they wanted it; if they didn't, then no worries, but they all took me up on the offer).

    Our ceremony (a full Catholic Mass, obtw) started at 3 p.m. and was over by 4 p.m. The receiving line took us to 4.30, and then our guests left for the reception venue, which was about 15 minutes away. 

    They were hosted with open wine/beer, passed hors d'oeuvres (warm and cold), etc. from the moment they arrived.

    We did photos at the church, drove to the reception site, did a few more photos there (after meeting in a special room set aside for us so the BP could eat the appetizers, too!). then had our reception proper start at 5.45.

    We got all the photos we wanted AND still properly hosted our guests AND had a Catholic wedding. 

    Our guests had to give up whatever travel time to get to our wedding, the hour of our ceremony, and then however much of the reception they wanted to stay for -- certainly not their whole days.
    Anniversary

    image
    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    jenniferurs said:
    If you must do it at the railroad, then cut out the pictures in your backyard. That eliminates a half hour and will allow you to arrive at your reception on time.
    true, but then she might not be able to do family photos which (actually) very important.

    Honestly the only solution is to skip the train tracks, but she's not going to do that... so...  
    image
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  • TheGrimReaperTheGrimReaper member
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    Yeah, like someone else said, if the photo spot is SO DAMN SPECIAL, have your ceremony there.  I would be seriously pissed if I sat around eating cheese for two hours and then got to the reception site and had to sit around for ANOTHER half an hour just because you refuse to go take pictures another day or before the ceremony.  You need to tell your guests that the ceremony will be over at 3:30 and the reception will not actually start until 5:30, assuming you can show up on time.  That would be a decline from me.
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  • TheGrimReaperTheGrimReaper member
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    HisGirlFriday13 said:
    We did photos at the church, drove to the reception site, did a few more photos there (after meeting in a special room set aside for us so the BP could eat the appetizers, too!). then had our reception proper start at 5.45.

     
     
    STUCK IN THE BOX!! I was just sitting here thinking of how in the world we'll get all of our photos after our Catholic mass next month.  Then I realized that we, too, will have a BP room set up during cocktail hour and that the one part of our reception space is a beautiful old bar with dark wood and a big fireplace.  Now I want to take a ton of photos there! And stuff my face between each photo. Thanks for the idea!
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    FiancB said:

    Wait, so you had a long gap because the reception place doesn't open til 5... so what's wrong with pushing back the ceremony time to, say, 4:30? Then you have the ceremony at 4:30, it's over at 5 and your guests can immediately go to cocktail hour at the reception place and you have an hour to do pictures and you should be able to get that done right? It sounds like the locations are pretty close together?


    Good for you for trying to figure out how to better host your guests, but that sounds like a much smoother and more convenient timeline to me. Plus your pics should turn out better- late afternoon has much better light than early.

    Did I miss something? You already sent invites or something?
    Yeah since the ceremony is in a backyard, just start it later.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    @KatWAG and @jenniferurs

    Thank you for putting the words right into my mouth!  
    First look is for FI, that is his request and since the man asks for NOTHING I will do this for him.
    Photo location is very important to us since he works for the railroad (as do about 1/2 of our guests) and anyone who is a railroader knows it is a lifestyle and has helped define who we are.
    Thirdly, a separate date for pictures...he works Saturdays, we don't have my girls on Sundays so it would be very difficult to have another day as a family to do the pictures.

    It's funny how much focus you ladies have put on this.  Not the other things that we may be doing SPECIFICALLY for our guest comfort.
    Because even with the hosted stuff, people still aren't thrilled with having to wait around for 2 hours before the actual wedding starts. Even when you are hanging out with friends or family waiting around for something to start for so long gets boring as hell. That is why we are focusing so much on your 2 hour hosted gap.

    Sorry, I just will never understand why taking pictures at a special place in your wedding attire is so important, especially if it means that your guests have to wait for your arrival for an extended period of time.

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