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Eye Roll...

AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
FI got a wedding invite today. And I only say FI because on the envelope it had "John Smith and guest". I'm not 'guest'. I am AshleyNicole1218.

I'm actually kind of surprised at how pissy it makes me. FI and I have been together for almost 4 years, living together for over 3, engaged for a year....and you still don't know my name or can't be bothered to look it up on Facebook?

FI tried making all kinds of excuses for them, but we live in a world where it takes a phone call, a text or a click on a social media page to find out this info. Not to mention we've hung out with them plenty of times.

Pleeeeeaaasse do not use 'and guest' unless someone is truely single. Do a little legwork if you need to. I promise you, we girlfriends, partners, fiancees, etc will (secretly) thank you for it.

Rant over!

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Re: Eye Roll...

  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    @antono - No, they were not trying to be snarky. But I don't think there's anything wrong with me rolling my eyes at someone thay couldn't be bothered to take two seconds to find out my name.

    I'll bitch a bit, then I'll get over it because it's not worth more than a few moments of annoyance, but I still think there's something to be said for caring enough about your guests to write their names.

    I see your point, this stuff happens and as brides we should be understanding. It took me quite some time to compile full names of every single guest and their SO, just because I wanted to avoid this from happening to my family and friends.
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I mispelled your name @antoto and TK mobile won't let me fix it! Hahah karma!! ;)
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    Just go, have an awesome time and take full advantage of their open bar!
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Ohhh goodie drinks! Thanks for another perspective @antoto and @maggie0829!
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    This just seems to me like a silly thing to get upset over.
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Fair enough @jenniferurs. Posting out of annoyance didn't do well for me here. Figured I could vent a bit on the etiquette board.
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  • jenniferursjenniferurs member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    AshleyNicole1218 said:

    Fair enough @jenniferurs. Posting out of annoyance didn't do well for me here. Figured I could vent a bit on the etiquette board.

    Oh, vent away! Technically, you're right in that etiquette would demand they put your name on the invitation. I just personally wouldn't be able to find it in me to really care about something like this, as I'm sure it was an innocent oversight. I honestly think a lot of people are just naive to this rule of etiquette and probably think they've covered their bases simply by giving him a guest.
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited February 2014
    HisGirlFriday13 said:


    AshleyNicole1218 said: Fair enough @jenniferurs. Posting out of annoyance didn't do well for me here. Figured I could vent a bit on the etiquette board.
    Actually -- you get sympathy from me. It may not have been snarky or intentional, but it's still stupid and rude.

    And it flies in the face of basic common sense (which I realise isn't at all common) -- you're inviting someone, you KNOW he's in a relationship, and what, you can't be bothered to find out that person's name? Bullshit. Lazy. It's lazy and it's rude and I don't buy the whole 'innocent oversight didn't mean it' crap.

    You may not have meant to offend, but you sure as hell meant to make it obvious to your guests that you're rude, so congrats on that.

    (I am sober, but seriously pissed off, so I might soften my stance when I've calmed down, but doubtful).


    Grrr quotting****

    Thank you. I was starting to think I was just spoiled by all the proper etiquette of you knotties ;)

    I guess everyone has their peeves, and this one happens to be one of mine...so it hit a sore spot.

    P.S. You said you're pissed off. Do you have another BSC Grandma story?
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  • JCbride2015JCbride2015 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    AshleyNicole, I'm with you, too.  It's at least worth an eye roll.  Although it's definitely the kind of thing you vent about, then go enjoy the alcohol at the wedding.

    I'll one-up you on this though, because it's been a long day and I'm grumpy.  I was not invited to Fi's cousin's wedding when we had been dating for 3 years.  Fi was 19 and in college, so sort of on the border of "adult" but definitely 18+ and needed an SO invite by TK standards.  His mom asked me if 15-year-old FSIL could borrow a dress for the wedding.  FSIL stained the dress, the most expensive I owned at the time.  Can you tell I'm still sort of bitter?
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    "I'm not a rude bitch.  I'm ten rude bitches in a large coat."

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  • WildMageletWildMagelet member
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments Combo Breaker
    I agree with Hisgirl.  FI and I have been together for 8 years and still get shit like this - it's annoying.  If we're close enough to get an invite how in the heck are we not close enough for you to write my SOs name down that I've been with for nearly 1/3 of my life.
    Formerly known as flutterbride2b
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  • RebeccaB88RebeccaB88 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I have to go with @HisGirlFriday13. If you were a new girlfriend, then yeah, I can get it. But they KNOW you know you, not know of you. You've hung out together, I presume you're on each other's Facebook pages, and you've been around for a long time. Hell yeah, that's rude and you have every right to be pissy about it. While I wouldn't consider it friendship ending, I'd be extra sure to put my name on the response card, or message the bride (or groom) saying how excited WE are for the wedding, and sign both your names. If I got to the wedding and saw "John Smith's Guest" on my escort card, after I'd provided my name on the response card...all bets are off and they are just being purposely rude.
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  • JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer
    I would be annoyed, too. My line of thinking is this: if I care enough to invite someone to my wedding, I care enough about them to know who their partner is and invite them by name. It's so disrespectful to act like someone's partner is non-existent or a no-name, "guest" nobody. My friends mean so much more to me than that, and I know how much their partners mean to them. They get invited by name, because that's the right thing to do.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    I've been invited as "and guest" before. It really annoyed me. I know they know my name so how damn hard would it have been to write it on the invitation?

    This just doesn't seem like a little-known etiquette rule not everyone is familiar with to me. It just seems like common-sense to use the name of the person you are inviting. At the very best it's really lazy on their part and definitely worthy of an eye roll.


