BM and Groomsman Problem

Simply Fated · October 2012

This all started by you trying to force them to play nice. This groomsman ended up getting nasty comments. She is angry with you and now your fiance is pissed.

Please stop trying to push them together. It sounds like you tried to play match maker or something, it's weird.

Why will she be humiliated? Is it because he only has one leg or is it because they had a blow-out fight and then you donated money in her name?

Look, you choose your bridal party side. Your fiance chooses his bridal party side. Neother of you get to dictate what the other person does. And for heaven's sake... don't make them walk down together. They don't like each other. They might never like each other. Do not make it your mission to get them to like each other.

As far as donating the money in her name... You knew it would be risky, so you can't be mad at her or hold it against her that she was so pissed. It's over now, though.

I need more informaton about her abusive comments to you. So far all I see is she was annoyed because you called her while she was still sleeping and she is weirdly annoyed by you calling him your fiance. Is there information missing? If she is treating you badly and refusing to walk with him just because he has one leg(?), I'd rethink my friendship with her.

But omg, for the love of all that is shiny, stop making them "play nice." They're not toddlers lol.

Viczaesar · October 2012

I posted on moms & maids, but basically ditto Simply Fated.

kmmssg · October 2012

Dang OP - you sure blew up the different boards with this. I answered you on other boards but I'll cut and paste from Moms & Maids:

You have single handedly created this situation. YOU are the reason it is out of control.

YOU tried to manipulate their situation by making them walk together for the shallow reason of heigh

YOU donated money in her name to a fundraiser, which WAS incredibly passive aggressive

YOU knew there was trouble between them in the past

YOU are forcing a situation trying to get her to "play nice"

YOU are gossiping about this to others - your bridal party, the groomsman, your mom, etc. NO ONE else should have part of this debacle.

YOU are treating HER like crap by continuing to press this issue when you could have diffused the situation by having her walk with someone else. Oh, wait - they have to walk together because of something so incredibly important as how tall they both are.

Want to deal with the person at fault here? Check the mirror.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

Ditto everyone else. Why the hell are you trying to force them to be friends? Donating money in her name in an attempt to "play nice" is just weird. Just let her walk with someone else.

LesPaul · October 2012

Forcing them to 'play nice'? Dictating that they walk together because they are both the shortest in the WP?

No.

You have a hand in creating this monster of a problem. Don't kick her out, but have an honest conversation about whether she really wants to be included or not. If so, have her walk with someone else. Or let her drop out - uneven sides are absolutely OK. You cannot make her get along with this GM, or anyone. She sounds like a real peach, but you are not helping the situation. Also, you seem to be hanging on to this abusive relationship simply because you have been friends since you were 13. Not all friendships last foreverandever - it might be time to let this one go.

BrookeLee2012 · October 2012

Thank you all for your comments--- they were extremely helpful and a completely different perspective from what I've heard from everyone else. I have deleted the original post because I got enough feedback and didn't think there was any need to have this situation up on the board permanently.

BrookeLee2012 · October 2012

Right-- Someone had quoted me in another forum. I will say what I said there- I deleted the post because I didn't want to draw further attention to my situation since I care about all of the people involved. But I am very happy I posted it in this forum because I got some great advice that helped me understand that I created the situation. This was completely different from what I was hearing from others. I really appreciate all of you taking the time to read and respond to my post, it has helped me a lot and I understand better that I have been a bad friend and need to talk to her and apologize. I already decided months ago that they were not walking together because it made her so upset, but it was the residuary anger and tension that I had no clue how to handle. I am hoping an apology, which is due, will change that. Thanks again for your help!

annamario1013 · October 2012

ughhhh dont make them walk together period.end.
as far as her abusive comments, DO NOT LET ANYONEwalk all over u , i dont give a crap how long u know her...end it now or it will get worse and then u should kick her out!

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