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  • clg1213clg1213 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Another one who'd have been pissed as well.  It makes it like you have been dating a month, not years, and like you've bearly hit GF status
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  • Cookie PusherCookie Pusher member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Yep, I'd definitely roll my eyes. Lurkers should take note that people in relationships DO NOT like being referred to as "and guest"!
    ~*~*~*~*~

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  • pinkcow13pinkcow13 member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    JCBride2014 said:

    AshleyNicole, I'm with you, too.  It's at least worth an eye roll.  Although iiit's definitely the kind of thing you vent about, then go enjoy the alcohol at the wedding.


    I'll one-up you on this though, because it's been a long day and I'm grumpy.  I was not invited to Fi's cousin's wedding when we had been dating for 3 years.  Fi was 19 and in college, so sort of on the border of "adult" but definitely 18+ and needed an SO invite by TK standards.  His mom asked me if 15-year-old FSIL could borrow a dress for the wedding.  FSIL stained the dress, the most expensive I owned at the time.  Can you tell I'm still sort of bitter?
    I hope they reimbursed you for the dress!

    I'm with you AshleyNicole because you have hung out with them. I could understand it more if they were FI's friends and never met you. It is lazy. Not the worst thing though- definitely eye roll worthy though. But yea, not the end of the world, enjoy yourself with the booze and crab cakes:) I love crab cakes.
                                 Anniversary
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  • AshleyNicole1218AshleyNicole1218 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    JCBride2014 said:

    AshleyNicole, I'm with you, too.  It's at least worth an eye roll.  Although it's definitely the kind of thing you vent about, then go enjoy the alcohol at the wedding.


    I'll one-up you on this though, because it's been a long day and I'm grumpy.  I was not invited to Fi's cousin's wedding when we had been dating for 3 years.  Fi was 19 and in college, so sort of on the border of "adult" but definitely 18+ and needed an SO invite by TK standards.  His mom asked me if 15-year-old FSIL could borrow a dress for the wedding.  FSIL stained the dress, the most expensive I owned at the time.  Can you tell I'm still sort of bitter?
    Oh you take the medal home with that one my friend. As stated by PP, I sincerely hope they reimbursed you for a dress....not that actually replaces the dress.

    Hope today goes better for you!
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  • lightningsnowlightningsnow member
    Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer
    This just recently happened to me and my BF. We've been together almost 5 years and just moved in with each other. Granted it is a member of his family I have yet to meet but I was still hurt by it. According to him, his family prescribes by the no ring rule, meaning if you aren't married, your SO's name will not be on the invitation.
    Formerly known as bubbles053009





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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I would be annoyed too! 

    This happened to me with my ex. We were dating for two years and already living together. They easily could have called him to ask my name. But the invite said "& Guest". 
    I filled out the response card myself (Ex couldn't be bothered) and I put my full name on it with his. When I got the wedding, the place card said "Ex & Guest" 

    This is just one of those things that gets under my skin. Like OP said, it's so easy to find out someone's name. Facebook, email, text. Don't be lazy and rude! 
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  • sarahuflsarahufl member
    Tenth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I got "and guest-ed" to a wedding to a girl FI used to casually date. We have been together 3 years and I have met her multiple times.

    FI didn't get why I was so angry, but it felt like a snub to me.
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  • garnetandgold60garnetandgold60 member
    100 Comments 100 Love Its First Anniversary Name Dropper
    I had to fight my mom on this one with wedding invitations. I finally had to pull up Emily Post (YES, I know the EP Inst. isn't that great anymore but I couldn't find Miss Manners saying this anywhere online) and show her before she believed me.

    It wasn't that she was trying to be intentionally rude, she just grew up and learned to address envelopes that way...same way my Aunt (her sister) did for my cousins invitations.

    So I would roll my eyes, and then realize that a good number of other generations don't see a problem with "and guest" and then make sure you do things properly at your own wedding!
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  • TKzillaTKzilla member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    I'd be a little annoyed, honestly. Mostly because I took the time to contact people we were inviting to find out if they were in a relationship and what their partner's name was. I'd like that courtesy to be extended to me, you know?
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  • antotoantoto member
    500 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    grumbledore said:
    jenniferurs said:
    This just seems to me like a silly thing to get upset over.
    I disagree.  It's super rude.  People who can't be bothered to acknowledge my relationship are unlikely to get my support for theirs.  
    I think it's super rude if they know the proper etiquette.  If they don't (aka a huge chunk of the population)  then it is probably just eyeroll worthy and probably a silly thing to get massively worked up over.

      I feel like it's the difference between someone purposefully pushing the close door button when they see you running to the elevator and someone just letting the door close because they didn't know there was a hold door button.

    Is that a bad analogy?  I don't know, I tried.
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  • grumbledoregrumbledore member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Anniversary First Answer
    antoto said:
    grumbledore said:
    jenniferurs said:
    This just seems to me like a silly thing to get upset over.
    I disagree.  It's super rude.  People who can't be bothered to acknowledge my relationship are unlikely to get my support for theirs.  
    I think it's super rude if they know the proper etiquette.  If they don't (aka a huge chunk of the population)  then it is probably just eyeroll worthy and probably a silly thing to get massively worked up over.

      I feel like it's the difference between someone purposefully pushing the close door button when they see you running to the elevator and someone just letting the door close because they didn't know there was a hold door button.

    Is that a bad analogy?  I don't know, I tried.
    Thing is, it's super rude regardless of the intention.  If it was intentional, then yes, it's even worse.  I'm not saying it's a friendship-ender, it's just shitty.

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